The song in here is Tourniquet by Evanescence. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.
Chapter 4 You're Not Too Lost to Be Saved
The blonde lay there, slowly opening her eyes. Man the sun was bright, like an intruder on some very peaceful sleep. Looking around she took in her surroundings. It was then she remembered the night before. She realized too that the brunette was now gone.
"I bet you ran her off."
Startled she looked up, seeing the face she hadn't seen in so long now. Not since the whole thing with Elle.
"So I'm not awake?"
"You tell me." The girl smirked. It was the same bitchy angel of death version of Peyton.
"Obviously I'm not if I'm talking to the goth bitch again."
"I thought I explained that already. I'm you blondie. Wait, I forgot about the blonde hair, maybe I do need to explain again."
"No, no need for that. So why now, you've been gone for so long why come back now? I dealt with my feelings for Elle, so why the hell are you back? Nobody's dying now."
"You sure bout that?" Goth girl smiled a little as she walked over, sitting on the bed in front of Peyton. "Those scars on your arm tell me different. So do the ones on your legs."
"That's not killing me, and besides that I'm trying to stop." The blonde averted her gaze.
"Yea well, what happens when that little voice in your head...wait, that's me...not the point. What happens when I win? What happens when you don't stop and I push you even further." She raised her eyebrows, a smirk playing at her lips.
"You won't win." Still she didn't look herself in the eye.
"Really, cause I think I already have. Let's see, you cut yourself just to not feel, you broke up with the boy that you were sooo in love with, wait though, that's not right now is it."
This pulled the blondes eyes up to meet those of her darker self. "What's that suppose to mean?"
"I think you know. It's not him you were in love with now is it Peyton?" She raised her eyebrows, showing that all knowing look that she was right.
"You don't know what you're talking about." Peyton started to stand but was quickly stopped by a hand reaching up, slowly tracing the very light scars that were still there. Her eyes locked on the mistakes she had made there.
"You cut because you're too scared to feel what you know you have to."
She looked up, ready to argue but the figure had vanished. She blinked, realizing that she was now still laying in the bed. Pulling the covers back to stand she could hear the shower running. She started down the stairs, praying there was some coffee in the house. She rounded the corner to turn into the kitchen.
Brooke looked up from the table. "Morning sleepy."
Confused, Peyton looked from Brooke back up the stairs. "If you're down here, then who's in the shower?"
She had to smile, confused and just woke up Peyton was too adorable. "That would be Rachel. Looks like she came to crash our summer." She watched as Peyton nodded. "You ok with that?"
"Yea, it's cool." The blonde drew her arms up, hugging herself. It was starting to come back to her, their conversation from the night before. She realized now that this kitchen was bright in mornings, so bright that hiding her scars may not be that easy in here.
"You ok?" Brooke notice the girl tense up.
"Huh, um yea, I'm fine. I think I'm just a little cold."
"Seriously? It's like 90 degrees outside." She stood, placing a hand on the blondes forehead. "You don't feel like you have a fever."
"I'm fine, you worry too much." She gave her best fake smile.
Just as she pulled her hand back from her friends forehead Rachel popped around the corner. "What, no breakfast?" She looked at the two and just shook her head before making her way to sit at the table.
"Well, we're suppose to go today to get some food for this place. But I think Peyton here may be catching a cold." Brooke looked back to her friend.
"I told you, I'm fine."
"Well." Rachel looked from the blonde to the brunette. "Why don't you go get us some grub and I'll babysit goldielocks here."
"Dude, I don't need a babysitter."
"Dude, don't call me dude." Rachel smiled, knowing she was hitting a nerve on the blonde.
"That actually sounds like a good idea, if you two don't end up killing each other." Brooke smiled as Peyton stuck her tongue out at Rachel.
"Then it's settled." Rachel watched as Brooke nodded and started up the stairs to get ready.
"Sooo." Rachel started, wondering if the blonde wanted to talk.
"Good seeing you to Rach." She turned around heading for the stairs. "I'm gonna go get some clothes on."
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Thirty minutes had passed and Brooke was now headed for the door, finally ready to go shopping. She noticed Rachel sitting alone in the living room. "You ok there red?"
Rachel looked up, smiling weakly back at her. "Just peachy."
"Well, I'm heading out now, Peyton's still up stairs, I think she's listening to some music." She walked a little closer, checking the stairs to make sure Peyton wasn't making her way down. "Do you think maybe you can talk to her, maybe she'll open up to you."
"Tell you what, bring us back some fresh doughnuts, and I'll do my best." She smiled as Brooke nodded and walked out the door. Sighing, she looked up the stairs. This was by no means going to be easy.
She was standing outside of Peyton's room, listening to the song that played. She had heard it before, it was by Evanescence.
I
tried to kill the pain My God, my tourniquet Do
you remember me? My
God, my tourniquet (Return to me
salvation) (Ohhhhhh) (I want to die) My God, my
tourniquet My wounds cry for the grave
But only brought more (so much more)
I
lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm
dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost
To be
saved?
Am I too lost?
Return to me
salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other
side?
Or will you forget me?
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and
screamingAm I too lost
To be saved?
Am I too lost?
Return to me salvation
My God, my
tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return
to me salvation
My soul cries
for deliverance
Will I be denied?
Christ? (Christ)
Tourniquet
"Interesting song." She watched as Peyton jumped.
"Oh, sorry was it too loud?" Peyton picked up the remote, turning the volume down.
"Actually I don't think it was loud enough." She eyed the girl as she crossed over, sitting on the edge of the bed across from her.
"So, you like Evanescence?" Peyton watched as the red head shook her head no.
"They're ok. What I meant was if you had played it a little louder maybe someone would have noticed."
Peyton looked at her, confused. "Noticed what?"
Rachel let out the breath she had been holding in. "Well, I took a shower when I got here this morning. I found this beside the shampoo." She opened her hand revealing the small razor blade.
Peyton's face went to panic mode as looked from Rachel's eyes to the blade. Not just any blade, hers.
"I also notice blood on the towel in their." Rachelwatched as the blonde still hadn't taken her eyes off of the piece of metal in her hand. "How long Peyt?"
Her face felt like it was literally on fire. There was no way out of this, no way to lie and cover it up. She felt hot tears that threatened to fall, still she couldn't look up to meet the red heads eyes. "A couple of months." Her voice was barely audible.
Running a hand through her hair, Rachel reached out taking the blondes hands and quickly turning them to inspect the parts that weren't immediately visible. She could see the scars, they were faint, but they were there. "Let me guess, the new ones are where no one can see?"
Peyton nodded. A single tear fell onto the bead spread.
"You want it back?" Rachel's voice held no anger, no judgement, just curiosity.
She looked up, shocked at the question. She looked from the blade back to Rachel. "I really am trying to stop."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I really don't know how to answer that." She lowered her eyes, ashamed that she couldn't just simply answer with no.
"Do you really want to die?" Her voice cracked as she asked the question. When Peyton looked up she could see the girls big brown eyes watery. Tears just ready to fall.
She shook her head no. She didn't want to die, she just didn't want to feel.
"Good answer. You're not too lost to be saved." She reached out, pulling the girls thin, fragile frame into a tight hug. "We'll get you through this."
