From Outside Time: a collection from Ulara
Opened in Deningrad National Library 100 After Moonfall
Charle's sealed writings
(Like Rose, Charle wanted her contributions specially sealed and refused to let me look at them. I don't know whether she included the song I've caught her singing sometimes. If not I want to leave some record of it, though I don't know the words. She calls it Melbu's lullaby, and it's the creepiest thing I've ever heard, which is saying a lot since I've written some pretty creepy lullabies myself. It's sad, for Charle's sake, but creepy. Maybe I'm biased, but just the thought of the former Emperor being sung to sleep at all...
Not that I would ever say that to Charle. It would be rude. Of course, I know she knows I think so...--Miata)
Their lives are on my hands as well
but it is she who comes home alone,
blood-stained and empty-eyed,
she whom they blame.
Widows and orphans name her Black Monster
and the survivors lay curses upon her;
but they survive.
The world goes on.
And elsewhere children yet laugh,
and deepening eyes meet in love,
and life blooms, and fades,
in the slow dignity of time.
And this is enough;
this must be enough;
this is all I have.
And even this cannot be mine.
Is death the proper end to life,
as every night must end in dawn?
Are we alive who cannot die,
are we awake who cannot sleep?
Time passes by and avoids us.
Silence creeps into weary hearts.
Sleep is dearly bought with long waking.
Death would be welcome in our moonlit hours.
Longer life is only longer to wait.
What makes the world worth saving?
Tell me if you remember, for I cannot.
Does Soa too grow weary of the years?
Can you recall to me the songs of children,
and bonds unbroken between friends?
Can you tell me there is yet peace and joy,
that laughter still comes with love?
All these I have forgotten long ago.
All my songs are sorrow now,
and all laughter gone bitter.
Tell me somewhere someone lives
who still believes in love unending.
It is enough.
I will wait.
I sent out the warriors in battle and waited:
so few returned to know the peace they gained,
fewer were still capable of acknowledging it.
Dare I ask forgiveness?
For their sake and the sake of their children,
I will not tell them of the Moon.
It is better that they know nothing of that fear
than that their souls like ours grow weary of life.
I sent my dark flame to save the world
and closed my heart to her pain.
They were all dear to me once,
but it was no act of love to ask such a thing.
For they will hold her responsible for the deaths,
and she does herself; but she is not--she is not.
The decision was mine, mine the failure.
Yet I found no other way...
Without complaint she went out
to do as I had commanded her, the unending task;
numb from the war at first, and then,
sharing in our stale timelessness, grown cold.
I do not deny I expected that.
The blood that stained her sword is on my hands.
Forgiveness is more than I deserve.
I cannot ask it of her, nor of the world I wounded.
Years pass, but it is grief that ages me.
I turn my face to ancient stars and ask:
how long have I lived?
I have lived too long.
But young eyes look up at me
and I know my duty yet unfulfilled.
Their lives must be preserved though I find no joy in my own.
If you can, understand this...I had no choice.
Now I lay me down to die,
If I wake, then let me cry.
The world is cold, despair soul-deep,
Must I wake again from sleep?
Now I lay me down to die,
I have bid the world good-bye.
What can I do except to weep?
Must I wake again from sleep?
I cannot yet lay down to die.
The world must live, and so must I.
I have a promise yet to keep.
I must wake again from sleep.
Melbu's Lullaby
Did you still remember that time long ago?
You were my dear brother, that's all you could know,
And you wouldn't sleep, not for anything,
Till I came to hug you, and softly I'd sing:
When darkness comes down like a veil over day,
When light dims and stars shine and noise fades away,
Hush now, beloved, there's no need to weep,
Lay your head down and I'll sing you to sleep.
Did you still remember, or had you forgot?
You grew proud and cruel, and heeded me not,
The years came between us, you sent me away.
You said I was worthless, yet still I would say:
When darkness comes down like a veil over day,
When light dims and stars shine and noise fades away,
Hush now, beloved, though you've made me weep.
Lay your head down and I'll sing you to sleep.
If you had forgotten, perhaps it explains
Why of my dear brother no trace now remains.
I knew you had plans I could never accept.
I saw your dark shadows, and softly I wept:
When darkness comes down like a veil over day,
When light dims and fear grows and joy fades away,
Hush now, beloved, your shadows won't keep.
Rest in peace, darling, I'll send you to sleep.
I loved you still, but I heard your demands.
The children did not deserve death at our hands.
I plotted against you, I hoped you would die.
Long years have passed since, and come dusk I sigh:
In darkness I left you, in darkness remain.
You gave the orders, but I felt the pain.
Hush now, beloved, though darkness comes deep.
I have no peace left since I sent you to sleep.
