A/N: Apologies for the wee l'il chapter. But do not fret - the next one is a massive bugger ... :)
IV: Do Not Feed The Scientists
As I climbed the steps to the Temple my stomach growled. I glanced at my watch and saw that breakfast had already come by Atlantis standards, so I just fished a Powerbar out of my vest for a McKay early bird special. All that was missing was cold coffee that could strip the finish off a Jumper. Shadow glanced sideways at me. "We do have real food here," he said.
"Have you tried these?" I asked and held it towards him. "It's chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate."
Shadow sniffed and wrinkled his nose. "I will get you some real food." Then he made a bee line for the fountain, stepped up on the rim, and just hopped in. The water barely came up to his knees and he walked under the falling water and stood there for a moment, head down, before he started scrubbing mud from his legs.
I just stood in the atrium and dripped while I chewed the last of my bar. I was seriously considering doing the same thing when Lorne came up beside me. He had his lips pinched together but a glare from me sobered him up quickly. "I, ah, have a dry set of clean clothes you can borrow, sir," Lorne said and turned his back to the fountain.
"Thank you, Major," I said.
"Morales was here yesterday morning when he came in, did the same thing," Lorne said. "I was with the Jumper at the time. I guess Dr. Brown let out quite the startled scream when he stepped out of the fountain." His cheek twitched.
I narrowed my eyes.
"I'll, uh, get those clothes now, sir," he said, did an about face, and double timed it to the lift.
I followed at a slower, squishier pace. Shadow came out of the fountain as I passed it and gave his head a shake. Water flew everywhere and I had a brief flashback to Ronon on our last trip. Then he joined me and we left twin soggy trails down the hall.
We met Lorne in the foyer with the smaller fountain, then Shadow showed me to a room ready for visitors a few doors down from his own so I could clean up and change. He excused himself and disappeared back into the depths of the complex for breakfast. I took a moment to break down and dry my weapons before I headed into the bathroom. My lack of sleep nearly caught up with me in the shower and I found myself dozing on my feet a few times under the warm spray. I finally dragged myself out, dressed in the borrowed clothes that made me feel like I was wearing a big brother's hand-me-downs, and wandered out barefoot to the foyer to see what there was to eat.
Lorne was nowhere to be seen, but Teyla and Katie were up and sitting on the floor by the low table near the fountain. It had several huge baskets sitting on it filled with fruit and leftovers from last night's feast. As I loaded a piece of flat bread down with cold Jubjub for an impromptu taco I nodded at them. Teyla was her usual cool, unflappable smiling self, but Katie looked a little green around the gills. "You okay, Doc?" I said as I sat down cross-legged and leaned against the fountain. "You look a little …."
"Queasy," Katie finished. "I think I had a little too much of that drink last night." She rubbed her forehead. "And I'm not going to bother Carson for some Tylenol – he's worse than a mother hen."
Teyla noticed my baggy clothes and high water pants and raised an eyebrow. "You look tired, Colonel."
I had to finish chewing and swallowing before I could answer. "Couldn't sleep, wound up helping Shadow with a little 'housecleaning' project outside last night," I said. I shoved more food in my mouth so I wouldn't have to explain any more. She made a little hmm noise and went back to her fruit.
I heard something to my left and turned my head in time to see Rodney wander in from the hall. He was scratching his chin and looking pretty groggy until he saw the food. Then he lit up, went oooo, and promptly set about making his own Jubjub taco. He grabbed a few of the stubby alien bananas and plopped down next to me. Before he took a bite he leaned over and whispered, "Are there any feathers in my hair this time?"
I checked the back of his head. "Nope, you're clean," I whispered back around a mouthful.
I heard the lift doors open and Shadow appeared a moment later balancing a flat basket with clay cups in one hand and holding a large brightly painted clay pitcher in the other. He set the cups on the table and just filled the pitcher with water burbling out of the top of the fountain. After he filled the cups he passed them out. Rodney and I both paused over ours, but Teyla and Katie drank without any hesitation so I figured what came out of the top of the fountain was clean.
"I would kill for some coffee," Rodney mumbled after he drank his entire cup down. Then instead of getting up and grabbing the pitcher, he reached over the lip of the fountain and just refilled it again with what was cascading down from above. He succeeded in soaking his arm and splashing us both in the process.
"I've heard the others mention coffee," Shadow said as he grabbed a sizeable chunk of meat. "What is coffee?" he asked and took a big bite.
"It's a drink of the Gods highly revered by all geeks," Rodney said. "If none is available, Mountain Dew and Red Bull will suffice in a pinch."
Shadow cocked his head as he chewed and Teyla said, "It is a hot drink with stimulating qualities these people drink in the morning."
Shadow drew his lips in and lifted his eyebrows in an expression that was so like the one I make everyone looked at me for a second. He swallowed and got Rodney's attention when he said, "We have a fruit that offers a similar function."
"You, you do?" Rodney said and sounded so pathetically hopeful I tried to swallow wrong and started coughing. I waved off the concerned glances my way and drank some water once I could breathe again.
Shadow picked through a basket and pulled out something that looked like a green peach without the fuzz and tossed it to Rodney. "Peel it, don't eat the seeds."
"Is it citrus?" Rodney asked as he studied the decidedly citrus-like fruit. Shadow shook his head but Rodney still looked dubious.
"Rodney," Katie said and shook her sadly. "He knows what every plant in a thirty mile radius of this facility is; I'm pretty sure he knows if it's citrus or not." Then she glanced at him and blushed faintly at the little smile he gave her in return. He took his breakfast and sat down cross-legged on some reed mats by the wall opposite everyone. Katie was still watching him when he sat. She gasped faintly, turned beet red, and suddenly became very interested in her water.
Yeah, sitting like that in a loincloth doesn't leave a whole hell of a lot to the imagination. Then Teyla had the gall to glance at me and smirk and I felt my own ears get a little warm.
Rodney sputtered, but he didn't drop anything. But he did send an absolutely vitriolic sneer towards Shadow before he dug into his taco. He devoured that puppy in record time then attacked the green fruit. The second he pulled a section of thick peel away the smell of soggy corn chips filled the air. "A fruit should not smell like that," he said as he pulled more peel away and grimaced. Pretty soon he had a pale lavender orb in his hand. He sniffed it closely before taking a hesitant crunchy bite. "Huh," he said as he chewed thoughtfully. "Doesn't taste like stale Fritos. Tastes … kind of like a cashew." He took another bite and exposed a black seed the size of a raisin. Then we all heard a loud crunch and he spit out another. "Oh, man – I hope that didn't break a tooth." He made a few goofy faces as he felt around with his tongue. Then he went back to chewing, and after a second of holding the seed he just set it on the lip of the fountain. By the time he was done there were five of them sitting there and Rodney had definitely perked up. "Huh, it feels like I just drank a quad mocha espresso." He held a hand up and waggled his fingers. "My gums are tingling." He pointed at the basket. "Um, are there any more?"
"Yes," Shadow said hesitantly. I swear Rodney was at the table and digging through the basket before he finished the word. "But do not eat more than two – there can be painful gastro-intestinal side effects."
Rodney looked at Shadow, five of the things in his hands. "Um." He glanced down and you could see he was debating whether or not to drop some back into the basket, or if a bad case of farts and cramps would be worth the buzz.
"I'll take one," I said. I needed a kick after two hours of sleep.
Rodney tossed me one, then dropped one back in the basket. He caught a frown from Katie and he grimaced guiltily. "One is for me, the others are for Radek when he gets up. He will probably need them."
"Will need what?" Zelenka said thickly and he dragged into the room. Oh man, he looked like hell. His usual wispy hair was really trying to do its best Einstein imitation and his eyes were barely open slits behind his specs. And he had his shirt on inside out.
"These," Rodney said and tossed the fruit at him. They bounced off Zelenka's chest, and you could tell by the way he watched them roll on the floor he was thinking there was absolutely no way in hell he was going to bend down and pick them up.
"I can barely stand – can barely speak English - and you assault me with alien limes," Zelenka said. He squinted at Rodney. "What, no alien watermelon to loft my way? Or is that being saved for grand finale with alien Sledge-O-Matic?"
Rodney rolled his eyes and picked them up. Then he grabbed one of Zelenka's hands and put them in it. "Here. Since there are no Starbucks in the Pegasus Galaxy – which really truly surprises me since they pop up faster on Earth than zits on a fourteen-year-old – these are the closest you're going to get. Peel them, don't eat the seeds." Then he looked at Shadow. "Um, just out of curiosity - what happens if you eat the seeds?"
"They make all your hair fall out," Shadow replied, and I was the only one in the room who caught the subtle crinkle of his eyes that said he was lying through his pointy teeth. I had to hide my grin behind my first nutty bite. He caught my expression, and quickly took a bite of his own breakfast.
Zelenka and Rodney both eyed the fruit. Then they eyed me.
Okay, I did not like that, not one bit. I swallowed. "If I suddenly have strange things show up in my shampoo or soap, there will be hell to pay." I lowered my voice and gave them my best attempt yet at Shadow's growly tone. "Hell. Complete and utter." I could see Teyla and Katie hide grins behind hands.
"Eh, too much work," Zelenka said and shrugged. Then winced.
"Naw, too easy a target," Rodney said with a crooked grimace. "Too bad Kavanaugh left. But Ronon …."
"He'll shoot you," I said. "Multiple times and without hesitation."
Zelenka nodded and held a hand to his forehead and squeezed his temples. "What I cannot understand is how something so smooth can kick like enraged mule team next morning." He squinted at Shadow. "I must speak with brewers, learn secret."
Shadow grinned. "Drink water, it will help."
"Drink water," Zelenka muttered as he picked up a full cup. "Drink water. The kid with hair like startled hedgehog and a phobia of pants tells me to drink water." He drank the one cup down. "Like I am rookie - have not had experience with this before," he continued as he shambled over to the fountain. He refilled his cup much more gracefully than Rodney did and sat down carefully on the lip of the fountain.
Then we all glanced at Shadow. If he was offended by Zelenka's comments, it didn't show. In fact, he had a slightly curious scowl as he reached up and patted his hair – it was just dry enough now it sprung right back up. Then he just frowned faintly and went back to his breakfast.
Rodney just about choked as he turned around. When he sat back down he muttered, "Oh, man, for want of a camera, and my vest is back in my room."
"Then I would really have to hurt you," I mumbled through the last bite of my coffee substitute. Those things had to have one hell of a kick because I was already feeling the jolt. And here Rodney was starting on his second. Yeah, we'll be peeling him off the ceiling later. As I drank some water myself I looked a little closer at Shadow's hair and realized it was all the same length and really did look more like a pelt it was so thick. Huh. I was trying to remember if it stood on end when he was in his half form when I got distracted by the lift opening. Pretty soon we had quite the little crowd as Carson and his people joined us.
The first thing Carson did was stop in front of me, sigh heavily, and frown. Then he glanced at Shadow, gave him just as dark a scowl, then he closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. "Are you bloidy daft, Colonel? You could have gotten killed. Both of you."
The only sound in the room was the burbling fountain. Ah, the mother hen spoke to Lorne, or was it the other way around? I thought and casually finished my water.
Then Shadow broke the silence with a chuff. "We weren't in any danger," he said rather testily.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid, I thought. But yeah, we were and I was an idiot for running out there. Of course I would never admit that to him. And I would do it all again in a heartbeat, too. Man, am I screwed up or what?
"Great," Carson said and flapped his arms. "This proves it – a death wish is hereditary."
"What is he talking about?" Rodney said in like a half second, flat.
Carson regarded Rodney for a moment before he said, "These two macho idiots went out hunting saber tooth tigers in the middle of the bloidy night."
"It was just one," I said a little more sheepishly than I intended.
"And it wasn't a frivolous hunt, Doctor," Shadow said, and his voice had that growling undertone that made all eyes turn to him. "When this village is threatened it is my duty to protect it and any guests I may have. If that compulsion is hereditary, then I am proud to have it." He finished the sentence with his chin up and his lip drawn up enough on one side to show a hint of fang.
That's my boy! I thought and found myself grinning. Then the grin froze when I realized what I just thought.
"I am certain the Colonel would have done the same thing should our roles have been reversed."
"Oh, wonderful," Rodney muttered. "Now there are two of the overprotective self destructive martyrs in the universe."
"He's right, McKay," I said quietly. "And you know it, too." I glanced at Teyla and saw her nod faintly. Yeah, as a leader and warrior she understood perfectly. And from the way Carson sighed right then he understood, too, as much as he hated to admit it.
Rodney nodded spastically, then he kind of twitched and glanced back and forth between Shadow and me a few times. One hand lifted and he repeated the back and forth with a point. "Wait a minute. Saber tooth …. You two went after one of those things that, that killed …. Um, by yourselves? In the dark? Really?"
The scowl Carson gave him clearly telegraphed do NOT encourage them.
I admit it - my smile was pretty smug when I nodded, up until the point Rodney smacked the back of my head. "Hey!"
"Thank you, Rodney," Carson said. He just glanced back and forth between me and Shadow and sighed in pure exasperation, but when he heard the quiet growl he whirled around.
Shadow had his attention fixed on Rodney and was in that intent, utterly still mode. His eyes were even slightly dilated as a shadow rippled across his face and down his neck. Jeez, he was reacting as if Rodney had smacked him. Well, in a way ….
Zelenka said something, and I think I just learned the Czech equivalent of holy shit.
I held up a hand. "Hey, it's okay." I glanced at Rodney – he was pale and his eyes were huge. But that could have been from the fruit he just ate. "Apologize to the kid, McKay," I said through the side of my mouth.
"Um …." Rodney swallowed. "Why?" I was about to say because I think you just insulted him when the shadow rippled down his arms and Rodney blurted out, "Sorry."
Everyone was watching Shadow, and when he finally took in a deep breath and sighed we all relaxed. He nodded to Rodney but wouldn't meet his eyes, and I could tell he was a little embarrassed by his over-reaction. Then he stood abruptly and Carson backed up and almost stepped on me. "I need to check on Xili," he said. "Excuse me." Then he shoved the last of his breakfast in his mouth and kind of stalked towards the lift, head down. Carson's people backed out of his way, but Nurse Carrie leaned around Jamie and watched him, her head slightly cocked. Only after the lift doors closed on Shadow's back did she turn her head toward me and give me an appraising lift of an eyebrow before she sat down by Katie.
I just shook my head and sighed.
Zelenka leaned over and said in a mock whisper, "Rodney, make note to self: no assaulting Colonel in were-cat's presence. May prove hazardous to health."
"Shut up," Rodney grumbled. Then he did a double take. "At least I know how to dress myself."
Zelenka looked down, just went huh, and kept chewing his alien coffee.
Carson scratched at his perma-stubbled cheek and frowned worriedly. Then he glanced down at me. "All right, I'll give him the benefit of a doubt, but you, Colonel?" He squinted at me. "How much sleep did you get before that fool's errand?"
I wasn't tired now as I shrugged. "A few hours," I answered. "The kid needed someone to watch his six."
"I'd watch his six any time," Carrie muttered in a throaty voice that made my ears go red. I was glad Carson's legs were between us so she couldn't see. Katie giggled, and Rodney and Carson both rolled their eyes and their shoulders slumped in unison. I saw Teyla cover her mouth and heard Jamie snort.
"His six is certainly easy to see," Zelenka said. "As well as his three, his nine, not to mention his …."
"All right, all right - enough all ready!" I said. "Jesus!" I leaned forward and laced my hands behind my head and rested my elbows on my knees as everyone laughed.
Carson sighed. "Sorry, Colonel, but if we don't find some humor …."
"We'd all be screaming and running to Heightmeyer," Rodney finished.
I lowered my hands and turned my head towards him. "And if they had cloned you her appointment book would be bursting into flames right about now," I shot right back.
Zelenka made an appreciative grunt.
Rodney's head snapped up, and before he could open his mouth I changed the subject. "So, what's the plan today?" I growled as I leaned back and crossed my arms.
"We'll be heading back tae start the lab work," Carson said as he wandered over to the food and looked it over before he picked up some of the flat bread.
"Oh, don't let me forget," Zelenka said around a mouthful before he swallowed. "I have disk for you – very interesting."
"I'm sending my samples back with Carson," Katie said. "I'm going to ask Dr. Weir to send over Simmons and Yamamoto – I know they'll want to see the hydroponics set up."
"I will stay to interpret," Teyla added. "And Major Lorne and his men will remain as well once they shuttle everyone to the Stargate."
"I, too, will be staying," Zelenka said. "The shield system is incredibly complicated – need more time to analyze and map." Then he fixed his now less squinty gaze on Rodney. "No, I do not require assistance. Is under control." He made a shooing motion with both hands. "Go back to Atlantis, find what Ancients and Replicators have messed with and fix."
Rodney started to protest, but at the mention of the Replicators he got that pissy, crooked grimace. "Like I was doing before I was interrupted," he said and turned that grimace towards me.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, message boy – it's all my fault." I snorted. "How much longer will you be here?" I asked and glanced between Katie and Zelenka.
"Maybe couple more days," he said. Katie nodded.
"Okay," I said and got to my feet. "Rodney and I will meet you down in the atrium when you're ready, Doc, and help lug equipment."
"Thank you, Colonel," Carson said and his dimples appeared briefly as Rodney started to protest. As usual. And I could still hear him grumbling as I passed the second door in the hallway.
