Legalities: I do not own or own any rights to the Teen Titans.
TW/CW: Character death, trauma
Chapter 4
Raven slowly blinked her eyes open, bringing into focus a dimly lit ceiling beyond a fabric canopy that was familiar, yet not at the same time. She quickly sat up and scanned her surroundings. Her breath caught when she realized where she was.
It was her room; in Titans Tower.
But how? Her world had been destroyed.
It was then that the memories from earlier that evening came flooding back to her and she let out a breath of relief as her head fell back on her pillow. The Titans of this world must have brought her back here to their tower. Her forehead felt tight and uncomfortable where her hood rested on it and she reached to pull it back. She touched her forehead and hissed as she came into contact with a cut not yet fully healed. She must have hit her head when she fell. Either she hadn't been out long or her body was taking longer than normal to heal. Perhaps she had stretched her powers too far sending Nightwing so far away.
The sound of footsteps in the hallway made her run cold with fear and she quickly sat up and slid her hood back over her forehead as the door to her room opened to allow a figure in. Raven squinted to see who it was against the brightness of the hallway. The door closed and the figure moved into the moonlight pouring through the window. Raven was able to make out the figure's features.
"Robin." she whispered.
Robin stopped suddenly as he saw her already sitting up.
"You're awake," he said, surprise in his voice. "I was just coming to check up on you. I'll leave if you want."
"No," Raven said quickly as Robin backed toward the door. "No. Stay. Please."
Robin stopped and looked at her before responding.
"Alright."
Robin walked toward her and sat on the side of the bed as she slid over to give him room.
"Are you okay?" He stared intently into her eyes as if they would tell him if she lied. He let out a soft, nervous chuckle and looked away. "God, that's a stupid question, isn't it?"
A slight smile came to the corner of Raven's mouth. "I'm fine," she replied. "Well, as fine as I can be I suppose. Sending Nightwing to another plane, another dimension, just took too much energy after everything that happened. I'm surprised the others let you come to check on me, though. I would have thought they'd deter you in case I freaked out waking up to see you."
"They did try to deter me," he said as he ran a hand through his dark hair, "but they couldn't stop me. I guess I still need to prove to myself that you're really here."
He reached out to lay a hand on hers, but she pulled back suddenly before closing her eyes and lowering her head.
"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just . . . you look just like him. I mean, in a way you kind of are him. Who he used to be anyway."
She reached out and laid her hand on his, instead, and he flipped his hand so he could hold hers. His grip tightened as the feeling in his chest did. They stared at each other for a long while before she spoke to break the tension.
"I take it I haven't been out long?"
"Just a couple of hours. Don't tell me you can keep track of the time while you're unconscious."
"Not perfectly," she said with a little smile.
Robin laughed and looked around the room and lost himself momentarily to memories.
"I wouldn't need a whole hand to count the number of times you had ever let me in here."
"And most of those times were only in the few weeks before the fateful fight with Noctis. Most of the time we stayed in your room."
Robin flushed and turned away from Raven before she could see it. The awkward silence stretched between them, neither one of them sure what to say. What can be said in a situation such as this?
Robin finally broke the silence between them this time, though he kept his head turned away from her.
"So up until that day our pasts are exactly the same?"
Raven waited until he turned back to face her before she answered.
"I've wondered that myself. Everything seems to fit so far, but . . . Do you remember the morning before my sacrifice?" Robin nodded and Raven continued. "If our pasts are exactly the same then you'll remember what I did that morning . . . what you caught me doing."
Robin stared into her eyes.
"We had stayed up late talking. About nothing if I recall correctly." A slight smile came, unbidden, to his face as he remembered. "It was late and you asked me stay. We, uh, we spent most of the night, uh-" he paused and blushed furiously, squeezing her hand and feeling relief as she squeezed back. She gave him a small, knowing smile and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Then we fell asleep. I woke in the morning and you were sitting by the window. I heard you. You sang. You sang a song of passing . . . from Azarath."
Tears formed in Raven's eyes before she blinked them away. She nodded.
"Do you remember what I said after you stopped singing?" Robin inquired.
"I thought my song too sad. I was happy, truly happy, and I don't know why that song came to mind. I didn't know you had awakened yet. You tried to get me to sing again. You said you didn't care if my song was sad . . . it was still mine. You said now it was yours too."
Robin reached out and lifted her chin as she tried to lower her head in embarrassment. She shivered from his electric touch.
"I don't think I've ever seen you as raw and real as I did when I heard you sing. Until tonight when I saw you dance. Your song is still so clear in my memory. You really do have an intoxicating voice."
He realized the error of what he said immediately after he said it. Memories of Nightwing's words from earlier that night came back to them and Robin realized how similar he and his counterpart were.
"Rae, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I-"
"Rae?" Her eyes closed and a slight smile came to the corner of her mouth. "There's a name I haven't heard in a long, long, while." Her eyes opened and focused on him from the shadows of her hood. "I've never allowed anyone else to call me that, you know."
Robin let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, grateful that his slip of the tongue hadn't turned her away from him.
"Frankly, I was shocked when you let me," he confessed.
Raven chuckled. She sighed and looked up at him.
"Are the others still up?"
"After tonight do you doubt it? Everyone's waiting up to see if you woke before the morning."
"I need to talk to you. All of you."
"You need your rest, Raven. Whatever it is that you have to tell us can wait-"
"No. It must be told. I have to get it all out tonight or I may not have the courage in the morning. What I have to tell you I've never had to tell anyone at once before. I have to do this now. Please, Robin."
One look at her told him she wouldn't have it any way but hers and he knew he wouldn't have denied her even if he wanted to. He nodded and stood, holding out a hand to help her rise from the covers.
O • O • O • O
Raven sat on the couch and faced the Titans, Aqualad and Terra on either side of her and Speedy leaning on the back of the couch with his arms crossed. It was like he was standing guard and, knowing what they'd been through, maybe he was. She let out a ragged breath as she lowered her head into her hands. Speedy leaned back so he could see her face. He reached down and grabbed her hand in his and rubbed the backs of her fingers reassuringly.
How can I tell this story? Raven wondered. How can I sit here and tell them how I let them all down? What I allowed to happen. Will they understand how complicated this all is?
"Raven," Robin ventured cautiously. "Like I said earlier, we don't have to do this tonight. We can-"
"No, Robin. This must be told." She looked up at them while she caused the bright lights to dim so they no longer hurt her eyes. "I may not have the courage to relay this tale later. You have to know why you can't fight Nightwing yet."
Raven looked hard at Cyborg.
"You're sure of the Tower's defenses?"
"We programmed the perimeter sensors to recognize Robin's DNA. Since he's already in the tower he'll be safe, as long as he doesn't leave the perimeter, and the sensors show that there's only one Robin in the tower. It won't be pretty for him if he tries to touch this island.
Raven nodded her head once to acknowledge her understanding and took a deep breath. She squeezed Speedy's hand before pulling her hand from his grip and nodded quick thanks. He went back to leaning against the couch, his elbows propped on the couch back. Resting her elbows on her knees, Raven leaned forward.
Please let them understand. Please . . .
"After Robin . . . our Robin . . ."
Raven looked away from the others and sighed and leaned back on the couch as she tried to control the lump rising in her throat. Terra leaned her shoulder against Raven. It was a subtle gesture, but one that Robin noticed. He also noticed Speedy's hand behind Raven shift slightly and his fingers tenderly brushed the back of her neck, though Speedy did not look at her or shift his elbows from their position on the couch back. It was as if he wanted to comfort her without anyone else knowing he was doing so. Robin raised an eyebrow at the gesture but no one else seemed to notice it or his reaction to it.
"After our chance at defeating Noctis was lost, the team wasn't the same. Everything seemed so hopeless and Robin found himself more and more alienated amongst us. Thinking back on it I see that I didn't help the situation any but . . . I was so angry. Our only chance lost because he was so rash . . ." Raven took a moment to calm herself before continuing. "I had never allowed my emotions out enough to feel such anger before. Obviously I didn't handle it as well as I could have.
"As Terra explained, I found the only survivors of the Temple of Azarath and begged for their help. They refused to help us fight, but they were willing to reveal the name of the only hope that we had left of destroying Noctis: Slade.
"When Robin left the fight after finding out about our alliance with Slade . . . we didn't know what to think. We couldn't find him. We looked everywhere.
"Something had been going on with him for some time. When I look back on it now it seems so obvious, but we were so distracted. We failed him in so many ways, I suppose. Once he saw Slade and what he viewed as our betrayal something in him broke and whatever darkness had crept in him had the chance to take over. He was gone for awhile. What? A month?" She looked to her companions for confirmation. Aqualad nodded.
"During that time he succumbed to the darkness that had latched on to him. He left behind the name Robin and adopted the name of Nightwing."
Raven stared straight ahead, past everyone and out the window, not looking at anything with her glazed eyes. Her mind was reliving things she'd tried so hard to repress. She continued with her story, swept into the flow of the past and Robin's heart pounded loudly in his chest as he prayed that she wouldn't drown in the tide.
"Nightwing swore to eradicate the evil masquerading as goodness in this world . . . and he also swore to 'rescue me from the Titans' clutches' and show me how good the world could be if it was rebuilt and that Noctis had the power to do that.
"But it wasn't long after his threats came that Terra left us, and I can't say that the thought of escaping all of that wasn't tempting for me as well. Titans East continued to fight with us, but apparently Nightwing was intent on destroying us first."
Raven's tears glistened on her cheeks as she turned to Starfire.
"Nightwing left Star, my Star, a letter; one that we found in her room later. How he got into the tower or got it delivered we still don't know. If he did enter the tower he could have ended it right there, but he wanted to toy with us. I think he loved the power he held over us.
"The letter told her that he had lost himself if darkness and that he was in trouble. It said that he was fighting something in him, that he was so scared, and that she was the only one who would be willing to hear what he had to say. He said that he was counting on her to help him and to convince us to take him back and help him."
Tears began to run unchecked down Raven's face as she rushed her words, clearly disturbed by her own tale but unable to stop the flow of words now that she had started.
"I awoke the next morning to the sound of my name being called from the hallway. There was no one there when I opened the door but the voice had traveled around the corner. I couldn't help following it, I don't know what came over me. I was so exhausted. I finally found myself before the front door and I knew I would never be the same again if I opened it . . . but I did . . .
"There, on the steps, was Starfire . . . her body already cold." Raven's breathing grew to a rapid rate but she seemed unable to stop speaking. Her eyes lost focus once more and grew more fevered.
"He murdered her; the only person who had believed in him no matter what. She said that she almost doubted him when he was Slade's apprentice . . . she swore she would never doubt him again. She believed in him . . . and he killed her. He started his bloodbath with her because he knew she wouldn't doubt him."
Robin turned away from Starfire. It was his counterpart that had done this. Now the tears Raven had in her eyes at seeing Starfire tonight made complete sense.
"We're not positive that Nightwing, himself, killed her or if he took her to Noctis to do his dirty work, but he's the reason she's dead. He's still a murderer to me. Nightwing moved quickly after his first murder. The circuitry of the tower was rewired and electrocuted Cyborg in his sleep. When it was only Beast Boy and myself left . . . Nightwing knew we'd go into hiding.
"So he took children as hostages, knowing that we couldn't leave them to their deaths. We went to save them before something terrible happened.
We saved the children, got them to safety, but everything got so screwed up after that. There were explosions everywhere. Noctis just appeared there suddenly. We fought him off as best we could but we knew we had to find a way to retreat. Beast Boy and I got separated and I got careless.
Nightwing found me, hovered in the air behind me. Noctis had given him powers and I had no idea that he could reach me up there. He held me. He pinned my arms and whatever power that he now possessed fought against mine and it was winning. I was . . . helpless. I tried to shout a warning to Beast Boy but he must have panicked seeing me held by Nightwing. He tried to fly to me. To save me.
"Beast Boy was a hawk when Noctis caught him . . ."
Raven's throat was so constricted and she covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes were still unfocused, looking past everyone, as if she were seeing the events of the past played out before her on the window behind the Titans. She had to take a few minutes before she removed her hand from her mouth and choked out the next line, her eyes wild with fear as if she stood before the gruesome seen all over again.
"He butchered Beast Boy before my eyes.
"All I could do was look at Beast Boy's mangled body. Nightwing grabbed me by the throat and leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, 'Now it's just you and I, Pet.'
"He has a scar just under his jawline from that day. He let go of my throat and left me with Beast Boy's ruined body and for the first time in my life I felt true hatred and anger . . . I didn't know that my powers could be that strong. It was the first time I really tried channeling my emotions and using them to fuel my power. I no longer had to fear being controlled by my father but I had still never attempted it in case something went horribly wrong but . . . if I could control my power while using emotion . . . well, it worked with Nightwing. His scar proves that much. I wasn't sure if I could control the power that I had created but I needed to find a way to escape. But when I turned to face Nightwing he only smiled and vanished, Noctis with him. They just left me there. I suppose they were hoping that being left with the carnage would break me, that my emotions would tear me apart. They almost did. I managed to get control eventually, but it was a dark few days. I did some things that were truly signs of insanity."
She leaned forward and looked down at the floor before closing her eyes and shaking her head furiously. She took several deep, shaky breaths and opened her eyes, still staring at the floor.
"I went out on my own for a while, trying to escape Nightwing. All the while trying to figure out that power that I had unlocked. I managed to harness it, mostly, and I did some good along the way. I earned the name of Shadow Spirit. In all of my journeying I learned nothing of Noctis. He was a phantom. Then I finally realized I couldn't run anymore, so I went to Titan's East . . . what was left of them.
"Only Aqualad and Speedy were there to greet me . . . with Terra. She had stolen transdimensional technology from Dr. Chang and went to Titans East when she found Titan's Tower abandoned and couldn't find me. I stayed with them for a time and then we saw our only chance for survival in that technology to escape before our world died.
"He found us the day that we left. Terra and Aqualad had already gone through the portal and Speedy and I were arguing about who would go next. I wanted to see them all through safely but he was insistent that I would not remain last in case Nightwing arrived. The I-told-you-so look on Speedy's face when Nightwing showed up . . ." she smiled slightly before continuing.
"I expected a fight, I expected rage, but Nightwing looked so broken. Like he had just been in a long battle and he was drained. He demanded that I stay, but then he sank to his knees and he grabbed his head. He screamed. It was like a wounded, desperate animal. Then he looked up and me and his eyes were so different. He begged me to go. He pleaded for me to escape while I could. He said there wasn't much time. He said he loved me and then he screamed again. I shoved Speedy through the portal as Nightwing shuddered and rose to his feet. His eyes were hard again and he asked me to not make him do what he knew he had to do to keep me there. We fought and I knew that I just had to knock him back or wear him down enough for me to make it through the portal and to shut it down on the other side. He wasn't prepared for my new powers and that was the advantage I needed. I knocked him clear across the room and went to leap into the portal."
"We didn't think he would be able to follow.
"So we've been jumping worlds, afraid to stay in one place for too long, lest Nightwing use the powers given to him by Noctis to destroy those worlds as well."
Raven's violet eyes were pleading as she looked up. She rose from her seat on shaky legs.
"You can't fight him yet. He knows you. He knows your weaknesses. His abilities are still and unknown and even we don't know much about what he's now capable of. He is reckless and unpredictable. We can't underestimate him. He must be destroyed but . . . there's also the possibility that something of himself still in there. We can't do anything until we know for sure. I can't. I can't just destroy him and not at least try to save him if there's a chance. I failed to help him before he fell to the darkness. I can't fail him again if there's any chance to save him."
She covered her face with her hands.
"It's all just so . . . fucked."
Her legs finally gave out, exhaustion from using her powers earlier and from the strain of having to tell her tale taking their toll, and she collapsed onto the floor, arms locked to hold herself up, shoulders shaking.
"And I can't lose you all again."
