A/N: I, of course, do not own any of the characters except those of Tony, Emily, Derek and the very creepy man in the basement. The song I have Marie singing this time is Death Cab for Cutie's song "Someday You Will Be Loved." Lyrics indicated in italics. Of course I do not calim ownership of that song either. (You can find it on youtube! Chekc it out.) Enjoy!
Survey the Social
Chapter four.
The chatter of lunch was far away from her perch outside, guitar in her lap. On the bleachers of the empty football field there was just her and the sun. The pain of his words was fading to dull regret, sadness for a boy who never truly thought of her. Emotions wasted on someone who wasted no thought on himself.
"I once knew a boy in the years of my youth with eyes like the summer; all beauty and truth. But in the morning I fled, left a note and it read: someday you will be loved."
The cafeteria swirled with people, strange electricity buzzing in the swarm of life. Whispers and tension felt for the show scheduled by a cruel beauty. In walked the two players, each warring for the sake of confrontation, for things so deep inside of their selves that they didn't see or understand. Attention, purpose. Proof that they lived was in the fact all eyes were on them.
She took a deep breath in her emptiness. "I cannot pretend I felt any regret. Each broken heart will eventually mend. As the blood runs red down the needle and thread someday you will be loved."
Double D had long since left the music room, thundering with the silence that had settled since the crash, the yell and the pain. Instead, his feet took him without the normal movement of his busy mind. Instead of flurried thoughts, there was stillness, empty nothing, a lack of answers for unspoken questions. Simply movement took him down the ocean of students.
"You'll be loved, you'll beloved like you never have known. And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams. Just a series of blurs…like I never occurred… Someday you will be loved." Her fingertips throbbed with each note; the feeling had disappeared long ago.
Emily watched Eddy and Tony as they walked into the cafeteria from opposite sides. Her group around her could hardly contain themselves, just waiting for what the two men would do. Tony came at Eddy quickly, a tray provided by a friend already in hand. Eddy however was there alone. His friends had disappeared. Those thoughts faded as he ducked low, dodging the swung food. If Ed was here, if Double D…
"Double D!" Eddy cheered, dashing over to his friend as he walked into the cafeteria. Maybe it was the glare of the light in his glasses, but something looked off in those brown eyes of his. But Eddy's situation was dire. "Why don't you get behind Tony and then I can shove him over you?"
"I abhor violence, Eddy." Double D said dully, not moving any part of his self, still looking ahead.
"Even your slave doesn't want to help you!" Tony laughed. "Even he doesn't think you can do it."
"Double D, c'mon." Eddy urged. Edd's head finally moved, looking down at Eddy, Marie's story replaying in his mind. "Get in there already! Do something."
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"Exactly as I said, Eddy. No. I am not your slave or your lackey." He stepped back from him. "Your lies and scams are your problem now. It's time you reap what you sow." He backed up back through the door, watching Eddy's shocked expression before turning and walking down the hallway. The clamor that resulted in the cafeteria made him swallow hard. Eddy had no concern for where he had disappeared to, hadn't asked him anything about his day, never did any of those things with sincerity. Not even having seen him for a minuet and Eddy was already begging him to break his values. Already trying to throw him in to clean up his messes and keep his horrible lies going. Suddenly, Eddy rushed after him, covered in food. He tackled Double D to the hallway floor.
"How could you just abandon me like that in there?!" He asked, gripping Double D's shirt. "Now everyone thinks I'm nothing!" Eddy was panting from his sprint, but also from rage. Emily would never talk to him, and all his effort put into his new reputation was ruined! All because of Double D. He had probably planned it from the beginning.
"Why do you need everyone's approval?" Double D said after a few moments of silence. New truths were noticed as he searched Eddy's anger filled eyes. "Why do you need them to validate who you are? If you're so great why do you need anyone at all? Doesn't it bother you that you try to live on lies, Eddy? Do you hate your self so much that you want everyone to only know a story instead? Aren't Ed and I enough?"
"...What?" Eddy asked, not seeming to have really understood what Double D has been saying. He also seemed to have no intention of getting off so something harsh had to be done.
"Eddy, please get off of me. I would like you not to speak to me for the next few days until you realize what you've been doing."
"If I don't speak to you how are we supposed to do anything?" Double D only stared at him and slowly it dawned on Eddy. "Are you saying you don't want to be my friend anymore?" He asked in laughing disbelief.
"At least until you realize that you cannot treat people you care about this way."
"You can't do that." He laughed. "Who are you going to hang out with then? Huh Sock head?" Double D's flat expression turned into annoyance and to Eddy's surprise he was pushed off.
"I am not so inept that I could not find a new companion. I already have someone who's volunteered her company to me."
"Yea, probably that ugly Marie Kanker." Eddy said, getting up too, only to be greeted by Double D wagging a finger in his face, his eyes narrowed.
"I'll have you know that there is more depth and strength in her than you'll ever have. She brought to my attention that you have been a horrible friend to Ed and I for the past years. I am only sorry that I hadn't noticed until now. I beg you to learn how to treat people or not speak to me anymore."
"You don't really mean that." Eddy said, moving his friend's finger from his face, but all laughter had faded. He actually looked worried.
"I mean it, Eddy." He took a deep breath, the realization of the situation finally really hitting home when he saw the hurt on his friend's face. "I can't find out anything about myself if I let you lead my life, and I cannot let you use me any longer. When you find out how to treat a friend, please find me. Goodbye, Eddy."
Eddy watched Double D turn and began to walk away before yelling "You'll be back!" To which the only reply was Double D walking outside. "I give it a day!"
"You may feel alone when you're falling asleep and every time tears roll down your cheeks. But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet. Someday you will be loved." She had her eyes closed, so she didn't notice his approach. "You'll be loved, you'll be loved like you never have known. And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams. Just a series of blurs, like I never occurred. Someday you will be loved."
"I never get tired of the sound of your voice." Derek smiled at her from the side of the bleacher, resting his chin on the level she was sitting. Marie smiled down at him and swallowed the dryness away from her lips and throat before putting the guitar down and hopping over the railing, landing in his arms. He was a junior, tall and handsome with side spiked black hair and equally dark clothes accented only with silver chain. He spun her gently before putting her down. "Long day?"
"You could say that again." She sighed, pulling her instrument and zip up case from the metal bleachers and putting it away. However, she was having trouble looking Derek in the face. Was this shame? No. Worse. Guilt. But guilt for what?
"Something on yer mind?" He asked, wrapping an arm around her hip.
"Yea. I uh haven't seen Lee or May. They must still be at their secret club." She dismissed, slinging the bag on her shoulder, but froze when she saw Double D approach from across the field. "I'll be right back, Der." She said, not taking her eyes from the approaching figure. Without waiting for Derek's reply she went on to meet Edd half way.
"Marie…" He said once they both stopped. "I wish to apologize for my words."
"Don't. They're true." She shrugged, but still studied him. "What do you want?"
The question had Double D looking at his hands, folded in front of himself. "To ask for your forgiveness and…ask for advice." Marie couldn't help but to smile, feeling the dark cloud in her chest clear away.
"Go home after school and make something just for you. You made some pretty cool stuff for other people, so if you made somethin' just for you I think it'd be even cooler." She said calmly, putting a hand on his shoulder before snickering. "How's your face, by the way?"
"Oh uh-" He looked up, some of his self returning from the confrontation earlier that day. "It's alright. I suppose I deserved it."
"Who's this?" Derek asked over Marie's shoulder. She froze for a second before looking back at him.
"Derek, this is uh-my friend. Double D." Derek's eyes scanned this friend who blushed when he heard the title she had applied to his name.
"Double D, this is Derek. My boyfriend." D swallowed hard at that, looking up at Derek. Why was that such a shock, that Marie might move on and find someone eventually? And he was rather impressive. From his findings, it was extremely hard for students to date outside of their peer group. Even harder for people from their peer group to...never mind. He shook his head.
"I was just asking Marie for some advice with a problem that was just fully brought to my attention." Double D explained politely, trying not to sound intimidated or awkward.
"Cool, well we made plans to skip last period. So I guess we'll see you around." Derek smiled at Double D. Through D's observations, however, he knew that the way Derek had said his words, and how he was now standing over Marie with his arm across her shoulders, it was clear he was stating his territory.
"Well…" He swallowed, looking at his feet in the grass. "I suppose I should be on my way. Thank you for your time." He smiled at them both and turned to leave.
"Anytime you wanna talk, just find me." She called after him, loving the irony that visibly hit the boy as his shoulders hunched for a moment.
"Thank you, Marie." He turned and said with sincerity before walking back to the school alone.
She watched him go, but her smile faded as she whispered the last line to herself "Someday you will be loved."
Eddy walked through the hallway, and for the first time he was numb to the actions of those around him. He didn't hear their comments or notice as they pointed and laughed at his food covered appearance. The embarrassment of lunch faded behind a creeping feeling of abandonment. His eyes glanced up at the rest of the student population, feeling even smaller today. Without Double D and Ed…then who was he really?
Because once upon a time there was a little boy with a great gift inside of him…He belonged to a mother and to a father and an older brother too. He looked to his family for guidance. What was he supposed to do with this gift inside of himself?
"Social status is everything, sweetie." His mother would tell him. She spent all her time over her friend's houses, holding tea parties, going to PTA meetings. "People's opinions matter. You must entertain and satisfy them, and then you will be respected." Surly that was true, for she was highly regarded in the community. She spoke and people listened, but she only spoke of things she was proud of, so his name never passed her lips to her friends…So he listened, and that was what he knew. The little boy went to his father and asked him the same thing.
"Money makes the man, son. It makes the world go round." Surly that was true. His father loved his own money so much. He resorted to any low deal he could to earn it at his used car dealership. And the money that he brought in, the gifts he bought for his wife made them both so happy. "People respect a man with money. Women only love a man with money." So he listened, and that was what he knew. The little boy went to his brother and asked him the same thing.
"People are stupid. They're just losers, suckers for the taking. You have to have them underfoot. You have to be the best to matter. You only count if you have people under you. Respect from fear is everything." Surly that was true. His brother was so good at getting people to follow him. He was the very best at what he did, and his parents lavished love on that older brother and would often forget their youngest. So he listened, and that was what he knew. The little boy knew everything he'd need for a…meaningful…love-filled life. Social status, money and respect from fear. His three disciplines ingrained forever.
So he grew and never knew what love really was, for that was never part of the lesson. He grew and never realized what that gift was, for he was too busy trying to prove to his family that he could do the things they taught him. Then they would see him. They would notice him. They would love him then.
And then two people came into his life, who asked absolutely nothing from him. They never told him he must have money, or social status, or power. But…he didn't know how to respond to this type of attention. All he knew were the teachings from his family, so he used his brother's disciplines on those two caring friends in order to achieve the two things his parents held closest.
On their shoulders, he tried to stand taller and, at least in fleeting moments, he found importance there. When he was leading them, he felt he really truly was alive. He existed. He belonged. With their help, he would achieve his parents love. And he was thankful! He was! But how could he show it? How do you say words you were never ever taught? Aren't Ed and I enough? Were they? What if he never gained the recognition of his family, could he live with that if it meant keeping two people who only asked him to be himself and nothing more?
His mind turned to his latch key friend. He could imagine how hard that must be, but how much worse is it to have parents there who paid you fleeting acknowledgment? It is far better to not have your parents around all the time, and enjoy the few times of loving company, than have parents who had more important things to do, a better son to love.
He thought about his babysitting friend who was left too often with the job of taking care of his little sister. Despite having more responsibility than he should, that friend still managed to hold onto innocents, and maybe he had mastered the art of escapism. His imagination helped color the dark spots. He wished he had that blissful ignorance. That all consuming imagination. Before Eddy knew it, he was outside the school, sitting on the steps. A few dark clouds began to gather overhead. Strangely enough, the rain that poured down felt pretty good as it washed the food from him, today's shame.
Somewhere in the darkness there was maniacal laughter which sent shivers down Ed's spine. He'd have screamed out, but the ducked tape over his mouth was super industrial, leaving him to just make throaty noises in fear. May and Lee giggled as they lead him through the dimly lit corridor of dirt that seemed to lead downwards endlessly through the earth. Down and down it went, each step erasing a little bit more of the hope of escape. Once or twice he tried to turn and dash back up the tunnel, but the light from the closet they original came through was gone at this point, just darkness on either side.
He was soon pulled to a stop before a wall of darkness. Out of the darkness came a man's hand that touched a quivering shoulder. Ed's imagination working over time to imagine all the horrible monsters that might be just beyond the dark veil.
"Welcome, my dear boy." came the voice of the same man that must have been laughing insanely before. "I think you will enjoy your stay here." And the hand pulled him into the darkness. The tape was pulled away and Ed screamed.
"DON'TEATMYMARROWANDDESTROYMYBRAINSWITHMUTANTPOTATOCHIPS!! I'LLBEAGOODBOY!" Lights came on suddenly and there was laughter. Here, underground, there was a large arcade, and in the corner was a comic book store! And to the right there was a large dance floor, and were kids dirt biking on the mounds of dirt in the back? He turned to the man next to him. He wore a regular light blue sweater vest over white button up shirt and blue tie. He wore regular khakis and had his brown-grey hair slicked back a little.
"May has told me a lot about you, Ed." He smiled, putting an arm around May who was a lot prettier than Ed remembered. Her greasy stained clothes were replaced by a red and grey track suit, her hip-length blonde hair tied back in a braid.
"This is our new dad, Ed." She beamed, arms hugged around the man. "He saved us from that stinking trailer park."
"He's filthy rich." Lee spoke up. She still favored a ridiculous up do with all her thick red hair, but wore better clothes. She still held that attitude, but it was much more controlled and refined.
"High school really is a place of magic!" Ed cheered before dashing out into the arcade on his way to the comic book store section, only to find out that you didn't have to spend money at all! It was a comic book library!
The man turned to Lee. "So when do we meet the other two?"
"Marie's got herself a new man, and Eddy's too busy humping that prep-princess's leg. I'll wait till he's real low and go in for the kill." He patted Lee's head.
"Just like I taught you. Good girl." He turned to May. "Why don't you go have fun with your little friend? I would really like to go meet these other gentlemen."
"Ok daddy!" She gave him another squeeze before going out into the group of kids.
Double D was trying to concentrate on the last class of the day, but his mind kept wandering. High school had certainly lived up to it's reputation in being a place where things change, but he never anticipated that things would change so quickly, or drastically. His thoughts were interrupted when the teacher touched his shoulder gently.
"The guidance counselor would like to see you." She said sweetly, but with a little concern. That concern passed to D quickly.
"Oh dear, I hope everything is alright." What if something happened to Mother and Father? Or worse…what if something happened to Eddy? Oh the horrible things he said to him! Double D hopped up quickly from his seat and rushed to the counselor's office and turned his normal counselor Mrs. Violet but she politely told him it was the head counselor that had summoned him.
Double D swallowed hard, looking at the large wooden door. The head counselor? Surely this was something very very serious. He gently knocked on the door.
"Come in, I would like to have a word with you." Called the voice from the other side. He slowly turned the handle and stepped into the dimly lit room. It smelled heavy with orange furniture polish and dust, some of it visible as it fluttered through the beam of light made from the lamp on the corner of the man's desk. There behind the desk sat a man, his elbows resting on the desk, his hands folded in front of his face. Grey brown hair was slicked back, hints of blue in the darkly lit room. His name plaque reading Dr. Alexander Gravis. Double D's heart nearly stopped when he saw the man's sinister smile.
"I've been looking forward to meeting you for a very long time…"
