AN: Sorry I skipped a week with updating. I had a lot going on and couldn't find time to get it up last week. Reminder that updates for this story will only be posted on Sundays unless I decided otherwise. Thanks for the reviews and feedback so far. Wasn't too sure about whether people would like it or not, but it seems to be going over well. Thanks for reading as always and please do leave a review for this chapter or the story overall. Thanks : )
Chapter 4.
Sunday April 6th, 6:00 a.m.
It was official. She couldn't sleep. She didn't want to. The thought of slipping into her dark side had her utterly terrified. And what scared her more was she had no control of when she did. Being tired didn't trigger it. Sleeping wasn't always the case. And 4:44 a.m. wasn't the only time she blacked out. She was doing it during the day now and she didn't know where to go for safety. Did it matter though? If her alter ego wanted to get out and play it would without permission.
Curled up into a ball on her bed with her blankets wrapped chaotically around her shaking body, Elena stared at the mirror with the note on the ground. You can't hide who you really are, the note read. Chills danced down her spine rapidly at the thought of it.
Who was she?
The answer to that was unknown. All her life she knew exactly who she was with the minor inflictions of confusion as she grew up, but now she was lost. Not remembering most of anything left with the biggest question being why.
With no family history of these kinds of things, she wondered where it all went wrong. The black outs had come on so fast and without warning it was driving her crazy wondering why they were happening at all. It was one thing to black out, but to kill while doing it was another. She never had tendencies to wish death upon anyone, even when her limits were pushed. The fact she was capable, yet not proven to murder was making her question her character even more.
Her phone buried somewhere on her bed buzzed and vibrated violently. Elena continued to ignore it fearing the worse. It would be only time before the cops would be pounding on her door with guns pointed and handcuffs ready to take her away. This thought she had contemplated quite a bit. Maybe being locked up would do her good and others, but she was horrified by the thought at the same time. Jail, conviction, pleading guilty was never how she pictured her future to turn out. She wasn't someone to act upon violence. She cared for the littlest things in life. But now, she didn't know what or who she really was. Her hands rose to her hair and tugged on the roots wanting this awful feeling to go away.
You can't hide who you really are.
Those words taunted her to no end.
She wished her alter ego would have fessed up by now and come forward, but it wasn't that simple. How could she ever confront this dark side of herself? She needed help.
Running her hands through her messy hair and down her tired face, she threw the blankets off her wildly. Her feet slammed to the ground and she stomped over to the mirror. With the note still attached to the reflective side, she hurled it across the room letting shards of glass fall everywhere. She was so angered by all of this it was the only way to release some of it. Maybe by doing so it would give a signal to her dark side that she was not willing to cooperate. She could only hope.
By shattering the message, she knew she still had much more to worry about. The message was written in blood, but who's? Terrified thinking it was of whom her next victim might be, the phone on her bed vibrated again. Elena continued to ignore it.
The clock on her nightstand read 6:25 a.m. It was in the early hours of Sunday morning. She had not dared to get an ounce of sleep fearing she would slip into her demented scary state. However, sleep wasn't her enemy anymore. She could easily lose control and become the person she loathed without knowing. Thoughts of writing in her journal sparked, but she did not want to write down anything at the moment. Her mind was too messed up.
Her feet directed her toward the bathroom. With the door being still closed, she opened it slowly preparing for what was on the other side. Flicking the light on, the dark red stains mocked her. Everywhere she looked she could not escape what had started it all, the fear of knowing she was a murderer. The longer it sat the harder it would be to get rid of, she knew that. But Elena could not bear to get down on her hands and knees and scrub away the crime scene. It had to be done with it being the biggest evidence against her; however, something inside of her could not succumb to the cleansing act. Her eyes fell on the large spot in the middle of the floor, the pool of dried blood. Rising from her stomach and through her throat, she felt vomit coming up. Luckily, she found the toilet just in time. Her body heaved as she rejected the liquid and food inside her stomach. Once she no longer had anything else to get rid of, she flushed the toilet and rested her head on the seat.
She could not live like this.
Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell rang. It startled her so bad she slid off the toilet and bumped her head on the wall.
"Ow!" Elena screeched as she rubbed the now sore spot.
The doorbell rang again and as she stepped out into her bedroom, she paused. Anxiety consumed her as she froze and wondered who was outside her home. Was it the police? Or maybe it was her Uncle John, who had left his keys at home needing to get in? Or was it someone entirely unexpected? Elena pressed her hand to her chest to calm her breathing.
Violent buzzing frightened her as it only came seconds later after the second doorbell rang. She flew toward her bed and rustled through her sheets to find her phone. Whoever was trying to reach her must have been desperate and even if she had to lie and tell them she was fine. She did not want them marathon dialing her again.
"Hello," she answered and falling on her bed.
"Elena?!" The voice of man came from the other end.
"Um, yes. Who is this?" Elena asked. She had not looked at the caller ID.
"It's Damon from the other night at the bar." He replied. "Caroline gave me your number. We were supposed to meet yesterday and you never showed."
"Oh," Elena answered.
"Look I get you don't want to see me or you're not interested, but Caroline is worried. She can't get a hold of you." Damon told her.
"I'm fine." She lied quickly. Her heart was still racing as she looked around her room in panic.
"Okay," he responded with hesitation in his voice. "Uh, she actually sent me over to your house. I don't know if you are home? I know it is almost 7 a.m. She just wanted to make sure you're okay, but couldn't…"
His voice trailed as she figured out the alarming puzzle pieces. All the calls and now the persistent doorbell ring had been him. Damon was the one standing outside her house. "Oh its you outside." She said thinking out loud. Immediately, she wanted to retract her outward thought.
He was a conflicting factor in all of this. Despite Damon's remarkable handsome appearance and charming personality border lining with sarcasm, he was a professional in a field she desperately needed assistance from. Holding her hand over her mouth and wondering what to say next, she listened to the confused silence on the other line.
"I'll just let you go." Damon spoke briskly. "Just doing someone a favor and it seems you are alright."
"Wait!" Elena said in sudden outburst.
It was early and it was complicated her situation, but she didn't want Damon to leave. Maybe if someone surrounded her it would help ease her even if it wouldn't last forever. She needed the company and Damon was providing that, no to mention he was psychiatrist who could pick her brain. How she was going to go about that without giving too much away would be tricky.
Elena hopped off her bed and out of her room. She was at the top of the stairs still with the phone pressed to her ear when she stopped. Quickly, she retreated back to her room and closed the door leaving any evidence of her disaster hidden. Returning to her journey downstairs, she paused at the front door before opening it. When she did, Damon was sitting on the front step of her house.
Both removing their phones from her ears, Elena forced a tired smile on her face. "Sorry, if I would have known who was calling me or at my door I would have answered sooner." She said apologetically.
"I," Damon began and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know why I listened to Caroline or even care to check up on someone I barely know, but I am. I'm sorry if I woke you or scared you, but you didn't show up to our date yesterday and then Caroline said she couldn't get a hold of you either so…"
"Caroline worries too much. I'm fine, I swear." Elena pretended as if the whole situation was not a big deal. She folded her arms in front of her chest and leaned up against the door. "And I'm sorry about not showing up. I've just been really tired and maybe sick lately. I guess I just fell asleep."
Her excuse sounded lame. She knew Damon deserved the truth, but she could not give it to him without telling him the horror of it all.
"Guess I should have known from date one, if you want to consider it that." He chuckled. "I was hoping I hadn't repulsed you too much and made you run out on me."
"Honestly, this has nothing to do with you." Elena replied hastily.
She smacked her lips together and became instantly shy and bashful. Here was a guy who she had run out on and ditched standing on her doorstep for the sake of her worried friend. Even she wondered why he had agreed to listening to Caroline and caring whether or not she was fine. At her expense, she had wronged him twice, not to mention they barely knew one another at all. Her body perked up as she gazed over him from head to toe.
"Do you want to come in?" She asked.
Was it smart to invite him into her home? Probably not, but she felt awful knowing he put forth the trouble of seeking out her well being and even asking for a second failed date with her. She only felt like it was right.
"I don't want to bother you anymore than I have." Damon responded.
"You're not." Elena said shaking her head and stepping back for him to enter. "I insist. After everything, I like to redeem myself."
Looking wary and down, Damon smirked and stepped into her home. It was just the two of them inside her home seeing as her uncle was gone. He never was around much since he had started dating. At times it was peaceful and others it was eerie to be alone. It was like she had the whole place to herself and under the current circumstances she was glad he was not around. She feared she might hurt him without knowing it.
Once inside, they awkwardly stood in her living room. With the lack of sleep, she felt drowsy and her eyes lids were heavy. She couldn't pass out on him after inviting him in, so she knew of one solution that could perk her up a bit.
"Can I get you some coffee?" Elena asked.
"Sure." He answered.
As they walked into the kitchen, the nagging urge to ask him about his line of work and questions about her mental state were on the tip of her tongue. However, Elena resisted and focused on making a pot of coffee. She let it brew as the smells of morning were in the air. Damon stood by the counter and glanced around.
"You seem like a nice guy." Elena admitted. It wasn't her first choice in conversation starters, but it was what she was thinking.
"And what makes you think that?" He asked.
"I don't know. The fact that you went on a blind date for a friend who couldn't make it, you wanted a second date after I ran out on you, and you're here after all of that. Nice guys do things like that." She rambled.
Damon sighed. "Doing nice things doesn't make you a nice person." He added. "But that being said, I like to think I'm not horrible either."
Elena laughed softly.
"Thank you." She said.
"What for?" Damon seemed puzzled.
"For being nice." Elena replied. "Lately, I've been difficult."
"What can I say, I have a weakness for pretty girls who blow me off." He joked.
Nice and funny, he was becoming more desirable as she stared at him. But it wasn't his personality or even his good looks that had her drawn to him. She was shamelessly attracted to the sort of help and self-discovery he could provide. Elena contemplated how she could ask him about having a split personality.
"Do you like cream in your coffee? Sugar?" She asked as she turned around to the fridge. It wasn't what she wanted to ask, but it just sort of came out. She closed her eyes in frustration and reached in to grab the milk carton.
"I like mine black actually." Damon said from behind her. "Let me help you. Where are the cups?"
"Top left cabinet." She called out.
The coffee pot beeped as it was done brewing. Elena turned around to grab the pot when she froze. He was standing at by the sink with furrowed eyebrows and staring down at it with stern concentration.
"Did you hurt yourself?" He asked suspiciously.
"No." Elena reacted fast as she set the carton of milk down and set over to the sink. Her stomach dropped as she saw the inside of the sink. A bloody rag and knife were carelessly lying in it for anyone to see. The towel was wet and so was the knife. Bloodstains marked the stainless steel sink and dripped down into a drawer next to it.
Being both confused, Elena stepped in front of him and opened the drawer slowly. The drawer that was typically for hand towels had blood in it too. Her eyes flickered back to the knife in the sink and then to the knife block at the end of the counter.
This looked bad, really bad. Her eyes diverted to Damon who appeared in awe at the mess. He glanced her way and she saw the disturbance in his eyes. How was she going to explain this when she didn't even know what happened?
