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An extremely short chapter because I am extremely busy.
Chapter Four: The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller
Oh look…
Here comes Potter, and he looks as bigheaded and snotty as he did last year, seems another summer with his delightful relatives hasn't managed to quell his self-importance. He's glaring at me! I've only been sat here two flaming minutes and already I'm being given, admittedly quite poor, evils across hundreds of cups of pumpkin juice. It's times like these, when I see all the students returning to their seats, see all the first years standing at the doorway looking nervous and awe-filled, see Dumbledore looking all old and knowledgeable at the front, that I wonder why I bother with this place. The sorting hat is about to start, lets see what rubbish and slander it spews out with this year.
Shrew Slytherin, from fen. Oh yeh, we've got bold Gryffindor, fair Ravenclaw, Sweet Hufflepuff and Shrew Slytherin- where is the fairness in that? Sexy Slytherin has a much better ring to it.
And power-hungry Slytherin. It says that like it's a bad thing. One of these days I'm going to steal that hat and leave it in the Slytherin Common room. It'll soon experience what bastards Slytherins are towards twattish pieces of clothing. And now that it's shut up, we can get on with the sorting and then finally some food! God I'm starving.
"Ackerley, Stewart." Eyes are too far apart, Ravenclaw. Correct!
"Baddock, Malcolm." Good face for sneering. Slytherin. Correct!
"Branstone, Eleanor." Very nervous looking. Hufflepuff. Correct again!
"Cauldwell, Owen." Would wet himself at the first sign of a Slytherin. Hufflepuff. Correct again.
"Creevey, Dennis." Go on, put him in Slytherin. Nah, Gryffindor of course. I'm getting bored of this and McGonagall's only up to 'C'. Weasley's complaining about being hungry, stupid boy, you don't have to sit next to McGonagall for the entire feast. Assuming of course that we actually get a feast and the House Elves aren't still all running around flapping their arms and shrieking about Peeves.
Ha
Mad-Eye has just wandered in, fashionably late but not so fashionably dressed. He looked like a tramp whose dog's just died. Mangled, grizzly, barmy old codger that he is. And, before you comment, no. I don't like him. Now I understand being cautious, untrusting and suspicious of everyone because I'm like that, but he takes it to a whole new level. He takes it so seriously that it becomes funny. All the students looked shit scared of him as well, but not in a quite amusing way, in a way that they wouldn't be able to stay in the same room as him without being sick.
Well
That was exciting. Dumbledore's just told everyone that the Triwizard Tournament is coming here and everyone, apart from Potter that is because he's a turd and didn't know what it actually was, was really excited about it right up until the moment that Dumbledore told them the age restriction. Oh you should have seen some of the student's faces! They were priceless they really were. And can I just say thank all the gods in heaven and hell for the age restriction, there's no possible way that Potter can win the Tournament and hopefully a Slytherin will win so that I can gloat about it to McGonagall for the next fifty years. So, the start of another year that promises to be full of shouting, cursing and cheating. What fun.
First Lesson
I love having my first lesson of the new year with the first years, they all sit there looking small and scared behind the dissecting benches and I always make sure I'm slightly late, just so I can bang the door open and stalk down the middle of the classroom with my cloak swishing. Unfortunately my entrance was somewhat spoiled by the appearance of McGonagall in front of me and squeezing past me to get out of the door. I think I probably ended up just looking a bi stupid. I bet McGonagall did it on purpose; she knows how much first impressions matter to me. Anyway, I did the usual speech about brewing fame and putting a stopper in death, I always wonder if it's becoming a little redundant but then I see the looks of awe on their little faces I know I've still got it.
Freaky guy…
Mad-Eye has been prowling the corridors all bloody evening and it's really starting to annoy me, it doesn't matter how many times you snoop outside my door you're not going to catch me in here having a cup of tea with You-Know-Who. And he's not the most successful person at snooping quietly; the wooden leg is a bit of a giveaway. I went and had a bit of a whinge at Dumbledore after the fourth time of him clunking past and he just smiled at me and tapped his fingers on the side of the teacup he was holding. Didn't say a word, just sat there smiling until I left. I'm going to try that next time McGonagall starts complaining at me, just still there with a blank face until she sods off.
