Ah, those reviews make me feel so loved~! Enjoy!

I don't own KHR.


Chapter Four: Money, Thievery and Fail


Dear Mama,

I have long since acknowledged that I am a whiny brat, that doesn't mean you have to put it in capital letters. No, I will never grow up, I'm going to live in your basement FOREVER. And, no, I haven't found anything good in Japan that makes me want to stay here instead of going home. Not the cheap merchandise, not the head prefect who's a total jerk but still really hot, not having more than one friend, not the fact that I can get straight As easily here (wait, I already did that) and not the nicer atmosphere in a normal school rather than some snobby private school where everyone hates each other while acting like best friends.

Wait... I see what you did there. B( Yeah, you deserve the grumpy face.

Yours,

Lucrezia


"I'm afraid, Lucrezia, that we have to do this," Nana shook her head sorrowfully, "You're just getting out of control."

"But Nana," the American girl whined, "I'm not that bad! Please, this is an over-reaction! I can change, I promise!"

The brunette sighed. "I wish we could do this differently, but with Lambo and Reborn growing up here, I have to draw the line." A jar was gingerly place upon the table.

"This is the swear jar. Minor swears are a hundred yen, mediums are three hundred and the f-word is five hundred."

The sulking head of the half-Italian hit the table. "But I swear in English!"

"Your tone of voice gives it away."

Rustling through her pockets, Lucrezia pulled out all her change. "Fine. Let's see, nine hundred and fifty seven, I could either get nine minors, or three mediums, or two mediums and three minors or spring for the f-word, a medium and a minor..."

Pulling on his blazer as he walked into the kitchen, Tsuna stopped to take in the situation of his mother holding a jar over her head as Lucrezia held up her change and tried to insert five hundred yen into the lid's slit.

Breakfast would apparently be toast and a brisk run out the door.

"Oi, Tsuna! Wait up!" Panting, Lucrezia ran up beside him, "Did you know your mom has instituted a swear jar? My freedom of speech is being compromised!"

"It needs to be."

"Meeeean~!"

On the way to school, Tsuna filled her in on the school event that was to be occurring within the week. "The sports festival is really important," he explained, "All the Class A students are grouped together, and Class B and Class C ones, too, and it's basically a bloodbath."

"So," she rehashed, "It's a sports event where we have to do physical things?"

Sweatdropping, he agreed.

"That sucks. Maybe if I'm really lucky I'll get cramps and won't have to do anything."

With a sigh to himself, Tsuna dragged her on to school.


"EXTREME VICTORY!"

Boredly slumping with her head in her hand, Lucrezia watched Ryohei ham it up before all of the Class A students. Instead of bothering to listen to him roar on about how they would triumph over all others, she pulled out her Gameboy and began to play her Zelda game as beside her Kyoko worried over her brother and Hana (her other new best friend who shared her cynicism) rolled her eyes at the 'idiot actions of the senior monkey'. Between the three of them, there was no interest in the current topic, the bodaoshi.

And, apparently, Ryohei didn't want to be the captain for it anymore. "But not to worry... I have the perfect candidate for captain all picked out."

Cue the shocked whispers at the idea that there was a better fighter than the captain of the boxing team.

"Yes! Tsuna Sawada of Class 1-A!"

And cue a chorus of "What?" and malicious laughter from an American with too many piercings along with an amused snort from her new partner in sarcastic crime, while a few people away, Gokudera and Yamamoto cheered their upperclassman's recognition of their boss.

Up front, Ryohei declared that all those in favour should put up their hand.

Silence.

"I SAID RAISE YOUR HANDS!"

There was a loud thump as Gokudera put his foot down on the table and glared around at everyone. "Anybody here wanna be against it?" Half the hands in the room went up out of fear, and another quarter from his fangirls.

As Ryohei announced that the motion had passed, Kyoko frowned at her brother. "How could he do that? Tsuna could actually get hurt!"

"Tch," scoffed Hana, "Whatever. We girls only have to participate in the easy stuff."

As she jammed on the buttons of her Gameboy, Lucrezia scrunched her nose. "Bleh. Sports. Let him suffer."

"You two!" The younger Sasagawa was still pouting at her friends when the meeting was adjourned, especially when they started bouncing ideas about what could happen to Tsuna in the brawl, with somewhat gleeful details.

Later on, when school was let out, Tsuna wound up hearing all about the injuries that Hana and Lucrezia informed that he could receive. Regrettably, he ran off in the middle of her describing the possible shattering of his ribs, leaving her to walk home alone while he went to find the Sasagawa's house to turn down the captainship. Sighing, the American turned on her mp3 player and began to walk home on her own.

That is, until she saw a certain figure in the distance with a black coat draped over his shoulders.

In an instant, Lucrezia had dived back behind the corner she had just turned to peek around it and watch as Hibari made his way home. Once he turned to the right, she was after him again, new schemes filling her mind as to what she could do with the knowledge of where he lived. How much easier would it be to keep him from kicking her off his wireless if she could just break into his house and put herself back on it from there? She could even send him irritating things through the mail! And best of all, if he tried confiscate her stuff, she could hold his man-panties hostage until he gave them back! Brilliant!

Wham! "Ow..." She muttered, rubbing her nose after walking into something.

"Why are you following me, herbivore?"

Oh. Shit. (Cha-ching! A hundred yen into the jar.) She had to walk into Hibari, of all people. "You're insane," Was her blunt reply, "I'm walking home."

"This is a dead-end." Oops.

"I guess I walked the wrong way, then." Backing up and glancing away, she noticed a large old gate that blocked off view of the house behind it. Quickly scrambling up it, she peeked over the top, taking in the large traditionally styled home with interest, "Ooo, that's so cool! What an old place! There's gotta be, like, a zillion ghosts in there or something!"

Had she been facing him, she would've caught his twitch and silent preparing of his tonfa. "Get off my gate, herbivore."

"Your gate?" Happily, the half-Italian bounced off of it, "Are you a spoiled rich boy, scrawny brat Hibari-? AIEE~!" She shrieked as his tonfa collided with her forehead, knocking her off of the gate, "That hurt, you stupid bas- jerk!"

The prefect cocked an eyebrow. "'Bas-jerk'?"

"I know, I know, stupid, but the three hundred I just saved is going to buy me a cold drink to put on new bruise, prick!" Turning around, she began walking back home, "But remember! Now I know where you live! Your man-panties will never be safe! Ga ha ha ha~!" A flying tonfa struck her in the back of the head and she crumpled to the ground.

Bored, Hibari picked up his tonfa and walked through his gate, pulling out his cellphone and calling one of his minions to drag the body away from the property - the police hadn't bothered him yet, but a possibly dead body might do it.


Lucrezia arrived home two hours later with a huge headache and no idea as to how she wound up on a bridge blocks away from Hibari's house, where she had luckily been found by the boys, who had been preparing for the bodaoshi by forcing Tsuna to climb up a pole and try not to die as Ryohei and Gokudera broke out into a fight below him. While normally the duck-haired girl would've found this incredibly amusing and great fodder for mockery, earlier events put her into an even bitterer mood than usual, to the point that when she and Tsuna got home later, all she did was eat some dinner and head off to bed. Or that had been the plan.

"Play with me, Zia 'Crezia!"

Headache increased by seven-point-nine-eight-four-nine. "No. Go away, Lambo, I'm not feeling well."

The child began to scowl. "But I wanna play!"

"Lambo, do you remember when you were three and you threw my CD player into the dishwasher?"

"No."

"There's a reason for that. Now get lost or you won't remember this conversation." With that, she slid the door to the Sawada's traditional room shut, pulled out her futon and went to sleep. Or, at least tried to.

To her great irritation, her cellphone announced that she had a text.

What the Hell? Mama 'Crezia hasn't been on Warcraft III for ages! Get yo' ass back on here, woman!

"Nyaaaargh!" Reaching over, she sent back a reply filled with grumpyness, sarcasm and many bad words.

You wound me. Farewell. (BTW, our math class's grade average has fallen significantly because of your departure. Mr. Jackson is practically crying and wants you to come home. G'night!)

Rolling her eyes, Lucrezia put the phone back down and once again tried to sleep.

And it rang. Again. "What?" She snapped into it.

There was a huff on the other end. "That is no way to speak to your mother!"

"It is after a good day turned horribly bad. What do you want?"

"I can't just call to say hello to my sweet young daughter?"

"...Good-bye, Mama."

On the other side she could hear Jeff telling her mother to get to the point. "Fine. We're not sending you a new Blackberry."

Lucrezia shot up despite the screaming pain in her head. "What? Why not?"

"Well, it might have something to do with the fact that you turned the last one into a weapon to use against a family friend!"

"He's not a family friend! He's Zia Lulu's ex-boyfriend! And she tried to stab him, how come I'm getting in trouble?"

"Still, have some more consideration. Maybe you'll get a new one for Christmas."

Flabbergasted, Lucrezia pleaded into the phone. "Mama, please, please, I need it. Without it, my collection is incomplete. I will die ashamed!"

"Well, write a proper will before you do. Bye! Tell Lambo that Nonna and Grandad love him!"

Poor Tsuna decided that he needed a better sense of timing when he opened the door to ask what was wrong and was hit in the face with a pillow, blanket and cellphone. Slamming the door behind him, he bolted up the stairs, hoping that the next day never came.


The light from the door of the traditional room peeled open the eye of the young girl sleeping there. Lying there, Lucrezia thought back on the night before. Okay, maybe she'd acted a little childish last night, and maybe she was just trying to understate things now so as not to feel that weird, irritating feeling some people call 'shame', but today was a new day! Maybe she could even apologize to whoever was hit by the blankets and her cellphone. At least she knew it wasn't Bianchi, judging by the fact that she was still alive. Groaning tiredly, she rolled off her futon onto the when her phone buzzed from the floor near the door. After crawling over to it, she clicked it open and read a short text message before breaking into a huge grin and letting out a shriek of triumph.

Pounding down the stairs, Tsuna was about to announce to his mother that he was too sick to go and partake in the sports festival when he was greeted by a beaming Lucrezia in the kitchen's doorway.

"Goood morning, Tsu-kun~!" She trilled, "Come on, come in!" She ushered him into the kitchen where Nana, Bianchi, and even Haru were cooking up snacks.

"What're you all doing here?" He cried out in shock before glancing back at Lucrezia, "And why're you so happy?"

Sniffling with her eyes aglow, the American spun on her heel, "Because I have the bestest friend EVER who was nice enough to offer to send me one of her spare Blackberries!" Prancing out the door, she left behind a stupefied boy with spiky hair in the presence of an assassin, a stalker and his mother.

And the day had only begun.


So, tying her leg together with Kyoko's in order to run the three-legged race was a bad idea. In fact it was beyond a bad idea. It was the worst idea, Lucrezia reflected, since cancelling Firefly and invading Russia by land. Both of them managed to trip within ten steps and skin their knees, before getting up again and managing about five steps before falling into each other. It took three minutes for them to manage to cross the finish line and receive the flag for last place. And if that hadn't been bad enough, they made her run one of the dashes, too, adding to her scrapes when she fell face first onto the track. Luckily, she managed to escape and hide-out on the sidelines.

"Go Tsuna!" Shouted Lucrezia with the rest of the Sawada household and Haru. While Tsuna participated in the pogo-stick race, Yamamoto won them one of the dashes and Gokudera smoked from the area where he was watching Tsuna. Somewhere out there was Ryohei, but she couldn't tell where he was past the occasional shouts of 'EXTREME!'.

"Oh, 'Crezia?" Nana asked sweetly, "Could you help us set up the food? I think it's almost lunchtime..."

With a quick nod, Lucrezia contentedly began setting out the bentos that had bring brought along, occasionally having to smack Lambo when he got in the way. It was fine until Ryohei showed up.

"James!" The white haired boy shouted loudly, "Why aren't you participating?"

Blinking in surprise, she turned to him. "Umm, because, uh, I have - HEY! Put me down!" She yelled as he picked her up and dragged her over to where Gokudera was praising Tsuna for saving his strength for the bodaoshi.

"You idiot!" He roared, unceremoniously dropping the American to the ground, "Put your all into it, Sawada! Team A's victory is on the line!"

The Italian puffed up like an angry cat. "You again? Get lost, turf top!"

Lucrezia stared at him incredulously. "That's one of the least creative names I've ever heard, and I went to an all girls school in the third grade where I was dubbed 'Monkey'."

"...Monkey?" Gokudera smirked at her.

"I had stupid monkey ears, okay? Shut up! They got better!"

"Don't pick on girls, squid head!"

"Hey! I'm snarky enough to defend myself!"

Tsuna began waving his hands at them in a panic. "Guys! Don't fight, not now! HEY!" Ryohei and Gokudera's fists slammed into each others faces over Lucrezia's head while she ducked, giggling at the boy's attempts at macho 'that didn't hurt' comments.

"Ho ho ho..." An ominous laughter boomed overhead. A large guy who didn't look very much like a junior high student loomed above them, "Fighting amongst yourselves? In bodaoshi, teamwork makes the difference. Guess we have nothing to fear from Team A in that regard."

Cackling evilly, Lucrezia ran off as Gokudera and Ryohei attacked the guy, getting out of the sports area and back to where lunch was being put out on a picnic blanket. Happily picking up a riceball, she chomped on it as it was announced that someone had beaten up the captains of the other two teams under orders from Tsuna. Though Bianchi and Haru nodded their approval and Lambo completely ignored it, Nana looked rather worried at Tsuna's brutality, though those feelings quickly dissipated when he returned to them to eat and looked just as shocked as they felt.

Haru stood in front of their lunch area in guard mode, demanding that everyone leave them alone. Regrettably, it was the skeezy boys who had decided to hang out and glare at Tsuna, probably because of the fact that there were two hot young woman eating with him. As they made catcalls and rather inappropriate comments, Bianchi stood up from her spot next to Lucrezia with a box of chocolates in hand. My God! Exclaimed Lucrezia in her mind, Just think of all the Forrest Gump references I could make right now!

"Stand back, Haru." Instructed Bianchi as she stepped forward, "Would you boys like some chocolates?"

Popping the pieces into their mouths, all of the boys smiled happily.

"Hey, these are good!"

Another boy agreed, "Yeah, nothing like the chocolate you find at..." He trailed off as him and the others fell to the ground foaming at the mouth.

Tsuna spat his riceball out in shock. "You gave 'em poisoned candy?"

The older teen rolled her eyes. "They're just knocked out.

"Team A's captain has now resorted to poison!" A strange little old man announced into a megaphone.

While more people glared at them and Haru began telling Bianchi about how much she admired Tsuna's ruthlessness, Lucrezia grinned happily at the pictures she had managed to catch on her camera. "And to think, we just used bribery and blackmail at home! This is way better!"

"No it isn't!" Wailed Tsuna, "Why did you all have to come here?"

The PA system around the schoolyard switched on. "Thank you for your patience. We have reached a decision regarding the incidents."

All the students looked up expectantly, with Tsuna quietly praying for mercy. Getting up and looking about, the American found Hana and Kyoko staring at the speakers nearby, the former in slight annoyance and the latter with worry. Lucrezia walked over to stand with them.

"After discussions with each of the representatives, we have decided that this year's bodaoshi will be a contest between team A versus teams B and C combined!"

While team A cried out in indignation, teams B and C rejoiced and plotted A's downfall.

As Tsuna wailed out of fear for his life, Ryohei walked up to the crowd awaiting him.

"Are they serious, Sasagawa?"

"What went on at that meeting? You were overruled, weren't you?"

The spiky-haired brunet pushed his way to the front. "That's not fair!"

"No..." Answered the boxer, "I proposed it and pushed it through!"

As the entire team A gasped in shock, Kyoko's eyes flashed with anger. "Doesn't my brother ever think of anyone else?" She ranted, "So many people are going to be hurt because of this! I can't believe this!"

The half-Italian pulled a face of melodramatic shock. "Is that... anger I detect? Could it be? Who are you, and what have you done to my friend?"

Snorting, Hana smirked at Lucrezia. "Kyoko always gets upset when there's a chance of Sawada getting hurt." Glancing at the huffy girl, she continued on, "Remember when Mochida challenged him to a kendo match and you nearly attacked him?"

"What?" Squeaked Lucrezia, "When was this? What happened? Tell!"

The orange-haired girl stared at them in shock. "That wasn't because of Tsuna! It was because of how Mochida said I was a prize! I'm not some doll to be fought over!"

Before Lucrezia could try to demand more information, there was an uneasy stir in teams B and C. The girls glanced over to find the new captain perched on top of the pole.

"Is that Hibari?" Gasped Kyoko, "Oh no!"

Cocking an eyebrow, Hana murmured, "This will be interesting."

Lucrezia narrowed her eyes. "Damn him looking so hot up there! OY, YOU! GIVE ME MY INTERENTS!"

And the bodaoshi began.


On the way home, Tsuna was heavily berated by Bianchi, Lucrezia and Reborn.

The blonde glared at him. "You have totally disgraced our class. Was it so hard to keep your balance? Really?"

"How can you possibly become a good Mafia boss if you can't even defeat a bunch of teenage boys?" Asked Bianchi harshly.

The toddler tutor just tipped his hat over his eyes. "You've disgraced me, Tsunayoshi. We'll be doing extra training to make up for it tomorrow."

"Ga ha ha! Even Lambo-san could do better!"

"What is wrong with you people?"

Nana tapped her finger against her chin. "But I'm very proud of Tsu-kun. To think that he still made captain! I'll be cooking a special meal tonight to celebrate!"

All hard feelings against the boy dissipated.


Dear Mama,

Fine, I have some fun. But I still miss Scarborough a lot. It's so cramped at Nana's house! But she's an excellent cook, so that totally makes up for it. Maybe you should ask her for some tips...? And I don't appreciate you laughing at me over the phone when I told you about how I did in the races. Yes, I suck at athletics, but I can also get a virus into your computer from the other side of the world. Tell Jeff that he left his file on top of printer Gamma-Phi.

Yours,

Lucrezia


A loud BANG and subsequent scream woke Lucrezia from her sleep. Bianchi appeared to have already gotten up and left their room, so there was only her and Lambo sleeping in there. Pulling herself out of bed, she meandered upstairs to find out why Tsuna was making all that noise at this time of the morning. Couldn't he have some respect for those who were trying to sleep after spending the night gaming?

However, she was willing to forgive him a little when she opened the door and found him lying on the ground with a dead guy on his bed.

"Wow, Tsuna," she commented dryly, taking in the disaster of his room, "Couldn't you find an easier way to tell your boyfriend you were breaking up with him than killing him?"

The boy in his pajamas stared at her in utter shock while Reborn walked over to them. "So, you finally did it, Tsuna." The toddler announced, "Your instinct for self-preservation awakened your talent for killing."

"Huh?" Tsuma sprung up, "What the heck are you two talking about?"

"See for yourself. The burglar was shot with a gun..."

"That may or may not be in your hand..." Hinted the duck-haired girl.

Blinking in confusion, the Vongola boss glanced down at an object in his hand. "Gun...?"

Smiling cheerfully, Reborn informed him, "You shot him with that, Tsuna."

"ME?"

"Don't you remember?" Asked his hitman tutor, "In your sleep, you stole my gun and shot him. Point blank."

"No! No way!"

Reborn looked proud. "You've finally become like one of the Mafia."

"I'm beginning to think better of you." Added in Bianchi out of nowhere.

"One of us! One of us!" Lucrezia chanted gleefully.

"Even you two?"

The older girl casually slid out the door. "I'll cook festive red rice to celebrate your first kill."

"Wait up! I'll help badly!" Following her out of the room, Lucrezia passed a cheerful Haru who was dressed in a boat.

"Good morning, Bianchi! Good morning, 'Crezia!" Sang out Haru as she continued up the stairs.

Blinking behind her vintage thick-rimmed glasses, Lucrezia stared at the girl in some confusion. "Umm... hi?" As she wandered into the kitchen, she had to ask Bianchi a question, "How come after four months of living here I'm still not used to all of this weird stuff happening?"

The pink-haired woman smiled at her. "It sinks in after about seventeen years being directly involved in the Mafia and six months of living here."

"Oh." Just as she was going to reply, Gokudera and Yamamoto walked into the house and headed up the stairs.

Poking her head around the door frame, Nana smiled at her boarders. "Would one of you mind heading upstairs to see what's happening? I'm going out to see a movie with a friend and Lambo's coming with me."

Knowing that Bianchi would prefer to just be left in kitchen, Lucrezia agreed to do it and trudged up the stairs again, after grabbing her laptop to see if they needed to Google any places for them to hide the body.

Inside Tsuna's room, she heard Yamamoto trying to calm Tsuna and Haru's panicked whimpers. "We don't know if Tsuna really did it, do we?"

"That's right," agreed Gokudera as she came through the door, "For one thing, is this guy really dead?"

"B-but... the blood..." Stuttered the Sawada.

"What're you going to do, stick him with a cigarette?" Asked Lucrezia with raised eyebrows as she set down her laptop on Tsuna's .

Glaring at her, Gokudera pulled one out and lit it. "Yeah, I am. Can't let the Tenth go to jail." He held the cancer stick over the dead man's face, "Hey! Let's see how dead you really are..."

"What the heck are you doing?" Tsuna squeaked out, but was interrupted by the man twitching.

Everyone in the room twitched in shock.

"He moved!" Shouted Tsuna as Haru flailed about while trying to find her phone to call an ambulance.

Reborn jumped in again. "That won't be necessary. I've called a doctor."

While the female half-Italian groaned and smacked her head on the wall, Tsuna stuttered out his shock.

"Oh yes. Dr. Shamal." The toddler pulled the man in. Shamal was holdng a bottle of some kind of alcohol and clearly drunk beyond reason.

Gokudera growled through his teeth, catching Yamamoto's attention. "Know him?" The baseball player asked.

"Yeah. He was a doctor on our estate. Whenever I saw him, he was a different woman. Whenever ever I asked who she was, he'd say she was his little sister." A dark cloud appeared to loom over his head, "At last count, he had sixty-two sisters."

While Yamamoto laughed, Lucrezia realized that she and Bianchi were not alone in their dislike of the perverted doctor. "I know, right? He dated my aunt! And when I was little, he would give me lollipops and tell me to 'grow up to be nice and pretty'." She shuddered at the memory.

"Shame they didn't work..." Shamal slurred before grinning lazily at Gokudera, "Well, if it isn't little Hayato..."

"Don't talk to me, you womanizer! Drunken lech!"

While Shamal pouted, Tsuna got even more tense. "Hurry up! You've got a patient!"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, someone's dying, right?" He leaned over to Haru and put his hands on her chest, "Hmm, let's see..."

Haru's fist slammed into his face she shrieked, yelling at him about how he would dare to that her. Gokudera and Lucrezia exchanged quick smirks before remembering that they didn't like each other and glaring.

"She's fine!" Announced Shamal as he sat up near the wall, "A spitfire! A really cute spitfire!"

"Would you get serious?" Demanded Tsuna, jabbing his finger at the not-so dead man, "This is your patient!"

Rubbing the back of his head, Shamal sighed. "Look, I keep telling you, I don't treat guys."

"Oh yeah, that's right." Reborn seemed to recall as Tsuna yelled at him.

The half-Italians on the side glowered at the man, ignoring Takeshi's cheerfulness next to them. "Still a womanizing scumbag." Growled the silver-haired one.

The strawberry-blonde agreed. "I can't believe he's disregarding Hippocratic Oath like that."

"Anyway," the doctor brushed by their irritated comments, "Is he really alive? If his pupils are dilated, he's not breathing and his heart's not beating, he's dead."

Leaning over, Haru checked the first part. "His pupils are dilated."

"He's not breathing," announced Yamamoto as he held a handkerchief over the man on the bed's mouth.

"His heart..." Gokudera listened to the man's chest, "...Isn't beating."

"Oh joy," Lucrezia drawled, "We have a dead person. Called it."

Shrugging, the perverted doctor headed out the door. "He might've passed on while I was messing around, so he's not my problem. See ya."

Tsuna clutched his head in a panic. "Aagh! It's hopeless, hopeless! I've killed a man! I've really killed him! I'm doomed!"

"I need breakfast..." Mused the American as she ignored the screams.

"For times like this," Reborn interrupted Tsuna's wails, "I call in a certain someone."

The sound of a motorcycle roaring the street stopped in front of their house. A few thumps later, a messy-haired person wearing a school uniform jumped through the window.

"Hi there," greeted Hibari.

"Hibari!" Gasped everyone in the room.

"YOU!" Lucrezia hissed, "Because of you kicking me off the wireless last night, my allies died!"

Turning away, Hibari ignored her. "I'm not here to play today," he told them, "I came so the baby would owe me one. A deal, you might say."

The toddler nodded. "I've been expecting you."

"Mph." Was the prefect's reply as he pushed the body over with his foot, "One shot straight through the heart. Nice work." Hibari turned to the group with a smirk, "Okay, I'll dispose of the stiff for you."

"What?" Tsuna shrieked, "Dispose of it? What're you talking about?"

The fedora-wearing toddler explained, "He's going to make sure the body is never found and that no one else thinks a killing ever happened."

"Are you telling me that's a good idea?"

The prefect went over to the window, telling them that he'd have his minions come over later to pick up the dead body and find a place to dispose of it quietly. But while the rest of the room was shocked at how Hibari was using the school's Disciplinary Committee, Lucrezia was jamming the keys on her laptop to pull up a Wikipedia page that she could use against him.

"Hey, Hibari! You do realize you have to be at least eighteen to drive a motorcycle, right?" She waved the computer in front of her, "It says right here! You're breaking the law, boy!"

Narrowing his eyes at her, he snatched the laptop out of her hands. "Try stealing my internet now. Later." He jumped out of Tsuna's bedroom.

As Lucrezia stood there in total shock, Tsuna and Gokudera ran to the window. She didn't even realize what he was doing until he threw the dynamite at the prefect and her laptop.

"NOOOOO!" She shrieked as she leapt on top of the bomber while the bombs flew back in and exploded.

While Gokudera checked on his boss and Yamamoto questioned why the other boy was carrying around fireworks, Lucrezia crawled to the window with stars in her eyes. "He- he defended my laptop!" She pulled herself up and leaned out the window, "Hibari! I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME!"

Haru was about to ask the other girl what she was talking about when something caught her attention. "Hey! Big problem!" The eccentric pointed at the bed, "That guy's body! It's gone!"

Before anyone could wonder about what happened, a new voice joined in. "Thought I was goner. I mean, that was close." The dead guy smiled at them from near the closet.

"Yeeeeeow!" The room's occupants screamed, "He came back to life!"

"Pleased to meet you, boss!" Greeted the man as blood spurted out of his mouth and Haru, Lucrezia and Tsuna shrieked about zombies.

Stepping in, Reborn took control of the situation. "This is Moretti, a 'heart-stopper'. He can stop his heart at will, inducing addio, a state of pseudo-death. As you saw, he's quite convincing. He's a special operative for the Vongola family."

Tsuna gasped. "Th-then, he wasn't dead?"

"No, just play-acting."

The wimpy boss's jaw dropped. "But I was sure I heard a bang!"

The toddler nodded. "That was a blank, and I fired it. Then I placed the gun in your hand."

"Ooo, evil!" Admired Lucrezia, "I have got to do that sometime!"

"The blood's fake, and so was the burglary," added in Moretti,"Once I arrived in Japan, I thought I'd introduce myself by showing you what I could do. Reborn was all for it."

"We could've just shaken hands!" Yelled out Tsuna before he sighed in relief, "Still, you're alive." Suddenly, both him and Haru collapsed to the ground in shock.

Gokudera and Yamamoto grinned and joked with Moretti as Lucrezia headed downstairs to keep Bianchi from making the rice. If she could get there in time.


Dear Mama,

I kind of need a new laptop. I didn't attack anyone with it this time, it was just kind of... stolen. By a really hot guy. And before you ask, no, I can't just seduce him to get it back, I'm pretty sure he's asexual or something. Or in love with his weird metal stick-y-things. Don't ask, just send the laptop.

Yours,

Lucrezia


It was late evening when Lucrezia's cellphone rang in the Sawada's kitchen where she was lazing about, bored out of her mind with no laptop (since it would take a few days for her new one to reach her in Japan). She allowed the Imperial March from Star Wars to play for a few seconds longer than normal before answering, holding it up to her multi-pierced ear and greeting the caller. After listening for a moment and hanging up, she pushed out the chair and told Nana that she would be back shortly, grabbing her shoes and coat and heading out into the chill October evening.

Despite it only being early October, it was already quite cold out, the American noted, pulling her coat more tightly around her. At least back home it was still warm at this time of the month. And the trees would change their colours, and there would be Columbus Day, and best of all, it was the time of the year to head out to Sleepy Hollow and have fun with Jasmine scaring each other with ghost stories. She shook herself out of her reverie as she reached her destination: Take Sushi. As Reborn instructed, she went in and found Tsuna, Yamamoto, and a man who was probably Yamamoto's father lying on the ground, with Bianchi and Reborn standing to the side.

"Okay." The American said, "I think I can figure what's going on." Ruffling up her hair, she sighed, "Reborn took you, Bianchi and Lambo out for sushi, they ran out on the bill and you had to wash dishes to pay off your debt, Gokudera visited and tried to help, but ended up smashing some dishes that were worth a lot and added to your bill, so he wasn't allowed to help, they ate that fish -" She pointed to the large, mostly eaten tuna on the counter, "Which is going to cost you more, and then Bianchi offered to help by making sushi to replace the fish, but it was poisonous and so now you all have food poisoning and Tsuna is in serious debt."

From the ground, the Vongola boss stared at her in wonder. "H-how did you know?"

The half-Italian smirked triumphantly. "Well, it may have been the empty sushi counter, the broken dish in the corner, the cigarette but on the ground outside that is from a brand only Gokudera smokes, the half-eaten tuna and the sushi that's obviously caused you some problems. Or-!" Lucrezia pulled a face of mock surprise as she pulled out her cellphone, "Maybe Reborn called me and told me what'd happened!"

Pulling himself unsteadily to his feet, Yamamoto grinned at her. "It's good to see you, 'Crezia. But why'd he call you?"

"I have a feeling that I know why..." Glancing at the toddler, Lucrezia raised an eyebrow, "The Vongola will reimburse me?"

The hitman nodded. "I knew you'd understand."

With a sigh, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet. "How much does Tsuna owe you guys?"

Tsuyoshi stood up and braced himself against the table. "You''ll pay for everything?"

She pulled out a gold credit card. "I have the money. How much?"

"Three hundred thousand yen."

Behind her glasses, Lucrezia's eyes flashed irritatedly at Tsuna as she followed Tsuyoshi to pay off the debt. "You owe me."

Later, as the two walked home (since Reborn, Bianchi and Lambo had left while Lucrezia helped to clean up), Tsuna had to ask Lucrezia a question. "H-hey! 'Crezia, how come you never said you were rich?"

She just shrugged. "You never wondered how I could afford all those cellphones and game systems?"

"Oh…" For a moment he paused, until another realization hit him, "You know, considering we've been living together for four months, I know practically nothing of your family past Lambo!"

Stopping and turning around to face him, the half-Italian raised an eyebrow. "So, ask."

He pondered for a moment. "What does your mom do for a living?"

"She's a former model turned trophy bride. Basically, she goes out to gossip with her friends and attends events and such with Jeff. Huge hit at gaming conventions."

"Jeff?"

"Step-dad. Raised me my whole life. CEO of a gaming company."

Cocking his head, Tsuna asked another. "And your real dad?"

All she did was shrug. "Some big-shot executive in California. I never see him."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Why? I don't care." From the tone of her voice, it was apparent that this was an issue that she had long since resolved, "Jeff's my dad."

"Oh!" A smile lit on his face as he came up with an idea to bypass the awkwardness of the conversation, "What about your siblings?"

Whipping around, Lucrezia began walking back home again. "My mother had my sister when she was nineteen with Mario, one of Nonno's underlings. Eventually Stella got pregnant and married Luigi, another underling, and had Lambo."

"Ah. Why have we only heard from your mom and not them?"

Before she could explain, they had reached the house where Lambo was squalling out the window about wanting his aunt to tuck him in.

"Tomorrow." she told him, before racing up the house while shouting at Lambo to be quiet.


Dear Mama,

Thank you for the laptop. Luckily I had backed up all my stuff onto a disc before he stole my precious, so I still have everything. And thank for the idea on how to get him back. Your Mafia roots are showing! Also, so is your gray hair. Better go get that dye job done, eh?

Yours,

Lucrezia


First order of business: Kyoko is not totally out of character at the sports festival. In volume one, she had to physically restrained from going after Mochida, and from my own experience, having a brother like Ryohei makes it very hard to be nice all the time.

Second: Not only is Hibari too young to have driver's license (you have to be eighteen in Japan), he doesn't wear a helmet. What the glockenspiel?

Third: Scarborough, New York is where my mom grew up, so I made Lucrezia live there. It's really pretty.

Cake is delicious and reviews are shiny.