Anger coursed through her veins. How could he do thatto her again. Of all people, he should understand what she's going through. He was her best friend. Her confidant. But he's making her push him away, he's not understanding her point of view, or at least try to.

She tried hitting the steering wheel with her fist, which of course was anotherbad idea. It definitley will leave a bruise in the morning.

She thought about Jacob. Both the good and the bad times they had. And how he always found a way to make her smile, she'll always be greatful to him but. . .

He just can't understand.

He will always be an important part of my life, and I'll always love him. But I'm not in love with him. There were those moments that I thought I was, but there were days that I just hated him. I love the wildness that he posessed deep within, I love the way he made me feel like there was no one else but the two of us in this world. But most of all I love the way he made me laugh when the world seemed to be against me. Those moments of darkness when I was struggling, he made it easier by being with me, I'll always have a special place for him in my heart. . . .

But I just don't love him that way. . .

She parked her old chevy on the side of the road and just stopped for a moment. She needed to regain her composure. She didn't want Carlisle to worry again. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

A couple of feet away she could hear some rustling in the trees, she took a quick look but there was nothing there. She was reminded of how Victoria, the thought sent a shiver down her spine. It's better if I get to Carlisle's faster. She started her old truck again and was fast on her way to the Cullen's home.

He was preparing her dinner. He had been talking on his cell for a while.

"She's on her way here." He spoke as he stirred the sauce.

"What? That can't be. . ." He was gripping his phone tighter,

"Alright. .You know what to do. ." A soft sigh escaped his lips, his eyebrows furrowed in tension, as he listened to the speaker on the other line.

"Okay, goodbye, Alice." He placed his cellphone back in his pocket as he heared her car in the highway.

The moment the house was in view all her fears left her. All the lights were on and she carefully parked her ancient truck in the driveway.

They day seemed to have come to an end as dark clouds engulfed Forks in a dark embrace.

She entered the house and a delicious scent greeted her nose. She walked to the kitchen, she didn't enter right away instead she just sort of stood there staring at him. He was skillfully cooking a meal for her, she couldn't tell exactly what he was cooking, all she knew was that it smelled darn good. She took in a breath. She could smell fresh herbs laced with subtle spices, carefully stirred, and on another pan she could see he was preparing a sauce. He had rolled up his sleeves revealing his strong yet perfectly sculpted arms as they carefully maneuvered the kitchen stove,

"Good evening, Isabella." He spoke as he smiled without even looking up.

"I-I didn't mean to st-" She stammered as she accidentally dropped her bag on her foot, she swallowed the pain, "Yeah, I'm gonna go put this on the couch" She quickly runs to the living room.

She could still hear his soft laughter as she placed her old backpack on top of the couch. She shook her head as she let out a chuckle.

She went back to the kitchen as Carlisle had begun preparing her plate.

"I'm sorry we don't have chairs Bella." He spoke as he helped her up on the kitchen counter.

"It's okay."

"I hope you like it, it's prima vera, vegetarian of course." He replied with that gentle smile of his.

She looked down on her plate, the aroma was incredible, she realized she hadn't had food like this in a while. As she took a bite, she could just feel the flavors erupt in a delicious frenzy. It was sending her trigeminal nerve on haywire, it was so good. As she was finishing her amazing dinner she looked at Carlisle who was standing next to the sink, his arms neatly folded into his torso as he watched her eating, an amused look on his face,

"That was really good." She finally said as she took one more bite, finishing her meal.

"Thank you, Bella." He replied as he took her plate to the sink.

"I don't mean to pry but, what happened to your hand?" He asked as he washed the plate.

Her eyes widened. She had completely forgotten about that, she shoved her hand in her pocket and swallowed hard.

"It's nothing. . ." She replied gingerly.

"Is it Jacob again?" He turned to look at her, there was that worried expression in his eyes, but she gave no reply. He was about to stop what he was doing to check on her hand but she stopped him.

"It- It's fine Carlisle. . ." She replied finally, looking down, not meeting his eyes.

"Alright, but I will get some ice for that."

"Okay." She replied quietly. She felt guilty about what happened with Jacob,

Maybe I should tell Carlisle what happened, and then I can feel better about it. No. I don't wanna remember what happened. I don't wanna remember anything. Just for tonight, just for once I wanna forget everything else. . .

"Bella?" She looked up and realized Carlisle standing extremely close to her, his face barely inches from hers. His eyes, those eyes. His eyes like golden fire. It made her feel bare and naked, she feared that her eyes might be betraying her, it was as if he was staring into her soul.

She wasn't exactly sure what was happening, she swallowed and replied in a small voice,

"Yes?"

"Your sitting on my coat." He replied as mirth lighted his face.

"Oh. . .Sorry" She replied as she shook her head, and handed him his jacket.

"I promise I won't be long, there's water running upstairs if you ever want to take a bath."

He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and before she could even blink, he was gone.

Upstairs. . .

She hadn't even thought about Edward's room in a while. She realized she had been avoiding looking up the stairs subconciously. She grabbed her pjs from her backpack and started up the stairs, slowly. She entered the hallway, and each step she took seemed painful. She knew exactly where his roomwas, but she just couldn't find her strength to even just stand outside of it. Instead she went to Alice's room. She flicked on the switch and entered.

Alice's once lavishly decorated room now lay empty. It seemed like there was no trace of her, and that's what hurted her the most. She entered Alice's extravagant bathroom that was done in all shades of white and easily could be the size of 3 closets. She stripped and started into the shower. She let the cold jets of water hit her frail body as she sat down and started to cry, a feeling that was all toofamiliar to her, she let out a scream as the feeling of loss washed over her once more, mercilessly tearing her apart.

I sometimes wonder if I could ever escape this pain. I know he's gone, but it feels like there's no escaping his memory. Sitting here in his house, it's like a constant reminder that he is real, everything that happened is real, his memories are drowning me. Maybe it's better for me to loose my sanity, maybe I could finally forget, maybe I could just. .

Let go.

Carlisle found her sitting upside down on the large black couch in a large shirt and cotton shorts, her thin legs dangling over, her face was covered by the large trigonometry book that she was reading. Her hair was spilling out onto the seat in a complete disarray. She pushed back the large curls from her face and bit her lip as she tried concentrating. She could hear him laughing as he entered the room,

"Homework?" He asked as he took her right hand and placed an ice packet on top of it,

"Yeahh. . .It's really fun. ." She replied in a sour note, She watched as he made himself comfortable next to her with a book in his hand.

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?" He replied, as he neatly turned the page of the book he was reading.

"Am I really the only reason you came back to Forks?" She asked, as she looked up at him. He looked at her earnestly with his golden eyes, he rested his head lightly on her knee and begun to speak,

"Bella could you ever see me as an old man?"

He had carefully avoided her earlier question.

"As in how old?" Her chocolate eyes studying him.

"It dosn't matter how old, but try to picture me with gray hair, wrinkles and a cane."

She could see he was serious. She closed her eyes and tried to visualize. A few minutes passed, but it seemed impossibleto see him that way.

She opened her eyes and saw that he was waiting for an answer.

But instead, on an impulse she raised her left hand and started to gently trace the outlines of his beautiful face. His prominent cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, the shape of his eyes, the way his lip curved delicately at the bottom.

He had closed his eyes, the warmth that radiated from her fingertips and onto his skin made him feel warmer than he had ever been in centuries.

She was looking at him thinking hard,

"I don't think so." Was her reply. "Your'e perpetually young, even in my mind."

He let out a chuckle, as he looked at her.

"Bella. . . I need to talk to you about something." His tone had gotten serious.

"What is it?" She felt a sense of trepidation at his next words,

"Victoria is back. . . But she's not in Forks. . yet, but in a couple of days she will be." He could feel a frission of tension as he said it.

"Wh- What?"

She couldn't believe it.

"Carlisle-"

"That was one of the reasons why I had to come back. To make sure you were safe and protected."

"Who-" Before she could even ask her question he replied "Alice."

She felt her stomach drop, she slid off the couch and started to pace.

This can't be happening. I feel like a ton of bricks just dropped onto my head. I feel sick.

"Bella, sit down." Carlisle said as he gently lead her back to the couch. Her eyes looked out everywhere but his,

"Bella. . Bella listen to me, as long as I'm here, I will not let anything happen to you, do you understand?"
His voice was strong and firm.

She nodded numbly.

She dropped back onto the couch, she felt dizzy.

Carlisle watched her face,

"You should get some rest, Bella." He said gently, he had started to get up but she grabbed the sleeve of his shirt,

"C- Could you stay with me till I fall asleep?" She know how stupid she sounded but fear was creeping into her mind, filling it with horrible images.

He didn't hesitate as he sat back down with her. He had resumed back to his book, but she was still staring at him with that look on her face,

"I'll still be here when you wake up. I promise." He said with a soft smile.

She nodded as she let out a yawn. She felt extremely tired. She closed her eyes and subtly placed one foot near his leg just to make sure he was still there. Then soon darkness took over.

Some time during the early hours of dawn, she had managed to change her sleeping position and ended up in his arms.

He could feel her warm breath on his chest as she slept. He placed a gentle arm around her as he continued to read. But something wasn't right, everything was still, too still. He closed his eyes and listened carefully. There was nothing. But a few minutes later he could feel Bella's heart rate accelerate. He put down his book and looked at her face, her brows were furrowed, her face seemed to be in pain. It's the nightmares, he thought to himself. He started to shake her gently to wake her up.

She was in the woods alone, it was dead quiet. She had forgotten what she was doing there, it was dark, she could barely see anything. She walked on for several minutes, the forest ground crunching beneath her feet. She had the feeling she wasn't alone, there was rustling in the trees. She heard movement at the back but as she took a glance there was no one there. Panic hit her, she saw something on the trees. What made it worse was a storm had broken out. She started running, her mind was telling her she should not be there, she was afraid of the reason, afraid to remember what was lurking behind the darkness. As she ran she could hear something following her from behind, her heart was pounding loudly, she was afraid that whatever was following her would be able to hear it.

She was right.

Something was slowing her down. Her feet were sinking into the muddy ground. She tried to escape but her feet were sinking deeper and deeper into the mud. Lightning flashed as she tried with all her might to escape the blind terror that was overtaking her, she fell to the ground, the mud was sticky and she was struggling to get up. But before another lightning flashed someone was clutching her neck and raising her from the ground with a single pull.

"No one's is here to save you Bella."

She knew that voice, but before she could place a name to it she found herself in the clearing.

Edward was standing there, saying goodbye.

"I don't want to hurt you by leaving, Bella." He said.

She looked at him confused, it's Edward but his voice was Carlisle's.

She started crying, "Then don't Carlisle, please don't leave me."

Edward looked at her puzzled, and replied in Carlisle's voice "But Bella, I'm not Carlisle."

"Bella? Bella, please wake up." Carlisle's voice sounded strained and worried.

She opened her eyes. She touched her face which was wet with tears, she found herself shaking. Carlisle was holding her close to him,

"I won't leave you, I promise."

She clung to him tighter and closed her eyes, as she let out a shaky breath.

If only I could save her from this darkness.

He listened to her heartbeat. It was still beating wildly. He sat there in thought for a moment then stretched out a hand to his book and opened it to the chapter he was reading.

He gently stroked her hair in soothing motions as he read in a gentle whisper that only the two of them can hear,

"Through oceans I cross and below valleys and streams, I search the the missing half of my heart. Why is there a restlesness astir in my soul? Have I been lost or have I been found? the world is a curious place for a stranger amidst curious trees and looking valleys. Barefooted I walk in the world as I feel the ground beneath my feet, a friendly reminder that I exist. Flower petals in the air, I watch them float in the air like some flightless bird in a sky without clouds."

She listened to the sound of his voice, clinging to it. She let it wash over her as she slowly drifted to slumber once more. . .