I wake up with groggy eyes to see Sherlock staring at me our faces close enough to kiss. My eyes widen to raccoon size and I feel a nasty blush coming on so instead I scramble backward and fall out if the small chair that I had spent the night in. I sit up rubbing my back slowly then stifle a yawn with tired anger, I remember to be mad at Sherlock so I scramble to my feet and glare at him noticing Molly still asleep.

"What the hell were you doing Sherlock?!" I hiss at him furiously.

"You didn't let me finish my experiment." He says quietly tilting his head ever so slightly to the side for once noticing my frustration.

"Oh god. What was the experiment then?" I hiss at the man still surprisingly not waking poor Molly.

"Never mind I can do it sometime else he says quietly" he trails off and I let it drop, all of the anger is sucked from me like venom at the sight of my defeated friend. I am again reminded of how small he has become from before his fall. I examine him again willing myself to be deductive I stare at him but see nothing more than a defeated man. He looks at me a look of sadness that made me want to hug him then and there and kiss all of his demons away.

"I'm sorry Sherlock you just scared me that's all. I've missed you; I've dreamt about you, all of the pills." I feel the tears rushing forth so I close my eyes and hide in my hands wanting to be in Mrs. Hudson's care back in the old flat. I wanted Lestrade to come a calling and Mycroft to kidnap me, no, actually maybe just a call now and then. But by the time I had thought all of these things, I was crying and glad of it. Sherlock looks at me surprised I can feel his eyes shift to Molly and back again, Sherlock tries to say something.

"John?" He asked, completely baffled as he usually is by emotions but this time he is also concerned. Sherlock is concerned for me, ha, this just makes the tears flow faster. Why had he left me? And why did I care so much? I cried because I didn't understand. I don't understand still, Sherlock is all I need. That's why I died when I watched him fall, when he said goodbye. I need him. And I hate myself for it, he is here and I don't know what to do. All of these thoughts storm through my head and I am expelled, falling falling into a state of terror. I realize that I am crying and don't watch as Sherlock come over and stand beside me. I see him collapsing next to me and he puts an arm tentatively around my shoulder, his touch brings me closer. I'm back and the tears stop but I'm still crying.

"Sherlock" I hiccup into his shirt.

"John, I'm so sorry; I didn't know" he keeps saying. Neither of us notice Molly leaving the room her own tears splashing on he floor.