"Did you know Daryl is here?"
Pushing the inside of her cheek with her tongue and squinting her eyes so that she could get a better look at what she was doing, Rosita paid no attention whatsoever to the words the new comer just spat out. She didn't even look up, she just firmly tightened the handlebar to the body of the bicycle she was working on and gave it a couple of jerks to make sure it wasn't going to move. When she was satisfied with the results she adjusted her cap and changed her attention to the tires; she needed to make sure they were perfectly placed over the rims.
"Are you listening to me, I said Daryl was here."
Again, she said nothing because what could she possibly say to that? That she has known about his upcoming presence way before the gate was even opened? That she knew because even from miles away she could recognize the sound of his bike anywhere, anytime? Who knew, maybe if she opted for saying that she could even get chatty and tell Tara of the multiple times she has hopped on behind him in that bike, arms tight around his waist, hair wild in the wind and an exhilarating feeling in her gut as they drove to wherever they could be alone.
"Rosita." The other woman hissed.
From her spot sitting down on the grass, the Latina could detect the impatience in her friend's voice and she just knew that she wasn't going to drop it just because she was trying to ignore her. "I heard you just fine, I just don't know what you want me to say."
"Well, I am not expecting you to tell me anything, I am however expecting you to go and talk to him. You know, just as you said you were going to do."
Rolling her eyes and placing the wrench she has been just using for the bike assembly frenzy she had submerged into, Rosita finally looked up to see the way Tara was standing a couple of feet away from her. She was with her arms folded to her chest an a look on her face that talked purely business. In other words, she looked like she was going to annoy the hell out of her with the same subject as all the previous times, Daryl.
Yeah, it was true that more than a week ago when she and Daryl had their fallout, Tara had walked in on her when she wasn't feeling herself and in a bonding moment they ended up drinking the last of the tequila and talking the night away. They told each other a lot of things that they wouldn't say when sober; they talked about Denise, about why Rosita didn't want to open up and in the middle of all that talking, it could have been that she ended up promising Tara that she was going to talk to Daryl and try to fix things. How and why that came to be she didn't remember, but the thing was that the woman hadn't let go of her throat ever since about her lack of fulfilling that promise.
"Well…" She began to say with a shrug. "I'm busy right now so…."
Scoffing, Tara threw her arms to her sides. "Putting bikes together for the kids? Rosita, you don't even like kids."
"What are you talking about, I like kids. In fact I like them so much that I want them to have the closest thing to a normal childhood and for that guess what they need? Bikes."
"We don't even have so many kids at Hilltop."
Looking around, she saw at least eleven bikes lying around her. Some finished, some needed a little more work. "Alexandria has kids and so does the Kingdom." Besides there were bikes of all sizes so who said only the kids could benefit from them.
"Alright, Mrs. Santa Claus, what about before this little bicycle project? What about the thing with the seeds or going on endless supply runs for all the communities? Well, not for all of them because yes, you'll go everywhere but to The Sanctuary. Rosita, we used to go there at least twice a week to help in whatever they needed and now you wouldn't even set foot behind the gate. Then every time you know he'll come here you suddenly disappear or make yourself busy and all for what, just to evade him?" Scoffing once more, Tara continued. "Why don't you just come out and admit that you are too chickenshit to do as you promised?"
Snorting in everything but amusement, Rosita brushed the dirt on her hands against her pants and focused her eyes on Tara. "I'm not making myself busy, I'm making myself useful. Maybe if you did the same you wouldn't waste so much time nosing in my shit."
Blinking a couple of times, Tara shook her head. "Do you remember what you told me that night when I found you crying your eyes out?"
Taking in a deep breath and keeping in her face a smile she wasn't feeling, Rosita shrugged. "I was drunk, I talked about a bunch of shit and as it happens, I can't remember all of it."
"You said that happiness was an illusion and that you didn't want to fool yourself into believing you could finally be in a good place in life because sooner or later it was all going to end in the worse way possible and that you didn't think you could handle seeing it crumble at your feet. Well, you want to know what I think? I think that you are never going to be in that good place and not because it isn't possible, but because you are sabotaging your own happiness. You Rosita, are your own worse enemy and it makes me so mad because there are so many of us here that would give everything to have the shot that you have, to have the one you love right here at reaching distance. But we can't because they are dead and by God that if I had the chance to go back I would do it just to spent every minute that I can with Denise and you that have Daryl here… "
Stopping there and wiping at her eyes, Tara shrugged. She didn't say anything for a while and Rosita was sure that she was going to swirl around and leave. But she didn't, once a bit more composed she went on.
"The only one wasting her time here is you, and you are doing it in the most cowardly way, so why don't you do as you once told me and grow the fuck up."
"Just drop it Tara." Rosita said at last. Her tone wasn't harsh tough, it came off tired and defeated.
"At least tell him why you ended it. You know how Daryl blames himself for everything that goes wrong and he probably thinks it was something he did and don't you think he at least deserves to know? Anyway, he's sticking around until Jesus comes, then they'll meet Maggie and after he's gone." And with that said, she did leave.
Pushing her cap so low that half her face ended up hidden, Rosita blew out a breath. She knew Tara was right in everything; she has been keeping herself busy in order to keep her mind occupied and far from any thought that reminded her of Daryl and yes, she definitely has been delaying an encounter with him. But it wasn't necessarily because she was afraid, but because she didn't know what to say.
She didn't even know how she felt about him and in her mind she needed to at least figure it out first. Sure, she cared about him a lot but how could she not? After everything they've been through together it was impossible not to feel certain bond. But on the other hand, she cared about all the people of their group also so that didn't necessarily meant love.
Besides, all the fuss and he probably didn't even care. If anything, Daryl was aloof as hell most of the time and that she decided to cut whatever it was that they had probably didn't affect him as much as it did her. But even if that was the case, she needed to tell him and the more she waited, the less probable it was going to be that she actually talked to him.
So yes, why not do it now and get it over with? At least that way she could get Tara off her throat. She could even keep it simple, a sorry I was a jerk, it wasn't you, it was me blah blah blah and that was it, give it closure.
"I can do that." That way and trying not to think much on it or else she would never do it, Rosita got to her feet and started roaming around. The Hilltop colony wasn't so big and if Daryl wasn't at the house with Maggie yet, he should be somewhere outdoors and if he was, she knew exactly where. So walking behind the house, she spotted him right where she assumed he would be.
He was by himself as the many times she has come to meet him there, sitting over a picnic table, feet on the seat and well, sitting on top of the table. He seemed to be engrossed in cutting a small piece of wood with a pocket knife and it wasn't until she was close enough that he looked.
It was only a passing glance, his head tilted up when he felt her coming but when he saw her his eyes only lingered for a couple of seconds before going back to what he was doing.
It was in that moment that she knew things were not going to be as easy as she thought; first because the way he looked away only meant that he was salty and didn't want to be bothered and second, because she hadn't realized how much she has missed him until she saw him. Sure to a certain extent she knew she missed him, after all he was constantly in her head and the way she would maintain herself extremely busy was a way to shut that down, but the truth was that she just hadn't realized how that was all in vain because just one look at him was enough to put her back on ground zero.
And now she was there, mentally unprepared for a talk with him. But it was what it was so clearing her throat and wiping the palm of her hands to her pants, Rosita spoke. "Do you want to talk?"
Without looking up, Daryl kept cutting at the wood. "Nah."
Having a feeling that she started with the wrong foot, Rosita crossed her arms to her chest and twisted her lips in what could be considered a petulant manner. It was a mechanism defense tactic she has mastered over the years. "Well, can I talk?"
Daryl gave a nonchalant shrug. "You can do whatever the hell you want to." His words even though kind of cutting only made her think on how she has even missed his voice. The way he would talk in that low growl that felt as if ripped straight from the deepest parts of him always had always had an effect of her and even to that day, that hasn't changed.
But she hadn't come to muse about all the things she missed of him so clearing her throat again she walked closer to climb onto the picnic table and sit by his side. She sat close enough but making sure not to touch him.
"I'm an asshole." She said, plain and simple. All her life she has been catalogued as bitchy, more often than not abrasive and she carried an attitude that would always get her in trouble. Her mother said it was the Latina in her, that it was in her blood to be edgy and bold but the truth was that she was just an asshole. "I shouldn't have ended things between us the way I did and I'm sorry."
"Don't sweat it. It was no big deal, we were just screwing around."
At those words, Rosita lowered her head and with one of her hands she pushed the brim of her cap lower. What Daryl just said should be her cue to leave, after all she didn't come to him to try and fix things, she just wanted to apologize and as it seemed, the man hadn't even cared enough to consider what she did a problem. But it was as if her ass was glued to the table and her legs wouldn't cooperate in helping her getting up.
Straightening her back, Rosita looked down to her hands and considered her next words. Daryl was still using the pocket knife to massacre the piece of wood and he didn't seem to have the intention of stopping. "Was it just that, sex?"
At the question, Daryl stopped what he was doing with his hands and for a couple of seconds that seemed to drag into eternity he looked at her. "It was for you so why the hell couldn't it have been for me too?"
Her left leg leaned a little into him and her knee lightly brushed against his. He didn't pull away and she wondered why she was still there? But it was just that Tara's words kept dancing inside her skull and the logic of not getting attached felt off. It was as her friend told her that night when everything went to hell, the world they were living in was an uncertain one and a lot of things could happen. Yeah, it was true that no one was safe and Daryl was no exception, but wouldn't it be better to milk every opportunity for everything that it had instead of backing off just because she was too afraid to lose it?
"Tara told me you were sulking." And she had, the first time she missed out on going to The Sanctuary she told her when she asked about Daryl. By the second time a less sympathetic Tara said that if she wanted to know about him she should go and ask her herself.
Back at abusing the piece of wood to the point were it almost disappeared from his hands, Daryl arched an eyebrow. "She told me you were moping."
"What a pendeja." Rosita said in a bitter chuckle, she couldn't believe her friend sold her out like that. It also made her wonder what else she told him.
"Was it true?" He asked, throwing what was left of the wood as far as it could get so he could now focus on her.
"Maybe I was. It wasn't just sex for me, Daryl. I wanted it to be just that but you know, shit happens." Her knee pressed a bit more into his and her fingers itched to move towards his new free hand so that she could touch him, but she didn't. She didn't want to push it.
"Then why end it?" His tone, very different than the cutting one he has been using since the beginning of their conversation made her look away.
"I don't know." Blowing out a breath and lifting her hands up in the air just to let them fall back into her lap, Rosita shrugged and focused her eyes up into the sky. "I guess I just freaked out. I…" Shrugging once again and realizing that she hadn't come to him to say this, she closed her eyes. "Tara says I'm my own worse enemy and maybe she's right. For a long time everything I did was because I was angry, I was so consumed with it that I was blinded. I was on a path of self destruction and I didn't even know it. At least no until I saw Sasha walking out of that coffin, because that's when I realized that I wanted it to be me, that it should have been me."
And that was something she hadn't told anyone, not even to Tara in their night of drunken confessions.
"Then I got shot and while everything happened around me I just felt empty, I walked and did things on automatic and I just went along with everything. I felt defeated and as if nothing mattered, but then things started with you and all that started to change. It didn't feel like I was an empty shell anymore and when it hit me I freaked out and bolted because I didn't want to feel anything, I didn't want to feel anything at all because it was safer that way. Feeling only meant I was opening myself up for the possibility of even more loss and I didn't think I would be able to handle that again."
Blinking her eyes open, she looked at him. He was just there, listening and staring intently at her.
"I don't expect you to understand because I don't even understand myself. I'm just messed up."
"Aren't we all?"
"I'm sorry I dragged you into my shit." Her hand got nearer to his and their knuckles touched.
"I told you not to sweat it, you kicking me to the curb is hardly the worst thing that has happened to me. But I do get you, I don't get close to people either, I never had and you know why? Because ever since I can remember I knew I could only count on myself to get my shit together." His tone was back at cutting, even bitter. "I had to fend on my own even when I was a kid and that fucking messes you up. You've been having it rough since the walkers showed up? Well I've been having it rough all my life. My mum sure as hell didn't count for nothing, at least not when my father beat the shit out of me and yeah, I bolted out of there as you did as soon as I could. After that I've been loosing people left and right and I've seen people, good people that didn't deserve to die first than myself go and I've questioned why it wasn't me too. But it's as you say, shit happens. Sometimes you can't just have it good for long and even when I knew that I still let you in and that got me nowhere either so yeah, I get ya."
"Daryl…" She began to say but he cut her off.
"I ain't mad at you so chill, we all gotta do what we gotta do, right? I was good while it lasted and now we move on."
Moving her hand to his, she intertwined her fingers with his. For a few seconds they remained like that and she just looked at their joined hands. His was much larger than hers and as her eyes drank on that image, her thumb ran lazy patterns over his skin. "It doesn't have to end."
With her eyes set on the blues of his, Rosita waited. She wasn't sure why she said that when she didn't even know what she wanted. She just knew that she didn't want to lose him.
"I gotta go, Maggie should be waiting by now."
"Okay." Nodding and letting go of his hand, Rosita looked away. It was what it was, maybe she should do as him and move on. She has pulled through worse than that so it was alright. Luckily, she had many ways to keep her mind busy and crawl out of her Daryl withdrawal soon enough. Besides, at least they got to talk and now that things were lay out in the open they didn't have to be at odds with each other and who knew what could happen along the road.
With that said, Daryl left and it wasn't until dusk started to creep in that she found the will to move from the spot she has been sitting in. She walked without purpose, circling the house so that she didn't have to pass by the bicycles and once she went by the trailers she headed straight into her room.
That's where she found him, sitting on her bed, elbows resting on his tights and face hidden behind the palm of his hands.
He just moved when the door closed, dropping his hands and getting to his feet.
Rosita just watched through warm eyes that felt too huge for her face and when he was near enough to reach for her cap and take it off, she remained frozen. She meant to ask what was he doing, but when he leaned into her and kissed her, everything slipped from her mind she just had to kiss him back and it was as if they never had stopped doing it.
Tilting her head to the side and parting a way for the kiss to deepen, Rosita sighed. She had just missed the way his lips felt against hers and how addicting the taste of his tongue in her mouth felt. It was like that, without stopping the kiss that she ended up against the door, his body pressing insistently to hers and her arms around his neck.
They kissed long and deep, with him swallowing all her breaths as if they were his own and in that moment, thinking that she wanted to give all that up felt ridiculous and senseless.
Feeling breathless and already delirious, Rosita broke from the kiss. "Daryl." She began to say but when his lips dragged down to the spot in her neck were her pulse was beating, she forgot what she was going to say and instead closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment.
They've been at it long enough to know what triggered each other and he knew what his tongue and teeth working on that spot did to her. So he did that, his hands sneaking between their bodies so he could unbutton her pants and slid his fingers right in.
He had to wrestle his way in but he got to where he wanted to be, which was right beneath her panties. Once there he cupped her and she moaned. "Spread those legs for me."
Breathing hard through her mouth, she tried to give him more room. He managed with what he had and since she was wet enough for him, one of his finger easily entered into her core. Lost in the moment, she sought for his lips and kissed him. The sensation was incredible and she wanted more, she probably asked for more and he complied.
He went at it for a while, his lean finger working her good as her blood boiled all through her body. It was as he kissed her back that she put her hands into motion by sliding her pants and underwear off the way.
As she did that, he added another finger and she hurried to take off his shirt. Because of that he only managed a few thrusts before pulling out. The rest of their clothes followed soon after as they refused to let go of their kissing, and when a naked Daryl lifted her high enough so that her legs could circle his hips, he entered her with a swift movement.
Gasping against his mouth, she held onto him. Everywhere where his flesh was touching her felt burning, and right between her legs where his erection was settled in felt scorching. She was done quick, he always did that to her and barely noticing how she was being banged against her door, she came. Her inner muscles closed in around him and that was it.
If it wasn't because he was holding her, she would have ended a pile of goo in the floor and if it wasn't because his lips were silencing her moans, she would have been heard all through the colony. But instead she ended up a pile of nothing in his arms, and still he kept going.
"I've missed this." She panted when she once again broke the kiss and looked into his face. He was fully concentrated on the task at hand and she felt entranced, but when he looked up and fixed his eyes on hers she had to swallow on dry.
"Yeah?"
"Mm hmm" She mumbled. "I've missed you." And it was true, because even though the sex was amazing with him and she couldn't remember ever someone making her feel in the verge of loosing it every single time they fucked, she has missed more that that, she has missed all of him.
To the way it felt to fall asleep with him pressing against her, to the way every morning he would grumble and complain about having to leave for his Sanctuary duties. She has missed his voice and his eyes and riding with his back pressed to hers and right to the way he smelled. She even missed his weird eating habits and the rare chuckle that would burst out of him whenever she called him out for it.
He owned her and he didn't even know, and even though that scared the hell out of her, it wasn't in her to push him away anymore.
"I don't know what you are doing to me." He admitted and tightening her legs around him so that he could go deeper, she hissed against his ear.
"Right now I just want to make you to cum inside of me." With that said he kissed her hard and kept thrusting until his rhythm became more insistent and his kiss plain erratic, that was how she knew he was cumming.
She took all he had to give and once he was finished, she dragged her lips to his chin, his cheek and even to his closed eyelids. Then she rested her forehead to his as he moved around an sat her on top of her dresser.
"Rosita-" He began to say.
"Shhh." She pecked his lips. "If you are not going to stay don't say anything." No, the moment was too good for them to ruin it with words.
She was well aware that neither one of them were smooth with words and the last thing she wanted was for the moment to get tainted. If his reason to go to her was to look for his own kind of closure, then why make a mess out of it by saying things that didn't matter.
She cared about him and in his own way he cared about her, that was all she needed to know in that moment. Even if nothing more than that night was in store for them.
Now, when she said that, Daryl chewed on his lips, she has seen him do that way too many times when he was thinking about something, and as his hands slid to the back of her head she wondered what was going to happen now. "And what if I want to stay?"
Blinking a couple of times, she tilted her head to the side. Was that doubt in his eyes? Was he expecting her to kick him out once more? For some reason that made her think on what he told her earlier on, about how he let her in for nothing and she felt her chest tighten.
She didn't want him to feel insecure but that was the way he was. On the outside he was tough because that was how he needed to be to get through and in a way that made them so much alike.
Pursing her lips and brushing his hair away from his face, Rosita sighed. "Well… then I guess you just kiss me."
Daryl nodded, and then without any more preambles, he kissed her.
