Mother Superior
Diane: What the hell do you think you're doing, I said.
Linda: You can thank me later, she answered.
They say looks can be deceptive and Diane knew full well this phrase was coined by some poor soul who had had the grave misfortune of meeting, and possibly getting on the wrong side of, Shirley Cooperberg. The matriarch of the Cooperberg family was nothing if not a goddamn force of nature.
Upon first meeting her now ex-mother-in-law some twenty odd years ago, she'd had the good sense to keep her guard up. Judging by some of the stories Eli had spun, Diane felt she would be fed to the wolves the moment she crossed the threshold. Looking back on it, that first meeting had certainly left an impression on not only Diane herself, but Shirley too.
Shirley Cooperberg had a unique snake like charm to her. Diane wouldn't describe her as a bitch, at least not to anyone who could repeat that, but more of a deceiver of fools. It was as if she waited for a precise moment to strike, to sink her fangs into you for a brief amount of time just to let you feel how bad her bite could be.
Over the course of her ill-fated marriage to Eli, Diane slowly had seen the true colors of Shirley Cooperberg come to light; a snide comment or withering look here or there. On the whole, it hadn't affected Diane greatly, but then there was a change in the weather and suddenly everything Shirley said or did rubbed her the wrong way.
At every opportunity, whether it be large family gatherings at Christmas or once in a blue moon Sunday lunches, Shirley would take it upon herself to belittle not only Diane herself, but just about everyone she could possibly sink her venomous poison into. No one was safe. It seemed nothing anyone done would satisfy Mother Superior, who was full of grace and charm when it suited her.
Diane knew there was another side to Shirley; she'd seen it once in a fleeting moment. When Simon had first been born, Shirley had sashayed into the room the way she does, as if she's expecting an audience, with flowers and a present and had been quite lovely. Of course, this was simply due to the fact Diane had given the woman her first grandchild, so it hadn't last long.
On the whole, she doesn't begrudge Shirley anything she ever said or done. Diane knows at the heart of it all, Shirley can be the sweetest and most charming woman on the planet, as well as being an overbearing devious manipulative bitch – who sent you a wig for Christmas that one year.
She doesn't like her, but Shirley certainly earned her respect.
