This is sooneer than i thought it would be, but i got inspired. Please read and review, i love your feedback!
Kid was quiet the rest of the way to the store, and while Puck was appreciating the peace, he had a feeling he was moping, and considering how much time they'd probably be spending together, he thought it would probably be a good idea to kiss and make up.
It was already obvious that Kid worshipped Puck; most people did, he was knew the signs. So, by the time they saw the sign on the corner of the street ahead, Puck already had a plan of how to use this knowledge to make it up to Kid.
"Okay, Kid." Puck said it as though he'd just thought of it, when actually he'd been waiting until the exact precise moment that this would work.
He figured the time it took to reach the store doors would be more than enough.
"Yeah?" Kid already seemed wary, and Puck liked that he already had him figured out; that kind of talent is useful in Puck's line of… business.
"You know how I'm a total badass?" He barely paused long enough for Kid to nod – there's no way you can dispute that kind of thing. "And you, well, you're not." Again, nothing there to argue with, so he continued, ignoring Kid's sad nod. "Well, I figure I'll teach you to be a badass."
Kid looked up in shock, narrowly avoiding falling on his face when he stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. "Wha… Why?"
Puck laughed. "I can't have someone wearing my name and acting like you do. And frankly, nobody could possibly be happy being the beating bag of, ya know, everyone. Since we're kinda like – I dunno – brothers or something, I guess I don't want you, like, unhappy." He was sounding more and more like a chick, so he decided to man up and rope Kid in. "First lesson: disregard for the rules."
Kid eyed Puck nervously. "And what exactly does that entail?"
Puck motioned towards the store. "Use your almighty five finger discount."
Kid took a moment to catch on, which showed Puck just how much he needed his help. "I can't do that! What if I got caught?"
They were about 100 feet from the door, now, so Puck pulled Kid off to the side.
"You won't, it's easy." He looked almost amused by Kid's abidance to the rules.
Kid rolled his eyes. "It's not that easy!"
Puck sighed and looked towards the store.
He held a hand on Kid's chest. "Stay here." And he was gone, heading into the store.
Kid was frozen to the spot, not entirely sure what Puck was doing, but waiting nonetheless for the alarms to start sounding. A minute later he was back, chewing gum nonchalantly.
Kid looked at him expectantly. "So?"
Puck nodded and pulled out two packs of gum – Kid knew he'd only had one before – and a Pez dispenser.
"This is small stuff, because I was just showing you it's easy." Puck popped open the Pez packet and handed it to Kid, before offering him a stick of gum.
Kid still looked unsure.
Puck patted him on the back. "Tell you what, I'll come in with you, keep an eye out for any security guards and shit, and you do the deed. You can just go for something small, like a bar of candy, or if you're feeling brave maybe… a DVD? This place doesn't have security pillars, so there won't be an alarm or anything."
Kid thought for a second, and – as if he had a choice – nodded.
Puck led the way into the store, and made his way over to the toiletries section, partly looking for a toothbrush, but mainly watching Kid.
He was looking up and down the candy racks, checking around him way too often. He picked up a Snickers bar and started to read the packet.
Puck rolled his eyes. All Kid had to do was snatch the thing and ram it in his pocket… except be more subtle than that. And he was reading the damn thing!
Finally, Kid tucked the Snickers in his pocket and pulled his shirt down so you couldn't see the lump. He was about to head over to Puck, a proud, but petrified, look stamped on his face, when a woman with white hair and a dress that shouted Grandma pushed a trolley in front of Kid. When she spotted him, she stopped and shuffled over to have a conversation, despite Kid's obvious protests about needing to get going.
She'd had him there for a good seven minutes, and Puck was almost on the floor laughing at Kid's expression, when a store clerk walked over.
"Can I help you, sir, or are you just curious?" The elderly woman looked at him like he was a piece of crap on her shoe or something, and no one looked at him like that.
Puck stopped laughing and pulled himself to his full height. "I guess I'm both, ma'am."
The woman looked sceptical. "Both?"
Puck held back a snigger… but if he hadn't, it would have sounded more badass than a snigger. "Yes, you see, I'm buy-curious."
He heard someone behind him snort a laugh before quickly stifling it. Someone female.
Once the bitchy store clerk had hurried off, pretending she'd seen another customer, Puck chuckled to himself.
The girl behind him spoke.
"Where did that come from?" Her voice was familiar, but different, like everything in the damned universe. "Are you on drugs, or something?"
Rachel fucking Berry. She was talking to him like she knew him, and Puck almost laughed. Because, technically, she did.
How was it that she was even hotter over here? Her hair was more thick and wavy; her lips more full. And, damn, that body! She looked up at him and realised that he wasn't who she expected, as he had already guessed. Her mouth dropped, and he thought for a moment she saw him checking him out right back, but if she did she was more subtle about it than he had been.
"Sorry, I thought you were… someone else…" She turned bright red and began backing away.
Puck chuckled. "That's alright. I can be whoever you want me to be."
Normally that would have sounded more sleazy coming from him, but he screwed it up and it ended up making him sound endearing. She blushed bright pink all the same, but his badass status was sinking with every word he said.
She stuttered as she continued to walk away backwards, completely distracted, so it was no surprise when she went tumbling over the mop and bucket that was left behind her.
As she was sprawled across the floor, Puck hurried forward, knowing that it was his fault, really, that she'd hurt herself. It's not that he felt bad – badasses don't feel bad, they just are bad – but this Rachel can't be that different to the Rachel from his universe, and he just couldn't deal with all that crazy.
He effortlessly helped her up, and she looked up at him gratefully.
She let go of his strong hand, almost unwillingly, and brushed off her bum, wincing as she did.
"You okay?" Puck couldn't help but let a little bit of humour seep into his voice.
Rachel bit her lip as she looked up at him. "Uh, yes, uh… it's just…"
Puck pulled out his smirk-pout that he knew always had girls weak at the knees. Maybe if he couldn't get the Rachel he knew into bed, he could use his charms on this one.
"Would you like me to take a look?"
Rachel, much to Puck's surprise, turned and looked at her butt, curving her back so that she could look as much as possible, and in doing so tensing all of the muscles in it perfectly. "I think it's okay, just a bit sore probably."
Puck just stared down at it; it was the perfect size and shape, especially beneath the tight jeans she had on. "It looks great."
She suddenly realised what she was doing and smacked her hands down on it in an attempt to cover it. In doing so, it looked just like she was slapping her ass, and Puck had to physically hold himself back. This Rachel was much less confident than the other one, and he kind of liked it. It made her seem like a baby deer, naïve to the world around her, and that was sure as hell kinky.
Blushing again, Rachel decided to distract herself from her embarrassments and stuck out her hand. "I'm Rachel. Rachel Berry. I don't think I know you from school…"
Puck smiled, and her blush deepened. "Nice to meet you, Berry."
He took her hand and shook it slowly, meeting her eyes and locking them with his.
She looked expectant. "Can I ask your name?"
His smile morphed into a smirk. "You can ask, but I don't think I'll tell you."
She looked intrigued. "And why's that?"
"Maybe," Puck slowed down his words and moved closer, making his voice come out as a whisper. "Maybe I want to see if when we meet for a second time, you're interested enough to ask again."
He stepped back, moving away much more steadily than she had, and mixed in a knowing look with his usual smirk. She watched him go in awe, and as soon as he was out of sight, she let out a sigh.
Puck made his way over to Kid to save him from the crazy old lady. Only he could be friends with a random old woman.
"Sorry, ma'am, but I'm going to have to steal my friend here. We really ought to get going. His mom is waiting for us." He gave her the best good-boy smile he could manage with a Mohawk and dragged Kid away by the wrist.
He continued chuckling to himself for the rest of the time they were in the store, gathering the various items his mom had written on the list. Kid's mom. Kid's mom, not his.
Kid glared at Puck. When he felt the daggers coming from Kid's eyes digging into the side of his neck, he turned to see why.
"What?" He glared back, never one to be outdone.
Kid shook his head. "I still can't believe you made me do that."
Puck laughed and faced forward again. "I still can't believe you are into dungeons and dragons!"
Kid frowned. "I told you it's cause I was lonely…"
"Yeah?" Puck looked over to Kid. "Well neither dungeons and dragons or being lonely is badass, so there's no more of that shit."
Thinking through it, it was probably best to follow Puck's instructions (orders, more like), seeing as he knew exactly what he was doing. And Kid was fed up of being the loser that everyone picked on; it had gotten so bad that Finn would find him outside of school to pick on him.
While Puck seemed to have a very similar mind frame to Finn, he was on his side, and they could probably use that to their advantage.
Puck let out a puff of air. "Dude, I can hear you thinking from over here. Just give me a break and dial down the nerd stuff. There's only so much I can do."
Kid wasn't quite sure how he could do that. Anyway, what he'd said just proved his point. He knew what he was talking about, and he was going to help Kid.
Puck grunted. "You're doing it again."
"What do you expect me to do? I can't just turn my brain off!" Kid snapped.
Puck raised an eyebrow, and Kid immediately looked apologetic, remembering that he could in fact snap his head off if he so chose.
"Okay, the rules are, you can only think about girls, for now, and only in a sexual way. Don't get too excited, or you may end up finding those a bit uncomfortable." Puck gestured to Kid's pants.
Kid's ears went red, and Puck laughed before reaching up to flick them. "Another good reason for this rule: you learn to act cool."
Kid nodded. "I get it; emersion is the best way of learning."
Puck screwed up his nose. "Also, no more using words that are that screwed up. Saying things like 'emersion' will never help you, so stick to the basics. Especially around me, cause I don't know if you noticed, but I'm exactly book smart."
Kid guffawed. "I noticed."
Puck rolled his eyes. The kid guffaws, for Christ's sake.
"No," Puck agreed, "I just know about important stuff. Like how to make a load of money doing basically nothing, all because some rich cougars want to have sex with you. And how to run an entire school on fear alone. I know that chicks dig nipple rings and Mohawks, and they'll rarely admit it, but there's nothing hotter to them than a badass. I also know that you are a virgin."
Kid froze mid-step, and when he recovered a moment later, he had to run to catch up with Puck when he didn't stop. "How the hell do you know that?"
"No guy who's had sex blushes when someone mentions it."
Kid was speechless.
"So, do as I say and I'll have you ruling the school before you know it."
Kid decided at that point that Puck was, in fact, a supernatural being with the unmatched ability to…
Puck slapped him across the chest, and Kid caught on quickly.
Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs…
When they got back to the house, Evette had insisted that Noah take a shower while she washed and dried the clothes he had on. After all, he was supposed to have hitchhiked across the country, with no money and definitely no chance to bathe.
So, Puck agreed, and Kid took this chance to do some studying and some homework. He knew there was no way Puck would ever let him do this, and while being a badass was suddenly very important to him, Kid figured it couldn't hurt to do well at school as well.
This was when Rachel burst in and threw herself onto his bed with a huge sigh.
"Rach?" Kid smiled.
They'd known each other well enough and long enough to just let themselves into each other's houses. His mom thought of Rachel as her daughter, which was good because her lack of a mother meant she needed a female role model.
"Noah. I'm in love!" She sighed again and put a hand to her heart.
Kid laughed, now. "O-kay. Who with this time? Or is it still Daniel Craig?"
Rachel pouted. "Not all of my crushes are actors." She rolled onto her front and shuffled so she was facing him. "I met him in the store today while I was buying sanitary towels–" Kid gasped and said 'Rachel' "– and he said something so funny and I laughed, and then I fell over a bucket" (pout) "and he helped me up."
"So now you're in love with him." Kid stated matter-of-factly.
Rachel sighed and nodded. "With all of my heart."
Kid couldn't help but laugh. No doubt he was somebody passing through and she would forget him by tomorrow; she was so fickle, but she made it work for her.
"He was very attractive, and he had a t-shirt on that was tight enough that I could see he was stacked. His lips were really pouty and he had this sexy Mohawk, which – while normally I would find it immature and generally in bad taste – it completely suited his skull shape." She sighed again, as Kid slowly thought through her description. "And he had very nice arms, and that is surprisingly important, I've found."
From the doorway, a voice made Rachel's heart skip a beat and sink at the same time. "He sounds dreamy."
Puck smirked from where he stood, leaning against the doorframe, wearing a towel around his waist. Water streamed down his chest, and Rachel couldn't help but follow a droplet as it trailed from his collar bone, around his left nipple (was that a nipple-ring?) and bounced over each of his ripples. She daren't imagine what was beneath the towel.
Even she couldn't have predicted what came out of her mouth next. "He was. I hope I get to meet him again. He never told me his name."
She had to stop herself from gasping; she was never this confident and forward.
Puck smirked. "Why was that?"
She – in another uncharacteristic move – smirked right back. "He seemed to think it would make me interested in him."
"How's that working out for him?" He asked, still holding his face in the flirty position.
Rachel smiled a genuine smile. "As far as I can tell, it's working out pretty well so far."
They locked eyes.
Rachel spoke first. "So what's your name?"
"Berry, you may call me Puck."
They stared at each other for a minute, before Kid spoke up.
"So, Rach, you'll never guess who Puck is?" Kid jumped up, excited. Looking way too much like a five year old for Puck to deal with right now.
Puck quickly interrupted Rachel's answer.
"Kid, can you show me where my clothes are?" He asked, encouraging Kid to follow him out of the room.
As he did, he was fairly sure he saw Rachel remember that he still didn't have any clothes on, and rake her eyes over his toned, wet body, maybe even letting out a sigh when she thought they were out of earshot.
Kid started to lead Puck to the stairs. "My mom usually puts clean clothes by th–"
Puck tapped him around the back of the head. "I know where my clothes are, douche bag, I've lived here all of my life, remember? I brought you out here because you were about to tell her the truth!"
"Rachel?" Kid looked confused. "Why can't I tell her?"
Puck was getting angry at how stupid this puny version of himself was being. He wondered if this was what it was like for his teachers when they tried to teach him academic stuff.
"Uh, one, she'll think we're crazy." He counted them off on his fingers. "Two, she could tell someone, and three, she'll think we're crazy!"
Kid chewed on the inside of his cheek. "So you're saying I shouldn't trust her."
Puck nodded. "Dude, you shouldn't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die."
Kid's eyes widened as he realised what he meant, and then, just to change the subject, he went on. "She's my best friend, she wouldn't tell!"
Puck shook his head. "She was the one who let loose that I was the father of Quinn's baby to Finn, so she was pretty much the reason I got a fist in the face."
Kid was obviously still unsure. "But I've never lied to her."
Puck nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, steering him back towards the bedroom. "Then she won't suspect you. Go in there and lie through your teeth. I'm your cousin, and I'm living here for a while." He shoved him through the door. "Go!"
As he stood outside the door listening to Noah reel off the story he'd fed his parents about the situation with his mother 'kicking him out' to Rachel, he muttered to himself. "Lesson two: lying, complete."
Cool beans. REVIEW! please.
PS would like to thank urban dictionary for some of the lines.
