Disclaimer: Currently I can't afford the plastic surgery needed to become Stephenie Meyer, so alas, Twilight is still not mine.

Wow. Hit over a hundred alerts already. I'm impressed, although slightly disappointed that all you people like this story but can't be bothered to review. I'm still equally astounded by the great response to this chapter, but knowing about a fifth of the people who added this story to their alerts are reviewing isn't too great either. Please review, everyone. Without feedback it leaves me unsure on whether to continue.

Thank you yet again to the writing genius and wonderful beta that is Ruby-Wednesday.

The Effects of Alcohol
Tesco's Finest
By InsatiableHanner

I'd gotten pretty used to awaking in this more than large enough bed, rolling over in my sleepy state to find Edward watching me from that damned wicker chair. So much so, that before my eyes had even opened I found my head facing in the direction he'd be sitting, so you can imagine my surprise when I open my eyes and find the chair empty.

The sun was glaring through the window which suggested I hadn't woken up earlier than usual. Frowning, I rolled over onto my other side to get off the bed. Holy shit! The sight of Edward with his trousers pooling at his feet, his hands just yanking his boxers up into place, had my heart going into frenzied palpitations. Instead of rolling to the side so as to put my feet on the ground, my brain ceased to function and instead of screaming "Stop," it didn't even notice I was running out of bed space and I soon found myself landing flat on my arse with a loud and painful thud.

I guess the sound, or most likely my streaming profanities, alerted him to my conscious presence for he turned on his heels so quickly he stumbled over his trousers and crashed into me. His arms shot out so fast that before I'd even had a chance to move out the way, he was supporting most of his weight above me rather than crushing me to death. Part of me thanked his reflexes - ones much better than my own - whilst the other part was slightly disappointed I wouldn't have his body all over mine. I took comfort that his bare leg was against my own, even if only for a few seconds before he rolled off of me.

"Do you always watch unsuspecting guys change?" He asked, his breathing heavy and noticeable as he lay beside me, staring at the ceiling with feigned curiosity. It was as if he was...scared to look at me.

"Only when it's worth the risk," I replied with as much confidence as I could muster. That is, until I looked down at myself and all that confidence drained from me. My stumble had caused the shirt I was wearing to gather under my bust, revealing an alarmingly large amount of pale flesh - far too much for my liking - so that Edward had received a view of the borrowed underwear from Alice. I internally groaned, wishing to kill that pixie for giving me the most saucy, red, lace things I'd ever seen. It seemed perfectly OK yesterday, when I figured them to be safely tucked away under other clothes but now I wished, more than anything, to be wearing a pair of old baggy knickers. I could only imagine how much Edward had seen in those few seconds - and my imagination was a scary place.

Eventually, he rolled onto his front and pushed himself off of the floor. He leant over me to offer a hand, and when my own hand slipped into his I saw his eyes dart down to me before shooting back up towards the ceiling with a curse. It almost made me laugh as he pulled me to my feet.

Now standing, the shirt fell back down my body and over my hips. To be sure though, I smoothed it down, pulling it as far as it would reach to make sure nothing was showing any longer.

"I don't think I'm going to get that image out of my head," he muttered, moving away from me to finish changing.

I rubbed my chest, felt my heart beat slow. Was I that ugly? Was the image he saw that disturbing? "Gee thanks," I replied with a bitter tone.

He finished pulling on the jeans, zipped himself up as he turned with a frown imprinted on his sculpted face. "I meant it as a compliment."

I raised a brow, folded my arms as I took on an untrusting stance. "There's no need to lie, Edward, I'm a big girl. I can take the criticism, and I don't need you to sugarcoat what you really mean."

I wasn't sure if he was taking the piss or whether he did it sub-consciously when he mimicked my posture, his strong arms folding over that chiselled chest. If I wasn't slightly pissed off I might have drooled. "I don't lie," he said, his voice low and serious.

"Everyone lies, Edward," I replied with a scowl. I went to move past him, towards the doorway but he stepped in my way. When I tried to sidestep him he just followed suit and blocked my path once more. With an aggravated sigh, I shoved his chest lightly. When he made no move to comply with me, I said, with an annoyed tone, "Do you mind?"

His arms unfolded themselves to rest at his sides, but his eyes still took on that dangerous glare. "Why do you doubt yourself so much?"

I shrugged noncommittally, unwilling to answer. When he gave my body a light shove I replied, "I don't doubt myself, I see myself quite clearly thank you." I gestured to my own body, with a weak smile. "I see what everyone else sees, I neither doubt myself nor become deluded. I know exactly what I look like." I was babbling, I knew that, but somehow I couldn't stop myself. "And it is annoying when men lie about someone's looks. This is why you get the tarty girls becoming self-deluded and cocky and become one of the most annoying people to hang around with."

When I finished my rant, he raised one brow high on his forehead to the point where I wondered if he'd need botox too. "Always one to blame males."

"Well, it's true," I muttered, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Maybe. I'm not saying it isn't. It sure does lead to some annoying girls but, don't doubt me when I say this-Bella, look at me." His voice was firm and commanding, and when his hands took my wrists tightly I found myself looking up at him. "You are beautiful, more so than those silly, self-deluded women you talk about, and don't you ever think you're not."

My heart fluttered - only slightly, so that I wondered if it really happened - but I found myself still unable to answer. Instead, my eyes lowered down to the floor. When he gave my arms a shake to catch my attention, I involuntarily flinched.

"Oh god." The velvet tone was softening compared to his authoritive one and filled with panic, and it immediately made me feel guilty. "Bella, I wasn't going to-"

"I know," I replied quickly, cutting him off before he could say anymore. "You're not the type to hit a woman Edward. I was being silly, I-"

"You weren't being silly," he interjected with a scowl. His hands now relaxed their grip but stayed firmly where they were, as though expecting me to jolt. "Who hurt you?"

"No one." I wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Bella," he said in warning. His hands moved from my wrists up my arms before reaching my face. Gently he cupped my cheeks and tilted my head so that I had to meet his eyes. "Does Alice know?"

"I didn't want to worry her," I said, my words ending on a cowardly sob as my emotions bubbled over. It had been my secret, my horrid secret that I never wanted to reveal. How had I told him? When had I let my guard down? A feeling of nausea swept over me as I felt my stomach quiver with guilt, anxiousness and fear. Fear of what had happened. "I'm sorry," I sobbed out. "I'm so sorry."

Up this close his eyes seemed lighter, filled with a mixture of anger and sadness. It almost broke me. "Don't apologise Bella. What was his name?"

I shook my head as another violent sob threatened to escape from my lips. I looked down to the ground in shame. It seemed so long ago, such a distant memory but even though it was just that - just a memory, it still brought the familiar feelings with it. The ones I'd felt at the time, and shortly after. I'd been weak and I was ashamed that I'd been weak. "I don't know his name," I mumbled, unwilling to bring myself to meet those angry eyes.

"You didn't know the guy's name?" His brows shot up.

"It's not what you think it was. I wasn't knocked about by a boyfriend or anything." I laughed nervously at the thought, I could have dealt with that. "I was a random victim. A random target for a group of men."

"Oh Bella." I felt him draw me towards the comfort of his chest, felt his arms encasing me. For one panic-stricken moment I felt claustrophobic in his confinement, despite knowing his intentions were meant well. Since the attack I'd struggled with basic human touch, with other's basic needs to want to comfort others. I was alright touching others, if it was my own decision but a sudden hug or hand on my shoulder could send me fleeing or end with me having a panic attack. It took all my will not to jump when Rosalie or Alice hugged me. "Tell me about it."

I steadied my breathing as he held me. I was vaguely aware of being moved towards the edge of his bed, as he held me in his lap steadily rocking my body. I found the motion soothing. "It was when I first moved to London, just before university started. I was moving in my stuff for my apartment and realised I'd never thought about buying food and drink ready for my move. I went out one evening, took a bus because I was a student. The bus stopped about five minutes from the supermarket I wanted to go to, because I had to go to one of the cheapest. On my walk there I rounded a corner into an alley-way and I heard their footsteps. They were drunk, I realised this pretty quickly. They were arguing about something as they approached, but their words were slurred, and then they noticed me." I shuddered at the memory of their words.

"Go on," he whispered, his sudden words giving me comfort.

I nodded, shook my head to rid the ghost feelings. "I heard one of them attempt to whisper to another about me. They were so drunk that he couldn't quite pull it off and I heard those words quite clearly. I'd like to bang that. I remembered the sudden increase of my heartbeat as my strides got longer and quicker. I wanted to get out of there but somehow I convinced myself it was nothing. Hell, I think that kind of thing in clubs. Maybe not so...crudely but they were drunk. I relaxed a little, until their voices got closer and they began laughing. I started to run, but one of them caught up and knocked me to the ground. Before I could even feel the ground hitting me, he'd kicked me in the stomach. Three times." I rubbed my stomach then, almost feeling the pain shoot through me. "One of them was laughing as my attacker straddled me. I wasn't stupid, virginal but not stupid. I knew exactly what they were planning to do, so I screamed and yelled for help. I was in Soho, one of the red light districts. People ignored the screams of women because they tended to think the usual. Just some whore getting more than she bargained for."

He rubbed my arms, willing me to continue but I felt sick to the pits of my stomach. It was horrible playing the event over in my head, horrible as the feelings returned along with what felt like the pain they'd given me. I knew it was just a memory of the pain, but it still hurt.

"He ripped my shirt off, gave it to his friend who began laughing. Another one released himself and began stroking his...erection." I felt ridiculous when I began to blush. "I guess the best thing for me was to numb it all. It was like being in a dream. Like seeing it all but I didn't feel it. I just...blanked my mind and thought about other things." I almost laughed as I remembered what I'd thought about to occupy myself. "I thought about what I needed to buy in the supermarket, about getting a job and having to make a trip to see my father for his birthday. I even thought about getting a dog but decided not to because it wasn't ideal with my apartment on a third floor building. I'm ashamed to admit I didn't even try fighting, there were four of them against me."

"They raped you?" It was hard to miss the anger, the rage over some drunken men's actions.

"No, no. Thank god, I'd be mentally disturbed if it had gone that far." I smiled weakly, unravelling his arms so I could stand. I turned to look at him, met his eyes. "I was extremely lucky. Two men were passing by, they saw what was happening. Although it was two against four, they still had the upper hand because the other men were drunk. They scared them pretty bad and one of them took me to a hospital. I guess I looked pretty bad. It was kind of sweet, they stayed with me until a doctor arrived. Then they came back the next day to see how I was doing. I'm forever in their debt."

"Were you OK though? Physically? You must have had a few broken bones."

I nodded soberly. "Two broken ribs, one cracked. A bone shattered in my wrist. Many, many stitches. Most of them healed pretty well, one stayed scared though. It's in my hair line though, towards the nape of my neck. I can't ever cut my hair short because it will show then," I said with a weak laugh. "They were worried about internal bleeding, but it was much worse. The blows to my stomach damaged my womb. I was told that the likelihood of having children was low. I'd have no trouble conceiving a child but carrying it for the full months, or at least past the safe point would be extremely doubtful. I was told I'd probably miscarriage. That broke my for a while. I suppose, in a way, I can understand why men get so sensitive when they're infertile. We're made to make children, and if we can't do that then we're not fulfilling our purpose. I feel useless as a woman."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," he replied, his shock evident in his voice.

I glared at him. "Why?"

"Because it is!" He stood up suddenly causing me to take one step backwards. "For starters you still have a chance of having children. It's not impossible. Secondly, thousands of women around the world have reasons that cause them to struggle having children. They cope, adjust. There are other options."

The conversation had taken a sudden swerve from spilling my heart out to arguing the toss. "The odds are against me, and maybe I damn well deserved it!" I screamed, charging away from him. I wanted to pull my hair out, to scream and yell until my throat was raw and hurting. Mostly I just wanted to cry. Who did he think he was? The stupid man. He didn't know, he didn't understand how it felt! "I was too weak to even try defending myself and I paid the consequences."

He didn't approach me from my new position across the room, but the full-blown glare I was receiving only seemed to worsen. "You're being stupid!" I only folded my arms in response. "What, did you think God was punishing you? You were attacked. You were vulnerable, out-numbered and scared to death. No one could have expected you to escape!"

"I'm not saying I could have. I'm smart enough to realise I didn't stand a chance against four men, I only-"

"They were not men, Bella." The fierceness in his voice shocked me. "They were anything but men."

"Either way," I replied. "I'd have never stood a chance but maybe if I'd tried to, maybe if I'd made it more difficult they'd have either given up or not have had much time to do their worst."

"Who are you kidding?" He yelled, his hands fisting by his sides. "If anything they might have got even more aggressive. You could have been worse off by struggling."

I'd never considered that point, that maybe if I'd fought back their punches and blows may have been even harder in an attempt to silence me. For all I knew, defending myself might have led to even worse injuries. The thought made me sick. "I'm sorry." The words sounded weak and quiet. They reflected how I suddenly felt.

"Don't apologise," he reminded me. "You have nothing to apologise for. It wasn't your fault Bella, and it's behind you. Have you considered therapy?"

I choked out a laugh, shook my head with a slight smile. "God. I couldn't do therapy, Edward. I'd end up biting off the poor person's head." I shook my head again, massaged my temples when the signs of a headache began. All this shouting was worse than being hung over. "I don't need the therapy. I've gotten over most of it, I've accepted that I may never have a child of my own blood. I've had almost three years to get over it. I'm fine."

"I think someone once said that when a woman says she's fine, she usually isn't."

I shrugged lightly. "Then your sources are correct, except this time. Really, I'm fine. You just caught me off guard, I'm sorry I unloaded all that on you. I'm usually very good at keeping it locked up inside me."

"You shouldn't keep it locked up." Cautiously, he crossed the room to where I stood, his hands held up as if offering peace. "Eventually you'll go crazy with it."

"I've released my anger and sadness already. My father knows, my mother and now you. I briefly spoke to a police officer about it, she wanted to use a rape kit on me. Some of the doctors suspected I may have blocked the more harmful thoughts from my memory. I told them I was very much still a virgin, and that the man on me hadn't even gotten a chance to unbuckle."

He looked like he wanted to say more on the subject, but he held whatever it was in and instead raised his wrist. A glance at his watch had him saying, "You'd better get dressed. You're supposed to be meeting the locksmith in twenty minutes."

"Shoot," I muttered, my eyes darting around the room to rest on the items Alice had neatly laid out the night before. Sometimes I loved that girl. "Would you give me a lift? Only I won't make it in time without-"

"Sure, Bella," he replied with a warming smile. "You've got five minutes."

x.x.x.x

I spent the first hour back in my apartment cleaning. You'd think I'd be happy just to be returned to my home but I found the comparison of Edward's place to mine unnerving. I'd gotten used to his immaculate apartment, and now standing in the living room it felt like a bomb had hit it. In reality, the throws on the sofa were slipping off the leather, there was a cushion on the floor, a few magazines splayed across the coffee table and one shoe half tucked behind the long draping curtains.

When I was satisfied I could relax, I made myself a cup of tea and prepared myself to spend a gruelling evening by the computer, ordering just some of the things Alice desperately wanted for this party with her credit card. Apparently I make money for absolutely no reason because Alice is defiant that she's paying for it all. Well, I'd just sneakily order a few items on my own card. She'd never notice, would she?

I had some soft, soothing Phil Collins playing in the background, his gentle, talented voice filling the quiet apartment. I hummed along to You Can't Hurry Love, as I logged onto the Ann Summers' website. Despite not wanting to host one of their parties, we couldn't deprive the company completely. We had to be reasonable, they were the best UK providers of the kind of thing we wanted.

I decided the evening wasn't a complete loss as I flicked through their products. This was better entertainment than any television programme I'd be able to find. Rampant Rabbit: Version This Is Gonna Cost Ya, make your own vagina, stripper poles, hand-held vibrators. Wow, make your own willy. Why didn't we just kill all of the men already? Obviously they were of no use now, nothing a bit of Ann Summers couldn't cure. We could freeze the sperm for when the population became sparse. Man, would that be heaven. No frickin' men.

I ordered what Alice had listed, adding three products to my own credit card. For the sake of it I shoved in some edible underwear - enough for everyone who was invited, and some interesting flavoured lubes. Part of me dreaded this party, whilst another was excited at having the opportunity to really discuss and hear about sex. I found it hard discussing the topic with Rosalie and Alice. They were so free and confident to talk openly about all those guys. I felt so inexperienced next to them. Well, I was really. To some degrees I was as innocent as a child, a virgin, but in actual fact I wasn't completely pure. I'd played around some, explored the degrees of a sexual relationship without the sex. I didn't like to think of myself as innocent, because I wasn't.

Finishing my task from Alice, I switched off the computer enjoying the sound of my music as it floated to my ears. The sounds of In The Air Tonight, filled my senses and I basked in the glory that it gave me. Phil Collins - along with the band Genesis - were among my favourites, where I felt most relaxed. If I'd had a busy and hectic day in university, I knew I could come home, curl up on the sofa listening to his voice and feel better almost instantly as those first words started up.

I wondered briefly how I was expected to do anything over the next few days. I wouldn't be able to leave my apartment because I wouldn't be able to get back in. I contemplated asking Alice if I could stay with her and Edward until Rosalie returned but I didn't want to appear needy. Instead I opted for texting Alice, letting her know I was running short of supplies and if she'd be able to pick some basics up for me at some point.

I was still upset about my earlier conversation with Edward. Although it felt good to talk about it, I couldn't help but feel a little jumpy. The conversation had returned the fears I'd felt to begin with, in the months after the attack. One pressing fear, had me double checking the lock on the front door and I pulled the chain across to be safe.

The odds of falling asleep were low. I was too anxious, too nervy to let my mind and body rest. So I raided in my kitchen, searching for anything that may help me. I didn't own sleeping pills so instead I opted for the bottle of red wine in a cupboard. I'd probably bought it at one point for when Alice pops through. The girl liked her red wine, but right now I needed it. Judging by Friday's performance, the alcohol would ease away my fears and finally I'd be able to sleep.

I took it upstairs with me, not bothering with a glass. I'd only knock it over during the night. I closed the blinds, switched on my bedside lamp so the main ones could be kept off. After changing into my pyjamas, I slipped under my cold sheets, snuggled into the pillow as I took my first slug of wine. Not as good as Vodka and Coke, and not nearly as nice Champagne but it did the trick. By the time I was halfway through it, my eyelids were drooping and I felt the sudden onslaught of fatigue that had been building.

Vaguely, I remembered glancing at the bottle's label to find out what type of wine it was. My tired eyes sought out the words, but I struggled reading the smaller print. Instead I read the brand. Tesco's Finest.

Great. I was getting drunk on a supermarket's attempt at something tasty. Man, was I sad.

x.x.x.x
End Chapter

Tesco is a supermarket in the UK. Most supermarkets have their own brand items. Tesco has it's value range, and it's finest range. It's usually just slightly cheaper versions of products which already exist. Not sure how the whole supermarket thing rolls in America, but here's the information just in case.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's much less teasing compared to the earlier chapters, but I felt the moment was right. I had always planned on getting Bella to have problems with producing kids, and I wrote this chapter three different ways. I considered an abusing ex-boyfriend, a horrid Charlie and her being raped but in the end I tried to link it to Twilight some. Bella was attacked - and almost raped - in Port Angeles in the real book. Edward managed to save her before anything major happened but we all know what might have happened. But don't complain about Bella and Edward's lack of sexual tension. I made him topless during it, didn't I? I promise to add some more sexiness back in the next chapter.

So, if you want some sexiness, you know what to do. You don't? Honest? Well, it's simple. Review lots, and I'll type lots. Mm, OK. That's a lie. I already have chapter five written but you get the point, right? Good.

One last thing. Breaking Dawn doesn't release until the 4th, so I probably won't be on in order to avoid anybody posting information about it. I'll be able to read the whole book in one day, so I'll be back on the Tuesday most likely. So, until then. Have fun reading.