Saccharine Torments

Chapter 4: You Are (Not) Alone

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin and I make no money from this fic.

The title of this chapter comes from Neon Genesis Evangelion which I don't own either!

As she prepared to leave, a thought hit her; what would people think had happened to her? If she just disappeared without telling anybody then they might be worried; Arthur would come looking for her, she knew that for sure. And she couldn't tell the truth, they would think she was crazy or try to cure her of the enchantment and not let her go. They might not understand that this might be the only way of getting to Morgana, of saving her from herself.

Because that was what she wanted; these dreams were just a cry for help. Gwen had always been an optimist- her father had after told her that she was too trusting. She believed in people and she had always believed in Morgana, she had been a good mistress; she had treated her as an equal rather than an inferior, she had taken care of her when her father had died.

Even now, she couldn't believe Morgana was truly evil; she had just lost her way.

Gwen was determined to find her, to follow their connection, and to bring Morgana back, restored to her former self. She knew it wouldn't be easy though, she didn't know where she was, or how long her journey would be. And that was why she couldn't afford to just disappear.

Struck by an idea, she took out a piece of parchment and started to write a letter that should explain her absence- at least to give her long enough to get a head start- it might all be the effect of the magick, but Gwen felt like this was her own choice rather than anything Morgana had forced her to do.

'I've received an urgent letter from my Cousin Elaine that requires me the ride for her home immediately, I'm sorry that I didn't have time to say goodbye. I shall be back as soon as possible.'

Gwen finished the letter and signed it, folding it and leaving it on her neatly made bed, knowing that whoever came looking for her would spot it and inform everyone of where she (supposedly) was. She only hoped it was convincing enough, she'd had to be vague, hoping that it would be more realistic that way (after all, if she had to rush off, then she would hardly have time to write an in depth synopsis of the situation).

Still, she did worry though, Elyan might worry about their Cousin and write to her himself, which would disprove her story. She just hoped that if it got to that, it would be too late and she would already have made her getaway. But mostly she worried about Arthur, he'd been through so much, her leaving felt like a betrayal of his trust- she was going straight to the sister who'd done just that. She'd hoped that she could help him but Morgana needed her so much more; Arthur was surrounded by friends, Morgana had no-one.

She couldn't stay with him out of a sense of obligation either.

Knowing that it was time to go, that it was now or never, she grabbed her pack and left her home, not knowing when she would return. The streets were quiet, the night air still, making Gwen all the more anxious. She stepped softly, not wanting to draw attention to herself; she didn't want to encounter anyone and have to explain herself.

Camelot was well guarded but its defence was not perfect. A single woman, on foot, could easily slip out like a shadow into the dark of the woods. She'd known she could do it but her heart had been pounding the entire time.

She tried to compose herself as she walked through the woods, trying to navigate with so little light, the stars as her only guide. She would walk until the nearest village and then buy a horse as soon as she could. She had enough food to last her through for a while but she would have to keep stocking up every so often. It would help if Morgana had told her where she was going, all she could feel was a general direction in which she should be travelling.

Again, she wondered whether this was a good idea; she could turn back now and it would be like this foolishness never happened. But she never seriously considered going back to Camelot; the compulsion to continue was just too strong in her.

She was tired; occasionally she could feel herself start to slip into dreams, even as she walked. The flicker of images would come upon her and she would have fight to keep her eyes from closing. Finally, when the village was sight, she allowed herself to rest beneath the trees, knowing that she would need all her strength for this journey. She would enter the village at first light.

Her eyes were barely closed a second before she found herself standing in the world of dreams; the surreal sensation all too familiar by now.

"Well done, Gwen, you've taken your first steps," Morgana says, sounding less frightened, less bitter than she had done in previous visions. Her hair is loose and cascading in sensuous waves and she wears her most majestic, royal red gown. Everything about her stance says power, control; her face is smug, knowing.

Gwen reassures herself by telling herself that this is all an act, Morgana always could hide her emotions from the rest of the World, better than anyone else she knows. Gwen knows that this is a dangerous game she's playing but it's one that's worth it.

"I'm coming for you," Gwen says, soothingly.

Morgana throws her head back and laughs, imperiously.

"No, Gwen, you are coming to me. Like a fly into a spider's web; you are powerless to resist. I'm going to enjoy watching you struggle."

"I…"

"Don't speak; it's time you wake up."

Gwen's eyelids fluttered open, her memory of where she was slowly returning to her. She felt no more well rested than when she had slept and she ached everywhere from sleeping on the ground. The dream had given her nothing but increased determination.

She hoisted herself up and walked into the village, quickly managing to sort out her supplies, and buying a horse (nearly bankrupting her in the process). She tried not to stop too long; she didn't want to give anyone a good look at her.

After she gained everything she needed, she was off, riding to wherever it was that her instincts told her. She just hoped that she had the strength to see this quest through.

Meanwhile back in Camelot…

"Gwen?" Merlin called, peeking his head around the door of her house. After receiving no answer, he entered, the letter on the bed catching his eye after scoping the room for a few minutes.

He opened the letter and begun to read. Somehow, he had an uneasy feeling about this. The letter was so brief and it wasn't like Gwen to just take off like this. Still, he could see no signs of a struggle or anything that would point to this being a kidnapping or anything like that. Everything seemed in order.

He folded the letter back up, leaving the room as it was, resolving to talk to Elyan to ask about this cousin of theirs. He was sure that everything was fine but it didn't hurt to check.

That's it for this chapter; hopefully the next update won't be too far away! Oh and Happy New Year, everyone! Please review, I really appreciate all reviewers who have so far, and reviews give me the motivation to continue writing as well as helping me knowing what I'm doing right (or wrong).