I could hear the rain pattering on the rooftop as I sipped my tea. Delsin had gone out to meet up with a group of conduits who were in need of advice. It seemed like Delsin was always busy with things like that. Always helping people and acting like it was no big deal. Just like he helps me. He opened up his home to me, made sure that I had everything I needed to be comfortable, and told me I could live with him as long as I needed to. It was clear to me from the moment I met him that he has a kind heart.
I'd been living with Delsin for about five months now, and I really feel comfortable with him. He's taught me a lot since he saved me and I owe him my life. The first month was difficult for me because I had no recollection of who I was or where I was from. The only thing I could remember was my name. I still am trying to figure out more about my past and how in the world I'd ended up here in the first place.
Sighing, I walked over from the kitchen table and to the couch. What am I thinking? It's still rough now. It's never stopped being difficult but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with whether I should continue to chase my past or move on with my life.
Delsin has given me a second chance at life and I don't want to waste it. I don't want to be stuck searching for my past my entire life, but at the same time I crave to find out more about who I was. Where I'm from. What my family was like. If I have any siblings. I wanted to know all of it but everytime I try to remember I feel as if there's something in the way, blocking my memories.
I stretched myself out onto the couch, placing my mug on the floor so I could wrap my arms around myself. I'd been trying to keep away from thinking of those things for the past month because whenever I do I get into a mood that I can't seem to get out of. A wave of depression pulled over me and covered my form. Gripping my arms tightly I felt my body begin to shake as tears trailed down my cheeks.
Will I ever find out who I was? Will I ever be able to move on from this? Does my family miss me? Are they looking for me? Or do they not want me? Maybe that's why they haven't found me yet. Maybe they don't even want me. Maybe I'm just a burden.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think of something else. Anything else but this. These thoughts made me ache and I don't know how to stop myself once my minds gone this route. I don't want to cry anymore. The first time I cried when I moved into Delsin's he heard me and felt upset with himself that he couldn't help me. I don't want to be a burden to him… I don't want him to leave me.
A sob escaped my lips as I continued to cry. I let myself sob for what seemed like an hour. My eyes were still shut tight and now my hair and shirt were damp with my tears. I couldn't hear anything except for the sound of me crying. I could no longer hear the rain and my heart feels so empty…
Warm arms suddenly wrapped around my form and sat me up so I was being embraced. Even with my eyes still shut and my head against his shoulder I knew it was him. The familiar smell of smoke filled my senses. It was the same smell of logs in the fireplace during the holidays. I was crying so hard I didn't even hear him come in. Delsin rubbed circles into my back while I clung onto him, still sobbing.
"Hey…" He said softly, "I'm here Gabi… I'm here for you…"
"I-I'm sorry I'm so useless!" I cried, "I'm sorry! D-don't leave me!" My voice broke as I sobbed into his shoulder.
"Shhh… Don't say that. You're not useless."
He held me in his arms until I finally stopped crying. I was exhausted from it and my eyelids began to droop as I rest my head on his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes.
"Thank you for everything…" I murmured into his shirt.
"Gabi, I will always be there for you. This house is your home as long as you want it to be."
I hugged him tighter when a realization hit me. I might not remember where I'm from or who I was before this but right now, in this moment, I am home. Delsin is my home.
