The letter fell from Ziva's hands as she stumbled backwards and hit her back to the wall.
Unable to control the emotions that came rushing back—the hate, the fear, the vulnerability, the anger, the love—Ziva clenched her fists and bit into her lip, drawing blood.
The pain from her lip wasn't enough. She still felt vulnerable and lost and out of control of her emotions. She wasn't used to the feelings that were spinning wildly in her mind.
Catching her reflection in the mirror and once again seeing who she had become sent Ziva over the edge. She closed her eyes and sent two swift punches into the mirror, shattering it and sending shards throughout the bathroom and into her skin.
Hearing the crash of glass, Tony threw the left over Chinese food he was devouring into the sink and ran towards the bathroom.
Still in an out of control fit, Ziva continued to punch walls, kick cabinets, hit her head on the walls, anything to give her the control she felt she so desperately needed.
"Ziva!" Tony yelled, pounding on the bathroom door.
"Get away, Tony!" he could hear Ziva yell. He could hear the tears caught in her throat.
Tony tried to open the door, but Ziva had already locked the door. He pounded on the door harder, his heart pounding.
"Ziva! What's going on? Let me in, Ziva. Please!" he yelled, jiggling the door handle.
"I said get away! Leave me alone, Tony! Please, just leave!"
"I am not leaving you, Ziva! I am not leaving you until you open this door!" Tony replied.
"I am not going to open this door, dammit!" Ziva yelled, grabbing shards of glass in her hands and throwing them and the closed door, leaving cuts across her hands.
"Open the door, Ziva!" Tony yelled. "Open the door right now!"
"No!" Ziva yelled, her energy slowly fading.
Tony sighed and stood back. Closing his eyes, he used his right foot to kick at the door and swing it open.
His breath stopped as he took in the sight that was before him. The mirror was in shards, there were fist marks in countless tiles and holes kicked into the cabinets. Towels and toilet paper and other bathroom essentials were strew around the room in a furious, rage induced pattern. "Oh my god…" he whispered, looking at the damage she had caused in just a few minutes.
Tony scanned the room, his eyes unable to find Ziva. Suddenly, he heard her let out a small cry and his eyes darted to the corner.
Curled in the corner of the shower stall, Ziva was laying on her side, knees pulled up to her chest in the fetal position. Shivering, naked, and covered in blood, Tony could barely look at her.
Running over to her, he bent down to her level and pushed her hair off of her face. "Ziva, what the hell happened?"
"Do not touch me!" she yelled, her voice hoarse from crying and yelling. She tried to push him away, but her arms were too weak and her knuckles too bloody.
"Ziva," he whispered. "We need to get you out of here. We need to get you to Ducky soon," he added, reaching for one of his black robes that Ziva had thrown across the room.
"No," Ziva said. She had given up yelling and keeping her façade up. She just let her tears fall as she pulled her body tighter and further away from Tony.
"Yes, Ziva," Tony forcefully said, reaching behind Ziva to pick her up. He hoisted her up into his arms and began to walk her towards his couch.
Ziva tried to push him away, but her energy was gone. The only thing she could do was gasp for air as she cried harder than she had ever cried.
Tony set her down on the couch, and she immediately fell down, curling back into a ball and closing her eyes.
"No, Ziva," Tony said, pulling her up and wrapping the robe around her naked body. He had waited four years to see her naked on his couch, but this wasn't exactly the way he had pictured it.
He helped put her arms through the robe and then tied it loosely around her waist. "Okay," he said, pushing her damp hair from her face. "I'm going to carry you downstairs and we're going to see Ducky, got it? Not excuses, none of the 'I'm fine, I swear,' bullshit that you're always pulling.
Unable to protest, Ziva simply went limp as Tony picked her up like a husband carrying his wife over the threshold and headed towards the door to his apartment.
Hitting the elevator button, Tony stared down at Ziva's face, covered with tears and blood. Please be okay, he thought to himself. Please, God, let her be okay.
After an agonizing ride on the elevator, Tony walked out to his Mustang and carefully set Ziva in the front seat and ran to the driver's side. At the same time, he had his cell phone out and had already dialed Ducky's number.
"Ducky? Yeah, it's Tony. Look, are you still at NCIS? Okay, I need you to stay there. Ziva and I are on our way and—No, Ducky. She's not fine! Look, just wait. We'll be there in 10," Tony said into his phone, cutting Ducky off as he threw his cell phone in the back seat.
"To-Tony?" Ziva stammered, almost too soft for Tony to hear.
"Ziva? Ziva, baby. You need to stay awake, okay? We'll be at Ducky's in just a few minutes. He'll check you out and fix those cuts and see if you need to go to Bethesda and he'll--"
"Tony," Ziva said, turning her face towards him. "I am sorry," she whispered before closing her eyes and falling into oblivion.
************************************************************************
Suddenly, Ziva's back hit something cold, hard, and unrecognizable to her and her eyes flew open as she attempted to sit up.
"Shhhh, Ziva," a voice said to Ziva and hands led her back into a lying position. Her eyesight was too blurry for her to see who the voice belonged to, yet the accent was unmistakable.
"Ducky?" Ziva croaked, wincing as she raised a hand to rub her eyes.
"It is best you try not to move," Ducky said softly as he took her hand and set it down at her side, pulling Tony's robe like a blanket over her front side.
"I am sorry, Ducky," Ziva said, her voice still weak. "I tried to tell Tony that I was fine and you should not be disturbed, but he would not listen. It is only a few scratches, nothing that cannot be healed with a band-aid, yes?"
"I'm afraid it will take a bit more than a band-aid to take care of some of these wounds," Ducky stated, lifting her arm slowly from beneath the robe and examining some of the wounds on her hands.
Ziva's eyes began to flutter, but they flew open when she heard the autopsy doors open.
"How is she, Ducky?" she heard Tony's voice say with what sounded like terror in her voice. "Is she gonna need stitches or a trip to Bethesda?"
"No, no, no," Ducky said, shaking his head. "Though the wounds are deep, cleaning them with a bit of hydrogen peroxide and wrapping them properly should keep them clean."
"Thank you so much, Duck," Tony said, exhaling loudly. "I have no idea what happened. She was in the shower and then bam. I hear the mirror shatter and all sorts of noises coming from the bathroom. I don't know--"
And that was all Ziva could hear before her eyes betrayed her and fell closed, sending her into a sleep deeper than she had ever experienced before.
************************************************************************
The next time Ziva woke up, her wounds were bandaged and she was being carried into a room.
The arms that had held her placed her softly on a bed and pulled the covers up around her neck, making sure to keep her shivering body warm.
Ziva heard the soft footsteps begin to exit the room and she slowly opened her eyes. Unable to turn and face the doorway, Ziva inhaled deeply.
"Tony?" she whispered. "Is that you?"
Tony spun around, shocked to hear her voice. "Yeah, Zi. It's me. What's wrong?"
"Do not leave me," she said.
"I'm not, leaving, Zi. I'm just gonna go out and crash on the couch and let you sleep in--"
"No, Tony. I mean do not leave this room, do not leave this bed. Please, Tony. I cannot be alone."
Hearing the desperation in her voice, Tony slipped out of his shoes and walked over the bed.
Ziva pulled the covers over, leaving a space for him to crawl under them. Once he laid down, she pulled the covers over both of them and sighed.
"Do one more thing for me, Tony," Ziva whispered as she closed her eyes.
"Anything, Ziva. I'll do anything you ask.
"Hold me for a few minutes?" she asked him softly. "Just hold me," she said again, a tear falling from her eye.
Tony didn't say a word and Ziva began to feel that she had crossed the line. You are such an idiot, Ziva thought to herself. He only took you to Ducky so you wouldn't ruin the rest of his house. How could you think that he would ever want to touch a cold-blooded assassin?
Just as Ziva began to scoot and put more distance between her and Tony, she felt his arm wrap around her and pull her gently towards him.
"I will hold you forever, Ziva," he whispered into her ear as he held her tight against his body, feeling her every breath and heartbeat. "I'll never let you go."
