"Jane, go change your shirt. Now. I don't want to look at that all day." I demand as he follows me into my office knowing I really don't want him here.
Not with that bloody hole in his shirt. He has another one around here somewhere and it's in his best interest to find it soon. Resisting the urge to sweep the files from my desk in angry frustration, I plop down in my chair instead. Jane is driving me to distraction today.
"Lisbon, it's just a graze." One that doesn't even seem to hurt that much from the way Jane's acting.
If I remember correctly, Jane was more concerned with getting blood on his vest than how badly he was hurt. Me, I felt differently and I still do. It was all I could do not to fuss inappropriately and show more than a colleague's interest in his injuries which won't do at all. Jane scared the hell out of me. It's not that he's never pulled stunts like this before; but, it's worse this time. We're, honestly I'm not sure what we are; but we're more and I'm finding it hard to forgive Jane at the moment because of this.
"Yeah, a graze leaving powder burns and stitches. You're probably still in shock." I watch Jane shake his head in the negative and want to smack him stupider than he's already being.
Granted, it is only half a dozen stitches; but, a bullet across the bicep is too close for comfort in my opinion. It's close enough I nearly squealed like a girl as it was happening and that is something SAC don't do. Ever. We do not squeal…even if we are girls.
"You're not?" I fix him with a glare. "Fine, then maybe I am. The doctor told you to rest. I suggest you change your shirt and do just that. I'll send Cho to check on you every few minutes to make sure you're still breathing. If you're not, I'm sure he can give you CPR." Not that I think he will. I'm not sure I will for that matter.
Cho's pretty miffed with Jane right now, too. So are Rigsby and Van Pelt. I click my tongue in disgust. Just when my team is starting to fully accept him back into the fold he pulls a stunt like this. I want to kick him in the knee caps. I've worked so hard the last few weeks to convince my guys he's worth a second chance. Actually, probably the thousand and second chance; but, who's counting?
I suddenly realize my voice is more than a few decibels louder than I mean it to be. LaRoche and Minelli can probably hear me in their offices which both happen to be too close for personal comfort. Not to mention the bull pen and anyone else hanging out to hear what they aren't supposed to hear. Jane and I have been water cooler fodder since long before Lorelei.
I have to admit her presence is livening up the chatter a bit. All the hot monkey sex we've been having for nearly a decade is getting rather monotonous. I wish I could recall even one sweaty encounter. That might make putting up with all the years of aggravation worth the trouble. At the moment I'm definitely not feeling the love as I'm sure Jane isn't.
"Lisbon, I'm perfectly fine." Jane tries again.
I am so not forgiving him anytime soon so he's wasting his breath. I have work to do. My team has work to do and that doesn't include him. Jane needs to go take a pain pill and leave me alone all ready. We'll both be a whole lot happier when he does.
"Well, as I've said, I'm not and I'd like you to leave. I have work to do and you're not invited." I say as I lift my stapler threateningly as though testing the heft.
"Lisbon, really, striking an injured man when he's down is beneath you." Jane reads my intent clearly though it's been quite a while since any missiles have flown through the air in his direction.
"Jane, if you don't get out of here, I'm going to do more than smack you with a stapler. I might shoot you myself and I won't miss." I threaten.
"Be that way." I can tell by his tone that Jane isn't pleased with my reaction.
He's planned to charm his way back into my good graces with that silver tongue as he usually does. That's not going to happen this time as Jane has crossed that invisible line too far for pretty meaningless words to wipe it away. I'm going to be p.o.'d for a while.
I can tell Jane is hurt by my refusal to make light of what's happened; but, I'm not playing his game in this instance. It hasn't been that long, just a couple of hours, since he came much too close to getting himself killed being ridiculously reckless and I'm still shaken if he isn't.
Jane should never have pushed Anders as far as he did and we both know it. It wasn't necessary. We'd have gotten him without it. Nothing would do Jane but performing one more trick to show the local yokels how superior he is and it almost got him a pine box for his trouble. Anders got it instead. Thank God Cho's a crack shot or he would have.
"Jane, just go." I firmly say as I walk past him to my door to summon the rest of my team.
"Fine. I'll be in the attic if you need me." He hesitates a moment before turning on his heel.
I resist the urge to laugh as Jane storms off, royally put out by my actions, in the general direction of the attic to pout as I disappear into my office with the rest of the team.
#
Looking out that dingy little window in my office at the dark night, I hear my door open and close softly behind me. I turn as I already know who it is. Only one person has the audacity to saunter into my locked office uninvited late on a Tuesday night. Even Red John wouldn't be that daring. Not after the day I've had. I'd shoot first and ask questions later. On second thought, maybe it should happen that way. It would save me, and my team, a whole lot of trouble and I know Jane really wouldn't mind that much.
I'm also not all that surprised to feel arms encircle my waist or a cheek nuzzling mine. In the three weeks since that fateful talk, we've gotten close again. I'd say as close as we were before if not closer. There's a certain truth in what doesn't kill us making us stronger. I like to think if Lorelei can't do us in, nothing will.
"Hey, Jane, I thought you'd be home by now." I rest my hands over his smiling as his fingers lace through mine. As off the cuff as the man can be, he is predictable in the meaningful little things.
"No, you didn't. You were hiding out in here waiting for me to leave." If I don't know better, I'd think he just kissed my hair.
He's been doing weird stuff like that a lot lately when no one's looking and he thinks I won't notice. As touchy feely as we've gotten the last couple of years with the hand holding, I find hair smooching over the top though Jane obviously doesn't. I won't allow myself to wonder if this is something he once did with Angela. A part of me likes to think it is. I'm not in competition with his ex-wife or her memories, so I find nothing wrong with sharing gestures of affection with the love of his life. I'm rather flattered to be held in such high regard if it's true.
I know as well that he doesn't kiss Lorelei's hair. Kiss her lips, yeah, I've seen him do that once or twice when she asked and wanted to puke. I suspect Jane did, too, though I don't really know. We won't go there. Those two play so many twisted mind games that I've learned to ignore them. It's hard sometimes; but, a girl has to do what a girl has to do. My sanity is important to me and those two are enough to drive anyone insane. Some days I feel like shaking Lorelei and telling her, "Just break already. Nobody wins against Jane." Why waste the effort telling her something she already knows; but, refuses to believe?
The thought crosses my mind perhaps Jane is acting this way because of that argument we had a few hours ago. The one the whole CBI probably knows about by now. The ones who didn't actually hear it had to have heard the whispers hours ago. I'm still not sure I completely forgive Jane for his actions.
"Maybe I was. It's been a tough day, Jane, really tough. We lost a kid and we're no closer to solving the case now than we were this morning. Added to that, you almost got killed." Yeah, from the churning in my gut, I'm still pretty mad about that.
"But I didn't." Eyes roll at the statement I've heard ten thousand times over the years.
"No, you didn't." I agree like that's saying something.
"And we'll work on the case tomorrow as we always do. We'll solve it, too. When have I ever let you down?" Lots of times; but, again, we won't go there.
"Not that often." That's reasonably true when it comes to cases.
"And I won't." Jane's tone says he already has a mark in mind.
Whether said mark is our killer or just the means to getting to the killer I don't have a clue and lover boy here isn't going to tell me. As always, I'll know for sure about the time he has the culprit tagged, bagged, and ready to go. Or maybe I'll get lucky enough to be in on the hunt and capture. Those are the fun cases. The ones when I get to play sidekick to the psycho psychic instead of team leader. We won't discuss what certain parts of my anatomy are doing until the case is over when that happens. I learned a long time ago to simply go with the flow and pray I still have a job when it's over. It's been so far so good though we've all had a number of close shaves over the years.
"I don't think you will." I honestly don't.
"Come home with me, Lisbon." I do a mental double take not sure I heard what I think.
"What did you say?" My voice is filled with the surprise I'm feeling.
"You heard me, Lisbon." Maybe, I'm not sure. "We've waited long enough." I hear that.
"Say it again." I've never heard quite that tone come out of my mouth.
"Come home with me, Lisbon." Jane doesn't pretend not to know what I mean.
"Yes, Jane, I think I will." It's not like I haven't given the idea a lot of thought over the years either.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?" His tone is inoffensively mocking as only Jane can be.
"Yeah, Jane, it was, and I have a feeling it'll get harder before it gets easier. I might even regret my stupidity before we're done." I throw out there for consideration.
"I think you might be right about the first part, Lisbon; but, not the last. As for the rest of it, our being together is hardly stupid. Perhaps the timing is a little premature; but, I'm tired of waiting." Only Jane could think a decade premature.
Or maybe he's referring to Red John. I'm not going there because who knows how that's going to play out in the end. We might catch him or we might not. He might hang over our heads forever. We'll know the answer when we do. In the interim, I'm done with letting a nut job serial killer have the power where our personal lives are concerned.
"I'm tired of waiting, too." Deliberately ignoring the middle part as there is no way intimately tangling with Jane isn't stupid in every possible way, I'm doing this anyway.
"Then what do you say we blow this joint?" I haven't had a more attractive offer all day.
"Sounds like a plan." I turn in Jane's arms giving him a peck before slipping away to grab my jacket and purse.
I'm not giving him an opportunity to turn this into anything more. No way. Jane's been eyeing my couch a little too familiarly lately and we are so not doing that in my office or anywhere else at the CBI. He could probably convince me, too; if he got that chance he's not getting. So, nope, it's not going to happen even if Jane's perverse enough to consider it as I know he is.
Some kinky puppy part of him would probably get off on the idea of having sex right under LaRoche's nose without getting caught. Uncomfortably sticky leather aside, I am so not going there. I don't even want to think about Minelli. It's going to feel too much like getting caught in flagrante delicto by my Dad anyway when this situation finally breaks. I can hear the lecture now. Virgil is not going to be pleased; but, I think he'll get over it. He really likes Jane, and when everything's said and done, I don't think he'll have a problem with Lisbon and Jane on a personal level. He might think I've lost my mind; but, I'm sure he's been expecting this for a number of years now. He's always seen the sparks between us.
I don't say anything as I walk out the door with Jane behind me. As much as I'd like to hold his hand, we can't. Neither of us knows who's hanging out working late. There are a lot of high profile cases going on at the moment. The brass is everywhere not to mention the gossip mongers. I settle for letting him take my briefcase instead which isn't rare. Jane walking me to my car is a pretty common occurrence as well. He's even been known to carry my purse on occasion when my hands are filled with other things.
I will, however, be exiting in my usual direction and circling back a few streets over. We live in opposing directions and it won't take much to start the gossip mill running at warp speed. My following Jane in the direction of his home will be just enough if the wrong person sees us. They'll jump to the worse possible conclusion before they consider serendipity. Or that our interactions are perfectly innocent. In this instance they'll be exactly right and that won't do at all.
I smirk at Jane as I slide into my seat. He has no idea what he's in for. He got his tender reintroduction to his sexuality with Lorelei. Somehow, I think he's up to handling a few years of pent of lust from my department now. The rapacious smile on his face says I might not be able to say the same. I wonder briefly what I've gotten myself into before dismissing the annoying thought. Giving Jane a quick kiss on the lips I hastily shut my door in his face. Not at all affected by my rudeness, the laughter drifting over Jane's shoulder is more than a little unsettling.
#
Arriving at Jane's place nearly an hour ago, we're acting more like two awkward teens than two seasoned adults. On the one hand I don't know what I expect; but, it isn't this. One the other, I find a certain charm in our clumsiness. I think Jane does, too. We know each other fairly well except in the carnal sense we've secretly anticipated for much too long. Perhaps that's the rub. We're on the threshold of fulfilling the fantasy and neither of us wants to take that first step into the unknown. I don't believe either of us fears the future or destroying what we already have. We exorcised those fears a while ago. I'd say it's that we want too much. Not the physicality so much as the intimacy and all that entails and we're both overwhelmed.
Looking at the untouched wine in my hand, I set it aside in disgust. We've talked, eaten, and talked some more. While the time spent together is pleasant enough in itself, that isn't what either of us came here for. Abandoning my glass, I head for the patio knowing Jane will follow. Maybe a change of environment will move things along. Though fully capable of initiating intimacy, this is Jane's seduction and I'm going to let him do it.
Leaning against the banister, I watch some nocturnal ball of fur I can't readily identify in the moonless night amble across the yard as I listen to Jane shifting behind me. I'm not all that surprised to feel his arms slide around my waist pulling me back in a silent hug holding a world of promise. Hands at my shoulders, it's surreal feeling my jacket sliding off my arms and knowing it's Jane undressing me.
His 'Come home with me, Lisbon' plays over and over in my head. I can't claim ignorance of what he was asking or of what I was agreeing to when I said, 'yes' not so long ago. I'd be lying through my teeth. How we managed to make it through the CBI building without doing anything betraying what we're about is beyond me. That we've done nothing since is equally beyond me.
"Lisbon." As crazy as it sounds, I think I'll laugh like a lunatic if he calls me 'Teresa' at any point tonight. He's no 'Patrick' either. It's Lisbon and Jane as it's always been and I suspect it will always be.
"Yeah, Jane?" I ask.
"I'm glad you came." I hear him drape my jacket over a chair.
"You knew I would." He had to know.
"No, I didn't. Not given everything that's passed between us." I'm genuinely surprised by the honesty in his voice.
"Well, I did, and you should have known I would because of everything that's passed between us." Surely he can't think differently. Then again, he's Jane so maybe he can.
"Yeah, you did, and I should have." That sounds more like the cocky Jane I know.
"Jane, shush. You knew I would come or you wouldn't have asked." I call him on his foolishness.
"I hoped you would, Lisbon. I hoped you would." Jane corrects me.
Turning in his arms to face him, I resist the urge to make like a squirrel on a telephone pole at the look in his eyes. Climbing Jane will only end with both of us sprawled on the hard stone patio with nasty scrapes and burns. Somehow, that doesn't sound particularly appealing. Not when there are more pleasant ways we can do it.
Reaching out to unbutton Jane's vest, my movements are calm and methodical. As much as my hormones wish differently, this is a moment to anticipate. It's taken us nearly a decade and more scars than I want to recount to get here. Sweeping that vest away, I notice my hands are shaking as I unbutton Jane's shirt seeking the skin and muscle beneath. Running my palms sensuously across his chest, I'm not all that surprised he returns the favor. Strangely enough, I'm not all that concerned either that we're standing on Jane's patio in an unacceptable state of undress. It's late enough and dark enough no one is going to see us. I'll worry about the consequences later if they do.
At the moment, all I really care about is that look in Jane's eyes as his lips descend to mine.
#
Feeling Jane snuggling closer and snuffling against my shoulder in his sleep, I smile recalling the wicked things we've done. With hindsight, I decide maybe I need to view the whole Lorelei debacle differently. Maybe I should send her a thank you note instead of wanting to punch her in the face. Yeah, I mean what I say. I'm not a hair pulling girly girl kind of woman. I grew up with three brothers. It doesn't matter they were younger than me. I learned how to throw a righteous punch when I had to. I still can. Whatever my nemesis did that night freed Jane to be with me. To give his all, heart and soul, and Jane's got a lot of heart and soul. Boy, does he ever. I've got the aches and pains to prove it and I'm not complaining. Not one bit.
Absently rubbing circles on the arm so tightly gripping me, I admit I love this man. We aren't Rigsby and Van Pelt. We're not so faint of heart. I'll admit I'd expected more of them; but, that's water under the bridge. We're different, Jane and I. We'll fight for what's between us and we'll weather the storm when the crap hits the fan. We'll weather a certain demon spawned serial killer, too. We'll weather the darkness and the memories as we always have. I know we will. We've no other choice now that forbidden step's been taken. A step neither of us regrets I'm sure.
"Lisbon, you're thinking entirely too much." I hear a sleepy voice beneath my cheek.
"I didn't mean to wake you." My hand rises unconsciously to smooth his hair.
I wonder why it took me years to get around to running my fingers through the curls I love so well. No, I don't. I didn't want to open that illicit door and accept the repercussions accompanying such intimacies.
"You didn't. This is my normal time." Glancing at the clock, it's early…far earlier than either of us needs to be awake to get to work on time. If Jane awakens this early every morning, he still doesn't get much sleep.
"Close your eyes, Jane. You can still catch another hour or two. I'm sure you'll need it before the day is done and I want you in top form. We've got a killer to catch." I remind him as I absently run my hand over his back.
"Lisbon, we promised to leave work at the office. You're already breaking the rules." Jane is exactly right and I don't care.
"Do you really expect that rule to last?" I ask.
"What do you think? My partner's a cop." He flashes that familiar cheeky grin.
"Is that what I am, Jane? Your partner?" That word has so many connotations I don't know what he means.
"What do you think? I could have said lover; but, that's so trite. People change lovers like underwear with about as much thought. We aren't that way at all. A partner is so much more, and we're definitely more, Lisbon, don't you think?" Jane conveys so much without saying a thing. I refuse to allow myself to read too closely between the lines. Our relationship will become more absolute as we go along. The lines and nuances more clearly defined like the boldest strokes of a painting.
"Yeah, Jane, I'd say we're more." His eyes are mesmerizing.
It's funny how I've never noticed that before. Then again, I've made a point of not staring into Jane's eyes too closely over the years for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I don't want him reading what's in mine.
"So would I." He quirks a brow at me as though asking if I really doubt it.
"No, Jane, I don't doubt it all." I answer the unspoken question between us proving how well I know my man.
"Good, then I can think of much better things to do than sleep, Lisbon." That crooked smile is devastating.
"So can I." My grin is equally salacious as I roll over on top of him succumbing to the lure of Jane. Or perhaps Jane succumbs to the lure of Lisbon. Who really cares? It's the wicked slipping and sliding of skin on skin we do so well that really matters.
Giggling against his neck, my last coherent thought is I'm having a psychic moment and I'm predicting, since my money's on Jane, everything's going to be okay.
Finis
