Harry Potter and the Power of Polyjuice
By stealacandy
Disclaimer: I did the brain thing already in Kuru, but it never gets old. It never pays dividends, either.
A/N: Okay, this is the first part of my story. Not much, I know, but I'm just getting started. It's in two parts, as I'm so forgetful lately.
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4. Chapter 3: Potion Ingredients
Harry had just caught the snitch and went into a victory pass over the stands, only to come to an abrupt halt as he watched in horror as the two Slytherin beaters send both bludgers towards the Gryffindor crowds, where both collided violently into Hermione, sending her into an unmoving heap on the ground.
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Severus made his way amid the tombs, wondering why his lord asked him to meet him at the graveyard rather then up the hill, in Riddle manor.
As he approached the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord greeted him. "Hello, Severus," he said.
"My Lord! Severus exclaimed. "Why did you summon me here, my Lord?"
"Do you question your master?" the Dark Lord asked, dangerously, Still, he was in a good mood, Severus could see. "Never mind. I want you to perform a task for me, one that some of my followers might take offence with , and I do not want them to learn about it. Am I clear, Severus?"
"Yes my Lord", said the Death Eater.
"Good, good," said his master. "Now what I want you to do is this..."
"...and you will speak of this to no one, Severus, not a word. Do not ever repeat this conversation, or even to me. I will have you make a Wizarding Oath on that, Severus."
"Yes, Sir. "
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Severus made his way back from the Great-Hall of Hogwarts to his office after dinner. He pondered his options. The potion He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named dictated to him called for the brains of two pure-blodded wizards to the 7th degree, weighing so and so, aged so much, and with a brain capacity rivaling that of a flobberworm. They have to be freshly slain immediately prior to harvesting it and directly put to use. Where was he to acquire such ingredients? He heard a disturbance ahead.
"Ten points from Gryff-... Ah, Mr. Goyle, Mr. Crabb, please continue."
One of the apes grumbled something while the other just scratched.
Severus continued on his path. '... wait, apes?' he thought.
Turning around, he raised his wand and muttered "Stupify!"
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P.S. - forgot to add:
"We're running out of Polyjuice from second year, Harry," said Ron, "and Hermione is in no condition to help. And she wouldn't approve, anyway.
"Leave it to me, Ron, I'll take care of it." said Harry.
"If you're sure, mate."
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Over in the graveyard:
"...
"Oh! And Severus, before you go,", Lord Voldemort paused.
"Yes my Lord?" inquired his potion-master.
"I will also need Polyjuice - for forty-seven people, to last four hours, no make it five, for safety, that is - let me think - that would be eleven cauldron full, right?" asked the Dark Lord. Snape nodded. "Good. Have it made by the end of the month, and deliver it to Malfoy Manor. No, no, don't go there yourself, send it along with one of the Hogwarts elves, I will have one of Lucius elves waiting for it."
"Yes, my Lord."
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Over at Hogwarts, one student was missing from supper.
"Dobby, Winky, I need to ask you to do me a favour," started Harry...
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The End
(for now)
A/N: Next on Harry Potter and the Power of Polyjuice, Severus Snape looks for a magical stone - in the stomach of a goat? Stay tuned for: "Harry Potter and the Power of Polyjuice episode 4: Bezoars!"
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Omake: Hermione the Harem Girl
By stealacandy
"How did you get Hermione of all people to join your harem, Harry?"
"Well, I wanted to cheer her up when she was in the hospital after all that time, she was upset about missing so many classes and all, you know. Personally, I was more upset at her nearly dieing there in the Quiditch field, but that's Hermione for you." he started.
"yes, she always had her priorities wrong. You remember in first year, 'we might die, or worse, be expelled!'"
"Anyway, so I wrote to Gilderoy Lockhart over at St. Mungos and asked for an autographed get well card for her, you know she always fancied him," Harry continued.
"Yes."
"But he's a bit messy, the slob. Probably in a hospital robe, on a hospital bed - well, there were a few of his hairs stuck to the photograph he sent me, and I happened to have a Polyjuice potion available at hand, so…"
"Aha. Damn it, Harry!"
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Omake: Monkey Business
By stealacandy
"A potion to give gorillas a near-human intelligent?" asked the potion master in bewilderment. "Why would the dark lord want a potion that gives gorillas a near-human intelligent?" Did his master start reading the Quibbler now? Was he trying to cure Minister Fudge of his chronic stupidity? Severus Snape doubted even his considerable skill (inflated much in his mind and his ego, for sure, but still) couldn't hope to achieve that. Then what?
He remembered the Dark Lord said not to tell the other Death Eaters. Maybe the Dark Lord despaired of some of his Death Eaters and decided to replace them with an army of trained gorillas? 'That must be it,' he thought. 'probably Wormtail came up with that idea - he had the Dark Lord's ear these days, being his personal manservant. Well, better test this potion to see if it works. Where do I get a gorilla?"
He tossed some Floo-powder into the fire and stuck his head in the flames. "Minerva McGonagall!" he called.
"Yes, Severus, how can I help you? Did one of the students do anything wrong?"
"I'm sure they did, professor McGonagall," said Snape, "but luckily for them, none of them did it where I could see - this time. I do need your help, however. I'm testing a potion, and I need some test subjects. "I'm reluctant to try it on the Gryffindpr first year, as I believe you will miss them for some obscure reason - " Here McGonagall frowned, "So I thought to ask you to transfigure me some gorillas."
"You want me to transfigure you - cough, into, cough - a gorilla? Step away from the fire." ordered the transfiguration mistress, and walked into the flames.
… and promptly turned professor Snape into a gorilla - a female one.
It eeped.
It sqeecked.
It screeched.
It hopped around.
(It released a lot of pheromones in it's aggressiveness, but it went unnoticed.)
"Okay, Okay," said professor McGonagal, and turned the gorilla back into a disgruntled Severus Snape.
"I didn't ask to be transfigured into a gorilla, Minerva," he said hotly. "I ask you to transfigure me some gorillas - as in for me." he hastily added, before she would take him at his word again.
"Alright, Severus. Stand aside."
Professor McGonagall pointed her wand at some spare chairs and magicked them into living, breathing gorillas.
"Thank you, Minerva."
"Your welcome, Severus." she said. "Now, where do you keep your Floo?"
After she was gone, Severus turned to rfeed his potions to the gorillas, which he found huffing about him, sniffing the air. "Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy!" he incarnated, and all the gorillas fell to the ground.
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When Severus was done and all the gorillas got the potion, he enervated them - and they immediately attacked him. He tried to stun the first, but the gorilla dodged, and two others reached to snatch his wand away. Then they all jumped him. He was surprised when instead of tearing him to pieces, they just started humping him. He wasn't sure, however, whether he should be relieved, or not. 'Definitely Petegrew', was his last coherent thought before he passed out.
Which is why he never noticed where Colin Creeveywas standing under an invisibility cloak, taking pictures like mad.
Colin found it all strangely arousing. 'I should ask Harry for a couple of pictures.' he thought.
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When Minerva McGonagall came back to the castle, she was greeted by her favourite student, miss Hermione Granger.
"Hello, professor, how was your day?" miss Granger asked.
"Why, thank you, Hermione. It was a lovely thing. I didn't know Muggles could work such magic! That was a very nice thing for you to do to me, miss Granger." said the not-so-stern teacher.
Hermione blushed. "Well, err… It's from all of the Gryffindor students," she began, "we all pitched in, to show our appreciation of you devotion and the care you take of us. Especially Harry - he covered the deficit. And it was his idea from the start, you see. He's so considerate and agreeable lately - "
"Mr. Potter would make some lucky witch a great husband one day, indeed, miss Granger." smiled the aged professor.
"…and he started taking his studies seriously, too - why, a couple of days ago he had me spend hours with me practicing his transfiguration!" Hermione continued (to which McGonagall nodded, said "aha," and smiled knowingly.) "and - " but now, finally, Hermione's brain caught up with what her favourite professor said, and she blushed a deep red.
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