This is how I died. :D


~-~

MILKBERRY CAFÉ. CLOSED FOR BUSINESS.

I stood back. Examined the sign. Hm. Looks about right.

"You're…closing?" Gylfie sniffled. "But…but…I didn't even get to examine the table dancers yet!"

"Face it, shorty," Bubo growled, "Ezylryb's dead. And the girl herself has chosen to change her penname in order celebrate her death in a bunghole. What can you expect from us, now? Soren coming to work in swimming trunks?"

"He did that, once," the elf owl muttered.

We stood back at the same time to look around the empty hollow. A Choose-Your-Favorite-Haggy! spread from last February's edition of Playbird fluttered past, its gay contents reflecting the current state of the room.

(Which is to say, very dull.)

They all left.

"I can't believe they all left," Gylfie sighed, "I think I'll leave, too. I haven't dry-humped Coryn in like, seven minutes."

Bubo grunted for reasons I cannot imagine.

"He's getting a vasectomy, I thought."

"He is. That's why I have to do him before he can't impregnate me. Apparently, owls in the Galapagos Islands breed in cross-species."

"Ah."

I didn't know owls could get vasectomies.

"So tell me, why are you quitting the shop again?" Gylfie demanded.

"You can't get it through your thick head, can you?" I said, "it's cause there's bad business. No one reviews, I've turned towards pedophilia, and I've also gotten addicted to pretty Japanese boys. Recession depression, in short."

"But it's GA'HOOLE! WE DON'T GET DEPRESSED!"

"Recession, Gylf. Meaning, I've no money. I've resorted to logging into my Facebook account from a ditch," I sighed, "Well, so long. And thanks for all the good laughs. I'll miss my owl fandom."

"Where are you going next?" Bubo asked.

Oh, great. The giant lumbering freak-job has a question. I smile and nod.

"I'm going off to molest Koyama. And possibly get a restraining order filed on my ass. I love you guys."

And as I leave the Great Tree, I can hear a squeak from the distance, "Hey, isn't the series over?"


A/N: This is my official farewell to the fandom. I will now be full-time PoT, PJO, and JE. Loverly acronyms! Smell you geeks later.