Part Four

Xena and Hercules, Iolaus and Gabrielle made camp for the night on
their third night out from the inn. Tossing a dinar as usual gave the
warrior and the demigod the tasks of preparing the campfire and
bedrolls, while the hunter and the bard were in charge of their
horses. It seemed the best way to handle things at present since the
tension between the two pairs of friends was palpable in the air and
some breathing room was needed as they journeyed towards Ares'
palace.
"Iolaus," Gabrielle finally asked the older man. "Am I wrong? Am I
crazy? Am I the only one who hates this supposed plan?"

"No, Gabrielle, you're not wrong and you're definitely not crazy. I
don't know how it can even be called a 'plan'!" Iolaus agreed. "So
far all I've heard is that we're going to walk into Ares' stomping
grounds, kill the god of war, and get out alive, maybe. Meanwhile,
we're going to keep an eye out for Callisto, who'd like my head on a
pike about now. When she shows up, we'll turn around and kill her
too, using the other side of the hinds' blood knife, I guess! And I
don't know how to get Herc to listen to me, or anyone else when he's
this . . . determined."

" Iolaus, I have to tell you, I don't understand what's going on with
Hercules, I've never heard him actually planning to kill anyone
before. But I can tell you exactly what's going on with Xena and its
something noone wants, including her. She's acting and thinking like
the warlord she used to be. I thought at first she was play-acting
the part. But now every day she's more the way Ares wants her to be."
Gabrielle lifted her gaze to meet the hunter's, shining with unshed
tears. "I'm frightened for her, Iolaus. I'm frightened for all of
us."

"Well, that's what Herc is saying, that he's done with Ares' tricks
and traps and such. He wants to put an end to it, once and for all.
But he hasn't thought this out, and I can't get him to tell me why.
This simple a plan, when you're going up against gods, just won't
work. And the big guy knows it. Anyway, he usually knows it. He's not
himself. "

"No, Iolaus, I am myself. I've just changed." Hercules contradicted
his best friend, walking up behind the hunter as few could without
getting his immediate attention. "I know that Gabrielle understands.
Because she's changed too. Isn't that so, Gabrielle?"

"Yes, Hercules. I'm not the girl who left home looking for
adventures. Some days I think if someone told me I'd never have
another "adventure" like some I've had recently, I'd thank all the
gods." Gabrielle admitted softly. "But I wouldn't really give up a
single day in the past few years . . . They've made me who I am. Well,
I guess I'd give back a few of those days. . . the ones that hurt the
most, the ones I'm least proud of. Wouldn't we all do that, if we
could? I guess Xena told you about . . , some of the things that
happened." the bard asked, and swallowed hard. It would never come
easy to think or speak of the pain she'd gone through. But sometimes
it was necessary

."Yes. That's why I came over to talk with you, Gabrielle. But
Iolaus, if you don't mind, I'd rather talk to your chosen lady
alone. "Hercules asked, with just a hint of the laughter from their
last night at the inn in his wide blue eyes.

"Only if it's all right with her." Iolaus responded, half joking and
half seriously, seeing a deep sorrow pinch the young bard's face and
cloud her emerald eyes.

."I'm fine, Iolaus. Thanks." Gabrielle assured him with a warm hug.

"Okay, I'll go talk with our mutual friend then. Call me if he gets
too pushy with you, all right? I know he's jealous as Tartarus about
the other night.''

"A small smile lifted Gabrielle's mouth at the corners but went no further,

 as Iolaus left her side. "So, what did you need to talk with me about,

alone, Hercules?" she demanded.

"Gabrielle," Hercules began, looked down at her, looked away, looked
back and found her still waiting, with only one eyebrow partially
lifted in an unconscious gesture she must have learned from a certain
warrior.

"Just spitting it out usually seems to work best." the bard
encouraged him.

"For me, yeah. It usually does. Gabrielle, are you sure you're up to
this . . .trip? I started out with every intention of going alone. I
didn't want to take anyone along. Its not like I don't know how
dangerous this will be! That's my whole reason! Can you understand?
Gods, this is hard to talk about!"

"Well, it's hard for me, but I'm not sure why it should be so hard
for you, Hercules. Forgive me if I'm being too blunt here, but I am
the one who killed for the first time in that temple in Britannia. I
am the one Dahok attacked. I am the one who was raped. I am the one
who survived all that and more. So what did you mean to say to me
about that?"

"Well, just. . . that I don't fault you; that no one could possibly
fault you for sitting this one out. I meant to tell you that all of
us would understand if you said that you're going to let us deal with
whatever comes up."

"Why, Hercules?" the bard demanded, her usually quiet tone of voice
growing harsh. "Because I've had all I can take? Because I've gone
through more than anyone, myself included thought I could take? And
maybe because Xena asked you to ask me this?"

"No, Gabby," Hercules interrupted her, using Iolaus' pet name for the
bard as he never had before. But he didn't get a chance to go on with
any more soothing words. Soothing was not going to work until she'd
made her stance clear to the demigod.

"You're right, Hercules. I experienced more than I or any other woman
should ever have to deal with. I lost my innocence. I lost my virtue,
according to what some people would say. I lost my daughter. Some of
it I went through with my lover's help and support. Some of it I went
through all on my own. But women deal with this all the time,
Hercules, they have done so ever since there were any women or any
men. So you're right. And you're WRONG." Gabrielle's eyes were
shooting sparks now and Hercules knew he would have to wait, and let
her finish what she needed to say.

"You're wrong to think or say that I can't deal with whatever life puts

in front of me. I can, for a very simple reason: I already have dealt with it

and come out the other side. I survived. And believe me, if I survived that nightmare,

nothing else can seriously stand in my way. I'm stronger now than I could possibly be,

otherwise. And I think that is something you can understand."

"I'm glad to try, Gabrielle." Hercules told her, his respect for
the bard already growing enormously.

" When you work on those walls Iolaus is always telling me about at

Alcmene's house, you use your muscles. And sometimes, as strong as you are,

those muscles hurt the next day, don't they? But they also get stronger.

 As strong as you were already, using your muscles makes them stronger, right?"

"Right." The son of Zeus nodded, with a slight smile.

" Well, my muscles are different. They're invisible. They're the ones
I need to be a bard and a lover and a friend, and a woman. They're
emotions. And I have to use them, every day, I have to work them out
and feel the pain that comes afterwards, and go on using them. I
can't do anything else and keep the use of those muscles, keep the
strength I've discovered in using them.

Some days it's the only strength I have, Hercules. So I cherish it.

And that's why I'm going with the three of you, whether I like what you're planning or not

 You couldn't come up with anything worse than what I've already survived

if you sat and thought for a thousand years, Hercules. I survived.

I can survive, and I will survive. There's only one way I would not, Hercules.

That would be if I stopped using those muscles'. Now, do you understand?"

"I think so, Gabrielle, as much as I can. Thank you." Hercules
nodded, bowing his head in deep respect to the bard queen.

"You're welcome. Thank you for listening to me blow off all that steam!"

Gabrielle flashed a grin at the demigod. "Besides, you didn't really think

I was going to let you go traipsing around the countryside with my woman, did you?"

Hercules shook his head no, and laughed with the bard.