Chapter III: Followed, Watched, Action

Naruto poked his head around the corner, retracted it, and then closed his eyes to detect energy signatures. His sensei had tried to teach him this, but he had never fully grasped it, so what little he did have would have to do for now.

He didn't find much. A couple of ducks floating by, several deer, a handful of squirrels, and a shitload of tourists. Nobody with any real power aside from Negi and Setsuna. Wait. Two figures were rapidly retreating to the southeast.

The blond started to move, then checked the action. They were headed straight over the fair. Great. Into the lion's den again.

Naruto kicked off, transforming into his older self as he went. This way, at least, his cover would remain partially intact.

Regulating his flight with bursts of chakra from his left hand, his right drew his sword as he closed on the two targets, firing off a handful of bursts of energy from the tip.

The two figures stopped in midair, twisted, and deflected the energy pulses. Not like Naruto really intended to kill them with that anyway. The energy concentration and amount was far too low, not to mention the lack of stealth and speed.

"Who are you? And why did you throw that at me?"

The figures didn't bother to respond, instead leaping forward in attack.

"UZU! Get your ass down here!"

Two streaks of orange collided with two black in a shower of exploding sparks as they faced off, striking at each other with swords, clones, and massive energy techniques.

To any unwitting spectators that might have been watching from below, it would have resembled nothing more than a fireworks display.


"Initial Guardian Art: Bunker Buster!"

The missile soared though the air, got clipped by an outstretched staff, spun out of control, then self-destructed, as per the safety regulations.

"Just what the hell are you?"

The group didn't respond, instead, renewing their attack on the swordsman. "Fine, a strong and silent type? More like a bunch of mute douchebags, if you ask me. Initial Guardian Art:" he intoned, raising his sword. "Blazing Ice Blade!"

"Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!"

Josh ducked his own attack. The shield had been so well-cast that his attack, instead of being absorbed and neutralized as was the norm, was deflected right back at him. For anyone to have reversed even a lower attack of a member of The Ten was astonishing. Naruto was hard-pushed to do that on a good day, and yet, in the middle of heated combat, this unknown person had turned it against him.

"Not half-bad. But can you stop the day, as well as night? Initial Guardian Art: Freezing Flame Blade!"

The one that had blocked his attack sidestepped, exposing a second figure behind him, which mouthed rapidly before dropping to one knee, forming the translucent Guardian Shield and deflecting this one as well, this time in the direction of his idling jet.

"Now that's just playing dirty. Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!"

"Initial Guardian Art: Iaiken."

"Wait, what?"

Two beams of light soared in and socked the two who had blocked his attack. After the dust cloud had thinned somewhat, it revealed a smiling Takamichi. "You didn't think you were the only guardian here, did you?"

"We'll talk later." Josh said shortly as he readied his blade again. Ima let you finish, but I'm gonna take out these bastards first."

"Fair enough. Initial Guardian Art…"


"Initial Guardian Art: Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

"… Katon: Phoenix Spark."

"Comon, Uzu… a little more feeling."

"… Nah. It's bad for my health."

While the two blonds were bickering, the other two figures had cut a swath through the Phoenix Sparks, coming within sword range. "Initial Guardian Art-"

"RASENGAN!"

Before they could a shield up, Naruto whacked one of them with a Rasengan, Uzu taking a nice fist to the other. "Now, as I was saying-"

"… Not really the time and place for this."

"Fair point. Initial Guardian Art…"


"Blazing Ice Blade!"

As the last of the unknowns were cleaved in half, Josh slotted away his sword and turned to Takamichi, scowling. "All right, fess up. That energy signature from earlier. That was yours, wasn't it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said, but smiling while he did so.

"Bullshit. A Two Hundred Seventy Thousand, while not that powerful, doesn't just waltz out of nowhere. The strongest ever known Non-Guardian clocked in at a mere Fifty Thousand. The way you channel energy screams your Guardian Ability."

"True, I am nothing compared to your awe-inspiring Two Hundred and Eighty Million with one PI Released and still in your regular mind, Major. Or your partner's overwhelming Three Hundred Thirty Seven Million, but-"

Takamichi didn't get any further, as Josh had his combat knife at his neck. "How the fuck do you know our combat levels?"

"I know more then I let on."

"Straight answer, before I jam this into your skull."

"Ha?"

Before he could say another word, Josh had Takamichi in a headlock, knife touching his scalp. "Last chance. You know that I can destroy you without a second thought. After all, you have my power level. You know yours. So why don't you tell me how you know before I spill even more blood all over the place?"


"And that's a wrap. Two silent idiots down, and nobody's the wiser."

"… uhh, boss? You might want to look down."

"Ah, fuck."

As they had fought, the fight had descended from the realm of ten thousand all the way down to five hundred feet, leaving them both in easy view of the crowds. Only one way out now.

"Initial Guardian Art: Shadow Flash!"

The IG: Shadow Flash is a technique designed for wiping the short-term memory of any non-guardian human in a fifteen mile radius. Being such a low-powered technique, it only took out the last fifteen minutes. There are more powerful variants, and other equally powered alternatives, but due to his piss-poor energy control and lack of properly sized equipment pouches, this was his only choice.

"…We might want to go down before they recover. The flash won't work a second time."

Another drawback is that, as Uzu just kindly told us, is that the Shadow Flash cannot be used consecutively. After the first use, anyone caught in it gets a temporary immunity from the light, rendering it useless for the next two hours.

"Right. Going down."


Josh sighed, tightened his grip, and twisted…

Sending the bottle cap flying off into the distance before tossing it to Takamichi, who accepted it with a hasty swig. "Ah… a bottle of Micha's finest? Haven't had this stuff in years…"

"Well, don't get used to it. I only carry a case of that for special occasions. I guess meeting an undercover mole for colonization is considered special. Cheers."

"I still can't believe you've never met a mole. There are thousands of us. The odds…"

"We're a specialized hit squad. Our talents aren't used for sealing bijuu, though we're really good at that. But how did you get those numbers? We took that test last year. You've been here for twenty. There's a spiraling barrier around this place, so we can't even get out. We tried, and wound up destroying Eva's house by accident."

Takamichi took his time with his drink before replying. "I can't legally say. However," he said, uncurling his fist. "It involves one of these things and a single-shot transponder. Any spiraling barrier has a small hole. Not enough to blast a guardian through, but more then enough to push a small beam of data through. This one links to one of your uncle's secretaries."

Josh slipped on his eyepiece again, taking a close look at the small chip. "Looks like a standard data and transponder chip to me."

"Then that thing must not be calibrated properly." Takamichi replied casually, throwing the bottle into the nearby lake. "Look again. Manuel Calibration this time."

The silver guardian raised one hand to his eyepiece, twirling a holographic knob on the side. "Now let's see here…"


"Had fun at the death trap?"

"It wasn't a death trap, Naruto-san. But it was harrowing. Setsuna-san's injured, but Konoka-san cleared her right up. Something is definitely up with those three."

"…Three?" Uzu said sharply. Well, as sharply as Uzu could manage, which was about as sharp as a wet sponge.

"Hai. One Shinmei-ryu swordsman, one eastern mage, and one western mage. We got away, but we were then trapped in some sort of loop-"

"Let me guess. Never-ending time-space spatial loop?"

"Sort of. How did you know?"

"… We felt it being set up. Those things require a fair bit of energy, through this one was more like pitching a tent. The boss and Josh use them for catching fish."

Anyway, we're on our way to the Kansai Magic Association Headquarters right now. Want to come?"

"Nothing better to do at the moment. I'm in. As long as we get a place to eat. Comon, Uzu."

"… you and your stomach."

As the group walked down the path, Negi being carried by Asuna again, Uzu and fifteen Kage Bunshin providing the rear guard, Asakura, Haruna, Yue, and Nodoka rounding out the bunch.

"Well, this is a nice change. Some traditional buildings. I feel like whipping out a Raikiri and-"

Before any of them could process what he had said, a kunai sliced to the air and thunked into the back of Naruto's skull.

As the group stared wide-eyed at a falling corpse, it disappeared, replaced by a falling log. "Gee, Uzu. Did you really have to throw something that hard? I felt that."

"… You just blew my cover."

"You blew your own cover by throwing that kunai at me."

"Uhh, Naruto-san? W-why are there two of you?"

"See what I mean? You blew our cover!"

"… You're the one who mentioned a Raikiri on the landscape. Last time you did that, you triggered a wildfire, landslide, earthquake, and volcanic eruption. We don't need that, especially not in Japan."

"… Fine, fine. As Paru knows, can I call you Paru? I am a Ninja. NINJA OF THE NIG-"

"… What my boss is trying to say is that he can make Kage Bunshin, like the ones behind you, and Chakra Bunshin, like myself."

Asuna was unconvinced. "Oh really? How do we know you aren't just a bunch of twins or something?"

Uzu sighed. Naruto usually tried to get some more enthusiasm into him, but had to agree this time. "… First of all, genius, twins are two identical people. There are seventeen of us surrounding you. And second of all, Boss, use a Raikiri, just don't blast it into the ground."

Naruto was one step ahead of him. "One step ahead of ya." Forming the familiar seals rapidly, he grasped his left wrist, bolts of lightning already sparking everywhere. "Raiton: Raikiri!"

"… Not too much. Too much, and you'll fry the local electronics. That or-"

"Konoka-sama?"

"… you'll attract attention. Great."


"Seventh Generation Nanotechnology? I didn't know they made things like this yet."

"More advanced then Jabba could ever get his fat fingers around. He's good, but his gear is based on Late Fifth Generation processes. Runs slower and hotter then what Central comes up with."

"Central puts more bugs in their hardware then bees in a beehive. I don't trust them, despite the fact that my uncle runs the place. Too many rogue spies. I've taken out six by myself." Josh gripped as he flipped the chip over, examining the back. "Although, I have to admit, this is really nice work. The integrated circuits blend in really well with the rest of chip. Even fooled my sensors for a moment." He returned the chip, pulling out a larger model. "This is what I picked up from Jabba before we left for vacation. Powerful hardware, but Naruto can't use it. Last time he tried, he wound up burning off all the skin from his hand. Bitched at me for that for days."

"I can't say I blame him. Frying your hand is not good, especially for an energy-type like him. Releasing energy-"

"I know how to channel energy, thank you."

"I see. But-"

"No more. I need to get back on standby. Naruto may need help, and I need to make sure that building gets back into one piece. Where are you supposed to be?"

"The states. Hawaii, to be exact. Can I hitch a ride?"

Josh sighed, eyeing the busy Kage Bunshin. "Do you know how to use an Obibital Drop Pod?"


"I have a letter from the Chief of the East, for you, Chief of the West. Please accept it."

"I know all about it." Eishun said, accepting the letter and unfolding it. "Haha… Father-in-law is as harsh as always. Very well, you have my word that we will work to settle our differences-"

As the pleasantries were being exchanged, the two ninja were having a heated, yet whispered argument in the background, out of earshot from everyone else.

"… He's a Guardian. How can you not tell? I hate arguing, but this is dangerous."

"He's not a Guardian. His energy doesn't have the right type of-"

"…Boss. I've always been better at sensing energy then you. I've never really been the frontline combat type, despite what you've tried to make me do. Trust me; this guy is a Guardian, or a former one, at any rate."

"It's only your word. We'll have to ask him, and how he got in here. If there's a way in, there's a way out. "

"… Let's get back to them. I just heard the word 'Feast'. If he is a Guardian, he'll eat like one. Come on."


"Dropping in two minutes. Hey, remember to bring it back to me. These things don't come cheap, you know."

"Where's the forward stabilizer?"

"Nine o' clock from the airspeed. Hit that, and all four fins eject. When it falls to five thousand feet, three parachutes deploy, no need for manual deployments. Radar Proximity does all that for you. Just release the fins as soon as you clear the aircraft. Tumbling out of control can have nasty side-effects. Like hitting the ground at supersonic speeds. I don't care if you are immortal, that is still going to hurt like a bitch."

"Well, I'll see you in a few days. Just don't tell the headmaster I was back at the academy."

"Can do. If I remember, that is. Dropping in two… one… PICKLE!"

The pod fell away; rapidly spinning until the fins smoothly slid out and locked in place, slowing the rotation down. Unfortunately, Josh, being Josh doing a favor for someone, forgot something of his own. What he forgot was to activate the stealth coating on his fighter. Combined with his maneuvering after dropping the pod off, his shape, and his diving toward Guam, it shouldn't surprising in the least when a flock of Patriot Missiles, F-18s, and F-15s were sent up to intercept.

Of course, traveling at those speeds, the F-18s were no threat, leaving only the Patriot Missiles and the F-15's Slammers as any threat, clocking in at Mach Five and Four, respectively. Of course, Josh, not expecting any trouble, had no countermeasures loaded, which included a lack of jamming, flares, and chaff. In other words, the only thing he had going for him was his blazing speed.

Which he used to great effect.

"Ah fuck." Josh muttered and he flicked the throttle wide, igniting his orbital engines.

Now would be a very good time to describe the bird that Josh is piloting.

Armed with enough weapons to fight off a battle group and outrun pretty much any other fighter, he piloted a modified IF9. How it was modified was extremely obvious. Any guardian would have known the IF9, an older model jet. However, after Josh picked up his secondhand, along with a dozen spares, he had commissioned Jabba to modify the wing, expanding it dramatically and adding on four additional engines.

In addition to the built-in Ramjet engines, which were upgraded to increase thrust and fuel efficiency, a pair of Scramjet was added for high-speed in-atmosphere cruising, and a set of cut-down Nuclear Pulse Engines for interplanetary cruising and orbital boosts. Each engine had an intake cover for when it wasn't used. The engines could boost him all the way up to five-one hundredths of the speed of light in a vacuum, but only Mach Six in a standard atmosphere. Take it up too high, and the plane would melt. Take it too low, and you'll stall.

The jet wasn't only fast, it was well armed. Using a revolutionary new rotary system, missiles were loaded and fired from struts that resembled a gatling gun. That led to a grand total of a hundred and eight missiles on twelve racks, plus up to a dozen unguided Bunker Busters, or eight guided Bunker Busters in the bomb bay.

Throw in VTOL, or Vertical Take-off/Landing, which essentially means it can hover, an extremely powerful energy shield, three inches of energy-resistant armor, and the ability to convert the bomb bay into a stripped-down Core Cannon, a anti-everything weapon, and you've got one deadly warbird. It only lacked one thing.

And that was the ability to dogfight.

Because it weighed three hundred and fifty thousand pounds unloaded and unfueled, it handled much like a winged brick. Once it got its forward momentum going, you had better be prepared for a bloody nose to stop it, because those little anti-aircraft guns aren't going to do jack shit to a fighter that weighted six hundred thousand pounds on standard takeoff.

However, even a winged brick will hit a bird occasionally. Of course, when the said brick has the ability to fire anti-aircraft missiles faster then a sailor swears, it can shoot down even the nimblest of falcons. Try avoiding six radar-guided missiles on your tail. I guarantee you can't do it.

Apart from that one glaring weakness, this fighter packed quite a wallop. In fact, this permutation was so powerful, that Josh, after building his lot and presenting it to central for registration, locked down the design and made him swear never to export it. True, it was not the strongest, but the availability of parts and the simplicity of the design made it dangerous in the wrong hands.

So, back to Josh, who had just floored his jet.

The exhaust trail, barely visible when cruising in ramjet mode, literally exploded as the automatic shifting quickly maxed out the ramjets, phased in the scramjets, slammed the door on the ramjets, and then did the same for the pulse engines. He quickly rose from just over Mach 1 to suborbital speed, then exceeded that in favor of high orbit, where he could earn a brief reprieve.

"Naruto. This had better be worth it." He muttered as he flicked on stealth protocols, fading into the background radiation of space.


As Josh was cruising around twenty thousand miles above their heads, Naruto and Uzu, not fully caring that he was staring wistfully at a floating biscuit, were having a full-out drinking contest. A contest that neither side had much of an advantage on.

Naruto, being the original, was made of organic material. However, he also had Kyuubi, a demonic spirit that just LOVED to absorb alcohol. Whatever he drank, the fox absorbed. Therefore, he couldn't get drunk.

Uzu was just as well-backed. Being a fragment of Naruto's mind, he lacked a body of his own. The Chakra Bunshin that he inhabited did not have the ability to absorb alcohol. He also lacked the ability to get drunk.

Bypassing the traditional glasses, they were now staring each other down, bottles in hand, drinking one after another. As soon as one chugged a bottle, the other would do the same, the first picking up the next bottle. The litter of empty bottles dropped in haste while reaching for the next one was growing, and everyone was staring at the two blonds, whom didn't look like to be stopping anytime soon.

"Ano, Negi-sensei? Are they going to be alright?"

Konoka's father was also chuckling nervously. "And that's eighty percent proof sake as well. Quite a nice resistance to alcohol. It's almost as if…"

"Chief?"

"… No, it's nothing, Setsuna-kun. Enjoy the festivities, and thank you again for protecting Konoka these last two years."

"No, it's my-"

"HEY, CHIEF!"

"… We need two barrels."

"Turns out we can't go on like this. You're gonna run out. So we've decided to drink a barrel each. First person to finish wins. So, do you have a barrel? Or two?"

Eishun smiled and gestured. Two barrels were rolled out. "Enjoy."


"Ha. You suck at drinking!"

"… Yes, boss. It really reflects on my drinking ability when you set my barrel on fire and hit me with lightning."

"Naruto-san, that was amazing. How did you-"

"Trade secret." The said blond interrupted before the mage could finish.

"… As with all of our stuff. Join the trade, learn the secrets. And speaking of secrets…"

Naruto sighed, sliding open the door to the indoor hot springs. "Uzu here thinks that you're a Guardian. I told him-"

What he told him specifically, we'll never know, for at that moment, Eishun pulled out a sword from inside his towel and attacked Naruto. Naruto counterattacked with two kunai as Uzu pulled Negi away from the fight. "… Stay here kid, out of trouble. If we should lose, by whatever shitty luck the gods give us, run and get Josh. Take this transponder. Drop it gently on a solid surface, and you'll have an instant linkup. Good luck, kid."

With that, he jumped into the brawl, attempting to tackle the swordsman, who countered and drilled a hole through his chest, to be replaced by water, with both blonds rapidly regrouping and launching another counterattack, Rasengans outstretched.

As quietly as he could, Negi slipped into the baths, hiding his head below the rim of the pool, hoping not to be noticed.


"Woah, Woah, old man! If you're not rogue, we're not your enemy!"

"… Uh, I don't think he's listening."

"Well-" he said, dodging a rapid flurry of strikes. "That much is obvious. Wanna trap his sword?"

"… Do I really have to?"

"Just do it before I trap my blade up your-"

"… All right, All right." Uzu said resignedly, which took absolutely no effort on his part, being so damn lazy to begin with.

Naruto leapt back as Uzu stepped forward, and this time, when Eishun stabbed forward, the latter didn't dodge, instead, pivoting, allowing the blade to connect, and immediately bending the sword on the other end, stopping the extraction.

"… Ow. Boss, this really hurts. That means he's a guardian."

"Either that, or you're just getting soft." Naruto quipped as he quickly disarmed Konoka's father. "All right. Now that you've stabbed someone, let's get the questions over with."


"Josh to Kage Bunshin. Do you have the loader ready?"

Static for a few seconds, then a choppy reply from earth. "We've got one combat load ready, but the Japanese Self-Defense Forces are on high alert. Takamichi left a radio, and anything that comes in is going to be detected. Any ideas?"

He briefly chewed his lip, fiddled with the control stick, checking to make sure that nothing was about to smack into him, then clicked the radio back on. "All right. I can't do it from up here, but look for the radar scanner. I think I left it in the toolbox."

The sound of crashing metal and boxes beamed through the radio, which had obviously not been turned off, made Josh wince. That's more shit I have to clean up after I get this sorted out. That's more away from my eating and sleeping time. Fuck…

"We found it!" one of the Kage Bunshin yelled.

"No, wait. I found it!"

"No, ME!"

"YOU WANNA FIGHT OVER IT!"

"BRING IT! RASENGAN!"

Josh sighed as the Kage Bunshin destroyed each other in their arguments. "Ah, fuck it. I'll just head to the south pole and boost up from there. Might take a bit longer then I had hoped, but Naruto should be able to hold up." he muttered to himself as he reoriented the jet, puffing on the engines as to change orbit, but not draw any attention.

Had anyone been watching, it would have seemed as though a set of crystals were being thrown out, drifting and sparkling in the everlasting night.

"Transcending Everlasting Time indeed…" he muttered as he reoriented himself southward and flicking the engines to ten percent, chugging steadily south, carefully monitoring his progress and keeping one eye open for any sign of trouble.


"For the last fucking time, we're not rogues! What do we have to do to prove that we're not rogues?"

"Where's your commission letter?"

"…We told you already. Getting here was an accident. We're technically on vacation. Boss forgot to turn off the emergency transponder, so we got diverted in our jump. This isn't an officially sanctioned mission."

"That means you're rogues!"

"Ok, how about this? Next time you get lost, we'll jump out and start attacking you cuz we think you're rogue! Josh is the director's nephew, Goddamnit!"

Eishun, having been relieved of his sword and daggers, had started picking up random objects and attempting to use them as makeshift weapons. So far, he had appropriated two vases, a loose floorboard, several side tables, a curtain rod, and three cats. Needless to say, none of these lasted long against the two blonds.

"… PETA is going to be on our asses at this rate." Uzu sighed as Eishun picked up his fourth cat, grasping it by the tail and channeling energy through it to make it stiff as a board. "I really don't want to have to deal with them again."

"Almost as bad as the time where Josh decided to roast a cow right in front of them. I still find pieces of rocks lodged in the roof sometimes."

"… let's get this over with before he tries energy blasts. I don't think this place could take a stray pulse."

"Right. Initial Guardian Art- Come on, Uzu, I ain't doing this by myself-"

"… Fine, fine. Initial Guardian Art-" he intoned, pulling out a sword, mirroring Naruto.

"Hundred Moonbeam Seal!"

"… Hundred Moonbeam Seal…"

"Initial Guardian Art: Moonbeam Counter!"

"What!"

As the threads of white light enveloped the swordsman, he channeled energy into his body, spewing it all out and causing the seal to lose coherison, scattering like so many sakura petals.

"… Such an advanced technique… who are you?"

"Fuck this shit. If we can't hold him down with moonbeams, let's try the other one-"

"… Not ready yet, boss. Just paralyze him and get it over with. That hot spring sounds better and better every second."

"Well," he muttered, flipping through more seals rapidly. "It's a damn good think I picked this up from Pikachu, even if I can't boost it-"

"… just do it before he picks up his eighth cat."

Uzu had a fair point. Eishun had picked up a cat in both hands and bit down a seventh tail, looking for all the world, a circus freak.

"Right… Well-" Naruto muttered, cracking his fingers. "Raiton-" he muttered, finishing up the seal sequence. "Kaminari-ha!"

"Han Kaminari Parusu!"

"… You gotta be kidding me. This old geezer knows the Lightning and Thunder Counterpulse? What is he? The way he moved looked like a swordman, but even Josh can't do a Counterpulse."

"Well, whatever it is," the original said as he leapt back, rapidly sealing. "We'll have to do it the hard way. Futon: Falcon Gale!"

"Kaze no Chuwa!"

The semi-translucent bolt of wind dissipated, leaving Naruto kneeling there, looking like a fool.

"… Wow… Wind Neutralization? Just what the hell is he?"

Naruto didn't respond, instead forming even more seals. "Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

"Shoka."

Before the powerful lance could get more than five feet away from the caster, it too fizzled out.

"…Wow. Triple counter. Boss, he's got you good. Boss?"

"RAITON! RAIKIRI!"

"Han Kaminari Parusu!"

The Raikiri, being far more powerful then the previously fired Thunder Wave, took longer to dissipate, but it too faded. However…

"Let's see you counter my fist!"

"Gladly." And with that, using his longer arms, socked Naruto right in the face.

"… and what a hit."

Eishun turned to look at Uzu.

"… and it looks like I'm next. Fuck."


Josh cruised in just over the Antarctic Polar Ice Cap, stealth engaged and heat recycling active. "Looks like we're clear. Right? Bon-Bon?"

To the average person who didn't know Josh that well, it would have seemed as though he was talking to an imaginary person. After all, the cockpit was quite empty, with Takamichi having long since been dropped over the tropical islands some three thousand miles away.

"Yes, Josh. I am maintaining a detective net for stealth-sensitive radar. Passive sensors are engaged. The jet is running at seventy percent of stealth potential. Increasing pulse thrust. Further orders?"

"Yeah. Pull out of diagnostic mode and back into standard mode. Fucking Naruto made all the controls readjust themselves. This is why I asked for physical controls, not this piece of guided mind shit. Too easy to fuck with."

"Hmm… well, everything is good." With that, the forward screen blazed to life, showing not a map or chart, but a woman's face. "You finally called on me."

Josh snorted. "I would have given you more time off after that last fiasco we went through, but he fucked with my reentry controls, so I had no choice. Are we still in the clear."

She rolled her eyes, tossing her black locks behind one holographic shoulder. "Yes, we're in the clear. I set the alarm to trigger if something pings us. So, what have you been up to since you powered me down?"

He shrugged, relaxing slightly as he put the jet on autopilot. "Not much. We were going to go on vacation, but those plans got nerfed thanks to Naruto and his emergency transponder. We're stuck here for now, but I'm trying to figure out a way to punch a stable enough hole in a spiral barrier for us to get out of here."

Bonnie's avatar's eyes narrowed. "Spiral barrier? You know I don't like those sort of jokes."

Josh waved both hands in a futile attempt to placate her. Although she was only an AI, he relied on her for most of his precise calculations. He would often call out to his onboard computer, but that ancient piece of crap was powered by her. If she went on strike, then a good chunk of his techniques would be out of commission until they made back up. Not the most promising of possibilities at the present moment, considering that it required Orange Lightning and Four Sacred Bunker Busters to break through a dimensional barrier.

Without her aid, there was no way for him to properly calibrate the warheads without having a sixty-five percent premature detonation rate, which is what his record was. And after you consider the sheer firepower of one warhead, which shipped from Jabba's lab unfocused and unsafetied, the explosion would take out a good chunk of wherever they happened to be at the time, and with the potential for four to fail, and the prospect for repercussions was pretty bleak. There wasn't that much they could do to him, but it would be as annoying as hell.

"Ah, well, if it makes you feel any better-"

"Which I doubt." She growled, causing his speakers to rattle slightly.

"I met a mole here. He says there's a way out, but it only occurs once every two local years."

"A mole. A MOLE! AND HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP US! THEY ARE THE WEAKEST OF THE WEAK, SENT OUT ON SCOUTING MISSIONS TO HELP THE GUARDIANS EXPAND! THEY FIT IN BECAUSE THEY ARE SO WEAK! I SHOULD-"

What she would or would not have threatened to do or done with any part of Josh, he didn't find out. For at that moment, not only did the speakers blow out in their cradles, but their shield got pinged by stealth-sensitive radar, ever so slightly, but it was enough for a radar return from the distressed AI to the radar receiver, which immediately diverted all aircraft toward them.

Sixty McDonnell-Douglas F-18 Hornets were pulled from their searching pattern and sent toward the coordinates, their combined radars forming nets that would detect anything that was fired. Of course, he didn't have to fire anything to get away.

"Bonnie, we'll talk about how to get out of her later. Return to Diagnostic Mode and plot a course for the horn of Africa, but avoid ground radars at all cost. Fly at Minimum Safe Altitude, use COLA."

"No."

"Bonnie, if you don't, we'll be forced to engage more then ten thousand aircraft with no weapons. I don't fancy having to ram ten thousand aircraft, so please?"

"… Fine. But you are not getting out of this so easily. I'll expect a way out soon, or I'll tell-"

"Duly noted." Josh replied flatly, double-checking to make sure that all available stealth functions were engaged, then changing his heading, lighting engines to full, changing heading, and switching to internal life support to avoid getting whacked by the waste electrons now bouncing around the energy shield.

"Naruto… You had better have something for me…"


"Uzu. Find anything?"

"…A wallet, two fans, a hat, and three toenail clippers. Huh. Odd. A triformal seal isn't usually that powerful…"

"But it does not matter! For we have captured the demon! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-da-da-da!"

"… I swear, ever since you met Tidus, you've been chanting that annoying song every time after a fight…"

"WHAHAHAHA!"

Uzu just sighed and pushed their captive into the hot springs next to a staring Negi, who was lobster red at this point. "…Hey, kid. You really should be careful. You'll pass out at this rate."

"HAHAHA!"

He sighed, creating an azure sphere, slightly off kilter of the standard Rasengan. "… Suiton: Rasengan…"

The near-boiling water swirled into a whirlpool, sucking the four men into the middle, holding them there for a few seconds before Uzu let the Rasengan fade and the water rush back into the middle.

"… I hope you're back to normal…"

"Somewhat… Ah, this water feels nice…"

"…Ah… Suiton: Aqua Tension…"

As Uzu melted into the water, Naruto turned to face a struggling Eishun. "There's no point in struggling. Josh uses the same damn thing when he needs us to pay attention and quit attacking him. I've been trying, but I still haven't managed to break out of it once in these last thousand years."

Forming two more Kage Bunshin, they quickly made a bowl of ramen for the original, who accepted it and dismissed the clones. "We're not hostiles. Now, just tell me your story, and I'll let you go."

Eishun, seeing the fact that his captor had started eating casually in front of him, relaxed slightly. "You're not rogue?"

Uzu sighed, and in his liquid form, the voice came through muffled. "… Of course not. The Boss's squadmate is the Director's Nephew. Even if we defected, we wouldn't get very far."

"Anyway. What's your story? Uzu always gets on my case if I don't ask that…"


"SAMs inbound. Stealth coating on Energy Shield showing anomalies. Directions?"

Josh sighed and tried to rub his temples through his helmet with zero success. "Why is there never a beer when I need one the most?" he muttered to himself, taking up manual controls, veering away from the inbound missiles.


Author's Note.

YOYOYO!

It's been roughly six months, and i'm finally back. For the five of you who are still here, i'm back.

However, expect the next chapter to come very soon. I'm not going to say when, but just look at the date published and do the math.

Anyway, yeah, like i said on my other piece, Orange Lightning will soon be joined by two more prologues, each of them crossing with something else. One of them you've almost certainly heard of, the other you may have in passing. Look for "Scar of Lightning, Lightning Scar" and "Silver Precurser" coming on the same day as the next chapter of Orange Lightning!

To the Announcer Part!

Ehem.

"After evading the Earth's Air Forces and Air Defenses, Josh cruises back toward Japan and Mahora at top speed! Who or what is Eishun? Does Negi have mental tramua yet? Find out next time on Orange Lightning, a Negima/Naruto Crossover!"

Ah...

That's it, i think.

Well, until next time,

Xingster.

Ja ne.