Part IV: The Surrender

It couldn't be real.

Pressing his fingers to his lips, Merlin stared at the empty corridor. He could still feel her, still taste her, all honey and spices and sweet red wine. But even with the memory of her body pressed against his and the seductive scent of her perfume all around him, he could scarcely believe it.

Morgana had kissed him.

This had to be a dream. Yes, this was a fantasy just like the others… wishful thinking that could never be anything more. Morgana could have her pick of anyone in the kingdom… men with titles, riches, knights and high lords who were handsome and confident, never bumbling and awkward like himself. Besides, he was only a servant. Even if she'd been able to overlook that, the rest of the world never would.

Yes, he'd allowed himself to dream. But not once had he let himself hope those dreams could become reality.

So what had just happened?

This wasn't some distant fantasy. This was real. And as he recovered from his initial shock, he was nearly brought to his knees by another hot rush of desire. Morgana had kissed him.

Well no, that wasn't exactly true. She'd kissed Kynon, the mysterious masked Druid. As far as she was concerned, Arthur's clumsy manservant had nothing to do with it.

Merlin wasn't sure how to reconcile himself with that.


She didn't return for almost a week, a situation that swiftly became desperate as he passed his nights in solitude. His conflicted feelings were difficult enough to deal with, but more than that, he was running out of time. The spell needed to be performed again within the next few days… otherwise, his crazy scheme would fall to pieces. He couldn't let that happen. Not now. And as much as he hated to admit it, his reasons were far more selfish than they'd once been.

Morgana… in truth, he'd wanted her since the first time he'd laid eyes on her. And this was his best chance – his only chance – to do anything about it.

But it wasn't that simple, was it? Wouldn't it be wrong to encourage her attraction when he wasn't who she believed him to be?

Yes.

Then again, it wasn't as if he'd be deceiving her… not where it really mattered. His sympathy, his kindness, his concern for her well-being? All of that was real. She might know him by a different name, but he was still someone she could trust, someone who cared about her and would do anything to make her happy. Wasn't that enough?

Maybe.

In the end, there was no point in torturing himself. Morgana had already decided what she wanted, and as soon as he saw the look in her eyes, he was lost.


Morgana slipped into the hidden sanctuary with a carefully plotted strategy and a smirk on her lips. The latter almost instantly transformed into a beguiling smile as she wrapped her arms around Kynon's neck, urging his mouth down to meet hers.

This was the first part of her plan – make a bold and decisive move rather than leaving him to flounder as inexperienced men often did in these situations. But it wasn't only to spare him, nor to avoid the awkwardly polite conversation that would've led up to this. She wanted him. Nearly a week apart in an effort to increase his desperation had backfired on her, far more than she would've expected. Waiting was no longer an option.

Inexperience was nothing next to instinct. Kynon proved that now, kissing her fiercely, never hesitating as his nimble fingers untied her cloak and eased it from her shoulders. His hands were everywhere after that, a low groan emerging from his throat as he realized what she was wearing underneath.

The flimsy garment – too indecent to be called a nightgown – clung to her in all the right places, rosy nipples standing out in sharp relief against the skintight, nearly transparent fabric. She expected him to remove it, but he didn't, which she was glad for as he blazed a hot trail of kisses down her body. There was something intensely erotic about the damp spots his mouth left behind, one shoulder strap clumsily torn, falling down to expose a single breast. This act was nothing new to her, of course, but her barely clad form somehow made her feel more wicked than full nudity would've done.

Strange… though she supposed there was a certain power in concealment, no matter how scanty that concealment might be.

And then there was no time to dwell on that, nor to think about anything aside from the blinding rush of desire that overtook her senses. She was pressed against the door with him kneeling before her, those long, elegant hands slipping under her shift, pushing it over her knees… inching it up past her thighs…

It was sheer anticipation that made her cry out the first time he touched her, because certainly, he had no idea what he was doing. His motions were hesitant, surprisingly gentle as he lifted his head to gaze up at her. What she saw took her breath away – his face was still fully covered by the mask, but it was all there in his eyes. Intense, almost desperate hunger, admiration that bordered on worship, overlaid by a touch of uncertainty.

How can I please you? those eyes asked her. She responded with a tremulous smile, bringing her hand down to cover his.

"Like this," she murmured, her voice low and husky, showing him how to rub his thumb over the tiny nub in a way that made her arch her back and shudder. "Yes…"

There was no need to show him the rest. She let out a throaty moan, pulling her hand away to tangle her fingers in his hair as he slipped two of his inside her. Cautious at first, he gradually perfected the rhythm, whispering her name in awe as she let out a shuddering cry and fell apart beneath his touch.

She was blissfully sated, but only for a moment as he rose to his feet and met her lips in a scorching kiss. The urgency was maddening, wild and desperate, like nothing she'd ever felt before. She needed him inside her. Now. There was a perfectly good bed a few paces away, but that was too far… much too far.

Clearly, Kynon agreed. His heavy cloak was gone, his hands releasing her to jerk at the laces of his trousers. She caught a glimpse of him – long and thick and impossibly hard – and then he was lifting her up, pressing her back against the door as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel the tip of him pushing into her, but then he hesitated, panting harshly.

"Morgana," he rasped out. "Please…"

Beyond speech, all she could do was nod.


Nothing had prepared him for this. Her body pressed flush against his, soft and trembling… her warm breath against his ear as she moaned in pleasure… her slick, velvet heat closing around him as he pushed into her for the first time. It was every moment of bliss he'd ever known or dreamed of, magnified a thousand fold. He wanted to stay like this forever, but it was too much… far too good, and yet there was something even better. It was building inside him… he had to have it and soon, else he would surely go mad.

He heard himself groaning in some distant part of his mind, shameless sounds of pure wanting as he drove into her like a man possessed. Vaguely, he knew he should slow down, pace himself and make it last, but he was past rational thought, far beyond self-control. Every fiber of his being cried out for more, and that was the instinct he followed to its inevitable conclusion.

And then the world shattered around him, reduced to spasms of pure ecstasy as he spilled himself inside her. He cried out, whimpering her name, trembling so violently that it was all he could do to maintain what was suddenly a precarious position.

Morgana seemed to understand, carefully disentangling herself and then taking him by the hand and leading him to the bed. He flopped down on his back as she snuggled up beside him, one of her small hands tracing lazy circles on his chest.

"That was…" he started, still a little breathless. "I'm sorry. I don't think I…"

She shook her head, pressing her fingers to his lips. "It was wonderful, especially for your first time. Trust me, I have no complaints."

He started to ask her how she'd known, but somehow managed to catch himself in time. Right. He wasn't Merlin. He was Kynon, a fugitive Druid who'd lived in complete solitude since childhood. Almost frightening how easy it had been to forget that – in the moment, he'd known nothing but Merlin and Morgana, how right it felt that they should be together this way.

But before he could think too much on that, there was another, more pressing thought.

"Are you thirsty?" He breathed a sigh of relief when she nodded.

As usual, the wine was the easy part. The incantation? He was still struggling with what to do about that as he took her in his arms again a few minutes later. She lay there quietly, uncharacteristically docile until she finally murmured, "I should go."

Inwardly, he panicked. "It's still early."

"I know, but I'm so tired. I can't let myself…" she trailed off on a huge yawn.

"Sleep then. Just for an hour or two."

"I can't. If I overslept…"

"I won't let that happen. Sleep, Morgana. I'll watch over you."

Her eyes were closed now, her body fully relaxed against his, but she still hadn't quite surrendered. "But you're tired, too. I can tell."

"I have all the time in the world to sleep when you're not here."

Of course, that wasn't true. These nighttime meetings of theirs, on top of the already exhausting amount of chores he had to do for Arthur and Gaius, were already taking their toll on him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a full night's rest. But as he looked down at her face, a small smile touching her lips as she gave herself over to slumber, it was worth it. Not only because it had to be for the sake of his plans, but because nothing, even desperately needed sleep, could be better than this.

As soon as he was certain she was beyond hearing, he lifted his head to whisper in her ear. Would it work? Yes… he could feel the magic coursing through him, even as the first faint traces of returning power drained out of her.

Once again, she was safe.

For several months, their situation was positively idyllic. There were a couple of narrow escapes, and of course, Merlin often passed his days in a haze of exhaustion. But the world they created for themselves in their hidden sanctuary only seemed brighter and more beautiful as time passed and the bond between them grew.

Neither ever spoke of the future – to do so would be to disrupt the careful illusion of contentment they'd wrapped around themselves. Merlin certainly had to be careful not to reveal too much, lest he run the risk of her discovering the truth. But that still left room for many confidences, dreams shared, moments of laughter, and tender whispers in the aftermath of passion.

Passion… following that first frantic encounter, the desire between them only grew stronger. Yes, stronger and infinitely more satisfying as they learned all the different ways in which to please one another. And without fail, Merlin always stayed awake in the aftermath to watch over his sleeping lover, whispering words of affection, followed by the protective spell she thankfully knew nothing about.

It couldn't last forever. He knew that. But for the time being, it was enough.


"Did you miss me?"

"Always."

Morgana smiled as she hurried into Kynon's arms, lifting her face for a deep, lingering kiss before reluctantly breaking away. "I'm sorry," she told him as he poured her a glass of wine. "I wanted to come sooner, but I was afraid to risk it. My maid…"

"There's been an outbreak of sweating sickness in the lower town, so she's been sleeping in the palace."

"You really do hear everything, don't you?"

He flashed her the grin that never failed to make her heart melt. "Eavesdropping is a good way to pass the time. Anyway, you don't need to apologize. It's only been a week."

"Getting tired of me already?" she shot back with a mock pout.

"I just meant… well, I'd rather have to wait than have someone getting suspicious. That's all."

Morgana frowned. In many ways, she felt closer to Kynon than she would've ever thought possible. But there were times when he'd respond oddly, would start to say something and then stop himself, almost like he was hiding something. It was enough to arouse her suspicions, at least until she reminded herself of who he was and the life he'd lived. It was only natural that he'd be a little strange sometimes – indeed, it was a wonder that he was as normal and well-adjusted as he was.

"What are you thinking about?"

She blinked, then gave him a guilty smile. "I was thinking… I was wondering how long we were going to bother with polite conversation before we wind up in bed."

There, that was a failproof distraction.

The first time was quick and to the point, both realizing that a week was in fact a very long time to go without certain things. But they made up for it with a second round, lingering over one another's bodies for what seemed like hours before Kynon finally knelt between her thighs, entering her with one smooth stroke.

Morgana had always had more passion than she knew what to do with. As such, she often preferred lovemaking that was fast and feverish. But Kynon had showed her an intensity of a different sort, one she'd come to love just as much when the mood was right – slow and deep, his eyes never leaving hers as he stoked the fires by slow degrees rather than starting off like a raging inferno. Usually, their coming together was about sharing control, but when he took her this way… it was the only time in her life she found herself willing to surrender completely.

And then at last, she was right on the brink, her fingernails digging into his shoulders as he gradually increased the friction between them. Moaning softly, she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts, burying her face in his neck as she gave herself over to pure sensation. Almost there… almost…

"Look at me, Morgana."

She met his eyes, deep blue and burning with desire, then toppled over the edge. Whispering her name, he immediately followed.

It was some while later, as they were lying together in a haze of lazy contentment, when she finally decided to broach the question that had been on her mind for weeks.

"You always want me to look at you. Why?"

Was it her imagination, or did he suddenly seem tense, almost wary? Either way, there were several long moments of silence before he answered.

"I don't know. I guess I want to see you. As much as possible. Your eyes… your face…"

She propped herself up on one elbow to stare down at him. "Not that I mind, but it's hardly fair."

"I… I don't know what you mean." That was a lie, and they both knew it. She'd trapped him.

Reaching out, she touched his mask, tracing her fingers over the soft black leather. "I want to see you, too."

"I told you when we first met…"

"I know," she said gently. "But now, after everything we've shared? I don't hide any part of myself from you."

"It's not the same thing."

"Don't you trust me, Kynon?"

He pulled away from her, turning on his side to face the wall. "Of course I do. It isn't about that, I just… I can't."

Morgana sighed. His secrecy bothered her more than she was willing to admit, but she didn't want to push the issue when it was clearly so distressing for him. "I'm sorry," she said. "I won't ask again. Maybe someday, when you're ready…"

"Someday," he echoed. The dubious tone of his voice was hardly convincing, but he relaxed after that, shifting onto his back again and pulling her into his arms.

She made no further attempt at conversation, soothed by his strong, steady heartbeat beneath her cheek as she tried to reconcile it in her mind. Insecurity, that was all. He just needed time to realize she cared about him no matter what – that a few little scars weren't going to change anything.

Caught up in her thoughts, it was a few minutes before she realized he'd fallen asleep, the first time he'd ever done so in her presence. She watched him for a while, seeing nothing but the mask that lay between them. He was deep in slumber – so deep that there wasn't even the slightest twitch when she called his name, once and then again.

It would be so easy… and would it really be so wrong? Just one look. Then she'd be able to tell him that she'd already seen, reassure him that he had nothing to worry about. Surely he wouldn't be angry once he realized that it didn't change her feelings for him? After all, that had to be why he felt the need to hide himself in the first place. What other reason could there be?

Taking a deep breath, Morgana untied the strings and slowly lifted the mask from Kynon's face. She was unable to suppress her cry of horror when she saw what lay underneath.