Disclaimer: I still don't own Chicago Fire or its characters.
When you stuff your feelings, it ends up coming out in other ways. Casey stuffs his feelings, and some of it comes out in other ways, and some of it's still in there waiting to come out. Severide still doesn't know just how much he's in over his head.
One Shot
Chapter Four
Molly's, 1:30 a.m.
"Look, Captain, I'm not trying to break up a extra-special over-the-hill birthday party, but I think you've had enough. I mean, I've never thought you can have too much birthday, but there's a first time for everything." Hermann slid a tall glass of water across the bar at Casey. "Don't be afraid to sip on some of that water. You'll thank me tomorrow morning." He motioned at Kelly, who was a few seats down the bar, laughing with Capp and Kidd.
"Hey, Severide, I think your boy's had enough. I called him a cab, but I didn't tell him. He started getting, well, I don't know. He was laughing and having a good time and then he just suddenly wasn't. He got quiet and I didn't press it too much. If I didn't know him better I would say he was blacking out. He was drinking like a college kid but I don't think that's what's going on. I thought maybe he would take the suggestion to call it a night better from you." He turned back around to Casey, who was swaying on his barstool, his eyes glassy and unfocused.
Hermann groaned. "You didn't drink your water, Casey, don't make me mom you."
Kelly looked over at Matt, who looked like he was ready to fall over. He sighed and punched Capp on the shoulder. "Looks like it's time for me to bow out." Capp motioned towards Matt. "Captain okay over there? I've never seen him get that shitty. He's drank me under the table before."
Kelly shook his head. "I think it's just time to call it a night. Too much birthday." He got up and snuck up behind Matt and poked his back, announcing himself gently.
"All right, birthday boy, you wanna go outside for a smoke? I know you quit but you get drunk enough, you want a smoke, and there's no substitute for a cig when you're drunk." Kelly snaked his hand around Matt's neck. He didn't want to startle him, and he also didn't want to piss him off.
Matt grinned drunkenly. "You got some cigarettes, Sev? We could go get some cigarettes if you're out, and we could get some more beer, cause Hermann," he pointed uncoordinatedly over towards Hermann, "cut me off, and I'm not even really drunk. I'm not drunk at all. I could do a field bobriety test and I'd be fine. I'd pass. I'd be totally fine."
Kelly laughed. "You said 'bobriety'. I think you're cut off for a reason, bud." He pulled a Zippo out of his jacket pocket. "Let's go outside before Kidd finds out I'm smoking again."
Matt's eyes widened and he brought a finger to his lips as he "Sshhhhhhed" and then laughed loudly enough to draw Hermann's attention. Hermann mouthed the words "cab's coming" to Kelly and pointed at the door.
Kelly gripped Matt's shoulder as he stood up, and held him steady as he staggered towards the door. Matt was having a good time tonight, almost too good of a time. Kelly'd been keeping a closer eye on his friend since their conversation the other night, but at the same time, he wasn't here to police him or be a mother hen. He knew that sometimes checking up on someone and being there to listen if needed was the best thing that you could do as a friend. That's what he was trying to do for Matt.
Molly's door slammed shut behind the pair. The street was quiet, and there wasn't a cab to be seen anywhere. "Hey Matt, you know how to make a cab appear?"
Matt shook his head.
"You bring out a magic wand." Kelly had two cigarettes in his hand, he held out one to Matt. He lit up his own and blew out smoke through his nose. He handed the Zippo to Matt too. He watched as Matt put the cigarette between his lips and lit it. The light from the Zippo flickered and lit up his face in an orange glow.
Stop staring at him, Kelly.
He was completely staring at him. He was watching the way his cheekbones moved and the way his lips closed around the filter of the cigarette. Matt flicked ash on the sidewalk behind him. "Wait, whadda ya mean a cab? Are we goin home or somethin?"
Kelly laughed. "Yeah, you forgot already?" They sat in silence for a few minutes. Kelly blew out blue smoke and tossed the butt in the ashtray by the trash can on the curb. "You want another one?"
Matt nodded wordlessly. Kelly placed a cigarette in his mouth and lit it, taking a drag. He took it out of his mouth and put it right between Matt's parted lips. "There you go, bud." He rubbed his hands together. He lit up his own second smoke. "It's pretty cold out tonight, huh? I guess I didn't think I'd be waiting outside for a cab for this long, I would have brought a hat with me."
Matt turned his head and stared up at Kelly. He sat down hard on the curb, groaning as he hit the concrete. "Come sit down here."
Kelly did as he was asked.
Matt squinted and reached out to Kelly's face, tracing along his forehead. "You got little, you know, little lines too." His fingers traveled town Kelly's face, all the way down to his lips. He stopped suddenly, and snatched his hand away. Matt stared at his hand without the half-smoked cigarette. It was shaking.
"You doin' okay tonight, bud?"
Matt dipped his chin to his chest. His eyes glittered in the glow of the streetlights. He took a deep breath, then another deep, shaking breath. "I don't know. I don't know. You, uh...coming home too, Sev?"
"What happened to Kelly?" Kelly laughed nervously. Matt had just had too much to drink. Kelly knew from experience that sometimes when he was going through a little too much shit, everything started to come out like a volcano when he drank too much. He thought that might be what was going on.
Matt poked Kelly in the forehead. "Kelly's right here." He brushed his fingers through the short, greying hair at Kelly's temple. "I'm sorry I ruined the party by getting fucked up." Matt swallowed hard." I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened. Somewhere between the tequila and theā¦.." Matt swallowed, "The tequila."
Kelly licked his lips and looked around for the cab, wherever the hell it was. "Yeah, you mighta had a couple too many shots, but don't be sorry. You gotta cut loose and let off some steam sometime. Especially for your birthday, it's nothin' to apologize for." He grinned. "You know, it is almost two o'clock. You lasted almost the whole night, that's nothing to be ashamed of."
He exhaled the last drag on his cigarette and stubbed it out as a cab turned the corner. "Time to go home, bud. You need to get some shut eye. Tomorrow we can..." Never mind, it wasn't their cab.
"Dammit. I guess we should have made Hermann call an Uber. Who calls a cab anymore, anyway? Hermann's really behind the times." Kelly turned to face Matt, who was taking the last drag on his cigarette. He stubbed it out and got up to put the butt in the ashtray too, when he stumbled and fell into Kelly. His face smashed against Kelly's. Matt's face was rough with a now two-day beard. It scratched Kelly's cheek as he struggled to regain balance and equilibrium, and his lips brushed his cheek awkwardly. His lips were soft and warm, and Kelly didn't know what to do with that information. He smelled like Crown Royal and cigarettes, and while strangely not actually unpleasant, it made Kelly realize the bitch of a hangover Matt was going to have in the morning. He had been drinking everything, and by everything, he meant everything.
Shoulda stuck to all clear liquors, Case, Kelly thought. He groaned out loud.
"Aw, shit, Kelly, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall over on ya," Matt slurred, "I think I'm a little bit drunk, actually." He gripped Kelly's shoulder and laughed.
"It's okay, I think I figured that out by now, bud." Kelly reached out for the stubbed-out butt in Matt's hand. "Here, I'll get that for ya." Kelly stood up and tossed the butt in the ashtray as a cab came around the corner. "That's us, I'll pull you up. Grab my hand."
Kelly gripped Matt's hand and pulled him up off the sidewalk like it was nothing. Matt swayed, one hand in a pocket and the other hand in Kelly's. The two, one much more drunk than the other, made their way to the cab to finally head home. "We'll get home, we'll get you some water and something to eat before you pass out, okay? Sound good?"
Matt barely nodded, and crashed almost headfirst into the cab. He looked miserable, and Kelly followed him in. The two sat in the backseat in silence on the way home. It was almost painful how quiet it suddenly was. The sound of the breeze through the open windows was enough to break up the awkwardness.
Matt's hand was still in his pocket, and he fiddled nervously with an unmarked pill bottle just quietly enough so Kelly wouldn't hear it. He wouldn't want to lose it on his way back into the apartment.
TBC
