Mesmerized
Part Three - (Alternate Ending)

Shinigami can't die…

Heero watched the doctor approached and he felt his chest seizing in an unusual manner as he realized that the doctor's expression wasn't one of good news. He wished he couldn't see the impending bad report in her downcast eyes. But he held on to that small sliver of hope, that maybe…Oh please god maybe…he was reading her expression wrong…

He stood up when she nodded in his direction, confirming that it was indeed him that she was requesting to speak with. She introduced herself but Heero never heard a word of it. He watched her mouth move but his mind refused to comprehend any other words than the information he wanted, no NEEDED to know…Would his baka be all right?

"I'm sorry if I seem impatient…but please get to the point…Is he okay?" Heero finally spoke, in a much harsher tone than he intended and followed by a wince as he realized how badly his voice had cracked.

"…Well…" The doctor's words were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. The other pilots, made their way back in a hurry as they saw the white-coated woman standing before Heero.

"Sorry that took so long…" Quatre huffed as they ran up to them. The poor boy's eyes were still red from the hours of tears he'd cried in frustration of not knowing what was going on and not being able to do anything.

"Please tell us what's going on…" Trowa's soft voice broke the tension enough to ask the question everyone was too afraid to voice. One look at the lady doctor and they already knew the answer, but no one wanted to actually hear it said, because that would mean they would have to accept it…

"Well, your friend…we…we tried everything…but…."

"But?" Heero's normally stoic and commanding voice faltered at the word that always meant something bad.

"But, we just couldn't save him…he bled out into his brain and…we couldn't do anything to stop it…I'm sorry…" She closed her eyes and lowered her head.

Quatre's soft whimpering could be heard as the blonde's face buried in Trowa's shoulder. His sobs every now and then followed by a hiccup and soft cries of how this shouldn't have happened. Wufei sat down once the news hit him and more or less with the force of a cement block. For the first time he looked ready to belt someone for a reason other than natural instinct to fight. He was grief stricken as much as Quatre and apparently Trowa, judging from the glistening tears.

Only Heero was unable to register the information. Or perhaps he did not WANT to register it, and in his mind he kept repeating…Shinigami can't die…

"He's….?" Those blue eyes wearily reached out to the doctor in hopes that his mind was simply being cruel and making up the words as her mouth moved.

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Maxwell, is dead…"

The brunette's legs nearly buckled and he fought to steady himself, glaring down at the floor but unable to see anything through his blurring eyes. His whole being seemed to shatter in his mind as he realized that his world just killed himself…and that he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it.

Without conscious thought Heero dashed away from every face he knew, everything that reminded him of the horrible mistake that he made. I should have paid attention…I should have paid attention! He raced down the corridor and took a sharp turn going up the stairs, in an attempt to run away from his misery. Taking the steps by two he stopped when he realized that there were no more stairs…

Standing in the highest floor of the grim building, he sank to the floor against the wall. The empty storage hall echoed every sound he made, and seemed to bounce back at him. But the loud echoing of his cries never reached his ears. Because he didn't care anymore… He didn't care if he showed weakness. He didn't care if anyone saw his pain. Because for once in his life, his life was HIS.

"Baka….why…why didn't you talk to me…You know…I would have listened…you know that I would have given you the time of day if I knew you needed it!" He sobbed and each word rose his voice another octave until he had to gasp in air to make up for his screams.

"BAKA! WHY? YOU IDIOT!" He curled against the wall and sunk onto his side, laying on the hard and cold floor. "Why….?"

"….WHY, DAMN YOU, WHYYYYY?"

He sat up slowly.

"Don't leave me Duo…don't…please…DON'T LEAVE ME!" He slammed his fist into the wall in an attempt to ease the pain that was ripping apart the remaining sanity he still held onto.

"It's not real…It's not real…It can't be…Shinigami doesn't die…" He rocked himself back and forth unaware of the approach of the other pilots.

The blonde Arabic slowly approached Heero and knelt beside him. Heero latched onto him as a sort of life support. "Tell me it's not real Quatre…" Those blue eyes didn't even blink as traumatic shock completely overwhelmed the naturally level headed pilot, who's seen more death than anyone really should.

"I'm sorry Heero…" Quatre's eyes welled up with tears again.

"It's my fault…" The voice came as a whisper.

"Not it's not…It's not your fault…" The blue eyed ex-pilot mothered the trauma stricken teammate.

"Yes….yes it is…because Shinigami can't die…."

Shinigami can't die….

Heero's finger clawed at the freshly laid dirt before the elaborate tombstone. He couldn't bring himself to forgive the actions he should have taken but didn't. His mind reeled as every moment kneeling in the rain-washed dirt shattered his heart again and again, until he didn't think he would ever recover.

The ceremony was fancy, but in a Duo style. He was laid into the ground in his priest's outfit and his hair twisted into his beloved braid. So beautiful, so peaceful, and so deathly pale. So lifeless and unlike the overenthusiastic pilot he'd found himself trying so desperately to figure out.

He remained when every one had left, and he couldn't bring himself to leave that small plot of land. It was as if his whole life was lying right there. He didn't care that his black tux was now coated in mud, or that he looked insane lying over a grave in the pouring rain. His heart was so broken nothing seemed to matter anymore. Who would have that that obnoxious American would have meant so much in his heart of hearts.

"I knew you would be the death of me…" Heero whispered to the ground.

He knew the others were waiting for him, and he knew they wouldn't stop him. They saw his pain and they let him do as he wished, but only the four of them remained. They wouldn't leave Heero, no matter how long they had to wait.

"Baka…I can't stay here…I want to…I want to make it up to you…And I will…one day…I promise…I'm not invincible…you taught me that… baka…It won't be long…I promise…I'll see you again very soon…" The words fell silent to the hard rain and whipping winds as Heero pulled himself together as much as he could and stood, walking away with hesitance.

Shinigami died…

Here lies Duo Maxwell

Ex-pilot for peace,

Loving Friend,

And Immortal Spirit that will live on forever.

In the hearts of those who love him.

xXx

Leo: Well this fic is officially over! I didn't do the Heero kills himself and it's up to the reader to determine what he meant in the last paragraph, because cliche is evil. I hope you all enjoyed this little minific of mine! And if it sucked...well...that's just a Leo standard...