Chapter 4: Distaste and Distress
Many nights I spent in silence, but none more so than my time in solitary. Ninety nights, I counted. Free from major restraints, yes, but there wasn't a window or a vent that led to the sights and sounds of the world outside. Three months I spent inside the hole, and I prayed at the end of each one that I would see the starry skies once more. I could feel my sanity slip through my fingers with each passing second. It hadn't taken long for voices to appear, keeping me company in solitude.
They hadn't thrown me in the hole simply to punish me for the outburst. They wanted to break me with silence and separation! What was left to break? A hero beaten at his own game? They would never have the information they wanted—it simply didn't exist. And yet they were fighting tooth and nail to get it. That I would never understand.
I scanned the plush white walls around me, watching the cameras that must've thought I was insane. I wondered just how much longer I would survive in isolation; though I may return alive, how much of Ben would still exist? I knew I had to survive… If the doctors did their jobs, Rika needed me to remain living, if only for her sake. But how long could she survive? How had she ended up in the infirmary to begin with? No typical prisoner would simply land under doctor's care, and she wasn't the type to pick a brutal fight. If only to see her once more, I knew I had to remain sane.
"Tick, tock, tick, tock…," Rika giggled, swinging a plumber's badge before my eyes.
I pushed it aside, shaking my head. "I'm not falling asleep, Rika."
"You are… hypnotized, no?" she questioned, grasping the badge.
I laughed at her attempt—whether it was simply to be humorous, or trying to sympathize with Earth culture, the thought was well received. "If anything in this room was going to hypnotize me, it'd be you. But, that's Hollywood… It doesn't really work like that. Sorry…" I turned from her, facing the wall.
"What are the thoughts today, Alien Boy?"
I rolled my shoulders, swallowing away the dry ache in my throat. "There's… a lot going on."
She shuffled behind me, drawing closer. "It seems like a lot of the nothing to me."
I sighed, shaking my head. "I meant internally." I pressed a finger to my skull. "I-In here."
Rika gripped my shoulders, leaning down to face me. "W-what? A-are you ill? Pain, right?"
"I mean… Rika, you… don't want to spend the rest of your life in here, do you?" I questioned, watching as she lay on the floor beside me.
"You have told me many times you wish not to make escape…"
I nodded, moving closer beside her. "I've been thinking… a lot… It's not worth staying here. It's just easier said than done, trying to leave… It would be a lot easier if I could just prove to them that I'm innocent, but that's not gonna happen. We know how that's going to end."
"The innocence… You can prove, yes? Your… Ebi… The family can come. They can explain."
"Realistically, I would need to be back on Earth… Gwen… Kevin… They could vouch for me, but their word would never really stand up against the council. Kevin's a complete joke. He's got a record from here to Andromeda. And Gwen? She's… no one, really… She would be as worthless to them as my own word.
"We travelled over a thousand light-years to get here. I highly doubt an intergalactic government ship would just… fly them out here to help see my case. That's just… out of the question." My hands knotted in my lap as I ran through all of the possibilities. "Well, if we could just get ahold of Julie… Ship could fly them out." It was a pointless thought. Though Kevin could easily track her down, Julie would never agree to be a part of something involving me. Never again.
She sighed, twirling her hair along the floor. "Why are they not of believing?"
"Once a traitor, always a traitor, they say… My innocence will live and die with me. It doesn't matter what good I've done in the past, or how many of their lives I've saved. The only thing that will ever matter to them is the little I've done to earn this conviction."
She moved her head to my lap, rolling to face me. "Such sad…" Her hands pawed at my feet, her eyes low.
"It's tragic, actually. This screws up all of my plans."
"Talk of happiness," she began, her hands now pawing at my face. Her skin was cold to the touch, my nerves sparking as her fingertips trailed along my cheeks. "I like the happiness in Ben, yes?"
The door to my cell opened for the first time in months, giving way to the outside world. Captain Grol stepped through, a smirk placed firmly on his lips. "Time to go, Tennyson," he announced as two guards followed his command, restraints in their hands.
"If you were really here, Rika…," I breathed, brushing hair from her eyes, "then maybe I would be happy…" And as the guards placed the restraints on my limbs, I watched Rika fade away—much like my sanity—into the tile floor and out of my reach.
They carried me off and away while the other prisoners roamed during rec time. I knew I wasn't about to join them. I still had a punishment—whatever it was—to serve out in my cell. Alone. It would be many weeks before I was allowed free once more, if they ever gave me that chance again. I hoped—prayed—that our route to my cell would bring me by Rika's cellblock, but I knew better than to hold out hope. The last moment I saw her, she was dead on the table. They seemed far from inclined to help her, and odds of her survival were eliminated as they dragged me out of the room. Hopeless as it was, I knew I would never come to terms with the loss.
My bed was cold, untouched from the months of misery in the hole. It felt good returning to the cell—almost as if I was coming home from a long, unwanted vacation. But it would never live up to the excitement of returning to Earth. I counted my blessings, though; had they wanted to keep me in solitary for the rest of my days, there would be nothing done to prevent it. My cell was comfort enough, and I slept well for the first time in many, many nights…
I had dreams of the blue girl on the table. Much of our time was spent at my favorite places on Earth. Whether we were drinking smoothies or enjoying a movie on the couch, I brought her many of the comforts of home that I'd grown accustomed to, and missed dearly while locked up. Food I had never dared try, places I never wanted to visit, all of the pleasantries that quickly became unaffordable luxuries. They all seemed so within reach as my eyes remained closed; yet upon my wake, they fled from my grasp, running ever farther out of reach. "God, I miss home…"
I fell from the cot, slamming onto the cement floor. Never had a bed seemed as small as the day I stepped foot into the prison. Large enough to fit the tallest of beasts, yet poor old Ben Tennyson couldn't even manage to roll over without falling off. I sat up, pressing my back against the wall. I pressed my palms into my eyes, groaning loudly. Not a soul would listen, but I felt the need to protest.
"You must be quiet, Ben…," the bed spoke to me. "I am trying to find the sleep, too…"
I turned to face the voice, my eyes refusing to wake. "Rika… What are you doing here, huh?"
"I have said… I am trying to find the sleep." She rolled the blankets tighter around her chest, pressing her nose to the wall. "You enjoy taking up much of the bed. You are gone, now. I would like to find more of the sleep."
My head knocked against the metal wall, frustration escaping with each breath. "Imaginary friends don't need sleep, Rika. Just get up and go. Leave me alone. I don't really need any more disappointment right now…"
"Imaginary?" she questioned, folding the blanket in her lap as she sat upright. "I am not… pretend, Ben. I am here. Are you?"
I looked to her, my chin high in the air. "Are you serious right now? God, even my own mind… Can't even trust my own thoughts…"
"Please, Ben… Don't waste the little time I have outside of my cell…" She slid off of the bed, sitting before me on the floor. "I do not have very long."
I laughed at her, pushing away her hands. "The Rika I know doesn't speak English that well. You can't be real."
She smiled warmly toward me, her hand on my face. "They must have done terrible things to you in there… I have studied well since you have been away. Spent quite some time in the room with the books. I studied for you… Not perfect, yes. But I feel I have done a good job… Do you not think so?"
For now, I decided, I'll just… go along with it. Maybe my brain has a better idea… "You're too formal. It doesn't sound natural. Just… lighten up, maybe?"
Rika laughed. "You are funny, Ben. It's good to see you here. It has been too long that they've kept you away. Were you treated well?"
"Treated well? How can I be treated well when I saw literally no one the entire time?" I threw my hands against the floor, exasperated. "I… I guess, in that way, yes. I was treated well. By not being treated at all."
She frowned at me, her hand retreating to her lap. "Are you not happy to see me, Ben? I… I am happy to see you…"
It was difficult to be happy to see her when I knew she wasn't real. No; the Rika I knew had died on a gurney months ago. There was no possibility of her sitting before me, nor any possibility of her entering my cell, even if she had been alive. "Happy… is not the word I would use…"
Her smile returned, slowly crawling along her cheeks as she lay on the floor. "…Elated? Excited? Euphoric? Oh, Ben, I have learned so many interesting words while you were away. Please, I would like to use them all."
"Stop teasing me," I growled, pushing away from her. "I don't want my own brain to be the cause of my disappointment."
And the anger returned, just as quickly as the happiness appeared. "Stop it! Ben, please do not do this! I have gone through much trouble to be here, and it is as if you don't wish to have any part of me! Dumm menernici e nr agasid! You make me find anger! I can… It's never…" Frustrated, she sat upright, her eyes burning into mine. "I have done nothing but learn of the language you speak while you are gone. I have done the research on your home and who you are since you left! Be happy I am still here after all that I learned about you, ungrateful rodent! Emi kan croire ann amare hsbit emas! P'ah!"
And that's when I knew she was truly there. The warmth that filled the air as she shouted, the fluidity in her movements, and the fact that she no longer played on my hopes and dreams… There was no doubt in my mind, then, that Rika was there before me—in flesh and in blood. I pulled the angry woman into my arms, struggling as she tried to pull away. I couldn't—wouldn't—question it. It hadn't mattered how or why; she was here. Alive. To me, that was all that mattered.
"I can't tell you how it feels to see you alive…," I breathed, hiding behind layers of her hair. "I… I thought you died, Rika… I thought… because of me…"
"B-Ben…!" She continued to struggle, forcing her way out of my grasp. "B-Ben, please! Let go, now! You must!"
I simply shook my head, holding her close. It had been the first instance of physical contact since my introduction to the jail. The many times she'd visited, she sat behind the barrier, inches away yet still so far. But now she was within reach, and I had no intentions of letting her go—at least, not unless by force.
"B-Ben, please… I cannot breathe…"
With a reluctant sigh, I returned to my place against the wall, a smile plastered on my face.
Rika laughed, shoving her hair back over her shoulders. "Tennyson, by the Gods… I have not seen a smile on you so sincere. Was it something I did, hm?"
I rolled my shoulders, slumping against the metal. "It's… just nice to know you're okay… What… What happened, Rika? Why did you… Why… did they…?"
And she frowned, as if I'd dropped the weight of the world on her shoulders. She spoke quietly, careful with each word, "I am… very ill, Ben… I will die if I must stay here any longer…"
