Thank you everyone for continuing to read and support this fic!
A warning for this week, the second flashback is about how Emma lost her first litter - a miscarriage. If that will bother you, it's very short so it's easy to pass over that set of italics. Otherwise, enjoy the update!
The bed was empty when he awoke, though a rational person would hardly call it 'awake'. He lingered on the fringes of consciousness until he was sure he wouldn't fall asleep again, then rolled over and hugged Emma's pillow. He breathed in her scent as his sluggish brain pieced together the world around him.
According to the clock on the nightstand, it was almost noon - which explained why Emma was up and out of bed. His back ached something fierce, which explained why he'd slept so long. And the frosty tinge in the air meant she'd made good on her promise to air out the apartment.
Killian sat up with a groan, rubbing his eyes, and the noise must have alerted Emma because she popped her head in the door. "Morning," she said. "How do you feel?"
"Bloody exhausted," he admitted. "We weren't up that late."
She smiled in that way that meant she was holding back an 'I told you so' and came to perch on the bed. While she talked, she made him lean forward so she could remove his bandage. "No, but in all the excitement of yesterday, someone forgot that he'd been seriously injured and overexerted himself. You didn't even budge when I got up this morning, and even if I get up to pee you always move to keep me in bed with you."
He yawned wide enough that his jaw cracked. "Fuck - I feel as if I've been pounded with mallets."
"Next time I tell you not to hurt yourself, you'll listen."
"You can just say 'I told you so', love."
"No," she said, getting up. "I'll just think it real loud. Go take a shower, it'll help you wake up."
He snorted and moved to get up. His legs weren't cooperating much and he struggled to find comfortable clothes - sod Liam, he'd wear pajamas if he wanted to. He showered quickly, or as quickly as his body would allow, and while he wasn't fully awake when he got out, he still felt better than he would have otherwise.
Emma had started a pot of coffee while he showered. Leaving his prosthetic in the bedroom, he followed his nose out to the kitchen, where she also had a box from the bakery down the street. "Please tell me there's something not covered in sugar and glaze in there," he said, making a face; his dearest had a sweet tooth and that much sugar tended to upset his stomach.
"Sit," she told him, pouring him a mug of coffee and sliding it over to him. "I did get some croissants for you, don't worry."
He watched her putter around, wiping down the countertops that already looked spotless, putting things away for the sake of it, rearranging old magazines and books and fluffing the pillows in the living room. "Darling, you're nervous enough to make me nervous," he said, picking apart a pain au chocolat. "And Liam's my brother."
She paused momentarily, then smoothed a blanket over the back of the couch before going to close the windows. "I just want to make a good impression," she muttered, going back into the kitchen.
Killian managed to get her to sit down next to him when she came out with a mug of cocoa. "It'll be fine," he said, pushing the box of pastries towards her. "And if it's not fine, I'll break Liam's nose for you."
She snorted at that and picked out a bear claw, eating it with a distant look in her eye. They continued eating in silence until a knock at the door startled them out of their quiet reverie. Emma looked at him with barely-concealed panic before getting up to answer it. Killian started to get up as well, but, frustratingly, found it more difficult to get up now than it had been to get out of bed.
Emma opened the door and Killian heard Liam say, "We finally meet."
Killian smiled to himself as Liam - just as he knew he would - enveloped Emma in a bear-hug. Killian shuffled over to the entryway and caught his brother's eye as he let her go. "Brother."
Emma moved out of the way just in time before they embraced. Liam seemed to be aware of where his wound was, because where Killian slapped his brother on the back in greeting, the same gesture was not returned to him. "Just where do you get off by getting yourself hurt, Killian?" Liam asked when they parted.
He shrugged. He leaned against the wall and tried to make it look nonchalant, and not what it really was: he really was bloody exhausted. "Well, it's coyote hunting season, so maybe they just thought there were coyote out."
The last time Liam had looked so exasperated was probably when Killian was fifteen and pestering him about when he'd make his first shift.
Much as he tried to hide it, Killian couldn't keep the glum expression off his face. He batted around a few rocks with an old splintered off piece of wood, trying to keep himself occupied outside old Mrs. Haskins' place. The littles were annoying him but he wasn't allowed to leave yet — which was the stupidest thing ever, he was fifteen, he could look after himself. But no, he wasn't considered an adult of the pack yet, just another pup, so every month he went without fail to one of the pack elders and sat around with the others too little or too old to make the monthly change. But while he couldn't leave until Liam picked him up, nothing was stopping him from getting away from everyone, so he sat on the front steps of the old townhouse and waited.
Liam would probably say he was sulking, but how could he do anything else? There was something wrong with him, last night just proved it and not even Liam could do anything to fix it.
"Little brother, why do you look like England's just lost the final at the World Cup?"
Killian looked up as Liam strolled down the street, hands tucked into his pockets and not at all looking like he just spent the night running with the pack. "Nothing," Killian muttered.
"Killian."
He shook his head and went back to his rocks. Liam sighed and muttered something about checking in with Mrs. Haskins. A few minutes later they were ambling back to the council estate, London beginning to wake up around them with morning deliveries, corner shops opening their grates, and early joggers and dog walkers. "Why don't you try telling me what's really wrong, brother," Liam said as they rounded the corner towards home.
Killian debated not saying anything. It was dumb. He knew it was dumb, Liam would know it was dumb, it wasn't worth it. But then Liam nudged him on the shoulder and his resolve broke. "Cullen and Michael didn't come last night," Killian said quietly. "I'm the oldest one left."
"Ah."
"Liam, what if something's wrong with me? What if I never change - or if I can't? Mum and Dad were werewolves, but maybe we have a human ancestor and I got their stupid human genes instead?"
Liam's head fell back with an enormous sigh. "Killian, we don't have any human ancestors."
"But-"
Killian flinched as Liam lightly boxed him on the ear. "Don't be a git. If you weren't a werewolf, we'd know." They stopped on the corner and Liam looked down the street. "Tell me what you smell."
Killian looked where his brother did, sniffing cautiously. "The bakery's making up fresh dough, the bin man's late, and -" An unfamiliar scent hit his nose as Liam stepped in Killian's way. He inhaled, then realized what it was. "Brother! You were with a girl last night?!"
Liam reached to box his ears again and Killian ducked out of the way. "You nosy little-"
"You told me to!"
Liam got him in a headlock, messing up his hair. "Well, that settles that, then. You're just a late bloomer, lad, your time will come when it comes."
He didn't think Liam would box his ears this time, but it was a close thing. "The healer should have checked your brains while they were at it," Liam said. "We're much larger than any coyote - even normal wolves outsize them."
Killian caught Emma eyeing him and tilted his head in a question. "Let's move this into the living room," she said, her gaze flicking to how he was holding himself up on the wall. He suppressed a smile - nothing got past his Swan. "Killian should be resting anyway and we can all be more comfortable. Do you want any coffee, Liam?"
While they discussed beverages, Killian went to go claim a comfortable spot on the couch. Emma had more pillows than frankly anyone ever should, but in this case he was grateful to have a soft incline to rest against as he all but collapsed on the couch. Liam followed, carrying Killian's mug. "I figured the cocoa wasn't yours," he said, handing it over. "Unless you've truly gone American."
"No," Killian said, taking a sip before setting it aside. "Emma's been attempting to corrupt me with all the sweets she keeps around, but she has yet to succeed."
Liam smiled. "I couldn't help but notice something else succeeded." At Killian's questioning look, he said, "The ring on her finger."
There was a spot under Killian's ear that always itched whenever he became flustered; he reached up to rub it and Liam's smile widened into a grin. "Ah," Killian said, looking down. "That happened… rather quickly, I admit, but we agreed to make things official last night. That is, we agreed last night that on a future date we would-"
"Relax, brother, I'm not going to lecture you," Liam said. "You mooned after her for months, I'm the one who convinced you to come over here and give it a go, did I not?"
"You did."
"To which I'm very grateful," Emma said, coming into the room with a mug for Liam and her own. "I know things are moving fast, but I hope we'll have your blessing," she added as she sat down.
"I know quite a few elders who would argue that's part of the point of mating season," he said with a smile, "but rest assured that you have my blessing. And my congratulations to the both of you."
Killian very much wanted to get up to hug his brother, but his body had decided it had had quite enough movement for now, thank you very much, and so he settled for a firm handclasp. Emma took care of the hugging. "Now, as for you," Liam said as they sat back down. "Are you certain it wasn't a silver bullet? There's no reason I can think that you're so… immobile."
Emma made a noise that sounded like a laugh, but she covered it by taking a sip of her cocoa. "No, we checked. All of us could handle it once Granny removed the thing. He just overexerted himself yesterday."
Undoubtedly Liam could still smell what that meant, but tactfully didn't comment on it. "Still. I've been hearing things from this side of the pond about some anti-human movements. It wouldn't surprise me if things have spread enough that the humans have heard and start fighting back. Maybe not this moon, but the next… who knows?"
Emma looked pained. "God, that bullshit made it all the way over to England?"
"Well, it's sort of hard to ignore, particularly when your crews are all made up of magical folk. They hear all sorts of things from every community. It's quite a useful way to keep in the know, really."
It was useful, Killian agreed, but wading through the complaints their employees could lodge against each other was tiresome. They asked in the interview process if a vampire could work alongside Fae, or anyone could handle working with a werewolf on a ship during the full moon, but apparently once at sea all promises of good behavior were long forgotten. "We could ask Alice," he said. "We have to see her anyway, and Robin's got her foot in both the magical and human worlds. She'd be the one to know if it's spread to the uninitiated."
"Or she'd know if it's those 'in the know' are deciding to fight back," Liam added.
Emma held up her hands. "Wait, you're not serious. You know it's Regina who started talking about all of that, and if anyone is just looking to stir up blood, it's her. She's got her hands full with all those turf wars she's starting right now, but I bet anything all that talk stemmed from the fact that she just doesn't want any non-werewolves in the North End."
Killian looked at her sidelong, taking in the pinch of her lips and the way her cheeks paled; it wasn't fear that made her look like that, no, it was anger. Emma had rightfully never forgiven Regina for murdering her parents and taking control of the North End pack. "So it's a real estate ploy?" he asked.
"Not the way we're hearing it," Liam muttered into his mug.
"I wouldn't doubt it," Emma said. "If we talk to Alice and Robin we can find out if any other groups are being moved out of the area - either by force or just because they're getting uncomfortable with how rowdy the pack's getting. But Regina's not an idiot, she can't just go spouting off any anti-human rhetoric she wants and not blow the cover of everyone in the magical community. I don't know what you've been hearing, Liam, but you know how gossip spreads and gets blown out of proportion."
He looked chagrined for a moment, then nodded. "You're right. But there's no smoke without any fire."
Emma's cheeks grew paler and Killian held up his hand. "Let's just table it as Regina stirring up more trouble in her section of the city and our crews are a bunch of gossips. May we move on to a more pleasant topic of conversation?"
Emma caught his eye and smiled gratefully; she hated any reminder of her past and what Regina had done to her family. The conversation turned back to their engagement and the matter of Killian's injury was left alone.
Granny's words turned out to be prophetic: Emma made Killian stay home for a week while Liam took care of things at the office. After the first few days - and after Killian was able to move around without exhausting himself just by going into the next room - he managed to convince her to stop fussing over him and return to work. It wasn't as if he didn't enjoy her company, but he knew how her boss felt about how much time off Emma could take at once and she needed to save that up for when mating season rolled around.
And their honeymoon.
They managed to keep their engagement quiet for that first few days, but after Emma returned to work and couldn't hide it any longer, Ruby arrived at their apartment that night in a whirlwind of wedding plans and half-made seating charts. Liam, joining them for dinner, watched in amusement as Ruby bowled both Emma and Killian over with an impassioned speech about pack politics and who needed to be invited and how there was no way in hell the niece of the alpha could get away with a quick legal ceremony at the courthouse. "It's not like it's every day that one of us does the human thing anyway," she added. "You've gotta let us throw you a party to remember."
"She reminds me of Anna," Liam said quietly while Ruby and Emma went over a list of event halls and who could schedule something so last-minute. "Only Anna wasn't half as terrifying when she found out Elsa and I were to be mated."
"You and Elsa stuck to the traditional way of things," Killian said. "Anna just wanted to throw a party for it because that's how Anna is."
Liam smiled and his hand drifted up to his neck, where his mate-mark was hidden under the collar of his shirt. Quite frankly, Killian was surprised Elsa hadn't come along with Liam, the two were almost as inseparable as he and Emma were. But to hear Liam tell it, Elsa had her hands full with the operation of her brewery and didn't feel she could leave it for even a week. "True. Remind me to work something out with her to stock your bar for the reception. She might even give you a friends and family discount."
Killian snorted, but made a mental note to tell Emma; his sister-in-law specialized in brews that could knock even a golem on his arse. They'd save a small fortune just in supplying alcohol that was stronger than 6%.
By the time Liam was set to leave, Killian was back on his feet (for the most part; he would be happy to be sitting in his office for most of the day) and Ruby had somehow sweet-talked an amazing deal at an estate in western Massachusetts for a wedding just a few days before Christmas. "Don't be surprised if my sister-in-law shows up here in a few days," Liam said as he stopped by to say goodbye on his way to the airport. "The moment I say 'wedding', she'll be booking a flight."
"We might need the help," Emma admitted.
Killian agreed, though he wouldn't say it out loud. Who knew so many decisions needed to be made for a wedding? "We'll look for a redheaded whirlwind," he promised, and the brothers embraced.
"Elsa and I will see you in December," Liam said as he left.
As Killian closed the door, Emma slumped against the wall. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "That wasn't too bad, was it?"
"Liam?" she asked. "No, Liam was fine. I think he likes me, even."
"Trust me, you'd know if he didn't," Killian said drily. "He's not shy about letting someone know when he dislikes them."
She smiled and pushed off the wall, going back to their table, which had been commandeered by Ruby and was now completely covered in wedding plans. "No, Liam wasn't bad. It's… all of this. Which isn't bad, it's just… It's stressful. And I didn't realize just how stressful it would be, or else I wouldn't have asked to have it so soon-"
"Well, darling, I believe the original idea was to have a quick ceremony and be done with it. And that wouldn't have been nearly as stressful."
Emma sat down and buried her face in her hands. "No, and now she's actually roped Uncle James into it and he agrees with her. Apparently there's even a bank account just for this."
His brows furrowed. "Your uncle set aside funds for you to marry? This isn't the eighteenth century, love, I'm not asking for a bride-price."
She snorted and sat up, hands falling into her lap. "No, Mom and Dad…" She swallowed and he saw how her eyes went glassy. "Mom and Dad set it up. I had a small inheritance when I turned 21 and apparently if I never married the human way I'd just get this money when I had my first litter."
Pain.
She hurt all over - that wasn't right, no, she burned all over. There were people talking around her urgently, the vague sensation of cold pressed against her forehead. Her body seized and she felt something pass from inside her - no, no, it was too early, no it couldn't be, no, not her pups, no -
The burning feeling increased, a searing pain on her neck and she cried out, every nerve ending flooded with too much feeling. She just wanted it to stop, wanted to stop feeling and hurting and go back to before all of this, exhaustion and agony twining together in a black pit she couldn't wait to collapse into. Only one thought flitted through her mind before she let the darkness claim her -
He's gone.
His heart broke when the scent of salt hit his nose, just before a tear slid down her cheek. He went to her, pulling her into his arms and holding her close. "Emma, if this is all too much, just let me know. I'll fight off Ruby and your uncle single-handedly."
She snorted, dissolving into watery giggles and he smiled. "Was that supposed to be a joke?" she asked.
"Aye, but know that even if I had both hands I could still do it with only one." He pulled back a little and tipped her chin up. "Please, love, is this something you truly want to do?"
He swiped away another tear and she nodded. "It's stressful, but it's also bringing up a lot of memories and feelings I don't want to think about. This - us - is so different from anything I had before, it shouldn't even factor in. It should be happy, it shouldn't be me all down because of everything that happened in the past. But it creeps up on me."
He kissed her forehead again. "It's still part of your past, love. Part of who you are." Killian moved to sit and pulled her into his lap. She smiled and swatted at her cheeks quickly. "Now, then let's work to make this a happy occasion for both of us. Let's make some decisions together - and let's not worry about the cost of things for now, either. I'll pay for the whole bloody thing myself if that's what makes you smile again."
She shook her head, her smile widening. "No, we'll share the cost of it - you're gonna make me have a stroke one of these days otherwise."
"Perish the thought," he said, pressing his lips to her shoulder. "What's first, then?"
She chewed on her lip and he could feel the tension in her body. "Well, a lot of things could be decided if we settled on colors… is it too cheesy to have red so close to Christmas? Like, red and white?"
"Do you want those colors?" he asked. She sighed and he pressed on. "I'm not asking to pass the decision off on you - I'm asking if that's what you want. Forget the fact that it may be a little thematic with the holiday - is that what you want? Even if we waited until March?"
Emma hesitated, then said, "Yes."
"Okay. Then that's what we'll do. I happen to think I look rather dashing in red anyway," Killian said with a cheeky grin. She elbowed him. "Now," he pushed away other color swatches and focused on the reds. "If we want white, then let's go with the more wintery reds to offset it." He tossed a few other colors away. "The cranberry red is lovely. A deep red, offsetting the white in a bit of a romantic way," he paused to kiss her shoulder again, "symbolizing my passion for you… and I suppose there would be plenty of decorating options available for the time of year."
Emma picked up the color swatch. "I like it," she said. "Your passion for me?"
She twisted in his lap to look at him in amusement and he just smiled in return. "Red is a very passionate color, love."
"I know, but you're all poetic about it. I just like red."
She set the swatch aside and pulled forward another set - "Why are there so many shades of white?" Killian asked, slightly horrified at all of the options.
"Now you understand why I was about to have a meltdown last night."
"Well these are just ridiculous," he says, picking out all the ones with yellowing tinges to them and flinging them over his shoulder. Then went the greens and oranges and - "I swear most of these are just pastels masquerading as white," he snarled while Emma covered her face in her hands and laughed.
Finally left with things that at least resembled white as he expected it to be, the name of one caught his eye.
According to the tale he'd been told, Emma's mother had been born late in the season, but during the first blizzard of the year. It was bad enough that Emma's grandmother hadn't even been able to leave their home or summon the pack's midwife, going through the whole birthing process with only her mate at her side and whatever instincts she had in what felt right. But the pup had come healthy and whole while snow swirled and fell outside, and from that came her rather unusual name.
Killian picked up the color swatch. "Snow White," he said softly. "For your mother's memory."
Emma's breath hitched and his arm around her waist tightened. She took the swatch from him and picked up the cranberry red, pairing them together. Her throat worked for a few moments and finally she leaned back against him, resting her head against his. "Thank you," she said quietly.
He hummed as he nosed the hair just behind her ear. "We'll do things for your father and my mother as well," he said, his tone just as soft.
"What about your father?" Emma asked.
Killian shook his head. "The less we make an effort to honor that bastard's memory - nevermind."
He generally preferred not to discuss his parents, but particularly because of the disgraceful way his father had died and left himself, his mother, and Liam with his mountain of heretofore unknown debt. His poor mother had worked herself to an early grave to whittle the debt down to a manageable size, one that Liam had finished settling before their business took off. Killian realized he probably should discuss that with Emma before they mated properly, but he didn't wish to add to her emotional burden as of now. "A sad and sordid tale for another time," he said. "For now, we'll settle on honoring our parents who deserve it."
"Okay," Emma said, but she sounded as dubious about his aversion to the topic as he felt about bringing up the subject with her at all.
They made it through quite a bit of the details that night, but where Killian had initially set out to cheer her up in planning their wedding together, he found that his own spirits fell as he remembered just how much of his own family's history he had yet to tell her. That was something that good mates did, right? What if his failure to divulge old family secrets meant he wouldn't be a good mate? It wasn't as if he hadn't told her of his own misdeeds in the past, the sad tale of Milah and how he'd been cast out of his original pack. Just the bigger things, the misdeeds of his father and the whispers that had followed the Jones brothers for years until they'd proven they were not cut from the same cloth of their father.
And besides, there had to be other things in her past that Emma hadn't mentioned yet.
This is normal, he thought to himself as they decided on the layout of their rather simple invitations. It's just a bit of cold feet, and it doesn't help that we've only been together a short time. Other mated pairs have joined together on much less than we have now. We'll get to sharing these other parts of ourselves as time goes on.
He hoped they would, anyway.
