Rating: A pretty solid G.
Summary: A worn-out Ichigo calls home.
Spoilers: Sorry, I've been forgetting to put spoiler warnings in my chapters. If you don't know the secret identity of Ichigo's dad yet, don't read this unless you want to be spoiled.
A/N: Well, this isn't the grand update I was hoping for. I know it's been a while but I've been horribly sick and haven't been able to concentrate on much. Also, my focus has kind of been on the Final Fantasy VII saga I'm writing.
Thank you so much for all the reviews. You guys are all so helpful and encouraging. I also really appreciate that some of you have left reviews that are more like literary discussions. I love hearing what you think.
I'll admit, this chapter is kind of a filler, though hopefully not useless. In my opinion, "filler" and "useless" should not be synonymous, unlike in some places (cough Naruto cough). There's some much heavier stuff on the way, but I wanted to make sure this collection of one-shots didn't get a weighed down feeling. That means there will be lighter chapters like this one thrown in.
Thanks again for reading folks!
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Dialogue: Tomato Boy
"Hello?"
"Hey Dad."
"Gasp! You mean my son remembered he has a father?"
"Well, I was hoping a stork had dropped me off…"
"Oh Masaki! He grows up, leaves the house and forgets all about the people who raised him, changed his diapers, helped him blow his nose, got covered in baby goo whenever he spat up. My boy is a man now! It's so sad. I bet you even shave now, don't you son?"
"Dad, I've been shaving for years."
"What? I missed the shaving era? How did that happen?!"
"It's not over. I haven't stopped needing to shave."
"All right, it's decided! We'll shave together next time you come home. It will be quality bonding time, man-to-man."
"I'm not shaving with you!"
"You should grow a goatee too. Girl's like that. Just like your old man. Oh, wait, didn't I…? Oh yes, I think I did! I think I recall Rukia saying in passing that she likes facial hair on men. Just a casual conversation, of course. You know, I talk to her more than I do my own son, my flesh and blood… my… my mini-me."
"That's because you call her all the time."
"Of course I do! She's like an adopted daughter, practically family. You know son, if you're wondering, I approve of her. You don't have to hold back…"
"I wasn't wondering."
"Don't you care what your father thinks?"
Sigh.
"…"
"…"
"So, how have you been, Ichigo?"
"Tired."
"You sound horrible."
"Been studying for finals and I don't get to sleep much anyway, you know, with the whole playing death god thing. Course, I can't tell anybody that. They'd think I was a lunatic or something. I'm not sure what's worse though. My roommate thinks I'm in a gang. He's afraid to talk to me."
"Why?"
"You know, I go out every night and I come back with bruises and stuff. I've got enough scars to be a gang member or something. Plus, there's that long one on my arm from Aizen. It's harder to hide, unless I want to wear long sleeves for the rest of my life. But at least that's better than my next door neighbor. He thinks I'm a masochist."
"Haha! Good thing I took precautions! Being the loving, phenomenal father that I am, I made sure you'd never have need to direct anger on yourself. I sacrificed myself everyday to attack you when you came home from school to give you a positive outlet for your frustrations."
"You call that a positive outlet?"
"Of course! And that's why you never did drugs."
"Ugh."
"…You really are tired, Ichigo."
"Why do you say that?"
"Your comebacks are pathetic."
"Thanks."
"…"
"…"
"I can see it's time for a father-son heart-to-heart. Listen carefully and I'll give you some wise advice from my many years of priceless experience. What is a tomato, a fruit or a vegetable?"
"I'll tell you who's a fruit…"
"You know, for a son who used to hide Shakespeare in his manga to look like he was normal, you really aren't very bright."
"Do you have a point other than embarrassing me?"
"Embarrass you? In front of whom? Oh wait…. Hehehe. I get it. Rukia-chaaaaan! I know you're theeeeere!"
"This has to be child abuse."
"Then she's not there?"
"No."
"Oh."
"What's with that depressed sound? Why does it matter if she's here?"
"Hehehe."
"Pervert."
"…"
"Well? You were saying?"
"The point is that even though everyone argues over what a tomato is, it's still an important culinary ingredient! It's yummy no matter what you call it! …You know, I tried to live in two worlds once."
"What happened?"
"I decided it was easier to be a senile old man."
"There is something seriously wrong with you."
"Oh, Ichigo, my son, it's just that I miss you so much. I remember the days when you used to try to stick carrots up your nose and I'd have to help you because your little fingers kept slipping."
"Why the hell did you have to bring that up? I don't need these disturbing memories. To this day I'm afraid of carrots."
"Such a sensitive soul. I knew it was a bad idea to let your mom read all that Victorian era mumbo-jumbo to you while you were still in the crib. That's why you cried so much as a child."
"What? I didn't cry a lot as a child! I just had sensitive eyes!"
"You probably still cry at night… Oh, my poor son…"
"I don't cry!"
"Are you trying to say you're tough?"
"Hell yes! I can beat your sorry wrinkled butt…"
"Hehe… You haven't surpassed your old man yet, boy, but I admire the spirit. It's the spirit of a fighter."
"I've gotten stronger since you've last seen me."
"That's my boy! You're a Kurosaki! We are men to be feared! Kurosaki's don't give up and Kurosaki's are never too tired to fight!!!"
"Ugh… do you have to yell?"
"Yes. I think all those times I kicked you in the head have made you dense."
"I really need to get back to studying."
"Rukia is coming over soon, isn't she?"
"No comment."
"You can't use a line like 'no comment' on your dad! It's wrong."
"I really do need to study though."
"Okay, okay. I can take the hint. Do your best, Tomato Boy!"
"Hey Dad?"
"Yes, Son?"
"Thanks."
"Of course."
"And Dad? …Please don't start calling me Tomato Boy."
"I'm going to eat you!"
Click.
"Ichigo? ….Hello? …Hellooooooooooooooooooooo?"
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A/N: You may ask why I wrote a piece of pure dialogue. I think dialogue has always been a weakness of mine, so this seemed like a good way to practice.
