AN: sorry i didn't get updates last week. :P my knee is giving me all sorts of hell and for those wondering about "painted red" I am working on a second chapter but it won't get as much attention as this one :D


Chapter 4

Selcouth dreams.

Her breathing remained labored for quite some time. What just happened? Nothing like that had ever hit her before–so suddenly she was dropped into a whirlpool of pictures and sounds. All of the faces she saw.. They held a distant familiarity, that boy– he couldn't be anybody besides Ren, his eyes were too much the same and the odd angle of his features couldn't be mimicked so easily onto another face all the while making him. Well him.

The name she had called him– Ben, she found herself liking It way more than "Kylo Ren". Ben felt right, rolling off of her tongue easily as saying her own name. The thought stopped Rey in her tracks. What was Her name?

Re–no, Ben, had called her "Saecil".What in the hell was she to make of that? The girl in her vision was obviously herself, there was no denying that but, the name "saecil" didn't sit right with her.

She liked it much better when he called her Rey, to be honest.

Ben. She cut through all of the foggy thoughts that kept rey from focusing on reality. More guttural screams were ripping through the trees. It hurt. She could feel the pain he was experiencing. Maybe not all of it–but what she could feel was excruciating, like someone was running dry, withered fingers through her brain. Soon some of her own screams filtered in to make a chaotic harmony.

In their shared agony–another ache was present, but she couldn't quite place it. It wasn't corporeal, no. The sunlight overhead was dimming as night approached. The pain she felt was more emotional, a distant habit that has found its way back to the surface. One that had refused to die but instead lay dormant, waiting to be triggered so that it may return. That vision , dream Or whatever the hell it was let loose a floodgate in her mind.

There had been a time before Kylo Ren.

A time in which he so solemnly protected her. A time where she would have done the same. A time where the light in the both of them shone so bright it was blinding.

There was history between her and him.


"History often repeats itself" The ancient idiom outed from the droid as a low whir underlay with soft beeps. BB-8 was thinking of a time before its existence. It was thinking of a gilded protocol droid and an R2 model plodding through the sand as BB was doing now.

BB-8 is rolling its round body through the sand, out of the corner of its sensor it sees the giant at-at that held promise of Poe's location, excited chirps ring out of its speakers and it picks up the pace, screeching to a halt when it hits the boot of a dark skinned man, around Poes age.

" What are you?" The mans smooth voice questions, examining bb-8 with a critical look.

"I am a multi-purpose Astromech droid, model BB-8," It said, presenting itself formally by its factory name. The man didn't seem to understand.

"What'cha got there, Finn," Said the unmistakable voice of bb's life long friend.

BB-8 whirred past the dark man straight into Poe's shin, chiding him on leaving it all alone.

"It's hot out here you know! I almost overheated!" It said mock-nagging him. In all reality, this was the happiest the droid has been since they got on jakku.

Poe smiled for a moment at the droid before his face went seriously "You still have the map, right? " He said, severity hanging heavy in his dark eyes. Bb-8 chirped in a shrill confirmation.

This lessened acerbity's grip around his features. BB-8 watched as he looked at the man Poe had called "Finn" With a great smile stretched across his face. This bb-8 had found queer, Poe usually saved smiles like that for the women of the resistance base when he had returned from a mission or had made a successful flight run. Nonetheless , bb-8 shrugged it off the best a droid could and ignored the strange behavior.

"We found a ship earlier this morning BB-8 and you'll never guess what it is!" He said, child-like wonder filling his eyes.

"What –" It didn't get the chance to finish

"The millennium falcon bb-8!" He said , voice raising a couple octaves as he fanboyed over the famed ship.

"Mrs. Organa will surely be glad to hear this" BB said , thinking of the kind woman that repaired Bb at times. Han hasn't been around the base lately and it has taken a toll on her stress.


Finn watched in admiration as Poe told them of their discover of the mil falcon. The way his friend got so excited made him laugh. Poe Dameron truly was a child at heart.

The droid as it turned out, was Poes famed bb-8 unit. The one with the map to Luke-kriffing-skywalker.

The rest of the day went on with them catching up, Poe telling it of his time on the finalizer and the droid telling poe about it's miserable trip through the sand.

Finn had never felt like this before. Included; he meant. His garrison never had the chance to recall battles of old because truth be told , they had never been in one. The siege on niima was the first bit of action all of them had ever tasted, aside from all the combat simulations and rigorous training they had been put through.

After a little while, they had decided to set course for the illenium system in the morning.

The tiny droid stayed underneath the leg of the at-at and set itself to low power mode while he and Poe made their way to the guts of the machine. Settling down in the place he had slept the night before– he wondered how tomorrow would go. Soon his thoughts clouded with sleep, fogging even more when poe settle beside him once again and this time he could have sworn– the pilot had laid his lips on his shoulder as he slept on purpose.


Kylo sat there for a while after snoke had left. Hours passed and the pain was just now beginning to ebb away. He must've lost control on the bond because he could feel that Rey was in immense pain. That was only the first thing that bothered him.

The names swimming around in her mind were like blows to the body. One he didn't recognize but hurt him all the same for some reason and one the left him breathless as he knew it all too well.

"Ben….Saecil….Ben…..My Ben…" The thoughts were like static on a holo-screen. He could only pick out some words as she wasn't intentionally broadcasting through the bond. Rey was near unconsciousness that much he could tell. One look at the violet sky above and he could tell night was drawing way too near for him to be comfortable with her out there alone.

Pulling himself off the ground where he lay he spots a trail of broken foliage and sets himself on Rey's trail. Looking around, the use of her signature was almost unnecessary. Broken limbs and trodden leaves were scattered in a haphazard trail that leads straight into the heart of dromund.

What did she mean by "My Ben,"He wondered– his pain was almost non-existent now and he couldn't help but wonder what the small girl meant. On a different occasion, he would have felt a sense of egotistic pride on being called hers..but– she used that name. How could she call the dead boy hers? She didn't even know him. Ren found himself jealous.

A sudden quiet in his mind told him that she had either passed out or had fallen asleep, He hoped for the the latter– It made him uncomfortable to think he had caused her so much pain by losing control that it drove her body to unconsciousness. There were so many unfamiliar emotions this girl brought to him: guilt, awkwardness, and shame were some to name a few.

And always was that ever present tug to the light so active in her presence.

After a few more moments of walking and confusion, he was met by Rey's sleeping form beside a moss ridden log. Her ankle was bent at an odd angle, this made him wince. He would have to heal her, after a moment of deliberation and reluctance her picked her up, the awkward heat once again rising to his face as her head lolled against his chest followed by a scowl on his face, he hurt the girl so much today because he couldn't keep control of his kriffing side of the bond. Why the hell was he so incompetent around her?!


Dreams…. They dance around in her head so sadly in her sleep tonight. But alas! Tonight there is a new dream visiting her! She has to work hard not to awake herself out of this new exciting curiosity. Long gone was the pain caused by Ben's agony, it all collapsed unto itself when she fell asleep.

In her dream, she was in a temple.

*You'll never be chosen as a padawan you know that right, Saecil? A Twi lek boy around her age taunted her–a sly, cutting grin on his face. He knows how much this bothers Rey–Saecil, but he continues anyway. "What with you being too WEAK and all" He continues, chortling –clearly enjoying his little game.

Putting fists over her ears she tries to ignore him. This upsets the boy and he rushes over to her and pushes her down a cruel snarl on his lips as he grabs her by the neck of her robes. "You. You need to toughen up or you'll never be a Jedi. You're and embarrassment to our clan." He spits, motioning over some other from the group they belonged to. "Whad'ya say, guys, Saecil needs some time alone tonight to train doesn't she?" They all nod. "Well then, If anybody catches eye of you in the clan bunk tonight, well…." To show his point he throws her to the ground.*


After Ren returns to the ship he quickly sets Rey down on the bed she had denied last night. He cant leave her alone, not right now anyways. With a few grunts he decides to lay down beside her for the time being.

He thinks about the days events, It seemed like they should feel eons long but in all reality, they have zoomed past so quickly. He thinks about " My Ben" a lot, what it means. How she could have gotten that name.

All these thoughts were making him uncharacteristically tired. Rey, who he had stopped bothering to move was uncomfortably close to his chest and an arm she had sprawled out landed so that her fingertips graze his neck. Normally he would send someone flying off of for touching him– but he couldn't muster the anger to do it to her. Lids growing heavy, he pulled her into his side and drooped off into a deep sleep.

Its a nightmare, he knows it is. Those are the only dreams he has about the Jedi academy. He is in the dead boys body, watching through his eyes as a small girl is thrown to the floor. He nearly chokes when he realizes who it is. Rey, there is no mistaking it, but how? How could she be Saecil? How could he not have noticed, no one else in the kriffing GALAXY wears their hair like doesn't like this– no. He wants to wake up–he remembers what happens after this.

His dream remembers too because he cannot move a muscle as rey is kicked and punched by the assaulting twi'lek. Tiny screams scratching her throat as she squirms and ducks in the attempt to dodge.

As soon as he can move he runs. He runs straight towards the Twi lek boy and shoves him out of the way, glaring at him with so much disgust.

This won't happen again.