Author's Note: Well, it's after Halloween, and I'm still working on a Halloween story. But hey, if The Simpsons can do it, so can I, right? Happy reading! ;)-AMX


Chapter 4: Third Mission-Ed and Smithers

As Ed was enthusiastically putting his gear on, Smithers seemed a little more hesitant.

"You know…" he started, "I really don't need that hundred dollars…"

"Oh, what's wrong, Smithers?" asked Mr. Burns. "You've been holding on all this time, and now you want to back out?"

"Uh…it's not what I have to do, sir," Smithers responded. "It's who I have to do it with…"

"Hey now, be nice," said Sandy. "The instructions said that if somebody doesn't go on their mission, they have to stay in home base while everyone else goes to the final mission." She paused. "That means your boss would be going back in the factory without you again…"

Smithers visibly stiffened when he heard this.

"That's true, Smithers," said Mr. Burns. "Still want to sit this one out?"

"Uh…of course not!" said Smithers, immediately going to put the gear on. "What do we have to do?"

"Well, let's see here," said Sandy. She clicked on the "Third Mission" folder.

"Welcome to your third mission in your exploration of the Hawthorne Mill. This mission is for Ed and Smithers.

"As the legend goes, after Hawthorne accidently killed his wife, Lucy, he dumped her body into the nearby river. After her disappearance, people began reporting sightings of "Wooden Lucy" around the area where her body was allegedly dumped."

"Makes sense," said Ed.

"Radda," said Shnitzel.

The only one not paying attention was Eustace, who was sound asleep in the recliner again.

"Ed and Smithers' job is to go to the area where Wooden Lucy's body was dumped and attempt to find any sign of her ghost in the premises with the EMF meter."

"Now that's a surprise," said Smithers.

"Oh come now, Smithers," said Mr. Burns. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

By this time, an anxious Ed was already heading out the door.

"It's waiting for me back at the car, sir," Smithers sighed, following Ed out the door.

After Smithers and Ed were gone, Mr. Burns sighed.

"Such a good assistant," he said. "But he's just so clingy sometimes…like a love-struck schoolgirl."

"Really?" asked Sandy, looking over the instructions on the computer. "I can't imagine why."

Shnitzel rolled his eyes.

And Eustace let out a snore.

---

"Ooh, which way do we go?" asked Ed. "Which way do we go?!"

"Calm down, will you?" asked Smithers, who was looking for the walkie-talkie. "Sheesh, you're worse than some of the workers back at the plant…" He finally found what he was looking for, and turned it on. "Okay, we're outside home base. Where do we go now?"

"Well, according to the map, you're supposed to head straight down, near the river. The place you're looking for is near a dock and a small clearing."

"Roger," said Smithers. "We'll radio in again when we get to the river."

Ed looked at Smithers. "Who's Roger?"

The assistant just sighed.

---

It took a couple minutes, but Smithers and Ed finally got to the right place. It was a small clearing near the river, with a small dock that led out to the water. Smithers remembered the clearing as the place where he and Mr. Burns were rowed onto the island (everyone's transportation was parked on the other side of the river).

"COOL!" said Ed, beginning to run around the clearing.

"Okay, we're at the river," said Smithers. "Now what?"

Sandy read over the instructions. "Well…do you see a small fire pit in the area?"

Smithers looked around; near the middle of the clearing were a small bundle of sticks, obviously to prepare a fire.

"Yeah, there's one here," he responded into the walkie-talkie.

"Okay, according to a good majority of Wooden Lucy sightings, the ghost often showed up when people camping on the island lit their fires near the area of the dock. They also claim that the river would unexpectedly become very violent and choppy. You guys need to start a fire and see if Wooden Lucy's ghost gives any kind of response."

"Got it," said Smithers. He crouched down and began to rub two of the twigs together. When he didn't get an immediate flame, he turned his attention back to Ed. "Hey, kid!" said Smithers; Ed stopped in his tracks. "Do you think you can blow on this for me?"

"Gotcha, Four-Eyes!" said Ed. He ran over to the fire pit and sat down in front of it.

"What'd you call me?" asked Smithers. But Ed was no longer paying attention; he was busy blowing on the wood, which was beginning to smoke.

Finally, between the abilities of the two team members, a small fire started.

"Okay, we got fire!" Smithers said into the walkie-talkie. "Now what?"

"Take out the EMF meter," said Sandy. "If Wooden Lucy responds, it will show up."

Smithers took the EMF meter out of his bag and turned it on. He pointed it at the fire for a minute, and then pointed it toward the river. There was no jump on the meter's needle.

"You getting anything on your end?" asked Sandy. On her side, she, Mr. Burns, and Shnitzel had their eyes glued to the computer screen.

"No," said Smithers. "Frankly, I'm not surprised…" he added under his breath.

"Maybe we just need to make her more welcome," Ed suggested.

"How?" asked Smithers.

"By thinking there's a fellow spirit here!" Ed exclaimed. He then began to wave his hands around. "I am the cotton swab! Release the wax, ear person!"

Smithers gave Ed a weird look. "Uh…yeah," he said. "Call me crazy, but I don't think that's going to…"

FWOOSH!

"OH, GOD!"

Mr. Burns jumped at the panicked sound of Smithers' voice. He grabbed the walkie-talkie.

"Smithers!" he shouted into the walkie-talkie. "What's going on over there? Damnation, answer me, man!"

"I…I can't explain it, sir!" Smithers' worried voice finally answered. "But…the flames just shot up to six feet!"

"These EMF readings are all over the place!" Sandy exclaimed.

"Radda radda…" said Shnitzel.

On the other side, Ed was staring at the oversized fire in awe. Then, without warning, water splashed onto his back (thankfully, at some point, he had taken his backpack off). He turned around and saw that the river had suddenly begun to kick up thrashing waves, despite the fact that he couldn't feel any wind.

"It is Wooden Lucy!" Ed exclaimed, throwing his arms up again. "Evil Tim has beckoned her!"

"Okay, you're not helping!" said Smithers, who was trying to control the fire. "Make yourself useful and help me douse this thing before it spreads!"

Ed looked blank for a second, then his face lit up. "Gotcha, Four-Eyes!" he said. He ran over to the raging river and peeled off his jacket. He dipped it in the water, ran back to Smithers and the fire, and wrung it out over the wood.

The fire immediately died down, and Smithers extinguished the rest with dirt.

The assistant breathed a sigh of relief. "Well…" he said, "…that was enough excitement for one night, don't you think?"

"I think we got enough evidence on this end," said Sandy. "You guys can come on back!"

"Thank you," said Smithers, getting his gear back together and heading straight back to home base.

Ed, who had put both his jacket and his backpack on, did not share Smithers' feelings.

"Aww…" he said as he trudged back to home base.