Swordsmen Do Not Equal Cupid

Summary: Toon Link enlists the help of his fellow swordsmen to guide him on his quest to find love.

Rating: T

Pairing(s): MarthXRoy, IkeXPit, LinkXZelda, Toon Linkx(?)

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers or any of the characters related to it.

Thinking

"Speaking"

Narrating

Adding inflection to a sentence


Toon Link didn't mind seeing his older friends' affection for one another. Every now and then he was prone to getting a little uncomfortable, especially when making-out ensued.

But this is a whole new level of uncomfortable.

Upon finishing his cleaning duties related to what he called 'The Grape Juice Incident', Toon Link decided to go to a trusted mentor and try to figure out what that strange feeling had been.

What a terrible idea.

Considering the 'trusted mentor' was Roy, who had been occupied with...satisfying a very adult urge (read: doing Marth). This left the poor hylian to walk in on one of the most disturbing and/or awkward scenes he had ever witnessed.

Fortunately, one of the two had enough sense to stop what they were doing and politely ask Toon Link to step out for a minute.

What else was to be expected of a prince?

Which brings us to the present, with Toon Link outside of Marth and Roy's room, waiting to be accompanied by some sort of older companion.

Which was just what he got when the door opened and revealed a very clothed, very flustered, yet still very princely, Marth Lowell.

"Sorry about that, we..haven't been issued a lock yet," he apologized with a nervous chuckle. The blond resisted the urge to shiver at the reminder of what he had just seen and nodded in appreciation.

"So, did you need something?," the prince asked in a strangely calm tone. With a suddenly blanked mind – which must have been caused by the initial shock from seeing his two friends doing..it – Toon Link took a moment to try and remember why he was where he was.

I was going to do something...hmmm...oh! The incident! Right!

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to Roy about something," he answered as casually as possible. Marth nodded and blushed lightly, his eyes glancing at the door as he thought of the redhead.

"Right. Well, I don't think it would be very smart to wake him up right now, so...you could talk to me if you want," Marth suggested. Toon Link weighed his options.

Marth doesn't seem like he could cause too much trouble. I already tried Roy and that didn't get anything accomplished. Then there was Ike..which ended in me cleaning for an hour and getting that weird feeling. Alright, let's see where this goes.

"Okay," the boy agreed. With that, Toon Link led the prince to a much more secluded and secretive place to talk about his inner most emotions that confused him so.

Wow. No one told me finding love turned you into a pansy.


Lucas had a habit of hiding.

So it was to no one's surprise when the blond had been found locked in the bathroom via his own embarrassment and inability to face the outside world.

Ness had tried to bribe the kid out, which didn't work in the very least.

Nana had suggested they all play a game if Lucas came out, but the three ended up arguing over which game to play.

Popo had tried tricking the blond by pretending to leave and wait and see if the door opened just a crack. This had worked for only a minute or so, for as soon as the blond boy saw another person, he slammed the door shut.

Upset by their failures, the trio sulked away to bother Red with their dilemma. The brunentte suggested leaving Lucas alone for a bit and waiting for him to come to them, but they insisted that doing so would take centuries.

So, Red had taken the liberty of enlisting a friend - who had been conveniently walking by as the idea struck the pokemon trainer- to get the boy to come out of the bathroom and face reality.

"I can't believe I agreed to this," Pit mumbled to himself. He had been waiting outside of the bathroom door for half-an-hour and was beginning to lose his patience. He was all up for helping people, but who wouldn't get annoyed with having to postpone their own personal needs to get a kid out of the bathroom?

"And I have to go so badly, too," the angel whined. To his surprise, the doorknob slowly turned and the door opened within seconds of his grievance.

"Did...you have to use the bathroom?." asked a shy voice. Pit glanced up with wide eyes and nodded. Lucas apologized and opened the door to step outside. The angel hopped back onto his feet with ease and rushed into the bathroom with a quick 'thank you'.

The small blond boy stood outside the bathroom door with a clueless expression. What was he supposed to do now? If he went back to his friends then they would be annoyed with him, but who knows how Pit would react?

"So, kid, what's wrong?," he heard the angel say as he opened the door. Lucas looked up at him, contemplated on sharing, and shrugged.

"Just..a bad day, I guess," he lied. Pit eyed him warily before nodding and exiting the bathroom.

"Oh, and you should go back to your friends and Red, they're worried," the brunette suggested before he left.

The blond sighed before stumbling off to Red's room.


After a brief explanation of 'The Grape Juice Incident', Marth had a general idea of what Toon Link was experiencing.

"The feeling you got was affection for another," he explained. The hylian stared at him in confusion, unsure of what that meant for him.

"It's...the beginning of a crush, I guess you could say," Marth added. Toon Link blinked a few times, trying to comprehend this theory.

A crush? On Lucas? But...but he's a guy!

"But I'm not like that! I don't like guys!," he argued. The blue-haired man couldn't help but smirk at this, shaking his head as he held back the urge to laugh.

"What?," Toon Link defended. The elder sighed and smiled as he told the hylian to calm himself.

"Calm down? How can I calm down when you're implying that I'm...l-like that!"

At this, Marth covered his mouth as he let a few chuckles out.

That jerk, he's laughing at me!

"Please, excuse me for laughing, but..you have no idea how familiar this conversation is to me," he explained. Toon Link huffed and crossed his arms, waiting for a better explanation. Marth nodded and took his silence as a signal to start.

"You see, there was a time when I happened to have this same talk with your brother...or would older self be a better term?"

The hylian shrugged indifferently.

"Anyway, I remember saying the same things you had. I couldn't believe that Link was telling me I was attracted to another man," the elder went on. He had a nostalgic touch to his words and seemed to be in almost reliving the experience.

"However, once it's there...it's there," he added, locking eyes with the younger boy.

"You can't deny your feelings for someone, it isn't fair to either of you."

Toon Link felt as if his eyes were being drilled into, but refused the urge to look away. The two held eye contact a little longer, not a word spoken between them.

"..how..did you go about..expressing your feelings?," Toon Link asked, interrupting the silence. Marth blinked and closed his eyes in thought, humming lowly.

"Well, I'm sure you heard about part of the story from Roy; 'Spin The Bottle' and whatnot. However...there was something I had to do before I was sure that I wanted to be with Roy and only Roy," he explained.
"What was that?," the hylian asked, completely enthralled by the tale.

"I had to see what my other options were, and before you make a step to court someone, I think you should do the same," Marth suggested.

See what my other options are...

"How do I do that?," the blond inquired. Marth sighed, most likely tired of all the questions, and shrugged.

"Just..find out what you're missing out on. There's tons of people in the world, so make sure that Lucas is the one you want to go after. Find out what people share your interests," he advised.

Like...a dating site?

"You're right!," the hylian cheered as he dove off of his bed and made a dash for his computer. Marth merely turned in Toon Link's general direction, still seated on the bed.

"What are you doing?," the blue-haired man asked in curiosity. Toon Link smirked and typed away, too focused on his current activity to answer the elder. Unsure of what to do now, Marth walked over to the young hylian and peeked over his shoulder.

"A dating site?," he asked in a disgusted tone. Toon Link scoffed and turned to face him.

"You said to see what's available and what better way to do so than see what people are like around the world, hm?"

Marth sighed and shrugged, giving in.

Name...Link. Age...19, just to be safe. Interests..archery, going on adventures, saving princesses. No, that sounds too cliché. Let's see..interests: going to parties, long walks on the beach and..archery.

"Alright, now for the fun part. Here," the blond handed Marth a small camera, "go take a picture of Link and report back here."

The blue-haired man blinked and glanced over at the door.

"But..this is for you, not Link," he said slowly. Toon Link sighed and shook his head.

"No one is going to see a picture of some kid and think, 'wow, I want to get to know him!'. Besides, Link is basically me, so I don't see why it matters."

Marth sighed and thought for a while. Eventually, he concluded that the plan was absurd anyway and Toon Link would learn his lesson in the end.

"Fine," he agreed and left to get a picture of the elder hylian.


Marth wasn't sure how to go about his situation.

While he was sure that he could get a picture of Link from where he was, he didn't think that a picture of the blond snogging with a certain princess was very suitable for a dating site.

Which left him with little to do but wait.

And wait.

And wait.

It had been nearly half-an-hour now, and he wasn't sure how long he would be sitting in a bush just waiting for the two to separate long enough for a picture.

Considering the way that the sunlight hit the hylian's sandy hair and the way he carried himself, it was no doubt that just a minute or two of stillness would ensure a picture to die for.

But that didn't seem like it would happen anytime soon.

"There has to be a way to-"

"Marth?"

The blue-haired man froze in fear, clutching the camera tightly as if it would disappear if he just held on tight enough. There was the sound of leaves being shifted from side to side and the faint sight of red-orange nearing.

"What're you doing in a bush?"

Marth opened his eyes in surprise to see his redheaded lover sitting before him.

"Roy?"

The boy in question nodded, a smirk on his face.

"The one and only. So, you never answered me."

Marth sighed and glanced over to see Link still occupied. He almost glared at the sight but shook his head instead, opting to explain his current dilemma in the form of whispering.

"Toon Link wants me to get a picture of Link for this dating site, but he's been...busy for the past half hour," he explained in irritation. Roy peeked out of the bush and smiled.

"Well well well, he never told me about this," he mumbled more so to himself than the man sitting beside him. The redhead shrugged, figuring he could tease the hylian about it later, and turned to his lover.

"So, why're you still waiting when you could just walk up to them and-"

"Because I haven't thought of a good enough excuse to get a picture yet," Marth answered in an almost whiny manner. Roy laughed quietly, commenting about how cute the other looked when pouting.

"I'm not pouting," he insisted, crossing his arms. Roy smiled and kissed the prince on the cheek.

"You so are," he teased. Marth huffed and uncrossed his arms, resting them on the younger male's knees. The redhead smiled, shifting a bit in his 'criss-cross applesauce' position. The prince leaned forward and touched his own forehead to Roy's, closing his eyes and sighing.

The redhead smiled and closed his eyes also, enjoying the moment of mutual relaxation. After a good five minutes, Marth leaned back slightly and gazed at the boy.

"You know, some people find that being intimate in public is a huge turn on," Roy informed the other, a smirk present on his lips. Marth took a moment to assess the situation.

He glanced back at the couple, who seemed to have either turned invisible or left at some point.

Well, he could either go after Link – who would most likely either be alone or even more occupied – or he could stay and have some intimate alone time with Roy.

"We never did get to finish," the redhead added in a persuasive tone.

Well, that was a good enough reason, right?

"It's completely against all I stand for, you know," Marth replied half-heartedly. Roy shrugged, not caring in the least.

"I could most likely get in huge trouble if anyone were to find out," he continued, slowly growing weaker as the younger boy crawled onto him.

"And?," Roy asked, disinterested yet still sporting his trademark smirk. The two waited for the other to make the first move. Marth made a small sound of annoyance as he gave into his urges and gently pushed the redhead onto the ground.

When asked later about his logic, Marth mumbled that 'Link wasn't going anywhere' and 'dating sites never work, anyway'.


AN: Yet another chapter with just about no progress!

But there were some fun MarthxRoy moments, so it's okay, right?

Anyway, I hope you guys liked it and see you next week for another installment of 'Swordsmen Do Not Equal Cupid'~!