The cicada outside the balcony singing among the moonlight woke his general attention as he squinted his eyes open. It was a hot summer's night, the balcony's doors that opened to the bedroom was exposed and the curtains were drifting in harmony as the breeze lifted inside. He then, remembered where he was and who he held, Lenora was snuggled into his side, she was tiny at age seven, and her dark curls displayed against his pillow reminded him of her mother. Grace, their eighteen month old baby girl was exposed next to him as she slept soundly, her snores light against her mother's shoulder as she slept in between her parents, both acting as a shield. Zach slept on the other side of Alicia, his arm wrapped around her torso, the four year old clung to her as sweat beaded on his forehead, most likely wishing the nightmares he was torn with now that he was a toddler. Alicia's hand had found its way to Will's hair as it stretched out to feel her husband's presence, he watched her as she slept in her white night gown. She was beautiful, even though her hair was outraged, and her face was slightly sweaty, she had never looked so tantalizing.
He exhaled a deep breath and allowed his eyes to drift shut again, his senses failed to fall back into unconsciousness as his mind ran over with thoughts. His gaze rested on the door that reached out to the small balcony outside the bedroom. The sight was tempting, but the time printed on the nearby clock told otherwise. He suddenly remembered the day this room was constructed and laid out. He had originally designed the construction of the building, he wanted two floors because he remembered Alicia mentioning it when he first brought her out here. The thought of reuniting with her again had never crossed his mind, when she left for Washington and Georgetown at eighteen and told him that she no longer wanted to fight for their relationship, he had always thought that he would never see her again, but if he ever did, it was essential that the house was built.
The balcony was vital, the final outcome of the house was fantastic, however it did leave him in debt, along with his student loan from spending five years at Harvard in law, but it had never really bothered him at the time. He sighed, his mind was dishevelled and he couldn't figure out the reason behind it. His gaze rested on Lenora, he had to distinguish a way of moving out of her grip without waking her. Pressing a light kiss against her forehead, he slowly untangled himself from her arms and slipped off the bed, leaving her to stretch out underneath the sheet. He wasn't sure how he was going to get back in with her and Graces octopus arms but decided to leave at that.
He slipped out onto the balcony and allowed the cool breeze to hit his skin, he was shirtless, and wore a pair of blue pyjama shorts. He searched out into the waters from a far, he loved living next to a lake as small as this one with ducks and swans flying around, enough to keep the kids attention during the day. The shiny waters brought similar memories, where he and Alicia would go swimming in the middle of the night and make love under the stars, or when he would find her spending her free time reading a book with her feet dipped in water.
He often wished he wasn't as crazy about her as he was, he prided himself on being a stern and intentionally ignorant man at work, but when it came to her, he wanted to know the feeling of not having to think of her every day, whether it be romantically, intellectually, sexually or mentally. He was in love. Completely.
She had been going through a tough time lately, the anniversary of her father's death was slowly approaching. It had been two years since David had had his heart attack, and since, she blamed herself constantly for not paying attention to his dietary needs. She had always lectured him on eating healthier but as stubborn as his daughter was, he refused to listen. One could only imagine that the pregnancy with Grace wasn't a walk in the park since she had found out only a few months after his death and lived several months in a state of depression.
His mother was a great help then, as she had always been, she had never once objected to the fact that Alicia hadn't been out of bed for a week, or that she wasn't eating. Veronica had her problems, and Owen was going through his own changers, therefore Liz held all the weight of taking care of Alicia during the day whilst his mother took care of Zach and Lenora. They may have had their differences; Liz disliked the fact that Will was stubborn and worked too hard, and he disliked that she was open mouthed and was never afraid to speak her mind, but nonetheless, they both loved Alicia, and he was grateful that Liz was a part of their lives.
He remembered the day they found out David had passed away, he and his mother were in the kitchen preparing desert as Alicia was in the hall talking on the phone to Owen. He had found her sitting against the wall with her knees up to her chest and her face in her hands as she cried hysterically. "He's dead." She had repeated as he wrapped his arms around her. "He's gone."
He jolted from the memory and shook his head out of it's trance, mentally reminding himself that the nightmare was over. Even though it felt like yesterday, the change in Alicia was significant to the atmosphere. He had never felt so content, they had never felt so content; Grace was a magnificent baby, she hardly cried during the night, in comparison to Zach and Lenora who were both night owls at that age therefore Alicia and Will were able to sleep throughout the night with minimal disruption.
"Will?" he heard her voice echo behind him, and turned slowly to see Alicia behind the curtain. "What are you doing out here?"
He welcomed her with his warm embrace as she stepped towards him, her sleepy eyes adjusting to his. "I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep. Did I wake you up?"
"No, but I couldn't feel you when I stretched out and accidently poked Nora. Is everything okay?"
He nodded, and allowed her arms to slip away as he turned to face the view, he felt her arms circle him once again, from behind and gently sighed in bliss as he felt her lips against the nape of his neck. Her index finger trailed down his back, drawing patterns against his soft biceps as she rested her forehead against his back. There was a moment where she took a pause and remained still, breathing him in. He turned just in time and caught her smiling softly, it always struck him to know that he was the cause of the smile that always seemed to take his breath away.
"What?" he asked, noting the curl to her lips. She shook her head lightly. "Nothing.. I just forgot how handsome you are without a shirt on and the scent of our kids all over you.
He smiled, stroking her cheek, he pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'll never forget how beautiful you are." he noted the blush that formed on her cheek as she giggled like a school girl. He enjoyed little moments like these where she was a totally different person in his arms. He wasn't prepared for it, seeing as he was enjoying the view of her face, but she tilted it slightly and captured his lips into hers. Kissing him hungrily. Pulling back, she smiled up at him, and he allowed himself to take in her complexion.
"Let's sleep in the guest room tonight" he whispered, causing a grin to form from her mouth.
"You having ideas Gardner?"
"I apologize, but I haven't slept alone with my wife in three nights since our children think they have total territory over everything."
She chuckled quietly. "I know. But it's just for now, till the monsters under the beds disappear." She grinned, repeating Zach's words from earlier on.
He grasped her hand and pressed a kiss against her knuckles, followed by entwining fingers with hers and brought it up, so she could twirl lightly under his arm, giggling, she smashed her lips against his in a light kiss before pulling him with her into the room, she made sure to close the doors in case one of the kids found it intriguing to wander out onto it. Leaving the window open, she caught the sight of her three babies sleeping peacefully. "Look at them." She told Will. "They're so adorable."
"Not to mention mischief and tiring." He teased. She rolled her eyes light heartedly and pressed her lips against Zach's chubby cheek. He watched her.
Grabbing his hand, she walked with him to the bedroom down the hall, after she headed to Graces room to grab the baby monitor, she set it above the nightstand before crawling on top of her husband and capturing his lips into a lingering kiss.
"Will… Will!" he heard the distinct voice of Diane's voice wailing in the background.
He squinted his eyes open, only to be met with the sight of his business partner standing above him, staring at him in slight shock and concern.
"Will, what are you doing here? It's eight in the morning, did you sleep overnight? Please don't tell me you had an argument with your wife."
He couldn't fathom the amount of questions Diane asked, but made his eyes adjust to the area before staring up at her. "Shit.." he mumbled, clearing the papers off his lap, he straightened his tie. "I must have fallen asleep." Double shit. He had failed to call his family the night before, worse, he forgot to warn Alicia that he would be home late. The last week had been frantic, he hadn't been able to make it home early, and with each night that passed by, he knew Alicia was angry of the fact that she was becoming accustomed to going to sleep alone.
"Seriously?" Diane raised her brows. "Will, you need to go home and catch yourself some proper sleep. I can't have you going on like this in court this afternoon."
"No." he mumbled. "I'm fine."
"You are not fine. Go home, Alicia is probably worried. You can come in later."
His need to object died down as he caught her stern gaze settle on him. She was intimidating when she was in her pushing mode.
He sent his wife a quick text, a text that wasn't nearly as justifiable to his actions. He was in for it, he knew it, and could almost feel the hairs on the back of his neck rising as he prepared for their fight. On his way home, he thought of the dream he had just moments ago, the memory was so vivid to his senses, he could almost taste the refines of the night, the glass of wine they had before climbing under blankets and allowing their little children to climb in after them. He missed those moments, he was so content during that period of time, he had never assumed that anything could change that, but the mere fact that he had forgotten it so loosely spoke volumes.
He tiptoed into the house, knowing that everyone was most likely awake by now, his aim was for the bathroom. "Daddy!" Grace's voice echoed the house as she ran towards him in her school uniform.
He picked her up and pressed his lips against her forehead. "Hey honey, how did you sleep?"
"Good. Where were you last night? You weren't here to read me my book." He noted the slight pout to her lips and smiled sadly. "I know, dad had to work late, I'm really sorry."
"it's okay." She said, smiling. "I love you."
"I love you too sweetheart."
"That's funny." Lenora pointed out as she stood behind the kitchen counter with a mug in her hands, her hair was tied into a ponytail and she wore a pair of dark jeans with boots and one of her mother's tahari silk blouses. Will often winced at it, she was becoming more and more like Alicia, intentionally, it seemed, when he wanted her to proceed in being her own person.
"What?" he asked confused.
She shrugged. "Nothing."
"No, what is it?"
"It's just when mom does something wrong Grace always has a fit, but with you it's the total opposite." He could feel the tension within his daughter, and furrowed his brows confused. He had no idea what she was talking about but figured that she was over-reacting, as one teenager does when they're constantly in a mood of anger towards anyone that walked in their path.
He watched as Grace threw her older sister a glare, before poking her tongue out. Lenora rolled her eyes as she set her mug on the table and grabbed another one. "Whatever. You're so immature, no wonder mom loves me more."
"That's not true!" Grace shrieked as tears began to form in her eyes.
"Yes it is, why do you think she brought me ice cream last night?"
Grace covered her eyes and shook her head in discomfort, Will placed a hand on her shoulder before shaking head towards his eldest. "Nora.. That's enough."
She shrugged nostalgically. "I'm taking mom's coffee for her, she's upstairs in my room sorting my closet out."
"Your closet? Why?"
"She didn't tell you? Zach and Grace got into it yesterday and trashed it completely. Well Grace did, Zach played a minor part." With that piece of information left aloud, Lenora rushed up stairs leaving Will in a state of momentary shock.
"Is that true?" he asked Grace. "Did you trash your sisters closet?"
"I was trying to find the baseball gear!" She defended herself. "We wanted to play."
"There's a pile of gear in the garage Grace."
"Yes, but we wanted the ones you and Nora have. You never let us play with them."
He sighed in defeat, and stroked her cheek. "Remember what I told you before? Once you are older, and more wise, you can play with whatever you want. Did you apologize?"
"Yes. But Mom grounded me for two weeks." She pouted, Grace was only a child, she did not need to be grounded because there was no boundaries she could cross; she couldn't necessarily go out partying at age ten. But, however, he wasn't in the mood to have the debate with Alicia considering, he had a lot more to worry about.
"Okay. Why don't you finish your breakfast. I have to jump in the shower, oh and Grace?"
"Yea?" she looked up at him through her sad eyelashes. He stroked her chin. "Your mom loves you all equally as much if not more."
"Are you sure?"
He chuckled. "Yes. I'm sure."
He found his wife sitting on the floor in the middle of Lenora's bedroom. She wore a pair of long jeans, and a cardigan causing his brows to furrow. She was usually dressed for work at this point of the morning. "Hey." He said softly.
She ignored his gaze as she kept hers on folding clothes. "How was your night?"
"Great." She answered. "Just grand actually. Really enjoyed waking up to an empty bed this morning." He was grateful the Lenora wasn't in the bedroom, because he wasn't prepared to have to justify himself to both of them.
He sat against the edge of the bed as he watched her organize each pile of clothes.
"I texted you."
"Yea, and I called you five times this morning once I realised you weren't home."
The direction of which their conversation was heading to was the same as lasts weeks when she had a fit about going to sleep alone, a first for her, seeing as he was always there to keep the bed warm. "I'm sorry." He apologized
"Yep." She said, unfazed. "That's all we seem to be saying to each other these days."
"I mean it." He said. "Alicia. I fell asleep at one aclock in the morning in my office, you know how unusual that is for me. It won't happen again."
"Next time, when it does happen again, because we both know it will. I would appreciate it if you notified me so I can lock the house up this time. By the way, I think we need a dog, seeing as Zach wants one, and we may need one to guard the house at night, since you won't be home till late. Oh and that reminds me, some guy from New York rung, for work?"
He couldn't deny that the meaning behind each of her words hadn't resonated through him in more ways than one. He hated this, he hated the feeling of rejection from his own wife, discount and lack of acknowledgement to his excuses. Excuses, yes, that's what they were, but it still did not give her the upper hand in shutting him and his words out completely.
"Look Alicia, I'm tired, I've never felt so exhausted in my life, and I'm asking for your support, I don't wanna have an argument. I wish you could just communicate with me without feeling the need to snap every five minutes."
"I don't want an argument over this either Will, you're right, my temper levels have risen in the last few weeks, but if you were in my situation, you would be ripping your hair out too."
"Ripping my hair out? That's a bit of an exaggeration don't think?"
"I'm just trying to save our marriage."
He ran hand along his face in frustration. He knew she had a tendency to over-react, he hardly thought their marriage was failing, therefore had no idea on what she was talking about and choose the ultimatum of ending this discussion before anything else were to be said.
He slept most of the day, he hadn't expected it, but it paid off. His wife was a natural at caring for him, even when she was slightly angry. He woke up to a glass of juice on the nightstand with the curtains shut fully and a note.
'Gone to work for a couple of hours, Diane called and I told her you needed the day off. Lunch Is in the oven, don't forget to put the rubbish out.
Alicia.'
He smiled at the thought of his wife telling his business partner that she wasn't going to allow him to go to work, and Diane's possible reaction. Two woman that played a large part in his day to day life, two woman that he knew he could rely on when it came to work, and two woman that held many differences towards each other in terms of character, but also loved each other simultaneously.
He slipped out of bed and headed for the bathroom, he saw that Alicia's cell phone was left on the basin, and grabbed it away from any surface of water before walking back into the bedroom and setting it on her makeup-stand. She must have forgotten it on her way out, as he placed it down, it flashed with a message that caught his attention. He would have avoided it, he refused to be one of those husbands that snooped around their wives, but the name the popped up on her screen rung bells.
'Peter Florrick.'
'Alicia. I'm sorry about what happened last night, I stepped over the line, I know that. Like I said last night, I don't want things to be awkward between us, but I know that I only hold fifty percent over that kiss, you kissed me back, if it were a different time and place, I'm not sure what would have proceeded, but I will only take blame in my own actions. I don't want to lose our friendship okay? Call me when you can.'
As his words registered through Will. He felt his fingers working automatically through the history of her messages. Calls, text messages, from Peter all leading up to last night.
'Meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes.'
'Alicia, you're getting very persistent nowadays.'
'Just be there. Smart ass.'
He read through more. Loads that were sent from Peter after 9pm.
-'Answer your phone please.'
-'Alicia, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.'
-'Can we at least talk about it?'
-'Alicia, we're co councils. I can't allow this to affect our work.'
-'Alicia?'
-'Fine. Ignore me.'
Will saw that she finally responded after 11pm, but through calling him. The time lapse that read on the dial tone was 52 minutes. They had talked over the phone, during midnight, for an hour.
His blood ran cold.
His hands were braced against the counter as she walked through the door hours later, he was grateful that the children had their afternoon activity's set for the day, he didn't want them here for this.
"Hey." Alicia said as she entered with two bags of grocery's in her arms. She set them on the counter and undid her coat, he watched her as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and read through some mail. She tied her hair into a loose ponytail, it dangled in its light wavy curls, familiar to when she used to do the exact same thing in high school. He tried to read through her features, and he wasn't sure how to feel as he noticed that it lacked any sort of emotion. As if her previous adventures hadn't happened.
Except, he wasn't born yesterday, and he wasn't stupid. He may have been an absent husband in the last week, but that gave her no right to be doing… Whatever she was doing with Peter. At this point in time, he felt like pushing her against the wall and demanding answers, since she seemed to be taking this rather cold, though he knew he could never physically do that, his blood was still boiling with anger.
She was nibbling on a salary stick as she moved back and forth between the refrigerator, it took her a while to notice that he was just standing there, unable to move. She stared at him curiously. "What?"
He pulled out her phone from his back pocket and set it on the counter, she stared at him confused, her attention was caught by the sink over-flooding with water, which made her turn her back to him. He was relieved, having to avoid her eyes was enough for him to get through this.
"Your cell was in the bathroom, when I went to put it back in the room, it flashed with a message.." he stilled.
"Yea?"
"A message from Peter Florrick."
He watched as her movements stopped at a halt, and her entire back tensed simultaneously. He wanted to throw something against the wall knowing that her reaction corrected his suspicions.
"Will…"
"Did you screw him?"
She stared at him in disbelief. "Excuse me?" she raised her voice
He stared at her in warning, as if ordering her to answer him, knowing that she understood where he was coming from.
She shook her head, puzzled. "No! I… we kissed. Once, last night.. That was it."
He knew she was telling the truth, but couldn't take it anymore, the look In her eyes, the hurt that he felt, the thought of her kissing Peter Florrick, embracing him like she would do with him, running her hands through Peter's hair, wrapping her arms around his neck… it was all, sickening. The thought alone made his insides turn.
As he slammed the back door shut, allowing it to echo the house when walking out towards the lake, he threw a stone into the water and ran a hand through his hair. He wondered if he could ever get the image out of his head, he wondered if she knew how much this would affect their marriage, he wondered if she was still in love with him, he contemplated for the first time that maybe, this time, everything was beginning to fall apart.
A/N: I know, i know! I'm awful, I promise to add more flashbacks of the 'happier time' from the early days of their marriage. Please review! I love feedback
