Sorry, I really need to get better at updating! I don't own FMA or Harry Potter!


"No, I think we're going at it in the wrong direction. We want to mess with Umbridge, not give her ptsd." Ed hunched over the breakfast table with Fred and George. "And Physically injuring her would only work against us in the long run." He poked at his toast in concentration. It was the seventh weekend of the school year, and he planned to use it to the best of his abilities.

So far, Ed had only really made friends with the twins and Harry and his group (though he had a feeling they were suspicious of him). Really, though, this was substantially good for him. Normally after a month Ed would have five enemies hunting him down, not five reliable acquaintances- still too early to be 'friends'- helping him exact revenge.

"I think you're right. Maybe we can slip some puking pestles into her tea?" One of the twins (Ed was pretty sure it was George) suggested.

"I feel like she drinks the stuff enough to tell if there was an alteration in it." The other one (most likely Fred) pointed out. "On the right track, though."

Ed hummed in agreement, looking over to the teacher's table. He saw, to his disdain, Umbridge smugly nibbling on a piece of bread and talking to the rigid form of Professor McGonagall, who looked about ready to transfigure the pink- clad lady into an actual toad. He did not, however, see the professor he was looking for. As a matter of fact, most of the teachers' table was vacant.

"There's only like six professors up there, where could the others be?" He asked the twins.

"They probably already headed over to Hogsmeade for the day." The one that was most likely Fred said.

"What's Hogsmeade?" Ed asked.

"It's a wizarding town where anyone third year and above can go on the weekends. It's a bit of a walk from here, but we've found a…" George (maybe) leaned in before continuing, "…secret passage straight from the school to the candy shop there."

"Inside the school?" Ed said, astonished. "How have the teachers not found you out?"

They both smiled wryly, "The trick is to not let them realize you're sneaking about."

The trio had to stop their scheming when they noticed Harry, Ron, and Hermione making their way towards the table. Hermione clasped a huge pile of books in her arms.

Hermione sat down next to Ed, Ron beside her. Harry sat across from them next to the twins.

Good morning boys," Hermoine vaguely said, already immersed in a book. Looking at the stack, Ed was surprised to find most of them about alchemy.

"I didn't know these were in the library." He commented, picking up an old looking book called Famous Alchemists from Ancient to Modern Times. There was no author listed.

"They're in the restricted section. Professor Mustang gave me permission to go in for some alchemy books to further research on subject." Hermione explained. "The one you're holding updates itself every year or so, so most of the alchemists in it are very recent."

Oh, Shit. Ed thought. If they were recent, his and Roy's names had to be in there somewhere. The youngest enlisted alchemist and the alchemical hero of Ishval weren't titles that would very easily be passed off as unimportant or unknown.

Hermione continued talking about her books, oblivious to Ed's thoughts, "I can't make sense of a lot of the material. It is all very confusing, and certain circles look very much alike."

Ed nodded, rolling his eyes the smallest bit and peering into the pages of the book Hermione was immersed in. He immediately gasped and yanked the book out of the girl's grasp.

"Hey!" She shouted.

Ed stood up, hefting his backpack over his shoulder and holding the two books in his arms.

"What do you think you are doing?" Hermione continued to yell angrily.

Ed turned on her angrily. Though he knew it wasn't necessarily intentional that she borrowed a book on human transmutation, the novel's mere existence angered him. "I'm bringing these to Mustang so he can incinerate them. Books like these shouldn't exist, much less in a school." He shouted before running out of the room in search of his husband.


After a while of running down the hallways and up staircases, he slowed to a stop. He just remembered that Fred and George had said most teachers were probably at that Hogsmeade place. Knowing Roy, he wouldn't very well miss out on a chance to socialize. "Goddamnit!" Ed yelled into the empty hallway he had run into. "How am I going to get to Mustang if he's not even in the school?"

"Like we said, Eddy. We know a secret passage." Two voices rang simultaneously behind him.

Ed sighed, "How did I know you two would follow me?" He asked the Weasley twins.

They shrugged, "Do you want to find the Professor or not?"

"Fine, let's go."

They set off at a walk up the never-ending flights of stairs, Ed following close behind the twins.

"So, what is so bad about that book anyways?" One of the twins asked (damn Ed if he knew which one).

"The book- or at least the page Hermione was on- was explaining an array that aids in human transmutation, or using living people in alchemy. It's a depraved kind of alchemy, and is highly illegal in Amestris for good reason. Not only is it generally immoral, but if you attempt a human transmutation, you and others around you are bound to be either hurt or killed, and it mostly never turns out well." His automail arm gripped tighter around the book at his words. "Why they would have it at a school- restricted section or not- is beyond my comprehension. This stuff isn't even allowed in high-rank military libraries back in Amestris, where alchemy is a commonplace. Here, where it is so rare and there is little regulation, anything could go horribly wrong."

'Unless the alchemists we're after planted it here.' The new idea bit sharply into Ed's mind, and his pace quickened as they reached the top of the staircase. Theoretically, it made some sense. If you were to conduct an act of illegal alchemy in a school, where better to hide you're research than a rarely used part of it's ancient library- the least frequently used room of any school? And if the alchemical breach was so out of hand that it required two foreign professionals to handle it, then it couldn't be much but a human transmutation, right? But why a school? The new possibilities made new questions in Ed's head. He had to disclose his new possible lead to Roy- and soon.

Eventually, the trio stopped climbing the stairs, and they entered a long, dark corridor. At the beginning of the corridor stood an old cob-webbed statue of an old, craggy, one-eyed witch. In the time it took Ed to look around the long corridor, Fred and George had already opened up the secret passage and entered an even darker tunnel. He entered the dark tunnel closely behind the twins. When he was a few meters into the passage, the door closed. He gave a jump, and so did the twins.

"It normally doesn't close on it's own." One of them whispered. "Perhaps it was Peeves. He does tend to lurk about the third floor corridor."

"Who's Peeves?" Ed whispered.

"He's our allied Poltergeist. He sometimes helps us get back at other students. He's got bloody amazing stunts up his sleeves." The other said.

The tunnel was completely dark- save for the light conjured form the twins' wands- in the passageway, but dry and not too cold. It was much better than some of the places Ed had had to traverse on some of his missions. Throughout that long walk Ed could not shake the feeling that they were being watched, but these kinds of environments tend to do that.

Eventually, they reached a trap door that led up into the basement floor of what Fred and George told Ed was a candy shop called 'Honeydukes'. Sure enough, once they snuck up the stairs and into the main level of the building, there was candy overflowing from barrels and drawers stretched higher than what even Major Armstrong could reach. The building was not too busy yet, but the Weasleys promised that once the other students showed up it would be a hell house- and Ed was willing believe them on that.

They made their way out of the shop, entering an already bustling cobblestone street. There were no cars or anything, just a lot of witches and wizards in those ridiculous robes and hats entering and exiting various bars, shops, and apartments. Hogwarts stood proud and pointy in the distance, and a close-to-collapsing shack creaked in an open field a little closer to the village.

"Where would most of the teachers be?" Ed asked the twins.

"They would most likely be at the Three Broomsticks. That's a restaurant slash pub that's popular with both students and teachers." One of them explained. He pointed to a wooden, two-story building that had an 'open' sign in a window. Ed strode towards the door. But as he was about to open it, another person slammed it open from the inside and promptly crashed into him. Both fell over onto the bricks of the road.

Ed could hear Fred and George dying of laughter behind him as he got up to apologize to whomever he crashed into. It turned out that he had knocked over the very man he was in search of.

"Ah, sorry Professor." Ed said, holding out a hand to help Roy up with. The Flame Alchemist waved it away.

"It's perfectly fine, Elric." Roy seemed amused by Ed's clumsiness, which annoyed the blonde. It was then that he remembered the books that he had previously held before he was knocked down. They were sitting a few feet away, one of them laying open face down on top of the other. Ed picked them up, dusting off the covers and waving them at Roy.

"I need to talk to you somewhere nobody can eavesdrop. I think I've found a new lead on our mission." Ed murmured in Amestrian.

"Follow me." Roy stated, lead way down the street and towards a clump of forest near the decrepit shack. After scanning the area with his one eye, he said, "This should do."

Ed opened the transmutation book, "Hermione checked this book out of the restricted section of the library unaware that it was on human transmutation. Why a school would have such a horrible book, restricted or not, is unsettling and it makes me believe that it may have been planted or hidden by our unknown suspect. If this were part of their research it could benefit us greatly in the investigation."

Roy took the book, skinning over it quickly. "This could be important, you're right. Before we confirm that it has any relevance to the case, however, why don't you ask Madame Pince weather or not she has a record of the book. If it exists in the records- particularly the older ones, we'll know it wasn't hidden or planted by an unknown person or people."

Ed looked at the book, disgusted, "And to think that Hermione was reading that. This is something that shouldn't exist within miles of anybody- much less a curious student."

"Yes, if it's in the older records I'll have to bring this up to the Headmaster." Roy agreed. "What's the other book?"

Ed opened the other book, "It's about the different famous alchemists through history up to now. It self- updates every year or two. Hermione had this one as well."

"…Well shit." Roy said, trading books with Ed to scan over the last few pages. When he neared the last few pages, he quirked a brow and showed the page in question to Ed.

It was Ed's page, of course. Just a quick scan over the page would have been able to ruin the entire case for him. After his name, military rank and name, age, and alchemical achievements was a blurb on his family and relations, including- of course- Al, Roy, and Trisha at the top of the list.

"Good God, I'm glad she hadn't looked through this first." Ed laughed, "That'd have been the quickest assignment I'd ever failed." Roy agreed.

"Not mine."

"I am quite aware of that Edward."

"Shut up." Another question appeared in Ed's mind. "Hey, who informed you of the alchemical breach anyways?"

Roy thought for a moment, "A message was passed up from some in the lower ranks. Apparently the original informant was through an anonymous letter that combusted seconds after it was read. The envelope sported the Ministry of Magic's emblem, so the situation was deemed serious enough by the council to be assigned to the military."

"Seems slightly suspicious. We might have to check into that as well." Ed suggested.

"I was planning on trying to get information out of Umbridge, but that woman is more loyal to her government than any one I've ever worked with." An annoyed edge in Roy's voice made Ed snort out a short laugh.

"She's a bitch to the teachers too?" Ed asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe." Roy rolled his eyes. "If McGonagall doesn't transfigure her into something by the end of the year it'll be a miracle."

"Her method of teaching makes me want to transmute my ears off just so I won't have to sit and have to listen to another minute of her class. Fucking Defense Against the Dark Arts- you'd think we'd actually practice defensive spells, right? Nope. Her class is 'composition and theory in a safe environment, as the Ministry Suggests is best.'" Ed mocked.

"That seems rather counter-intuitive." Roy observed.

"Yeah, yeah it does."

Somewhere fairly nearby, a stumbling sound was heard, followed by the faintest sound of muffled voices. Ed and Roy's heads both swung to the direction of the sound, but saw nothing.

"Do you think someone is eavesdropping?" Roy muttered.

"It could have just been a squirrel." Ed suggested, but one look at his face proved that he didn't believe it.

"It sounded too distant for anyone to be able to hear what we were saying. But still, I don't think we should continue our conversation out here. Meet me in my classroom sometime this afternoon and we can keep talking." Roy muttered.

Ed nodded and turned, reluctant to leave so soon. "I've got to find Fred and George again anyways. See ya." He ran back to where the Three Broomstick was, seeing Fred and George still standing nearby.

"Well?" One of them asked.

"Professor Mustang has confiscated the books and will not admonish Hermione for accidentally checking it out." Ed replied.

"Alright. Now that we've got that over with, how about we get some butterbeer?" The other one offered, heading towards the Three Broomsticks.

"Sure?" Ed replied, unsure of what this butterbeer could taste like.

"Well, come on then." Both twins said as they hurried to the shop.


Harry, Ron, and Hermione strode away from the forest, thoroughly more confused and curious than before.

"Well?" Hermione asked, still in the confines of the invisibility cloak.

"We couldn't hear what they were saying, but I think it's obvious that Edward and Professor Mustang are allied for some secretive reason. Maybe if Ron hadn't stepped on my foot, we could have gotten close enough to hear what they were saying." Harry said, pointed looking at the youngest Weasley brother.

"It wasn't my fault your foot was in the bloody way." Ron muttered.

"Either way, do you think we should try to study them more about weather or not they are suitable to recruit into the Order?" Hermione asked.

"Or if they are working for you-know-who." Ron added.

"That too."

"I think we should. Who knows, two alchemists may be a huge asset to the Order." Harry answered. "And if they're spies for Voldemort, we'll be able to take them down."

With their priorities set, the trio took off the cloak and continued into Hogsmeade, ready to make the most of their weekend.


Well, there you have it- the third chapter! The next chapter might take a bit cuz im a bit foggy on the timeline in the 5th book. I'm planning on rewatching it this weekend, though, so it will be alright!