FROM THE MIXED-UP FILES OF PRINCIPAL KELLY CHAPTER FOUR



"Gather-round-my-friends-for-the-traditional-'Reading-Of-The-Permanent-Records'-assembly-at-the-Brotherhood-of-Bayville-Boarding-House." Pietro declared while banging a mallet on the crooked table.

"Traditional? Since when?" scoffed Lance.

"Quiet-you." Pietro bonked him with the mallet. The others laughed. "And-now-without-further-ado-here-is-the-permanent-record-of-the-single-greatest-student-to-ever-grace-the-halls-of-Bayville-High-with-his-presence-that-marvelous-mutant-and-incredibly-fashionable-dresser-Pietro-Maximoff!" and with that he placed the file 'Maximoff, Pietro' on the table. Everyone held their breath with anticipation as he opened the folder. It read:



Name: Maximoff, Pietro

Hair: White

Eyes: Blue

Skin: Caucasian

Grade: Sophomore

Record: Mr. Maximoff is a rude, hyperactive, and impatient prankster. He has been assigned 39 days of detention this year, and has served only 2. In these past few months he has toilet-papered my car, poured itching powder in the shorts of one Evan Daniels, stolen my toupee, switched the labels on the chemistry bottles, set the clocks ahead 2 hours, pulled the fire alarm 4 times, insulted every teacher, raced through the hallways, gotten into 3 fist-fights with Evan Daniels, shut down our school's water supply, tarred and feathered Evan Daniels, and replaced the milk cartons and carrots with 'Jolt Cola' and 'Pixie Sticks'. He has been suspected of being involved with countless other crimes, which have yet to be confirmed.



"Can-you-believe-this?" said Pietro with disgust. "Who-does-Kelly-think-he's-fooling? My-hair-is-silver-not-white! And-I-got-in-4-fights-with-Daniels-and-he-didn't-even-mention-half-the-things-I've-done!"

"He did say he suspected you of 'countless other crimes', Pietro." Tabby reasoned.

"It's-not-the-same! I-demand-recognition-for-my-brilliant-schemes!" Pietro whined.

"What's a Caucasian?" wondered Freddy.

Toad shrugged. "Maybe it means mutation, yo?" he offered.

"Nah, it means white." answered Lance.

"My-skin-isn't-just-white! It's-soft-and-ivory-and-silky-smooth-because-I-moisturize-it-every-day-with-Aloe-and-Vitamin-E!" Pietro wailed.

"Maybe we should read another file." Tabby quickly suggested. She didn't feel like listening to another one of Pietro's tantrums.

Pietro perked up. "OK. Pick-a-number-from-one-to-a-hundred." he ordered.

"Why?" asked Freddy.

"To-see-who-goes-next. Now-c'mon-already. Pick-a-number!" Pietro was getting bored.

"14." said Tabby.

"87." said Lance.

"40." said Freddy.

"66." said Toad.

"The-answer-is-51." Pietro informed them.

"I wanted to go next!" Freddy bawled.

"You are going next!" Lance told him.

"Oh." Freddy smiled.

"And since it's Freddy's turn, I might as well head upstairs to.." Lance was cut off.

"Oh no, you don't!" laughed Tabby as she forced him back onto his chair.

Lance whimpered softly. He'd been beaten twice. Tabby had been right. The night was young.