Scene: Sixth Division, Day 6

Captain Kuchiki sat perfectly still at his desk. Across from him sat Chojiro Sasakibe. The clock ticked.

"I cut the nail on my left pinky too close to the skin", the captain said.

Sasakibe courteously asked, "Is there something you'd like me to do about it?"

Kuchiki considered. "No, I'll just wait for it to grow out."

"That's wise", the lieutenant said.

/

Scene: bar, Day 6 (evening)

It had been a wildly successful week for the Thirteenth Division. Lieutenant Iba had introduced some interesting training techniques to the squads, and had learned a lot from Captain Ukitake. The two men discovered that they complemented each other's styles. So, this last night, they'd gone out celebrating.

(It hadn't been easy to slip out of Seireitei unnoticed. Soi-Fon's people had locked down most of the streets trying to subdue the Eighth Division party. There were rumors that the Fifth and some of the Eleventh had joined in the party, and even some of the Kido Corps. And no one wanted the Kido Corps drinking. The Eleventh only broke things. The Kido Corps could break dimensions.)

Ukitake and Iba been barhopping all night and were currently pressed up against the bar at a crowded, dingy place called "Ceremonial Classy Drinks".

Iba said, "ya know, if I was a captain, I'd never spend the night alone. You must do pretty well for yourself."

"Not really", Yoshiro admitted.

"Oh, come on! You're better looking than me. And you're one of the most powerful guys in Soul Society. Gals love that."

Ukitake finished off another glass of the bar's trademark tequila. "I think I'm just the kind of person that women think of as a friend."

Iba slammed down another tequila to keep pace with his drinking companion, then waved the bartender to bring over a bottle of sake.

"You're a pretty fella. You know who else is? Shuhei. He's practically a girl. But he's got those tattoos. They make him look dangerous. Gals love that whole nice-guy-with-a-dangerous-side thing. He'd clean up at a dive like this."

"Maybe I should get a tattoo."

"That's a great idea! You know what, you should get a tattoo tonight. Maybe a 69 on your face."

"No, no, I couldn't. I mean, I understand why Hisagi did that, but it's really inappropriate. What kind of message does that send?"

"OK, something else then. But definitely on your face. But wadda ya wanna get? What do gals like?"

"I don't know", Yoshiro said, then smiled hazily. "If I knew what women liked, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"OK, how about Kuchiki's little sister. She's hot. You know her, what does she like?"

"Well, she loves those cartoons with Chappy the Bunny. She's crazy about them. She draws bunnies all over everything."

/

Scene: Ukitake's quarters, Day 7 (morning)

Captain Ukitake woke up feeling terrible. Really terrible. He hadn't felt this awful in years. His entire body ached, his head was throbbing, and his face felt like –

He remembered something. No, no, no, no, it couldn't have happened. He sprinted out of bed and over to a mirror.

What a relief. He looked at his face, and as ghostly pale and bloodshot as it was, he felt nothing but joy upon seeing that Iba hadn't talked him into a face tattoo.

He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair and took off his robes.

Bunnies! Tattoos of bunnies everywhere! Hopping up and down his arms and legs, snuggling cutely on his torso, peering out from behind certain areas, his entire body had been a canvas for a creative tattoo artist. He turned around, and looking over his shoulder, he saw that among the dozens of ink designs on his body, he had what could only be called a "rabbit hole". How had he not remembered that? That one tattoo alone must have hurt unbelievably.

It was a disaster. This wouldn't do at all. He had to go to Division Four and get them removed immediately. But who could he talk to there? Unohana? How could he drop his robes in front of her and reveal his…no, he couldn't do it. He ran into her so often – how could he ever make eye contact with her again? And Isane? Even worse! And those were the only two in the division who would be trusted to work on a captain.

Then he had an idea. He quickly put his robe and socks on and headed out the door.