I own nothing; Hail Chuck, Bill and Warners. Wil Wheaton: National Treasure and, for my purposes, totally fictional.

The Dark Sisters

Wheaton had been warned, but Wheaton really didn't like to listen to people. He went his own way.

He had ended the feud with Sheldon and he was glad he had. Sheldon was just as much fun as a friend and if he ever missed the twitching, he could always enrage him again.

But forget enraging Sheldon. Now he was being enraged. And terrified. And kept awake until 3 am. By 2 tiny little biologists. Women who seemed confident that they could not only start the zombie apocalypse, but that they could synthesize monkey semen.

They had thought about synthesizing monkey semen enough to know that if a genetically altered 'roid rager rubbed it on his penis and got a flu shot…. That would make a zombie.

It was disturbing. It was perverted. It was disgusting…

He could totally sell this shit ball to HBO!

His evil ladies of terror had given his concept something it hadn't had before. Danger. Sex. Not just sex…plausible sex! But that meant he couldn't play the lead scientist. They needed somebody willing to show his ass like it was nothing. Like he was born in Bon Temps, as they say. Maybe they could get True Blood or Game of Thrones cast members in the off season.

Clearly Amy and Bernadette, or as he called them now, the dark sisters, needed to be appeased. Not only had the science been truly weird but Amy actually had quite a flare for making jibber jabber dryly humorous.

Wait. No.

Appeasement? No. Never.

He was Wil Wheaton, for Christ's sake! He'd been forged from childhood in the fiery hatred of a million irrational Star Trek fans and the knowledge that he would never be as successful as Corey Feldman.

He would emerge victorious. He would create his new Zombie empire with the enforced assistance of the dark sisters, secure in the knowledge that the contract Penny signed included a clause agreeing to tasteful nudity! And tasteful nudity there would be. He would not be disturbed by the fact that Amy sent him random emails with quotes from Frankenstein…

He would take an Ambien! He would get some God damned sleep!

Otherwise he'd look puffy tomorrow…

Sheldon had kept Amy after the other's had gone home. Since, in a fit of joy, he'd kissed her forehead, he'd been thinking of her warmly. He knew that she still disliked Wil, but he was proud that she had the fortitude to overcome this for more important reasons.

It was good for Penny. It really was her last chance at a career.

The fact that she had gotten so much for her involvement spoke to her amazingly attractive negotiation skills. Also, his genuine Leonard Nimoy Spock ears were on their way! He had a Fed ex tracking number. When she told him that, his kiss missed her forehead and landed right on her lips.

She was doing it because it made him happy. When Amy set out to make him happy, she succeeded.

He recognized that he needed to do more to make her happy. This thought didn't fill him with dread, as it once might of. He knew what Amy liked. She liked clean food, educational programs, lavish Broadway musicals, zoos, British Costume dramas, human experimentation… most of that perfectly within his skill set. He was also aware that the slight escalation in romantic physical contact hadn't satisfied her.

They had included a quarterly amendment process which had led to hand holding on request and limited kissing, provided it be on the cheek, forehead, or chin (the height differential meant that they both had the potential to miss the mark when they went for the cheek kiss). She always led the negotiations by putting coitus on the table. One day he was going to agree just to see how she would handle it. Also, because one day, he would agree because it was time to say yes. Because the thought of ever being without her was becoming something that had moved from horrifying to impossible.

"So," he said, handing her a mug of tea, "Zombies are possible."

Amy's eyes flashed dangerously, "No they aren't. These are ZINO'S. Zombies in name only."

"Do they eat human flesh? is their flesh falling off the bone like an over cooked chicken? Can they infect others by biting them?" he asked.

"Yes, no, yes. Also through sexual contact."

"Zombies."

"Fine, I acknowledge that Bernadette and I instigate a limited, localized zombie apocalypse. But Bernadette has weaponized syphilis and all I need to take over the earth with my ape army is funding and a secluded island on which to conduct my experiments away from society's prying eyes." Amy said, sipping her tea, "Zombies should be the least of your worries."

He huffed, "Space death rays are better."

"No they aren't. You'd have to get the government involved and they can be so nosy. "Why do you need to maintain control of the death ray?" "Fine. Wait. Who are your enemies?" "Did you mean to do that? Are you sure? It looked highly random."" she waved her hand, "I'd rather deal with a mentally ill billionaire any day of the week."

"That is beside the point, I think having an actual possible scenario for the zombie apocalypse will really set this project apart from the others." Sheldon gave her a koala smile.

"I am glad you are pleased and that Penny is so excited. I know he is your friend, but I am glad I have Bernadette to help me deal with Wheaton." Amy blushed and looked into the depths of her tea.

"I told him to beware of her."

Amy lifted her eyes, with a curious smile, "What did you say?"

"I told her she was emotionally volatile… like a tiny little Klingon."

"Apt."

"Then Leonard told him that it didn't matter which one of you he angered, when one was mad the others would swarm like bees." Amy grabbed her phone and began texting. "What are you doing?"

"Sending Leonard a thank you text." She smiled.

"You should thank me, I was the one who told Wil about Bernadette's emotional incontinence. I also gave Leonard the bee simile." Sheldon pouted.

Amy stood up, went round the counter and kissed his cheek, "Thank you." There was a bit of an awkward pause, before Amy started gathering her things. "I need to get home, I didn't get any sleep last night."

"You probably shouldn't drive then." Sheldon bleated out before he could stop himself. "Tomorrow's Saturday, so you could stay here… if you want…"

Her eyes widened as she fought to control her breathing. He was not suggesting anything… nothing. "Where would I sleep?"

"Leonard's room. He won't mind. Also, he put on new sheets 3 days ago and they haven't been slept in, so it should be sanitary." Sheldon rushed, "And there are jammies in the emergency Amy overnight kit."

"Okay, that might be a good idea. I am tired." She was stunned as he left the room to retrieve the emergency Amy overnight kid. She had heard tell of its existence when it was prepared, but this was her first night, seeing what Sheldon's idea of what she should wear for jammies and underwear was.

A half hour later, she was dressed for bed and pleasantly surprised. He had chosen a nice old fashioned white cotton nightie. It was mildly sexy if you dug really modest chicks or where a girl with a persistent Jane Eyre fantasy. And the underwear had been the same kind she already wore. It was even the right size.

That meant that Sheldon had been poking around in her underwear drawer.

That meant she was 9 months ahead of schedule.

As she climbed into the bed, she smiled thinking that this bed had seen some coitus. Then her phone beeped.

Ladies: lunch meeting in Glendale.

And Amy; "Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful."

WW

Aw, he could google Frankenstein quotes… how sweet.

Ensign;

""A human being in perfection ought always to preserve a calm and peaceful mind and never to allow passion or a transitory desire to disturb his tranquility."

Peace out.

AFF

A/N: Oh, dear, Wil thinks he has game. Bless his heart.