A/N sorry for the long-ass delay. Many more goodies to talk about at the end
5/19/2009
Chapter 4
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Last time: Bella was brain storming with the girls after the fried heels incident.
Lesson 1: A big bloody mess
"Alice, this isn't the damn prom. I'd better not have fucking Dolly Parton hair when you're done! What the hell is taking so long and why can't I look?" I asked as I felt another vicious tug on my scalp from the curling iron.
"Just another minute, Bella. I just have a few more pieces to finish. I promise you're going to like it. You're lucky I'm not tearing your hair out by the roots after you fucked over my heels, but I'm feeling nice today," Alice chattered in her high voice. She waved the curling iron around dangerously so that it followed the upswing in her overly perky voice.
Of course you're feeling nice, your brain and your fur-hoochie have been on loan to Vamp Sex, Inc. since you met Jasper. I really need to get laid.
I smiled smugly as I remembered my fried shoe adventure. At least Rose had a sense of humor over the incident, whereas Alice had tried her best to claw the shit out of me. Thankfully Jasper had intervened before anyone phased.
"Finally, I'm finished! Everything is perfect. Your outfit is on the bed. Don't mess the hair up while you're changing or we'll just have to repeat the hair torture," Alice said as she gathered her stuff and left my room.
I turned to examine my hair in the mirror and was surprised by my appearance.
Well, hello sex hair. It's a pleasure to meet you. Can I have your number?
Alice had managed to form loose curls that were slightly tousled. It looked I had gone two rounds between the sheets and came out the better looking for it. I walked slowly over to my bed, feeling slightly apprehensive about what kind of outfit she picked out. There on the bed was a rather conservative knee-length pencil skirt in a deep slate. It was paired with a light blue sweater that had a deep V-neckline ending in a row of pearl buttons. The heels that Alice had chosen were a bit higher than I liked, but I figured I'd avoid arguing and wear the damn things. It was a small gesture on my part after destroying all of her heels.
Ma-Esme's life lesson #1: Walk the line between classy and sexy without looking like a were-skank.
For good luck, I wore my favorite blue lace set under the skirt and top. I hoped it would give me enough werebitch swagger to pull this lesson off. I needed every good luck charm I could get tonight. I took one more glance at the mirror to make sure that Alice's hair and make-up were untouched. Everything was still in place. I grabbed my bag of props for the night and headed for the store.
The drive to the store took a little longer than normal because of the Seattle traffic. Furry Bella could have gotten here faster, but we can't risk the fine citizens of Seattle catching site of a giant wolf careening through the streets. After I pulled up to the parking lot, I rushed into the back entrance of the store, trying to makeup for lost time. I had wanted to be here earlier to set up the lounge, but I was much later than planned because Alice took so long with my damned hair.
I managed to stumble inside with my bag and get everything into the right place after a few minutes. I placed several candles around the lounge and lit them. I hoped that having a soothing atmosphere would make this easier on both of us. I took a last look around to make sure everything was visually calming. I inhaled deeply to calm myself down, willing my blush to go away.
Fasten your sex-belt and prepare to learn, Eddie!
After being interrogated by Rose last week weekend, I had planned for several different scenarios for this lesson. Now, I had only a few minutes left to go. I was almost tempted to sneak off for a little furgina time to ease my nerves, but sadly I knew the candles wouldn't cover up Eau du aroused werebitch. While I was contemplating whether or not to indulge myself, I heard a loud scuffling noise outside the back entrance.
What the hell? I swear to God! If that's Newton again, I'll make sure that Bite-me Betty's foot is permanently lodged up his ass.
I heard a tentative rap on the back door followed by muffled voices and a thump. I opened it to find Jasper and Emmett, both clutching the shoulders of a very well-built, gorgeous-as-God vamp.
Dear Lord, thank you for answering my prayers: One fine-ass ready to sex vamp, built to my horny specifications. Wait, this is Eddie…never-been-sexed Eddie. I can fix that!
I did a very thorough eye-fucking from his feet all the way to the messy mop of bronzed hair falling over his forehead before settling on his amber-colored eyes. He was dressed casually in a button-down and khakis. His choice of clothing looked slightly reminiscent of a JC Penney catalog, but I'm sure Alice could fix that easily. I continued to stare stupidly while my mind was running through different sex scenarios involving fuckable Eddie.
…A sexy Eddie that can read minds. Oh shit! I wonder if you can get sued for sexually-harassing thoughts?
I immediately switched my mind back to reciting 'Humpty Dumpty' so that I could get my thoughts out of NC-17 land. After I snapped out of my sex trance, I looked at him only to see him staring at me strangely. His face was extremely serious, yet he seemed to be fighting a surge of giggles.
What in the hell is so funny Eddie-boy? I'm not the century old sullen virgin here.
Jasper cleared his throat. "Bella, this is Edward. Edward, Bella."
I smiled slightly to welcome him, but he just continued to look at me oddly. Jasper was not pleased with his silence and squeezed his shoulder. Eddie suddenly let out a high pitch giggle before he abruptly went back to being calm.
He turned his head to glare at Jasper, before sighing and turning back to me.
"Delighted to make your acquaintance, Bella. Forgive my rudeness." He bowed dramatically, took my hand, and placed an icy kiss on the back of my hand. Wow, that's kind of weird, in a nice way. Does he put Icy Hot on his hands?
I felt a strange tingling sensation that I could only describe as cool electricity where his lips made contact with my skin. I guess he felt something in that touch as well because he looked back at me with curiosity.
Dear Lord, if I could only get him down South of the Furgina Pole with that mouth, I'd never send Santa another X-rated Christmas list!
"Alright Eddie, remember the talk we had about your lessons. Just follow Bella's lead. Here's your blood and ipod in case you get too stressed." Emmet added as he handed a small ipod and what looked like a metal sippy cup to Edward.
You have got to be fucking kidding me. He carries a sippy cup of blood? Forget the nuthouse, I can start Vamp-Kindercare here at the store.
"Bella, call us when you're finished. We'll be with Rose and Alice until then. We're on speed dial if he gives you any trouble. You'll be good, right Eddie?" Emmett added as he squeezed Edward's shoulder with a death grip that sounded like a rock being cracked. Edward winced slightly.
Remember not to get on Emmett's bad side.
He replied back in a pained voice, "Yes, Emmett, I promise not to try and run away. I said I would give this one attempt." I interrupted them before Edward could finish his sullen monologue.
"Alright Edward, shall we?" I gestured inside.
"Absolutely," He answered back.
He followed me inside and I heard the door slam ominously behind us. As I walked over to the table, I managed to trip my klutzy ass over a rug on the floor. I felt myself falling forward and braced myself for the inevitable crash with the table, but it never happened. I felt a pair of hard arms wrap around me before I crashed into the table. He pulled me back up to my feet before releasing me quickly. He stepped away and looked at the floor shyly.
"Thank you. You have no idea how often gravity disagrees with me and the floor wins," I said with a small laugh.
He looked back at me and his lips turned up in a small smirk. I walked over to the table and sat down. I pointed at the chair opposite of me and motioned for him to sit.
"So, Edward, tell me a little bit about yourself and Tanya," I began, hoping to get him talking.
Edward looked around uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Um, of course, but do you mind if I put some music on first? I find it helps to clear my mind and relax."
"Sure, do you have a preference? I have mellow stuff like classical or jazz...," I trailed off waiting for him to continue.
"Actually, I have the perfect play list on my ipod. It always calms my nerves. Do you mind?" He looked at the docking station on the counter hopefully.
"Absolutely not. Help yourself," I said.
He took the ipod and leaned over the counter, displaying his ass in full glory.
Mygodwhatahotass-want to touch, must control self!
He fiddled with the menu for a second before setting it in the dock. A soft classical piece began to play.
"Ah, that's more like it. This is a play list of Tanya's music." He added, returning to his chair at the table. I nodded vacantly trying to get a hold of myself.
"So Edward, let's begin. Why don't you tell me your reasons for wanting to take lessons?" As he started to talk, I heard an odd sound beginning to surface in the music. The voice and instruments were tolerable enough-obviously vamp. Underneath that I could hear a sound that was similar to someone scratching a vinyl record. How fucking awful! Didn't that bother him? Well, if he thought it would unkink his vamp stress, then I can roll with it. As I refocused on Eddie, I was vaguely aware that he had been waxing poetic about Ho-tanya for a few moments and I had yet to process a single thing he had said. I was too busy ogling the vamp goods and being distracted by the music.
"Tanya? To begin with, she's lovely and so modest. She was a very old friend of Carlisle's before we joined him. She has many talents, especially music. The song we're listening to now is one of hers. I believe she has worked in film some too, strictly behind the camera." Edward smiled as he finished his 'Virtues of Tanya' monologue.
I snorted and coughed a little as I sipped on my drink.
No wonder I hear a muted banshee tone in the music. Behind the camera in film? More like getting it from behind with the cameraman. That bitch sure isn't making movies for a Lifetime audience.
I once again had to put the screeching brakes on my thoughts. Surely he had noticed me thinking these things? I looked over to find him composed and focused intently on the music. His eyes had a dreamy look in them.
"Edward? Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.
"Hmm? Oh yes, sorry, I tend to get lost in this music when it's playing. Such a heavenly voice," he said.
Yeah, if 'heavenly' sounds like the dying screeches of a wounded alley cat. Man, he does have it bad. Well, step back Tanya, because here comes horny Bella to the rescue.
"Edward, I'm going to turn the music to some jazz on my ipod. You seem to be having trouble concentrating. You're here to figure out how to win her over right? I asked.
"Yes, you're right. I do apologize. Where was I? Well, I first met Tanya when she visited about two decades ago. She hadn't seen Carlisle in a while and decided to visit to meet the rest of our family. I didn't immediately get along well with her. It was only after I discovered our shared passion for music that I grew to admire her. We've corresponded long-distance the whole time. I send her piano recordings, which she uses as background for her vocals. That song we just heard was a beautiful example of our work. It's a strange relationship, but she is busy with her music and film career. I would like to mold myself into a man that would be worthy of her attention. She has many admirers now, but I want to be at the top," he finished.
Oh my god, they weren't kidding about him being a loon, were they? Many admirers, my furry-ass. Eddie is president and the only member of the Tanya Fan Club. He probably makes bumper stickers that read, "Tanya's #1 Fan!" I'd bet money he also scrapbooks all of their letters and pictures.
"Well Edward, that certainly seems like a lovely story. Such a moving tale of unrequited love. Why don't I tell you how I plan to help you?" I waited for him to nod before I started again.
"Well, we're going to attack this in three phases. First, you're going to learn about self-control. Secondly, we're going to work on teaching you how to please a lady in bed. After I'm satisfied with your progress in those two areas, I'm going to help you go after Tanya." I said with a sad smile, feeling bad for encouraging the poor boy.
"Our first lesson tonight is to start work on your self-control. I want to see how you react to certain things and if you can control your responses. This will allow you to build confidence in your sexual responses. Can I ask about experiences you've had with other women? I know it's not a great deal, but we have to pick a starting place." I could feel my cheeks starting to heat up even more. My temperature was starting to rise, and it wasn't just from the damned blushing.
Eddie thought for a moment before he replied, "Well, there was this one lovely time that Tanya kissed me on the cheek before she left on her last visit. Um, this is embarrassing, but I remember part of being human vaguely. There was some …touching? I'm afraid this is the problem. Tanya wants me to be an experienced man before she'll agree to be with me. I don't understand why, but I'd do anything to win her over. I think my lack of experience has led me to be a little over zealous in response."
I hope my mouth wasn't hanging open. This gorgeous piece of ass hasn't gotten more than a cheek peck? We'll remedy that quickly.
"Well, so basically we're starting with a cheek peck and some spank the monkey?" I asked for clarification.
"What is spank the…? Oh, yes, that. That would be about right." His eyes widened slightly, and he gave a sheepish nod.
"Well, now that we're on the same page, I'd like to start with our first object for the night. We'll begin by working with your sense of touch. My mind might wander during this activity, so if any thoughts I have bother you, just tell me to stop, ok?" I looked back at him.
"Erm, you see, that's actually quite curious. I can't seem to hear your thoughts. It's amazing actually. You're the first person I've ever encountered that I can't hear. You can't begin to imagine the things I've heard people think about over the years or things I've seen them doing in their head," he finished.
I probably could imagine. In fact, my imagination was already two steps past that point and had undressed him already. It's fucking fabulous that he can't read my thoughts! Now, I can think of all the naughty things that I want to do without freaking him out.
"Well, that's a relief. You wouldn't want to be bored to death by listening to me go over home-decorating tips in my head. Now, to begin I'm going to place a scarf over your eyes, so that you can focus on your reaction to the object. If you feel uncomfortable, just tell me and we'll end it," I said as I moved to put the blindfold on him. I reached into my bag and pulled out a long ostrich feather. This was going to be the first object to experiment with tonight. I scooted my chair a little closer to him to have better access.
Edward sat there looking a little stiff, with his palms resting on top of his legs.
"I'm going to take your hand now. Is this alright?" I asked as I reached down and tentatively rested my fingers on the back of his hand. He started slightly but quickly relaxed and nodded.
"Good," I said and picked up his cold hand very gently and turned it over in mine.
"The sensation of touch is heightened under a blindfold. All your senses are on edge, trying to anticipate the unknown. You can't be sure which object I'm going to use, whether it will cause pleasure or pain." I trailed my finger tips over the inside of his palm, following the lines from his wrist to the tips of his fingers. I picked up the feather. Gently, I brushed it over his palm, running it up and down his arm. I was surprised when he twitched slightly, almost as if he were ticklish.
A relaxed smile spread across his face and he sighed slightly. " Feather," he murmured to himself.
"Yes, a feather; however, you had no idea what was coming until you felt it touch your skin. It could have been anything-silk, metal. The goal is to get you used to pleasurable touching, so that you don't react uncomfortably every time. Think of this as desensitization."
While still holding his hand, I trailed the feather down the side of his face and along his jaw. His hand jerked away from me, and I heard a sharp cracking sound. I looked to see that he had gripped the edge of the table so hard that it had splintered slightly.
"Oops…control, right?" he said.
I sighed again. "Yes, control. Now that you've felt the sensation, you should be able to feel it again without so much surprise. You should be able to enjoy it."
Oh my, the table-cracking was hot. We'll have to see what he can do with a bed frame.
I trailed the feather down the other side of his face, following the same lines. I brushed the feather in an up and down motion, from his jaw down to his neck. I pulled the feather away just long enough for him to wonder what happened before I brought the feather back to the other side of his face.
He shifted away slightly and took a nervous gulp before speaking. "Bella, can you hand me my blood?"
I reached over to grab the sippy cup and handed it to him, trying to keep from snickering out loud. I watched, half-amused at him gulping down animal blood and half-horrified that he seemed so dependent on the sippy cup. After staring at the muscles on his neck, rippling slightly with his movements, my reaction turned into something more inappropriate. Let's just say I never thought a vamp guzzling blood would turn me on, but the way his tongue darted out to catch the last drop of blood on his lips made me shiver.
After finishing off a generous portion of the blood, Eddie seemed calmer. I took this as an indication that it was safe to proceed. I raised the feather so that it ghosted down the side of his face again. I saw his hand tense into a fist and his mouth tighten slightly, but he managed to relax and lean in the direction of the feather. He seemed to enjoy the tickling sensation more, so I leaned in closer to his ear to see how he would react to more contact.
"Do you like me to stroke it up and down or in a circle?" I whispered in a low voice.
I pulled back abruptly as I heard a hideous metal crunch and felt wet liquid splatter all over me.
Holy fuck! That asshole just splattered blood all over me!
Edward gasped and dropped the crumpled metal cup. His chair fell over backward as he jumped quickly to his feet. "Bella-God, I'm so sorry! I wasn't expecting that." He reached up and snatched off the blindfold. The bright light caused him to blink several times, but he still had the same horrified look on his face.
I was sitting there in a daze, probably looking like I walked out of the prom scene of Carrie with blood dripping off me. My mouth was having a hard time forming words. "Towel…please, anything," I sputtered, trying to wipe some of the blood out of my face.
"Sorry…right away," he muttered as he looked around desperately for something. He grabbed a towel from somewhere and flashed back to me in an instant. I inhaled sharply as I felt him start trying to wipe the blood off my chest.
"Enough! Just please let me take care of it!" I snapped as I snatched the towel away from him and began to clean my face. After a few seconds, I was able to see clearly again. Edward was standing there looking deeply embarrassed, staring at the floor.
"I don't know why I bother. This just confirms that I'm hopeless with women," he muttered lamely.
I heaved an exasperated sigh and began to unbutton my top. The damned bloody shirt had to come off before I could deal with the sullen virgin. Once the last button was undone, I shrugged out of my sweater and tossed it in the sink.
"Edward, could you please call Jasper and have him relay an emergency clothing request to Alice?" I asked him. I was so focused on trying to remove some of the blood that had stuck to my collarbone that I didn't take into consideration the fact that a girl without a shirt was the equivalent of hard core porn for Eddie.
"Holymotherofgodbluelacegottago!" was all I could make out as I saw Edward flash out the back door faster than I could blink, the door slamming back on its hinges.
Great, that went fucking well.
I picked up the phone and hit the speed dial for Jasper.
"Sullen Eddie has flown the coop, and he's going to need a new sippy cup," I barked as soon as the other end picked up.
A/N: I'm so sorry for taking so long. Excuses, excuses, I know. After exams, I decided to start summer school early, so my time has been reduced even more. I've rewritten this chapter 5 times, and I'm still not really happy with the way it turned out. But, C'est la vie. It's here now.
My lovely cheerleaders: Thanks to NanMcCullen for giving me a boot to the ass and getting me back here. She just put up a new chapter of her lovely "No Matter What" that is beyond awesome. She also has another naughty story about Bella and Edward that is a fire cracker. Thanks for helping with the bloqueo de escribir there, chica.
Rosalee Lorraine, my slash master: I haven't deserted you! I'm excited about Night Watcher. I promise I'll be over there soon to catch-up.
All my other reviewers: Thank you so much for your patience! I'm going to be irregular about posting just because of the way I've got my summer scheduled. I'm sorry, but I've got to get through grad school. I promise I'll do a lovely recap of everyone who reviewed here next chapter! You can send Newton after me if I don't follow through.
