AN: Merci beaucoup to Project Team Beta and my betas solareclipses and ShowtunesJesus for whipping my writing into shape. Y'all are super-fab. Any errors are all mine. SMeyers' original ideas and characters, SManson & Co's lyrics. No copyright infringement intended. My words though, yo! No copying, cake sniffers.

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Chapter Three: #1 Crush

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I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
to know that you're mine
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Edward,

The letters I sent to you and Alice were returned today. The post office said there was no forwarding address. Something as simple as a stamp on a returned letter was like another knife through my chest. God knows I have so many wounds already; what's a few more, really? Frankly, I'm surprised that my heart can still beat at all at this point. I know you said it would be like you never existed, but I didn't think you'd carry it out so thoroughly.

It's been four weeks since you left, and even though we spent months together, I'm starting to forget things. Small details, like the exact shade of your eyes after you'd gone hunting or how pleased with yourself you looked leaping into my window, are beginning to elude me. I'm clinging onto them as tightly as I can, but I'm not the one with a photographic memory. I'm afraid that one day I won't even remember how your cool lips felt against mine.

I long for you every minute of every hour of every day. It remains all that I think about, all that I have room to think about. If I start another train of thought, I fear that you'll be lost to me forever. You've already left me once; if my memories of you leave me too, I won't have anything else to live for. You said that I was your life, and the reverse is also true for me. Even though you're not here anymore, you are still my existence. If my last fragile link to you disappears, there will be nothing left of me.

Edward, you know that I am willing to give everything to you. You just never gave me the chance to do so. I still want to. I still dream of being wrapped in your strong arms, feeling safe and loved. That can still happen for us. You are my everything; please let me be yours. If you cared for me at all, you'd come back to me. What you said in the clearing crushed me. I'm holding out hope, no matter how desperate, that you didn't mean it, that you couldn't be that good of an actor, but I'm losing faith. Maybe I'm just seeing things how I wish they were instead of how they really are. Make me remember correctly. Love me.

Please, please, please come back to me. I told myself that I could wait forever for you, but it's too hard. I can't live like this for much longer. Every time the wind moves my bedroom curtain, or I see a flash of bronze out of the corner of my eye or a waft of sweet air lingers, I whip my head around thinking it's you. It never is. Unless I get a message or sign from you soon, I won't keep myself safe. We once talked about how my number was up many times over. When we were together, I was being careful, not wanting any injury because I knew that it would cause you more pain than me. Being careful didn't prevent what happened though; maybe I really am doomed. Perhaps when I'm dead and gone, you'll understand how I truly feel about you. Is that what it will take? I know you think that my human emotions are weak and ever changing, what can I do to show you that you're wrong? I'll love you for as long as my heart beats; I would have loved you for even longer, if you had let me.

Some days I feel like I am Juliet, asleep on her simulated deathbed, waiting for her Romeo to arrive and take her somewhere where they can be together forever. Other days, I'm Ophelia, wandering the river, tearing at her clothes, mad over her loss. I'm not certain which heroine is a better fit. Both roles feel like a second skin. It doesn't escape my attention that neither had happy endings. Goddamnit. Why can't I be Rosalind instead?

I've decided that I'm not going to keep my promise to you anymore. If you can leave me so easily, I see no point in being beholden to a vow made to you with love. You have broken me as well as all of your pledges, and unless you come back, I don't want to hold myself together anymore. It is entirely too much, too hard, too agonizing. You've shattered me into a million pieces, and I don't care to put myself back together without you. You only have yourself to blame.

Anything and everything I am, or ever will be, is yours. Return to me and claim it. I know that I don't have as much to give as you do, and that I'm damaged now, but I'm all yours, Edward. I always have been, and I always will be. I can never be anyone else's. We are meant to be; nothing, not even your death or mine can change that. Come back to me, my love. Come back before it is too late, so that we can live.

Bella

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AN: Thank you for reading.