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Its lunchtime and I'm aimlessly roaming the halls. The nurse had release me a few minutes ago after giving me a lecture about being more careful next time or something like that. I blanked out while she was reciting her pre-prepared speech. She only kept on nagging and nagging. God!! I'm not in the proper mental state to be reprimanded about something as trivial as tripping on a rock. Doesn't anyone have empathy anymore? (No, they don't) Pity me will'ya. I only nodded my head to appear that I was listening and left as soon as she let me to change out of my PE uniform. I wasn't going to walk around school with it; it will only cause more teasing.
I'm not going to get lunch. I don't feel up to it. Everyone will laugh at me. I know they will. God, why did I have to fall twice in the same day, in MY FIRST DAY at that? I prefer to hide away. Yeah, I want to savour my failure alone. This is why I don't get my hopes up, everything I wish for only crumbles into pieces.
I pass a familiar door, my second hour class. I stopped only for a minute hesitating. I could go talk to Kurenai-sensei, tell her my deepest thoughts and lift a load of my shoulders, but in reality I don't want to. I don't want to be cheered up. I want to slowly rot alone, like I should. I don't want others to see me fall into pieces. They will only think I'm pathetic. I continue walking without looking back.
I decided to spend the rest of my lunch at the roof top. I like it there. There's no soul insight. It's a perfect place to think, relax, and cry... I can let my mask slip and show the real me. Tears rolling down my cheeks, I start to cry pretty badly. I'm hysterically crying actually. My sobs are uncontrollable, my vision is blurry and I can't breath. My body shakes as waves of sadness consume me. When did I bottle up so much pain? I cry because of the present, I cry because of the past, I cry because of the future to come. God, how can a human being handle so much sadness without breaking?
When I started crying hysterically I was at the center of the roof, but now I'm on the railing climbing up, swinging my leg over so that I would stand on the other side. A single move and I would suffer a severe fall. It is a two-story building after all. "Would I have the guts to commit suicide?" I started the countdown.
"One"
"Two"
"... "I hesitated.
"Three"
I couldn't jump. I'm a coward. I sight in defeate and was trying to swing over my foot to climb down when I felt two strong arms circle my waist. This shocked me and made me lose my balance. I gave a shriek. I didn't fall, I was being pulled over the railing. I fell on top of the chest of whoever saved me. I could have died just now.
An angry growl was emitted by my saviour. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" The voice scarred me. It was deep, cold, harsh, and angry. A male, definitely male. I scurry out of his grasp and lean my back on the railing. I tried to get as far away as possible from him. He sounded infuriated and I was on his receiving end.
"I SAID WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" He grabbed my arms fiercely this time, shaking me. "ANSWER ME GOD DAMMIT."
I couldn't help but look up at his green sea foam eyes. He was the redhead from my PE class. He was glaring at me, his eyes were pouring into mine, and he was holding my arms tighter than he should, he will leave bruises, demanding an answer. I couldn't form coherent sentences. I couldn't do anything else except bow my head. I don't want him to see my despair. We stood like that for what seemed an eternity.
He suddenly releases my arms and grabbed his head. It seems that my attempt suicide took a toll on him. It's not everyday you see someone try to kill themselves and have to save them.
I didn't want to stay there, so I ran, more like limp because my knee still hurt, and I grab my stuff near the door and ran. Before I did I whisper a broken 'thank you' with my back to him. I don't think he even heard it.
He's in my fourth hour. English with Kakashi-sensei (I have him twice.) He came in late. I figure as much. The bell had rang a second after I ran away. He didn't look too good. He probably stayed back 'till he felt ready to go to class. What a surprise he had, finding me among his classmates! When he came in I finally learned his name, Sabaku no Gaara, said by Kakash-sensei himself.
"Sabaku no Gaara"
It was awkward. He stood in front of the class glaring at me. I don't know if he was mad at me or something else. I couldn't read his expression. I was lucky to have my hood on, it covered my face pretty well, because I would have die from the embarrassment. Irony much, I laughed out loud. Everyone was looking at me.
I was so happy when Kakashi-sensei told him to sit down that I would have squealed if it wasn't for the fact that I'm Hinata. I'm timid, shy Hinata, I would never do something so courageous. My happiness ended when he sat next to me. I didn't notice that the only empty seat was next to me. Hyuuga's are supposed to see everything; I'm a failure as a Hyuuga.
I felt his stares all throughout class. We were supposed to read this book assign to us but I couldn't concentrate. I was either thinking of him or why he saved me or I was fidgeting under his glares. I seem to be fidgeting under glares a lot today.
I gave up trying to read my book and started playing with my bandage hands. They hurt like hell.
"Pain is the only thing that tells you are alive." Yeah I'm alive. I couldn't suicide properly.
Then it hit me, I attempted suicide. I tried to kill myself!! My pain was so unbearable that I actually wanted to end my life. I went stiff.
"I want you to rot from the inside out Hina-Hime, I want you to slowly, painfully die my Hime⦠until you can't take it anymore and end your life... " That voice again. God, why?
A single tear slid down my cheek. I had my hood on so no one noticed it. They all kept doing their work. No one would care, anyway, if they saw it.
"I'm weak, I'm a failure, and I'm pathetic."
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