CHAPTER 4

AT THE FLAT

MIRANDA IS SITTING ON THE SOFA LOOKING DEPRESSED.

MIRANDA

Oh, hello... I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

MIRANDA GETS UP AND GOES TO THE FREEZER. SHE REMOVES AN ENTIRE VIENETTA ICE CREAM GATEAUX, CUTS A VERY SMALL SLICE THEN PUTS THE VERY SMALL SLICE BACK IN THE BOX AND THE REST OF IT IN A LARGE MIXING BOWL. SHE GETS A SPOON THEN GOES BACK TO THE SOFA AND STARTS TO EAT THE ICE CREAM.

MIRANDA

I mean; why can't anything go right? Now, not only is Stevie going with Gary to the wedding, but I've made things doubly complicated by pretending I've got a date with no chance whatsoever of finding a date. And you know how news travels...

PENNY ENTERS LOOKING DELIGHTED.

PENNY

Darling! I just heard from Tilly that you've got a date for the wedding; I am, what I call, ecstatic!

MIRANDA

Oh, Mum, please don't...

PENNY

I must admit, I'd rather lost hope after you turned down both Mike and Gary... but now... oh, I would hug you, but I've just showered. Must dash!

PENNY EXITS. MIRANDA GOES BACK TO EATING THE ICE CREAM. SHE ACCIDENTALLY SLOPS A GREAT DEAL OF IT DOWN HER FRONT.

MIRANDA IS JUST MOPPING UP THE ICE CREAM WHEN THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

MIRANDA

Coming!

MIRANDA OPENS THE DOOR. STANDING IN FRONT HER IS POSSIBLY THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN SHE HAS EVER SEEN; SIX FOOT FIVE, BROWN HAIR, BLUE EYES, CLEAN SHAVEN AND REAKING OF THE MOST INTOXICATINGLY DELICIOUS AFTER SHAVE MIRANDA HAS EVER SMELT.

MIRANDA

Ooh... hello.

DAVID

Miranda, how lovely to see you; you haven't changed at bit!

MIRANDA SWOONS AND FAINTS. DAVID IMMEDIATELY KNEELS DOWN NEXT TO HER AND FANS HER WITH HIS COPY OF THE TIMES NEWSPAPER.

MIRANDA COMES ROUND, NOT SO MUCH FROM THE GENTLE FANNING, BUT MORE FROM DAVID'S AFTER SHAVE.

MIRANDA

Ooh... hello.

DAVID

Are you alright Miranda?

MIRANDA SCRAMBLES TO HER FEET AND TRIES TO LOOK DIGNIFIED. BUT THIS IS QUITE DIFFICULT BECAUSE SHE IS COVERED IN ICE CREAM.

MIRANDA

Yes, yes, I'm fine... I'm sorry; have we met?

DAVID

You don't remember me, Miranda? It's true I've changed a bit since we last met; I had a late spurt of growth, finally got rid of my braces and spots about ten years ago, and getting a proper job at my father's company meant I had to get my hair chopped and buy a few nice suits! It's me; David!