I have some vulnerable Bella for you today. Remember the girl just barely turned 18. So, she is just a girl, no matter how diplomatic she may be.
I do not own Twilight.
Leaving my own chambers seemed like a loss to me no matter how symbolic the exit. The moment the doors closed behind me, I felt myself slowing my purposeful strides to an unsure meander. I glanced around me and, seeing only Jacob, allowed my shoulders to sag.
The last time I had a moment to breathe had been three months ago, when my people loved me and I was unaware of the filth that laid behind the eyes of Suth's advisors- our advisors. One blow after another came too fast to comprehend, much less prevent. It was impossible to tell how long they had planned this, but, had it not been for Jacob, I would have died.
"Your Highness," came the whisper in the night. I jerked awake, instinctively reaching for the dagger under my headrest.
"Jacob?" I asked, confused and wary. "What's happened? What's going on?" He shushed me gently, reaching for something beside my bed. He threw the blankets from my body and slipped my sandals on my feet.
"We have to go," he said. "Now." I had a million questions, but Jacob had already turned away from me, grabbing the satchel on my chair. After shoving jewels and garments into the bag, he approached me quickly.
"Forgive me," he breathed before wrapping his hands around my upper arms and pulling me to my feet. He threw my travel cloak around my shoulders and lifted the hood over my head.
"Please. Hurry." Had anyone else woke me from sleep and demanded I leave in the dead of night, I would have called for my guards, but this was Jacob. My Jacob. The one servant in the entire palace that I knew to be entirely loyal to me since before I could walk. So, I followed him, allowing Jacob to drag me behind him by my hand at a gentle trot.
Ironically, we had left the way I had returned. The news of "Suth's Mercy" came to me weeks later. Instead of telling the mass I escaped, his goons created a story that Suth, enraptured by his love for me, spared my life and sent me away.
It was despicable.
The boy never even kissed me... I often wondered what being kissed felt like and even considered trying it out on someone to get the whole ordeal over with. Then I could preoccupy my thoughts with something more beneficial to the land around me.
I glanced back at Jacob, thoughtful at where my mind had turned. Would he let me? Probably... but... would he really want me to? Would he would feel like he could stop me if he didn't? Somehow I felt dirty considering it. I didn't want my first kiss to be so... formal and forced, accepted because there was no other option.
And yet...
"Jacob...?"
"Yes Your Highness?" His voice was strong, warm. He was warm. My own personal sun, rotating around me like a protective heat, taking the brunt of the cold so I did not wither under the frost. Kissing him would not be bad...
It wasn't as if I was demanding he service me in that way... was it? Surely... surely a kiss would be okay.
"Your Highness?" Jacob asked uncertainly when I did not answer. He stood with his thick legs shoulder width apart, his bare chest covered only with a gold collar. It rested on the tops of his protruding pecs, which connected smoothly to the ridges of his abdomen. His russet skin glistened with a layer of fine perspiration.
And his face.. It was certainly a fine face.
I snapped out of my observations and gave Jacob a small smile. His cheeks had colored a pretty peach and I knew he noticed my scrutiny.
"Have you ever been kissed, Jacob?" I asked, my mouth far ahead of my brain. He looked surprised. It seemed that was the last thing he expected. His cheeks darkened further, the blush spreading down his neck.
"I have," he replied easily enough. I gestured for him to walk with me as I began heading in the direction of one of many guest chambers. He complied.
"Will you humor me a simple girl for only a moment?" I requested, my head held high. though my insides twisted. He gave only a nod, but his eyes held my face intensely. "What... what did it feel like?"
I met his gaze before turning my attention to the pillars around us, decorated with stories of Pharoahs long past. He was silent for a second and, in that second, I could feel my anticipation attempting to overpower me.
"It was... odd at first," he began slowly. when I looked at him expectantly he pushed forward. "Well, there was uncertainty. Like who's head would turn how so your lips could actually touch and then what you did when they met. How was I to know when it should end and if she even liked it-"
"Did she?" I cut in, a little eager. "Like it, I mean?" he smiled and it was gorgeous. It morphed his face into something carefree and boyish.
"I hope so," he said. "I tried hard enough to make it so."
In the span of our conversation, we had made it into my temporary chambers and had stopped, facing each other as I absorbed every word he gave me.
"But what about after?" I inquired. "Did your uncertainty go away? Was it better then? Which direction are you supposed to go?"
"It just comes natural," he answered, still wearing that 100 watt smile. I hesitated only a second to glance at the closed door of my chambers.
"Would you show me?" I asked, emphasizing the request so he knew that it was indeed something he could say no to. He dithered and nerves twisted my stomach. In mere moments, he lifted his arms in a sort of embrace, as if an invisible woman filled the empty air. I snorted.
"No, Jacob. Will you.. will you kiss me?" I could not stop my face from flaming, the shyness and inexperience winning out for a time. He blinked and then stepped toward me.
"May I?" His voice had turned husky and deep, but his face remained clear and I wondered if maybe it was supposed to sound like that before you kissed.
"Please," I answered, my voice high with... well I couldn't put my finger on it.
And then his arms circled me the way they had circled the empty air, pulling me gently into his surprisingly soft chest. The warmth made me shiver in a pleasant way.
Jacob's lips pressed into my own, as delicately as one would hold a kitten. His head tilted slightly to the left as he stooped to meet me. He tasted wholesome and heavy. It was a lot like the way he smelled, making me think of baked bread and morning grass.
It was... enlightening. It made me feel a million different things at once. It made me feel protected and cared for. Curious and tingly. Confused and a little concerned. Was I doing it right when I tilted my own head? Was it supposed to make my toes feel like they fell asleep on me?
Too soon for me to figure it out, he let go, both of us breathing a little off. Which was odd as kissing required no physical exertion whatsoever.
"Thank you," I said, clearing my throat and straightening my gown. He smiled slightly, making me miss his grin.
"Anything for you.. Your Majesty," he tacked on, seeming to remember himself. "If that is all, I believe it's time for your meal. I have to get it to the tasters before I can bring it to you."
"Of course!" I agreed, waving him off. As soon ad the door closed behind him, I sat heavily on the bed, my mind whirling in a loop of questions and answers.
I found I quite liked kissing.
Wasn't that cute? I thought so... Tell me what you think! Oh please review guys. I'm a super needy author and it matters so much to me.
Xoxo El
