It was a dark and stormy night, and Sonic woke up in the morning ready to tackle whatever the fuck was lying ahead of him in. Dude what was lying ahead of him? Where was he? WHoahaoa

Eggman was trying tinder out for the first time, hoping the strike gold, hoping to meet that one, hoping hopping flopping big dicking. He was using the alias Tommy Lasagna, people called him shit like "Bath Tub" cause he looked like a victim of getting his kidneys stolen, miraculous how he still has a functioning sexual drive. They would also call him Tubba Blubba lmfao

Eggman already had to lower his standards to use this app, no underage woodland creatures that would want to associate with him on the darned thing. Wait, what's this? A match! Eggman hesitated no seconds away, finally it was time.

Eggman: Hot pussy?
Match: Yup
Eggman: Fertile?
Match: Nope

Stranger has disconnected.

Damn, darn. Eggman's heart was breaking by the second... but hold on, another match! It was an OC that he really couldn't distinguish what species it was, but nonetheless he knew you had to make every shot you take or else you don't take shots you don't make fake

Eggman: i wish i wouldn't feel embarrassed using emoticons, but like the only i know is like c: and im a 21 male using that shit and idk if that's legal
OC: First of all, let's get one thing straight. Crack is cheap, I make too much money to ever smoke crack, let's get that straight, ok? We don't do crack, we don't do that. Crack is whack

God DAMN, his boner and wedding plans were real! While live tweeting the play-by-play of events the day of his wedding, he would find Sonic's fresh carcass, and looming in the shadows in the distance was Big Man Bill...