chapter#4: dont go!
edwards pov:
"NNoooooooooooo!!" i heard my angel scream from down the hall. I had to come back to the hospital i had to make sure she was alright. I heard her heart rate pick up to almost a hum as i ran at more then human speed ramming the door open to her room. My bella looked at me eyes wide with shock, fear, hate, love an mabe hope. Carlisle looked up at me also just as bella's fragile body went limp. Carlisle had a syrenge in his hand. I pushed him into a wall not thinking. "What the fuck are you doing dad?!" i snarled at him. He dint try fighting he just sighed. "I was going to sudate her edward" snarl "She was going to hurt herself she already injured a nurse" i hesitently let go of his shirt letting him stand on his own two feet. He lay the needle on the bedside table and ran his hand through his hair. "How is she?" i asked in a wisper so low he wouldnt have heard it if it hadnt been for our vampire sences. Carlisle looked up at me sadly. "Physically she will heal with time" ok thats good right? I thought he read my expression "yes thats the good news but the bad is emotionally i dont know edward." I stared at him in silence i had taken enough medical classes to understand what he meant i knew exactly what this kind of trama could do to a human. I remember being in the mental ward for one of my collage class asighnments i remember how a few patients who went through the same shit as bella would just sit in a corner rocking wispering nonsence to themselves not eating not liveing.
I gasped could that be what my bella is to become? I was cut short by a voice in the waiting room. "Where the hell is she i am her fiance i have a right to know!" he snarled (it was that fucking mutt) "im sorry" the nurse stated "but isabella is resting she is to have no visiters." He growled but calmed himself. "What happend to her?" he asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice as if he dint fucking know. I clenched my fist ready to go make a mud pie out of his fucking placed his hand on my shoulder not here son..we will take care of it but not here not right now he thought at me. "I dont have all of the information you would have to talk to her dr." the nurse said shyley. Ha! I laughed in my head just wait tell he finds out who her dr is. "Who's her dr? I would like to speak with them" he sneered. Oh this should be good. Carlisle smirked slightly. "Um.." the nurse started i could hear her flipping through my bella's chart. " cullen, an he can be with you with in the hour" she stated. what the fuck is that basterd doing back?! Fucking leaches are gonna get it. ok calm down jake if that mind readers here....grrr!! fucking leaches. "Thank you but im gonna go do some erands" he said through his teeth. "Um..ill be back later" he stated adding on and if that leach is here ill kill him and her i wont mess up this time. In his head.
Bella's pov:
(2 hours later)
Ok what the hell just happend? I must be dead, what other explanation could be possible? Only in heaven could i see edward again. Or even carlisle for that matter. But wait if im dead why am i still in pain? Ok this is too wierd i need to figure out what the hell is going on.....wait hell..? Is this hell? No it couldnt be if so why would the cullens be here? I was already liveing in hell before this. If im alive then i have to know where i am. I have to get the fuck out of here before jake knows im here. Before he finds me an finishes what he started. At that thought my eyelids began to flutter and open. I was in the bright white room i looked around there were moniters all around me. Needles in my skin (ugh!) I felt the oxegyn under my nose. An god i ached. I also noticed i was in a hospital gown. Well fuck that makes this just a little embarressing. But that dont matter i have made up my mind i gotta get out of here now! Quik as possible i started ripping tubes and wires off of my body. My only thought 'escape'.
beep beep beep beep. Shit i had just released the heart moniter. The door burst open as i went to stand. I looked up it was jake. Oh no! Please please NO! "Jake i..i...i" i stutterd. " SShhh! there will be plenty of time to talk at home" he wisperd sootheingly but he had that evil glint in his eyes. He wasnt fooling me i had known him way to long had went through this shit to many times. Jake walked to me in two large steps grabbing my wrist an slightly twisting. I wimperd against the pain. He was breaking it i could tell." jake please...." i started, tears began to fall. As i said that the door burst open once again. Everything happend so fast one minute jake was grabbing me, the next he was to the wall by his throught by ed...ed...edward (i still had trouble with his name) carlisle beside him injecting jake with the same sleeping med as me before. Rosalie and esme grabbed a side of me and took me to the bed. My eyes were wide terrified, tears still streaming down my face. Rosalie was rubbing my hair gently hugging me wispering words of comfort in my ear. Rosalie? Ok now im confussed.
Edward let go of jakes neck as jake passed out slideing to the floor. Him an carlisle turned towards us. Edward started walking towards me hand out. I wimperd and flinched tucking my head in rosalies shoulder letting the sobs take me. Rosalie growled at edward "Get back!" she snapped at him. "Rose i..." he bagan but she cut him off with another fierce growl that sent shivers down my spine. Esme looked between rose an i and her husband and son before speaking, "Carlisle dear perhaps we could give rose and bella some time alone" I lifted my head a fraction. Just as edward started to object. Carlisle put his hand up. "Perhaps there right son" he wisperd "plus we must get this.... thing to another room" I slightly giggled at his term, they all looked at me rose smiled slightly beginning to rub my hair again. Edward nodded his head unwillingly i could tell he dint want to leave but i also could not ask him to stay i wasnt ready for that yet but for some reasen i was comfortable with rose being here.
Esme opened the door as carlisle and edward drug the dog into the hallway "he fainted" i heard carlisle explain to a nurse as the door shut leaveing me alone with rosalie. I looked into her face for some sort of tell tell sighn like there was no hate there like before, none at all. Just what looked to be love, understanding and severe sadness. Understanding? How could she understand any of this? Who the hell did blond bitch barbie think she was. I pulled away from her arms to glare at her. "what are you doing here rosalie?!" i slightly snapped. She looked back at me still no anger in her beautifull features. "Im here to help." she said silently. "HELP?!" i snapped back "HOW THE HELL CAN YOU HELP ME YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I HAVE WENT THROUGH AND EVEN IF YOU DO YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW I FEEL! SO DONT GIVE ME THAT THERIPUTIC MUMBO JUMBO BULLSHIT!" She sighed still not looking angry "I do know how you feel" she said softly. As i went to object she raised her hand "let me tell you my story before you continue please" I just huffed.
At that she told me all about her human life and how perfect it had been (i envied her) but then she told me what her fiance royce had done to her. So she did know how i felt. Under that hard bitchy blond mask of hers she was just as i am, damaged goods. I cant explain why but after she finished i felt closer to her then any of the other cullens. She looked as if she would be crying if it were possible. So i leaned in and hugged her, she returned the gesture. "Im so sorry rose, i dint know." i explained. She smiled slightly again pulling away so we could see eachothers face. "Its ok bella" She smiled at me. We spent the next hour or so just chatting. She told me what they had been up to after they had left and i told her what there leaveing had done to me (which she frowned at). "Ya know edward was the same way" she began. I looked at her confussed. Edward was the same way? But how? why? He dint love me anymore he told me that much before he left. "No he wasnt!" i stated bluntly "He left becouse he dint love me anymore he dint want me" It was her turn to look confused. So i explained what had happend that fatefull day in the woods when i thought my life was over and my heart had been ripped from me chest. When i was finished she shook her head (like trying to rid the image from it that i had just given her) "No" she said to me "He told you that becouse any other way you wouldnt have let him leave" i looked at her stunned so she explained how edward had left 'for my own good' and how he had been torn apart as bad...if not worse then....me.
How could this be. I wasnt good enough, god how i knew that. How could such a perfect being love me. Expeciolly now. All broken and used. "He loves you." rose stated gently. "He loves you more then his own life" and for the hundreth time today i broke down in tears. "I...i missed him so much...i couldnt live..wi...without him" i sobbed.
edwards pov:
I stood in the hallway as they carted that mutt off on a gerney. Unfortunitly still alive! I was far from bella's room but i could still hear her and rose talking. How much i envied rose. I hadnt wanted to leave my bella not again i vow never to hurt her again or leave her she had been put through enough pain in this fucking life to last a damn lifetime. Did that mutt think he was series did he really believe he was going to just take bella right back home to all the bullshit he put her through again? No, if he did he had another thing are back an we arnt going anywhere. Ever!
I sat on the hospital floor against the wall i could hear bella's sobs and i heard her yell at rose stateing i dint love her, she wasnt good enough. My god how she was wrong. I was the one that wasnt good enough. Sobs started wracking my body when rose began telling bella what i had done was sopposed to be for her own good and it hurt so bad knowing that what i had done had not helped at all it just hurt her more. I really was a monster!
I sat up straight listening again. "He loves you." rose told her gently. "He loves you more then his own life" that was more true then ever, this life, this existence was notheing without her. It hasnt been since the day i met her. "I...i missed him so much...i couldnt live...wi...without him" bella sobbed that made my dead heart break. And before i knew it i was up and walking back into bella's room. I needed her more then ever right now. I needed to comfort her i needed to tell her that never again would i leave. I was bound to her and i wouldnt leave her side i will give her whatever she wants. If she wanted to travel the world. she would. If she wanted her own theme park She would get it. Hell if she wanted changed i would do it.
Bella looked up at me tears streaming down her face. "Leave me with her" I told rose in a tone only she could hear. she is not ready yet edward i wont make her more afraid then she already is, im not leaveing rose thought to me. I growled softly angry but it made bella flinch so i stopped. "im sorry" i told bella. "Would you be ok if we talked bella? Alone?" i asked. Bella tilted her head to the side takeing me in not sure if she wanted to be alone with me, a man. I could see the fear that dog had put in her. Not only of him but all men. She looked at rosalie for an answer. Rosalie looked at me can you behave? she is in a fragile state! she thought. I nodded my head slightly so only she could see. "Um bella would you be ok? I will be right outside the door if you need me." Rose said looking at bella. Bella looked between me and rosalie a few more times before she nodded. Rosalie hugged bella. (thats gonna take some getting used to) "Itll be ok sis" rosalie said as she walked out the door ill be listening rose threaghtend with her thoughts. I turned back to bella with a smile. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible with me.
bellas pov:
God i was alone with edward. If i said i was not scared i would be lieing big time. But i trusted rose to be true to her word. She would listen outside my room so i was ok. At that i looked up at edward as rose shut the door. My faverite crooked smile playing across his face, it made my heart melt i could feel the blush comeing to my cheeks. There was no pain just him, just me. The hole in my chest was gone as if it never excisted. It was really him. But what if he left again i would be notheing. At that i started crying harder. He slowly but swiftly came up to me and wrapped me in his arms. I dint flinch, i just let him hold me. If he did leave again i was going to die of heartbreak so i might as well make the best of it now.I burried my face in his shoulder takeing in as much of his sent as i could. God how i had missed that, his sweet sweet smell. I lifted my head up after about five minutes of crying I noticed i had stained his shirt with my salty tears. "sorry" I said to him. His head lifted quikley lookeing at me. I flinched from the quick movement but he just held me a little tighter saying it was ok. "What are you sorry for bella?" he asked me confussed by my statement.
I just looked at the puddle of tears soaked into his shirt. As if it wasnt obviese. He looked down at his shirt and shook his head rolling his eyes. "Isabella you never have to apolagize to me" He said soothingly. I couldnt hold it in any longer "Are you leaveing?" I asked he looked at me shocked but shook his head looking sadly, closeing his eyes not answering me. I knew it, he was leaveing again he just happend across me an saved me but he dint want me,he is leaveing again. "Bella!" he said panicked. I couldnt breath my body started feeling fuzzy my breathing comeing to quickley. My head was spinning. Rosalie and carlisle burst in the door at the same time rosalie rushed to my side putting her arm around me, pusheing her brother aside and supporting me "What did you fucking do?!" rose snapped at edward. Carlisle looked at me worried. "Bella breath!" he said firmly gently takeing my head in his hands looking into my eyes. "Breath" i tryed but i couldnt. No if he was going to leave no no no i couldnt do this i couldnt bear this! why? why would he come back just to leave me again?! Why dint he just let me die on the road why hadnt he just let jake finish me off. At least it would be quik and a hell of alot less painfull then what he was doing to me. WHoooosh! the air went out of my lungs not feeling them with oxegyn. Carlisle slid an oxegyn mask on my face just as i passed out again. Before i did i looked at edward again pleadingly "please" i begged "dont...go"
edwards pov:
She had apoligized to me? What the fuck? she hadnt done anything. When i asked her why, she just looked at me like i was stupid. And looked down at the wet spot on my shirt from her tears. Jesus, she was worried about my shirt are you fucking kidding me. "Isabella you never have to apolagize to me" I told her softly. Expeciolly for something so stupid as a fucking tear stain. She looked at me disbeleaveing. "Are you leaveing?" she asked out of no where. What?! she thinks im going to leave. God i had hurt her so badly. I closed my eyes and shook my head i couldnt look at her for a second. How could i tell her that i would never ever leave her again ever that i was here forever and her wish was my command. But what if she wanted me to leave? Could i? No i dont think i could. I will never leave her again. Just as i opend my eyes looking back at her to tell her i wasnt leaveing. Her face was panicked which made my words catch in my throught she was haveing a panick attack breathing to quickley the air wasnt even getting to her lungs. "Bella!" i yelled panicking myself how can i get her to calm down? Me saying her name dint even seem to come to her attention. Her eyes went out of focus."Rose get carlisle!" i said so just she could hear.
Next thing i knew they were both through the door looking at bella. Rosalie pushed me away from bella. Holding onto her and glareing at me as carlisle checked bella's moniters. "What did you fucking do?!" she snapped at me. What did i do? I shook my head not sure how to answer. "Bella breath!" carlisle demanded bella holding her fragile head between his hands. "Breath!" he said again. I could tell she was trying but not succeeding. She looked scared to death. Had i done that? The air still wasnt reaching her lungs i could see the slight vibration of her now slightly blue lips. She was going to pass out if she dint breath soon, very soon. Carlisle put an oxegyn mask on her. "Do something" i said to carlisle quickley. she is going to pass out. But then she will be able to breath again. he thought at me. Was he fucking seriese he was just gonna let my love faint an not help her. I growled at him bella looked at me scared still. Did she hear me growl? "Please" she breathed weakley." dont....go" At the last word her body went limp in rose's arms rose held her to her.
Is that what this was all about? she thought i was going to leave again? I really screwed up huh an it just kept getting better nice job dumb ass. I Said to myself.
