AN: Just a gentle reminder that this fic isn't following the canon anime (but im trying my best to update it to stay as true to the anime as possible)

Sorry if this is a little dramatic. I kind of got carried away with writing OTL

Anyway, here is Chapter 4 - I hope you enjoy it :)


Thor was only four when he first met Loki. He was kept away from public view like fine china. Since the start of his training to be the next King of Asgard, before he had even learnt to walk, he was rarely given the chance to be a child, only brought out on special occasions and polished whenever his father or mother wanted a look at him.

Looking back, he realised it wasn't an ideal childhood, but compared to many of the other gods it was better than most.

At the age of four, Thor was already well practised in the art of swordplay (well, as well practiced as any four-year-old could be.) He was praised on his calm nature, his level-headedness and his problem-solving abilities, though these assumptions were always reached by placing him in front of a puzzle meant for a two-year-old and shouting at him until he had solved it.

He was used to playing with his siblings on the days when his father came to visit as he would be allowed to act like a child should, running through the halls of Valhalla while screaming and laughing with his friends. He never questioned why Balder was kept under a tight watch, or why he had never met Loki until the grand banquet celebrating yet another defeat of the Jötnar.

After bringing Loki out to be judged by the rest of the gods, forcing the young and terrified god to stand under their scrutiny for three hours, Odin pulled both Thor and Balder aside, telling them that he was their new brother and they should treat him as such. Thor was never told exactly why Loki had been brought into the family, nor that Balder's curse required him to feed once a week.

But as the year wore on, Thor began to see how Loki was treated by the other gods, how he was scorned as an unnatural thing and shunned by the parents who wouldn't let their children play with him. That, and the fact that Balder's nature resulted in him becoming one of the most isolated gods in the realm made Loki and Balder perfect for each other. Though they fought at first, Loki jealous of Balder's popularity and his natural ability to charm others, they grew closer as Loki began to see what others could not, and soon it was hard to separate the pair.

Thor, still being treated like he was made of glass by his mother and father, was kept away from them, and in his absence their bond strengthened. He never let on how lonely it made him, only pretending to be happy for them whenever they were allowed to play together.

Years later, when the boy's started to grow into men, they were finally allowed to take lessons together, learning, fighting and loving until the three were inseparable. And though he knew they didn't share blood, Thor began to call Loki his brother.

Looking back, he wished Odin had allowed him the freedom he had granted Loki and Balder. Then maybe Loki's love for him would have focused on Thor instead. But it was too late to fantasise over small wishes like that, despite how badly he wanted them to be true. Because when he saw how Loki looked at Balder he knew he could never hope to compete with that kind of love, no matter how strongly he felt.

When he realised his love for Loki went beyond that of a brother he was conflicted, thinking there was something with his mind and body but at the same time he would grow elated just being in Loki's presence. He had resolved to stay away from him to avoid hurting both Loki and himself. It wasn't until the first time he caught Balder and Loki together that he made peace with his feelings and realised he would never lost control of himself in such a way.

Though he was never happy with the way Loki was treated, Thor believed that his brother loved Balder and so he was fulfilling his needs because of this love. Thor could have never imagined what Loki had been succumbing to for all those years, not until he experienced it first hand when Balder's hunger got the better of him and it resulted in Thor being pinned to the wall and fed on. Then he understood why Loki struggled, why he cried and moaned and why he feared Balder as soon as it was done.

But for Thor it was different. Instead of shying away from the pain, instead of fearing Balder as he used his full strength to hold him down, he lavished in it. The pain, the pleasure, the fear, all of it. And he knew that it would make Loki's life easier if he didn't have to suffer the torment that Balder inflicted upon him, as well as trying to convince himself that what he was doing was an act of love rather than fear. Thor wanted to protect Loki, to save him from Balder and from himself.

After a long talk with Odin that resulted in badly veiled threats warning Thor that he could be disowned if he pursued with his request, his father agreed to Thor taking Loki's place. That, along with the condition that Huginn and Muninn bury Loki's memories and fear so deep that they could never be restored made Thor sure that Loki would be protected for the rest of his life. Thor didn't want the man he loved knowing what he had done and what Balder really was. And he vowed to never let Loki discover that that the only reason he was brought to Asgard was to fulfill Balder's need.

Though none of that had been necessary, as two years later Loki stumbled upon them and remembered nearly everything. There were certain bits and pieces missing from his memory, like the fact that Odin would hold him down so he could never escape from Balder, or that Balder enjoyed manipulating Loki into believing that he couldn't survive without Balder, but Thor would never fill in those particular blanks. The illusion of a vaguely stable family life was what Loki wanted, and Thor refused to destroy his fantasies.

By the time they had grown into men Thor was used to the pain that came with watching over Loki. The sting of his love of Balder was something of a constant ache and he quickly acknowledged that Loki would never look at him with those eyes, never smile at him in the same way and never touch him as he longed to touch Balder.

He thought he had accepted that Loki's feelings would never reach him, and that the jealousy he felt was inconsequential compared to Loki's happiness. But when he saw Loki kiss Yui, when he saw how he laughed as he spun her and how his grin widened as he dipped her and the poisonous look he sent Balder as he took her lips, time stopped. He felt as though the ground was slipping away from under his feet, that the air around him had vanished, leaving him a breathless mess as he tried to grab a hold of something real.

Because this couldn't be happening. There was no way Loki would do this, not with a human, not with her. He had said himself how boring she was, how plain and how uninteresting Balder's affections for her were. Anyone could see that Loki was deeply jealous of the attention he gave her. So why this?

His shock was deeper than anything he had felt before. It was nothing compared to when he first laid eyes on Balder and Loki, nothing to when he first discovered the truth behind Balder's curse, and nothing to when he learnt of damage Balder inflicted upon those who set out to hurt the ones he loved. Because they were things he could accept, things that he could file away in the back of his mind and that wouldn't shake his foundations to the point where he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Loki was a mischievous god. He excelled at pretending to never take life seriously. Thor had only ever seen him play childish pranks that lived up to his nature. But he was never spiteful despite everything done to him, and it was one of the reasons Thor loved him. Not once had he ever seen Loki go out of his way to cause harm to another, to hurt someone deliberately or to manipulate them into giving them the reaction he wanted. Yet when he saw how he held Yui, when he saw him slide his hand around her waist and hold her closer as her eyes fluttered shut, he couldn't handle it.

He had seen Loki like this before when Balder took him, but he was never in control. It was him tilting his head back to deepen the kiss, it was him moaning Balder's name and reaching for more, never the other way around. It must have been some kind of mistake. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him. Because to see Loki in control, to see a side to his brother that he had never seen before was unthinkable. He knew everything about Loki, he accepted everything about Loki and loved every part of him, but the sexual and seductive side of him that made him grin deliciously as he pulled back from Yui and lean down to whisper in her ear wasn't right. It wasn't his Loki. Because his Loki would never hurt someone in such a way.

Unless he loved Yui, loved her enough to hold her and kiss after such a short time. But that was impossible. There was no way Loki would fall in love so quickly, not when his love for Balder was so strong that it kept him anchored to his side.

Because that was something Thor had always been sure of. Loki's love of Balder. It was unchanging and it was a pain he had been prepared to deal with for the rest of their lives and yet here he was, betraying everything Thor had believed. But 'betray' was too strong a word, as there was no reason for Thor to have placed such expectations on Loki. It felt more like abandonment, more like he was being deceived by the one he thought he could believe in the most.

He didn't like this side to Loki. Of course he didn't. He liked no part of Loki that didn't love him, but that didn't mean he wouldn't accept it. But this was different. The way he touched her, the way he looked at her, the way she blushed as he purred something in her ear and her eyes flitted between Balder and Loki, when he gave a small chuckle and gently pulled her up was never something he had prepared himself to see, and so he had no idea how to react.

Because this was someone other than Balder, someone other than the man Loki loved, someone he barely knew. If he could smile and laugh like that so easily then why did he only look at Thor with dead eyes? Why was it that the only words offered to him were laced with contempt, and that even when Loki was excitedly telling him about some trick he had played or his plans to mess with someone he would always hold back his words and hiding his real self from Thor.

His mind was running wild, trying to grasp the situation while attempting to figure out what to say in his shock, what to shout in his anger or cry in his despair. In his panic he forgot about his brother.

But when Balder called Loki's name, continuing towards them where Thor had frozen. He watched the slow and jerky way that Balder walked, heard the anger and disbelief in his voice, and saw how his body had tensed.

Balder's anger was a rare thing. Like himself, he kept a tight lock on his emotions. But Balder preferred to control situations rather than predict them. Balder's need to manipulate everyone around him meant that he never had to be shocked or surprised, and it meant that he would let his untamed power grow.

Anger was the trigger. Anger and panic and desperation.

Thor had never seen it before, but from the way his brother's body shook and how a gentle light was beginning to glow around him, he could predict what would happen next if one of them didn't react.

He wasn't sure what to do. From the way Loki had pulled Yui close, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and gently caressing her arm with a thumb it was clear he was baiting Balder.

Thor began to move. Though the clearing was small, the giant trees marking the edge of the forest to their left and the school dormitories to their right, there was still enough space on the stretch of grass to allow Thor to reach Balder before he neared Yui and Loki.

Loki was mad. It was the only logical conclusion. He knew better than Thor that Balder's power would destroy them all if he didn't calm down, and from the way Loki glared at him, his eyes daring him to make a move, there was no chance of Loki soothing his anger this time.

And when he finally reached his brother, grabbing Balder's wrist and hissing at the pain his power caused as the light wrapped around him, he saw Balder's face. The normally serene eyes were marred with anger, his gentle smile a scowl of rage.

"Let me go!" He snarled, jerking his wrist from Thor's grip.

"You can't do this, Balder! What if you kill her?" Thor's words were lost in the boom that echoed out through the clearly, stealing Thor's breath and deafening him. Balder's power sped out around them, burning Thor and causing him to cry out in pain as he felt his flesh singe.

There was no chance. Balder wouldn't listen to him. Loki wouldn't stop him. Yui wouldn't be able to get close enough to calm him.

His options were few, but he still had them, and with all of his strength he drew back his hand and slammed his fist into Balder's temple.

It was a last resort, but as the god of light collapsed into his arms, his weight bringing Thor to his knees, he knew he'd made the right decision.

Sparks of light fizzled out around Balder's body, and though the ground beneath him was scorched, Yui and Loki were safe.

He held back his sigh as he tightened his grip around Balder, lifting his unconscious brother up and holding him in his arms. He forced Balder's arm around his shoulder to keep him stable, resting his head against his chest.

He'd never noticed how light Balder was until now.

He turned his back to Loki. He didn't want to look at him. He wasn't sure if he could bear to see him holding onto Yui, or to see the way she clung to him. He couldn't stand the idea that Loki may choose to stay with her than follow them, and as he began to carry Balder back to their dorm he suppressed his anger. He needed to focus on the moment. Protect Balder and the others. Getting angry now would do them no good.

And so he held his head high as he walked, ignoring the distant sound of Yui's voice as he went to care for his brother.


AN: Thank you for reading so far. Again, I'm not too thrilled with this chapter so I'll come back and edit it at some point.

I just want to say I was overwhelmed by the positive reviews and support from the last chapter. I can't thank you enough and I'm so glad that people are enjoying this. ^_^

I think the next piece I'll be starting is a BalderxApollon fic for the 30 fics challenge, so keep an eye on the Kamigami no Asobi tag and it'll pop up soon :)