04

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Hinata's return to Konoha should mark the end of Sasuke's days of virginity, baptizing him so to speak with those lovely juices that he would make sure she would generously release for him during the high time of their, so to speak, Springtime of Youth. He was supposed to ravish her the moment she would set foot in the real land of the rising sun (it fits her name) and make her scream his name…. come for him… such things all those Icha Icha heroes put in their mental to-do list once they were getting on with some trope-ish, innocent woman they decided they love. But as it had chosen to always be after having him and Hinata meet, fate is once more against such notion. At least for the time being. Such a cockblocker. This time, Sasuke can understand why the Neji guy seems to detest it so much.

For one, Hinata and him are cousins. And crushing on her as the long-haired freakish man clearly does only screams unsightly, unimaginable, really weird incest. So for the moment Tenten should suffice for his far from innocent fantasies, eh?

Hn. On the much brighter side though, thank the matchmakers of heaven for preferring Sasuke as the much, much luckier guy. Because come on, we all know that SasuHna is just uber perfect.

Anyways…

Unfortunately however for his own impatient "little man", the snobbish Hyuuga clan had just decided to be traditional so as to demand Hinata to stay in the Hyuuga prefecture (stupid white eyed bastards have their own village apparently) in the entire duration of her temporary stay. Which is but a month! The fuck?

Not only that but she was also set to go there first and linger a while for the week preceding her younger sister's graduation before doing exactly what dutiful girlfriends should do for long distance, awaiting boyfriends. That is, taking the train towards Konoha and having hardcore fuck with the faithfully waiting man in question while whispering sweet nothings about how they missed each other and whatnot. And yet, there was nothing else he could do. What is he but a lowly peasant? (Nevermind that he is the heir to practically the Louvre itself. The Hyuugas would still consider him trash. But that, wouldn't stop him from getting the girl at any rate. Hn.)

So, albeit reluctantly, Sasuke agrees that they would only see each other the moment Hiashi would relent into releasing the leash he has tied around her. And meanwhile try not to cry a bucket of tears just because his baptismal as a real man had to be delayed for a week.

And the fact that majority of Hinata's three-month vacation would be mostly spent attending boring dinner parties with equally dumb middle-aged suitors instead of being locked in Sasuke's bedroom. Thrusting, panting, moaning, grunting, er, ejaculating…. Well, you get the idea. So in essence they had like, only the weekends on their own. But even waiting for the days to come by would exponentially be better than Skyping indeed. So however is he unsatisfied with the worth of his two-year wait (and the sappy moment from last chapter, thank you very much), there is nothing much he could do in the meantime but make things in turn worthy for Hinata. (Because as the huge Scrooge she had for a father would graciously inform you, yes, the money for her homecoming came straight from her pockets).

All of this, she forewarns now, one month away from the fatefully inevitable day of Sasuke's debut as a real man.

"But I really promise I would be there in Konoha as soon as I can." Which, had Sasuke been mistrustful, should be anytime during next year. But he did say he loves her. And it is true. So he is all but inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Hanabi should manage to convince Father that I would need the Hokage archives in there in order to complete my term paper. So I could be certain that I would be there real soon Sasuke…" That you don't even have the time to fret whether I have been officially betrothed to some old perverted man, is the unspoken reassurance in her words. Her eyes speak enough.

"Hn." he dismisses the scary lolicon thought as he rejoices on how she might be referring to making him forget such distasteful prospects through ways sneakier than they attribute to her. Shutting him up with a hot make out session perhaps? Or rendering him amnesiac of his own identity through some steamy foreplay? Or maybe—this is far the best!—he would be too hoarse to complain because she made him scream too much in her giving him a head-on fellatio!

Dear Lord!

"So your stingy Dad still doesn't know about us then? Hn… Should have expected it." He tackles the sore topic bluntly. Sasuke knows well that the Hyuuga and the Uchiha clans are never in the best of terms, spending their leisure time biting off each other's heads while pretending they could stand being at the same room with the other. (Although Sasuke is pretty sure he could spend the rest of his life in the same bed as Hinata but that is beside the point) In their two years of relationship, Hinata and him never really had talked about anything that might ruin their commitment, however it may be the illogical to liken them to the tragic Romeo and Juliet story. They are standing in a pretty precarious marshland for being long distance and all that is, to bother about anything else that might as well deepen the hole they have dug under themselves when each proclaimed that they are more than just a fling.

"I am planning to introduce you to him actually." Hinata assuages with determination though, smiling softly at him while fiddling with her dainty fingers. She looks elated. "I think, it's about time."

"Hn. Good." He agrees wholeheartedly, appreciating her consideration of their pretty much rocky-already-relationship-that-somehow-continues-to-persist. The fact that she is as serious to him as he is with her. "When?"

"I'm thinking about it." Hinata replies, while glancing somewhere below her screen. Her eyes comically widen. Sasuke, upon realizing that it already midnight in Japan roughly means it's already time for her first period in America. Flustered Hinata starts to get ready shamelessly. In front of him!

This is easily the best rushing-to-school-in-five-minutes in his life! (And that includes chewing tomatoes as an instant breakfast back when he still lived with his parents. And having no morning wood to worry about for once.).

Sasuke bids her goodbye.

Hinata reminds him to have fun.

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So here he is, at Suigetsu's pool party. Trying to have fun.

He sits languidly at the edge of the pool, feet swinging listlessly on the cold, bleached water as he resentfully glares at the overload camaraderie occurring right before his eyes. Yes. In the sense of the word that you could easily figure out that there are couples dry humping on the floor, faggots making out at the corner, missing twosomes that only hinted about some blowjob session being held in the bathrooms and even the pathetic sight of unappealing men who were only stuck masturbating without care in front of heavily inebriated girls. In other words, everything around here only makes him want to go back to his quiet dorm and get it on again with his girlfriend like they did the other night. Man, that was hot! But unfortunately, he was stuck here in the meantime while Hinata chooses (this time with a forewarning at the very least. "Ano. I'm going to be really busy this week. Hope you don't mind." ) not to go online for seven days once more… Which as a good, dutiful boyfriend, he is meant to understand. But sometimes, things are made more unbearable…

… While hellishly enduring the company of one fraud-faced artist who somehow thought Sasuke needed him breathing on his neck at this crucial time of his long-suffering libido…

"So the princess is finally coming back, eh?" Sai's voice happily inquires from his side, smiling that creepy grin of his that only looked more and more conspiratorial the more you get to know how much the guy stalks his subject of interest first before painting them. In other words, he smiles like a fucking lunatic! And he probably even knows that much to be able to pull it off in that infinitely irritating way of his. His thin lips are rigid, uncaring and cold as he purses it to further his point but his eyes are blissfully closed by forced joviality, making you wonder whether the rumors really hold truth about him being Jekyll and Hyde at literally the same time. "So hmmm… you do have your birthday suit ready or something for the big day, don't you? You're just about to lose your virginity Sasuke. Are you ready? Are you ready to face the new life as a real man? Is Hinata? Will Hinata love it? I once read that—"

"You're kidding," The Uchiha mutters back distastefully, interrupting the pointless tirade of sexually philosophical questions and casting the Picasso-wannabe a withering look that made him seem like he is hoping that some magical black unconquerable flames would incinerate him for seven days and seven nights. Anything to stop him from quoting yet another book just to make him seem more emphatic when he obviously is far from it. But even such dismissal from him comes only as a weak resolve at the wake of Sai's pondering. Because face it, he should be thinking about it right now right? "... right?" he murmurs back in uncertainty.

"No. I am not." The man responds in turn, infuriatingly undeterred (if that persisting smile that should have nothing to do with the Uchiha's killing intent is evidence enough.). His feet underwater create ripples around the both of them, each oscillation in the waves overlapping to create a beauty that could only be seen through a real artist's eye. Sai is momentarily absorbed with which before straightening himself up as he slowly responds, but not without the fake enthusiasm that could even rival Naruto's real deal zealousness. The artist, much to Sasuke's dismay is not one to be easily consumed by any form of distraction for long. "I just like reading so much." The man elaborates, swinging his feet on the surface of the pool. "It helps you learn a lot of things, you know. Like why the sky is blue. Why Konoha had that swirly symbol. Why the Hokage Mountain was modeled after Mount Rushmore. Things like that. And oh, did I mention how I finally realized the value of Kakashi's mask after reading Icha Icha for myself? I tell you Sasuke, reading helps a lot."

Teeth gnashing. The raven-haired boy finds it too undignified to roll his eyes to show his lack of appreciation with the other's presence. "Hell if that has anything to do with me…" he grits out, hands outstretched absentmindedly behind him like he couldn't care less whether Kakashi perpetually had drool stains around his mouth. Or something to that effect. "Now listen, you little—"

"And also." The stupid homo with the exposed bellybutton sings gleefully, intentionally interjecting what may have been Sasuke's glowering warning about chopped up corpses or mutilated paintings with a nonchalance so forged Sakura would easily find it in instinct to pummel him right there and then for his "insincerity". Sai winces at the thought of the pink-haired Amazon, thanking the Gods that Sasuke is far easier to brainwash around. And the guy to his credit, is more levelheaded than the other two of his friends. He certainly is the best listener among the three people he is unfortunately stuck with for the rest of his university life. The artist subtly sighs to himself, while maintaining his joyful, counterfeit (because even such practiced cordiality costs too)… smile.

"I read that the first time around should be the most special." Sai paraphrases thoughtfully, putting his forefinger in his pouting lips as he gives the other man beside him a most confused but nevertheless know-it-all look. If such an oxymoron actually makes sense. "And that cute, innocent, secretly sexy girls prefer theirs with real men with experience. Think of Christian Gray fucking Anastasia Steele and boom, a bestselling love story." An ominous look. In which Sai, for the first time since suddenly barging in everybody's already-cursed lives, shows the evil smirk he always had hidden amidst all the devious plots to make everybody's university life a living hell.

Despite himself, Sasuke shivers.

And he has the right to be duly apprehensive when casually, Sai proposes… " I believe Hinata-hime is better off having her first time be enjoyable for her standards if she has someone to guide her. You know, someone who actually had an idea how to do things and not just go around circling the vague scientific instruction of installing hardware to software. Or the birds and the bees…"

The not so considerate suggestion holds Sasuke by impulse, immediately prompting him to pull his fist clenched and ready. "And who better it be? You?" he guffaws with some cruel amusement, guessing already that Sai had always had this awful crush with his girlfriend long ago ever since he caught him sketching some provocative pictures of her in his stalker book. At the time, he had easily forgiven the forbidden, dangerous attraction in exchange for the very much high quality inspiration for his much-needed bathroom trips. But now…

Let's just say, his fist hadn't been yet introduced to Mr. Sai.

And his pair of boxing friends are very, very anxious to meet him.

"Why not? You girlfriend is hot!" The Kishimoto-fanatic exclaims with zeal, appearing blissfully oblivious that he had just officially sealed his fucking fate. No pun intended. Hm. Sasuke smirks evilly to himself. He made a joke! And here's another one: Let's see how "cocky" indeed Sai would be without his "hardware".

Ugh. Lame.

But applicable nevertheless, he compromises. Sasuke is about to commit murder on his doppelganger's sex life and leave the damage for the eternity the multiverse shall spend expanding (aka neutering for dogs, anyone?) when Sai chooses the precise moment to conveniently amend for his thoughtless rants. "But of course I am in no position for that." He says, shrugging ruefully and looking forlorn. "I read somewhere that nobody really likes it when their best friend bones their girl. I certainly wouldn't like it if you try Lee. Tch."

First and foremost, they are far from best friends.

And second note: OF ALL PEOPLE!

Sasuke is now very, very much scarred for life. "Lee?" he breathes out with some justified incredulity, stunned and horrified (and more or less, having the winning battle against screaming the revelation like Naruto would: OMG. YOU'RE GAY? He is way cooler for such randomly hysterical interjections after all.) Meanwhile making a mental note of reminding himself that his life isn't such a horror story. So play cool. But cool or not, he still can't resist gaping. The fuck?

And third: even if he were gay, he would never bend as low as to "try" Lee, thank you very much.

"Actually, I'm bisexual, leading towards nothing in particular. " Sai remarks in answer, reading the direction of the art historian's treacherous thoughts. Still with that unwavering smile. Like seriously. What makes this guy tick? Is it the fact that suckling another man's dick is what he deems more fulfilling for his own twisted search of the dream orgasm? (Or did he prefer being uke?) I mean, Sasuke can imagine why they say yaoi is the most kinkiest of all fandoms. But his own roommate actually practicing such acts under their noses? What the flying fuck? "And by the way…" Sai resumes, with an evil wink that nobody likes, even though how much he looks like Sasuke himself. "I'm secretly in love with Hinata too so I'm warning you. She might end up liking me more for my Situation Down Below." He blatantly gestures at hs crotch area. Sasuke winces. "I certainly am more experienced in giving women their pleasure."

"Dream on."

"Well, I usually—"

"Just. Shut. Up." Sasuke cuts off with finality, eyes closed in contemplation, inhaling as if to recompose himself from any impending murderous rampage. Seconds of breathe exercises that is thankfully nl of any paper bah necessity, the raven-haired Uchiha looks relatively calmer than he was back when they were talking about his nonexistent plans for the big day (he assumed he would just go with the flow. No romantic dinners or clichéd amusement part trips. Tch. Hinata would surely understand that he is nowhere near a five year old. Hn) . But apparently, having other men (even the gayest) falling head over heels his girlfriend somehow didn't really strike a chord as one annoying visual artist would have expected.

In fact, it only turned him on more.

Sasuke sighs dreamily. Hinata….

"Have read these all in Fifty Shades by the way." Sai adds, pretending to be deep in thought as he laughingly eyes the progressively growing bulge on the other's pants as discretely as he could. While smirking at the sight of a squealing Karin from the other side of the pool who obviously just had the same assessment as he had after teasing Sasuke into absolute sexual oblivion. An abandoned hobby he had picked up from Uzumaki Naruto, mind you who is too busy with his own active sex life with Ugly these days to bother about any others'.

This is beyond any teledrama quality! Indeed a very useful information to sell for Uchiha Sasuke 101 enthusiasts.

One, Karin, from his sightline clearly thinks that staring (stalking) at her apple-of-the-eye for the past hour had been exceedingly worth the general inaction. As well as the fogging of her glasses and the cramps she most likely got from staying seated on that gravel stone for too long. Two, Uchiha Sasuke looks really good when dazed into fantasizing about the sacred pornographic thoughts (that the red head is erroneously, deliriously imagining she is the main star of). And three—the most important trivia so far—he is really big DOWN THERE.

Sai smirks, appreciating the sight himself… So he definitely is nowhere like Dickless… Wow… His mouth slightly opens in amazement as the sickly-pale man continues to stare shamelessly in fascination at the perfect display of aesthetics before him… Perhaps he is really as beautiful as those figures in Boticelli paintings… Hmm… That's the something he would prefer not to miss by any means…

Until suddenly the sightseeing is ruined when Sasuke at the most inopportune moment, jumps down on the pool and submerges himself underwater for a considerable amount of time. Splash! All of those overflowing water shooting directly at the surprised artist's face. Only to resurface back up a few moments later, looking exponentially relieved from his tension a while ago but largely enervated at what he was forced to resort on.

Sai raises a highly bemused eyebrow at his roommate's drenched form as the man lifts himself up from the pool, approving very much of his cleverly innovative manner of improvisation.

Instant cold shower. His mouth curves into an audacious line. Hn. Very nice indeed.

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Breaking the fourth wall: The Sweet Life of Sasuke and Hinata

(In which the authoress shall narrate the following epic fail moments of Sasuke&Hinata's cyber sex life over the past month. All of which Sasuke is too shy to tell so himself in his delicious, snarky, dark humor. And Hinata herself has all but ultimately disregarded as her preferably forgettable moments in her super hectic schedule…)

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because contrary to popular canonical perception, Hinata is a very, very whiny girl.

"But Sasuke-kun!" she protests, her hands making slapping sound on her provocatively crossed legs, bare breasts jiggling erotically as she tries to stifle the slight tremble that inevitably ensues during such scenes of confrontation. A royally frustrated look graces her pretty noble features, brows furrowed into what is close to a scowl of disapproval and her lips curled in defiance. Her hands are nowhere to be seen from his vantage point but he is sure they are doing their fidgeting somewhere that is in a reasonable distance from where he really demands them to be in the first place. Good thing she didn't try to cover up herself like she did the last time, definitely more comfortable now on showing her wonderfully mouth-watering tits to her giddy boyfriend. Hn. But if only…

"You just have to touch them for me Hinata…" said boy chivalrously attempts to say reassuringly, with barely concealed exasperation as he leans his shoulders further to her projected image. With squinting assertive eyes that only come off unsuccessfully as a belligerent glare. Hinata visibly flinches. Sasuke sighs. Stupid Skype that doesn't allow him to eat her just there and then! "Just put your hands there…. Yeah, that's it. Cup it with your fingers. Hmm… Right… Perfect. Not so hard now, isn't it?"

She may have partially submitted to his questionable whims but Hinata still doesn't get it. She looks on confusedly, hands splayed around her voluptuous proportions, her face flushed in absolute embarrassment. "But I still d-don't understand—"

"Now squeeze them."

She obediently does, brows still cocked sideways in mental wariness. A wave of discomfort passes through her system as she bravely put her hands on her breasts, squeezing as he harshly told her too.

"Hm.. Yeah… Now… Rub them…"

Her hands instinctively respond to the authoritative voice that reminds her so much of her Chichue's. Which is really weird since Hiashi never looked this… excited whenever he is in the dreaded mood being bossier than a Pharaoh. Inadvertently showing a nipple between her fingers in the process. Hinata blushes at Sasuke's intense slack-jawed stare as he watches said fingers brush sensually over her assets, his countenance drifting somewhere in between nirvana and the face you make when you are still torturously journeying towards it.

To say that simply: hell.

"Pinch…" He orders breathlessly, his seat suspiciously quaking now. This time, it is his own hands that decided that payback's a bitch as it chose to execute some vanishing act. But Hinata for your information, is not so naïve not to guess where their current location is. She did write about this sort of thing once. "Pull." He murmurs in a low voice, the underlying command not lost in the drastic decrease of decibels.

She grudgingly follows. He moans contentedly. But still she doesn't understand! Why does she have to do this when they could as well proceed to something much more productive for what they both need?

So he really… is a virgin isn't he?

The poor, poor guy.

Deciding to humor him for once after the momentous epiphany, Hinata decides to risk a step further as she daringly stutters out his name in a pleasurable abandon she admittedly never feels while touching herself- her ministrations getting more desperate each second that she wonders how he could possibly get turned on with the sight of her weakly abusing her nipples.

With her rather boring hand.

Maybe he has some sort of a breast fetish? Unsurprising.

"S-Sasuke." She mutters softly, eyes shut.

"Hinata!" He… screams.

The telltale sounds of his release rings ominously over the static of their crappy satellite reception, his harsh panting even more eerie than the whisper of crickets he once confessed to always creep the hell out of him at the worse times. Drained, Hinata watches as Sasuke slumps back to his seat, with him giving her a blissful smile.

They stare at each other for a long, awkward while.

Before Hinata finally speaks to break the freezing ice, mouth agape as she coughs. "Wow." She finally manages to breathe out, opal eyes wide in astonishment. Is it just Sasuke or does she sound a tad bit disappointed when she let that out? "Sasuke-kun r-really does g-get off f-fast, doesn't he?"

It's now Sasuke's turn to be rendered baffled.

Payback's a bitch.

It would only be after hearing Naruto boast about his great, coveted, much-lusted-after stamina in bed later that night that Sasuke would realize a thing or two about real man sex. Getting off fast is in fact, a very, very bad thing.

And what they have done so far wasn't even close to foreplay yet!

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because when Hinata takes the initiative, something is bound to go wrong.

"I love bananas." She begins, grinning suggestively while showing him the yellow fruit she probably just bought from the convenience store a few doors away, being not one to spare a dime nor dignity to visit the flood of sex stores around the States. Hn. But t's still very commendable how she managed to find something that is very much titillating to anybody's more carnal, animalistic desires. Without fainting at the sexiness overload his girlfriend is intentionally bombarding him with, Sasuke minutely wonders where the hell this Dutch courage for the upcoming exhibitioning stemmed from. "Which is why…" She then peels the skin from the conspicuous-looking fruit slowly, her painstaking pace causing the Uchiha to lose control with the circulation of his blood, subconsciously certain that they have their own knowledge in any case to determine exactly where to go specifically in these situations.

He read that the harder you are, the more enduring and powerful you can be in being a real man. As much as that sounds like Sai, that's something he wants to prove to both himself and the lovely Hinata.

Although… Please, he compromises as he tries to hold into the sliver of Uchiha manliness he still has left after all these embarrassing horny moments over this suddenly dominatrix Hyuuga. Please. Ugh. No blood on his beautiful face!

But unfortunately, William Harvey really hates him.

Uchiha Sasuke… Welcome to the joys of blushing and nosebleed, hentai anime-style

"… I am eating this in front of you." She finishes happily, as she licks the tip of the tube-like food teasingly, tongue moving to and fro from the alluring space in between her lips. Oh God…

Monkeys really are the smartest creatures aren't they? They learn to love bananas long, long before humans come to their senses and realize a bit too late that a man's big, hard dick is the best thing to happen since the extinction of dinosaurs. And curious apes tiptoeing around the savannah.

Hinata opens her mouth widely as she makes a move to shove the whole five inch cock-facsimile inside…

And does nothing else afterwards.

"The fuck?" Sasuke curses in bafflement, his fingertips tracing desperately on the frozen image of his girlfriend about to give one of his ultimate fantasies something close to a physical embodiment. He shakes the computer monitor to life. Stomps his feet in frustration. Screams like a banshee for some help from some divine deity who would agree with him that this is not at all a funny joke. All for him in order to witness the lovely sight of his Hinata continuing on suckling that thing she is trying to imagine as his big, hard, angry man cock.

But much credit to his cursed luck, the internet is being extra crappy that night. Noooooo! Does this sort of things only ever happen to an Uchiha named Sasuke? Seriously? Long distance sexy girlfriend? Suffering from an excruciating OOC-inducing libido? Stupid too-tight pants? Gay and even worse now, sex God roommates? Hinata and her extraneous obstinacy? Bananas getting luckier than him? What more did he fucking need as daily dose of misfortune?

When the signal bars finally rose to the top seven hours later, she has already gone offline.

Hn. He exhales miserably. It seems like time is very much against them too.

.

.

and this is the best! Because Sasuke is indeed too much of a virgin.

"Maa. Maa. Sasuke." Hatake Kakashi. Literature teacher. Famous pervert. And the laziest drawler to have ever graced this equally accursed planet who imagines that facial masks are the new trend in today's fashion. Lewd and mysterious. Not entirely an appreciated combination. Four years of being stuck with him as their book report assigner (because, seriously what else does he do but tell them what books to read and have them evaluate them themselves?), has long since rendered even the most shallow of women immune to the silver-haired man's more unique charms. Most of the time, he only comes off some creepy otaku instead. Somehow, reticence to him has backfired so much that it makes him look less respectable than a talented man like him should inevitably be. Events today, it appears, has only made things worse to the already far from courteous Uchiha Sasuke and will comically make the latter, the poor laughingstock of the University for the whole week.

Indeed, it is freakishly apparent how Sasuke is always fated to put any of Naruto's antics into shame. Even in the most epic fails in the year. The cons of every friendly rivalry. Clashing teeth to appear as much as an idiot as your sworn enemy that is.

The English teacher's indifferent drone of useless historical facts going hugely unappreciated amidst a bunch of young people with horrible attention span is nothing new to him. In fact, he had long since lost the will long ago to care one way or another whether he would see the same student the next year and those that would follow. But this is something else. Uchiha Sasuke texting in class is already a conspicuous anomaly by itself. But the Uchiha Sasuke? Best student of the year? Most eligible bachelor? Talk, dark and handsome? Giggling? Yeah. You guessed it. Apparently, even the perpetually masked literature professor himself could never put those severely contradicting words in a single sentence. Because, come on, who could? Uchiha Sasuke giggling? God no. So apocalypse must be cooooomiiiiing. Help Madonna!

Bug-eyed. Grinning. Lips almost drooling in some form of anticipation. Shoulders hunched in concentration to whatever that is more interesting at the moment than even the abundance of factual errors to be found in Angels and Demons. Deft fingers busily composing something in his phone instead of taking notes to a topic Kakashi had been sure that the undergraduate art historian was looking forward to. And normally sharp ears zoning away even Kakashi's tone of warning. Even his once infallible peripheral vision fails him when the inquisitive stares his classmates are giving him goes ignored at the wake of the more imminent issue in his phone. Kakashi's eyebrows slowly rise together in a flabbergasted expression, thoroughly blown away.

Because, redundancy aside… seriously, Uchiha Sasuke giggling?

Terribly curious now, Kakashi makes the few steps upwards the corner steps of the lecture hall, his stride evenly intimidating as the resounding sounds of his deliberately heavy footfall echoing around the suddenly quiet room. Even Naruto did manage to shut up for the time being (and all he did the whole time prior was to snore the class schedule away), his aquamarine eyes wide as saucers as he batedly held his breath to what is coming. You can hear a pin drop. And you can certainly hear amidst the overwhelming quietude… the unsettling sound of Sasuke's ecstatic giggles.

Oh.

Considering that the naturally paranoid Sasuke should have noticed the lack of any ear-splitting distraction by now, he must have been really, really engrossed with what he is currently fangirling about to be able to stomach disregarding the main enemy of every adrenaline rush.

As far as Hatake Kakashi can tell, his favorite student is not one to be superficially addicted to something as trivial as Flappy Bird… right?

Step. Step. Step.

The class collectively gasps.

His enormous shadow finally comes looming above Sasuke's hunched posture, his single, visible eye crinkling in amusement when he sees that the boy has been in the process of texting before his head snaps up in alarm and glares defiantly at the intruder, hands already splayed protectively over his now most prized possession. "What?" he grumbles irritably.

From under his mask, you can clearly see Kakashi smirk.

Without warning, the ex-miltary-operative-turned-to-a-lecherous-old-college-volunteer, snatches the smartphone out of the student's feral grip. Putting the black pad of chips and plastics before his sightline in success. Orbs contracting in amazement upon reading the contents of the text message. Then he himself… ends up giggling. This is just so epic!

Sasuke panicking…

The whole top-ranking class hugely questioning each other…

And Naruto giving a knowing sigh that obviously hints of his superior omniscience…

Sai chuckles.

Before Kakashi ultimately decides that this joke is too good not to be shared. He chortles at himself, rereading the rather poorly-written "sext" for what appears like the fifth time, picturing Sasuke's destitute future had he chosen to be a third rate smut writer instead of a gifted someone who removes the controversial leaf censorship in Renaissance artworks. Hn. At least he is smart enough to choose a good career, the professor muses.

But apparently not intellectually-developed enough to just keep his business in the confines of his own room. And realize that sext is not supposed to be done this way.

This boy for all his ingenious qualities that Kakashi had a love/hate relationship with, obviously lacks the necessary subtlety in turning a girl on.

And so here is Hatake Kakashi, grinning maniacally as he deigns to teach Sasuke a lesson, courtesy of Master Jiraiya's biggest fan. "I believe this would be an interesting oral read, class."

For the first time in his life, the once proudly conceited Sasuke wishes that a thunder dragon will majestically part the skies and kill him right there and then in a speed faster than the sound of Kakashi's… announcement reaching anybody's ears.

"Tell me how I can send you to heaven tonight…" he begins reading, making sure that his voice is more seductively modulated than it had been when he was forced to read a passage of The Awakening last week. "I want to feel your soft lips against mine. And by that I mean the ones in your inner thighs…"

Everyone's jaws drop. The hell?

"We just got in an argument so I can't wait to have make-up sex with you." Kakashi plows on with mock seriousness, making it sound like what he is reading is Dante's Inferno, not a young adult's desperate attempt to masturbate. "I'm going to kiss your –blank-…" he blatantly chuckles at his own attempt on being Rated T. After all, Tsunade would have his head if he so much gives a whisper of example about the various terms a certified porno guru can creatively come up for the less attractive names they have for the sexual organs. Penis and vagina? Rather unpoetic if you ask him. But better to be safe than sorry, eh? "as I swirl my wet tongue on your moist –blank-. My –blank- is really hard now, you know. Everything throbs and it's no longer just my heart,"

Facepalms.

"I'll show you how much I love you."

Giggles from the daydreaming fangirls, on the hawkeye lookout for their phones in case they receive that message from their dear Sasuke-kun later.

"I'm going to –blank- you so hard. With my you-know-what inside your slit… er I mean" Kakashi hurriedly corrects his lack of censorship with a conspiratorial, rehearsed cough." –blank-. "

Laughter rings amidst the lecture room.

Naruto sweatdrops.

Sai smirks.

This is the instant Sakura wonders whether in fact Sasuke-kun is the reclusive, notorious author of the reputedly worst fan fiction in the world. Or if more leniently deduced, he is just misleadingly inspired too much by Tara Gillepsie to be able to write this atrocity… in My Immortal caliber

"Suck me… hmmm, let's just call the lucky girl 'Sunny'. Ah Sunny. Suck my –blank- until I get wasted. As I shove it to your throat to demonstrate how much it wants you. It's really red now, you know. Much like those sexy blushes in your face. It's your fault too as I know yours is mine."

Massive fainting ensues. Fangirls touching their faces to see whether they fit the meager description revealed. Making some boys groan at the pheromone overload.

"Oh! How I wish you know how ready my –blank- is for your err… –blank…." Kakashi mirthfully chuckles. "Too much idiosyncrasies. This class, is a big no-no in writing—"

Sasuke has had enough.

"Kakashi…" he growls warningly and pounces.

In revenge he makes sure that the next best thing the whole school will fuss about is an injured, pummeled-to-death, very-much-unmasked Kakashi as his dark-haired assailant leaves the room in a flash.

For Hinata is due to be back today. And even this curse of being this week's gossip would no way dampen his pleasant mood, thank you very much.

(TBC)

Dedicated to: mikes0me, nuriiko, tactics2012, oCloudNine, Saki-Hime, AnonOT, Delicatelyplaced, agateile, nyo-mila (you're wonderful, you know that?), nanitaa, Milkshakecat200 (thanks for updating ACE), LuluMonk, RikuDai, crimsonkira, farahb, A sunny place for Sasuke, Hinata 9810, Andreaeb182. In no particular order except that you are arranged that way the moment I opened my reviews page XDXD

Okay, I lied. Hinata is not yet back in this chapter but I love torturing Sasuke and his mini version (if you know what I mean~~) so considering that these scenes were actually where I initially brainstormed the creation of this fic, I decided that I'd include these for a filler chappie instead. Tell me if you have anything against my take on sexually-inept, virgin Sasuke. I am pretty much done on the trope sexGod!Sasuke. Why not we reverse situations this time around instead? XDD

Another monstrously hard chapter with lots of unpolished idiosyncrasies. Am not very proud of how I wrote this but since I would be very busy this week (with lots of stuff preceding enrollment), I opted to post this one now while I'll write the next chappie. Please notify me about any bad points about the writing. I'd really love to improve more. And yeah, I am using a very crappy keyboard.

This is loosedly based in real life btw, with the typical fictitious exaggeration. Lol. As Sasuke does, I hate those moments when the crappy internet interrupts a great show (and no, I actually meant watching Andrew Garfield stutter and not anything remotely.. err… ecchi.) I adore Kakashi in here though. And a lot of questions shall be answered in the next chapter. Is Hinata a virgin or not? Why not we find out?

I received lots of reviews the last chapter which makes me really happy and drives me to write faster (I want to finish this before June that s so I could be on hiatus without much regret). Hopefully, I'll receive lots of them today too because seriously I want to reach that 100 review mark when this ends in chapter ten *drools. Hopefully, I'd reach er… sixty today? Is that too much asking? Fifty should be enough though… #awkward

Please review.

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