Memories Mislaid

Unmarked Shado Excelsor Supersonic jet

20,000 ft above London England, undetectable on radar

Doctor Dana Scully was angry. She looked around and realized now that collapsing in her car had occured hours ago. She'd come to slowly, then found herself on a jet, with her kidnapper next to her.
"You bastard, where am I?"
"I liked you a lot better when you were drugged."
That earned him a audible slap across his face. He didn't even blink.
"If I were you, I'd have something to eat. We're scheduled to land in about an hour or so. In the meantime I'm sure you have questions-"
"I'm a federal agent, I'm FBI. Kidnapping and masquerading as an FBI agent are serious charges-"
"Let's start with introductions, Maam. I'm Robin Ambrose, ex-Royal Marine, special ops, mercenary. You'll find that I'm immune to American law enforcement and courts. I work part time for Shado. Do you remember Shado?"
"Why did you kidnap me?"
"Orders from an old friend."
"He means me." Scully turned around. She knew the craggy features, the kind blue eyes. "And you are?"
"Alec Freeman. Rob, take her over. I want a word with the doctor in private."
"Right. Just a suggestion, Maam. Don't slap my mate. He'll slap back."
The husky Ambrose disappeared into the pilot's cabin.
"Rob's not the ruffian which he appears. Now. Let me begin at the beginning. You and your partner Mulder discovered that my boss was injured in a car smash that killed the prime minister, then shortly after that my boss retires from a brilliant career in the US Air Force and goes into the fim business. So with terms like Roswell and cover up and alien invasion getting tossed about, you think he's right smack in the middle of a X File."
"We were sure Straker was hiding something. Before we could even see him, someone stabbed my partner. I find your boss Straker high on drugs, I mistake his pager for a gun and I shoot him. Later I realized it wasn't him at all. It was a perp from an early case of Mulder's who stabbed him."
"It wasn't. It was Straker. Only he didn't stab him. He shot him."
"Wait, you're saying I was right all along? I was lied to! Mulder said it was-"
"Your partner would have confessed to crucifying Christ if we wanted him to. We had our own medical personnel handling Mulder. We had set it up so that you and Mulder would buy the story. We wanted you off our backs. Only nothing worked out. The real perp who had once assaulted Mulder was long dead, he O.D'd. Straker said we didn't have time to come up with another plan. So he shot Mulder."
"He lied to me! About everything. His feelings"
"Ed's feelings for you were, and are genuine. We didn't know how sick he was. Ed put a bullet in your partner, yeah. It was his intention to injure Mulder not kill him. Ed's an expert sniper and marksman. He qualified in small arms back in his unit, but he is brilliant with anything that has a trigger on it. Now look, Mulder's fine. You're our problem."
"So now you threaten me?"
"Damn it Scully, when Ed made the decision to have our amnesia drug administered to you, none of us realized that while Mulder had the most advanced drug, some moron in our clinic put an older version of the drug in your coffee. If Ed hadn't asked for you to be looked after, we wouldn't have known. Your apartment and hospital and FBI offices were all bugged, Robin's special ops mates had you and Mulder under surveillance. You began to call out in your sleep. You'd call Ed's name. The drug failed. In some instances with the drug you were given, that happens. You've wondered why you've been sleepless, tense, upset, all symptoms indicating that memories were breaking through. Similar to how versed affects some patients after surgery."
"So now you drag me somewhere and give me another dose so that your secrets are safe?"
"Stop being an idiot. If that's what we wanted, it would have been done. There are complications. My friend is ill. Look, I told him he was an idiot doing what he did. I tried to get him to just tell you you'd become a part of his life that he couldn't put aside. He wouldn't listen to me. So he did that ridiculous masquerade with those awful clothes, the cap, the accent to disguise his voice, the colored lenses-"
"You're suggesting the delivery guy was him? That's nonsense. "
"How do you think I know about it, you fool? I was waiting for him a block away. Afterwards he tortured himself over it."
"No. You admitted you all had me under surveillance. That's how you know."
"You're just as impossible as Ed. I was there. He wouldn't just tell you he loved you,no, he went over the computer profiles on you and Mulder, don't you see? He claimed it was a security issue, and yes, Mulder thinking anyone in government, or military isn't to be trusted. He thought he had proof at last, he would have exposed Shado. His obsession genuinely threatened Shado, and the secret we've been maintaining for years. Mulder doesn't care that it would be a living hell if everyone knew what was out there. He just needed to be right."
"Then why not just drug him?"
"And risk you dropping some small detail that would devastate us all? No. Now, its different. I've stepped into Straker's position. I set up your surveillance at Ed's request and so did Robin. To keep you safe. Because things have changed. You know, don't you Scully? You realize who has been sending you the white roses. "
"Oh my God, Straker. It all adds up. But I don't understand. He feels I was a risk to the organization like Mulder is. Why threaten his position by sending me flowers?"
"The initial computer reports on you indicated you wouldn't keep anything from Mulder. But the latest reports said you were to be trusted. You were the one with the steady head. You could be given an Aegis security ranking, it even suggested you'd make a good candidate for Shado. Yet Ed's been ill. He didn't recover from that damn drug. That drug was reverse engineered from a drug we took from the aliens."
"Mulder always felt that that kind of thing was happening. So it's common in your damn organization? How could you not see what it did to Ed? He was raving like a lunatic."
"We're at war. We use everything we've got in our arsenal. It isn't a matter of morality. It's a matter of winning. Ed was badly injured in a UFO incident, and ordinary drugs weren't stopping his pain. His job is his entire world. At least it was. He was coming apart, because of the drug, but more than that, you. He bought you a bouquet of white roses, and he gave in to his sexual attraction to you. Look, I've known Ed for many years. One night stands aren't his thing. He knew he'd never see you again. He tried to find a way for you to draw away, he accused you of looking for someone like your father. He'd tell me about it on the phone when you were asleep. Scully, no. Dana, he loves you. He brought you those flowers in that ridiculous outfit just to see you a final time."
"Alec! Wind it up, we land eta 15 minutes," Robin yelled from the pilot's cabin.
"Right!"
"He sent them more than once."
"No, actually I did. He wasn't able to. He asked me if I'd do it for him, and of course, I'd bloody well do anything he wanted. He was so worried about the first time. Worried about putting you in danger, claimed he'd been an amateur by tossing away the clipboard, buying the clothing and everything else himself. I don't care what kind of alien drug he was being tormented by, I reminded him he wasn't the choice to lead Shado for nothing. He smiled in that way he has. He asked me if I would continue. He chose the flowers and ribbon and box. It was a simple thing to put each box together on tbe studio lot. We already make just about everything in the prop department. It was a little more trickier to make sure the end result didn't give anything away. Just to guarantee it, we used our moles in the FBI labs."
"Is there nothing safe from your damned organization? There's something I don't understand. The boxes stopped coming. Then the one with the card saying Dana I need you. Did you write it too?"
"I told you Ed is ill. The boxes stopped because he-you'll see. He's in hospital, a very advanced clinic with an all Shado staff. He asked me to go to his house, he'd been working on a box for you, and I did. He kept the petals, Dana. He kept the white petals which was all that remained of the first bouquet he bought you. He admitted he couldn't bear to throw them away. "
"Alec, there's something you aren't telling me. I have the right to know."
"Ed thinks you're better off with Mulder. He thinks you have feelings for Mulder."
"How could I not have feelings for Mulder? You're clearly close to Straker, you understand a partnership. Mulder means a lot to me."
"But?"
"That's it."
"Christ, you're as stupid as Ed is. Kidnapping you wasn't totally an act so that security would be preserved. I went to Ed's house, and in his trash bin found that card. I need you Dana. He had finally admitted it, maybe he had decided to tell you after all, let you choose between him and your partner. But he tossed it away like he's tossed his only chance to have a semi normal life, and a love. You, Dana. You need to choose. Or I won't have any choice about shutting up your memories of Ed forever."
"This isn't right. Let me see him! Forcing me to do this, maybe a gun to the back of my head would be more merciful."
"Dana, you need to choose. For his sake. For his-"
"Damn you Alec! For his life? Isn't that what you're not saying?"
"Put your harness on. We're about to land."
"Tell me!"
"He doesn't know you're coming. He'll kill me when he finds out. Yes, he was too ill to continue the boxes. Not because of the drug. You'll find out."
"What do I have to do to get the truth out of you?" she yelled.
"Dr. Scully, if you blow this, if my bringing you here because I know he needs you turns out to be a mistake, then you'll forgive me for feeling like I should be putting a bullet into the back of your skull. Robin said I slap women back. No, he just has a dark sense of humor. But I have killed women when it was necessary before. Just remember that."
"So you come for me just to threaten me, is that what you're saying?"
"What I'm saying is don't hurt my friend."
Alec turned, and his face was as hard as the metal buckle of his seatbelt.

Oh my God, Mulder, why was I so stupid? But they're right. You would expose them, thinking they were no different than any other black ops, infiltrating even Quantico, using alien drugs, just a part of your X files. How would you advise me now? What am I supposed to say to Ed? Dana I need you. How many times have I wished that Mulder would lay it on the line like that, and give up the fight. He's been there for me-no, not like I'd hoped. Always the logical Scully, the one I can count on. Who can I count on now? Who?

Oh my God how can you love a man who chases the memory of his sister? How can you love a man who looks for a truth he may never find? No Dana, you're the one who isn't being truthful. The real question is how can you love a man whom you can barely remember? How can you long for his touch?

Straker. I can't even think of his name without my heart falling apart. Hurt your friend? Not in this lifetime, Alec. I remember packing after our argument just to come out and see him on the floor, crumpled like those white petals he kept to remember me. The relief I felt when those blue eyes opened, his hands sweeping over me, to an end we no longer could fight. His hair, that beautifully groomed cap of hair sticking out everywhere, and still attempting to act like we hadn't had sex. His eyes, his voice. Gone.

I'm afraid to see him, but I'm more afraid not to. I saw the darkness in Alec's eyes. I know something is horribly wrong, Alec wouldn't risk his friendship with Straker like this if something weren't terribly wrong. Am I going to lose you again, Ed?

White petals, faded, gone, like lost love. Crumpled like dead hope. You would have let me stay with Mulder. Your friend Alec knows it. You would have. What about Mulder? Would Mulder let me go with Ed?

No.

Oh my God.

Barely remember him? Really? How could anyone forget Edward Straker?

Scully clutched her cross as the jet came to a stop.

Help me, God. I have to do the right thing before time runs out. I need to do the right thing.

For Mulder, for Ed, but most of all, for me.