Disclaimer: I don't own anything. But I am in LOVE with season 5, exceeded my expectations far and away! We're back like old school greys.

A/N: I love the idea of Meredith and Alex but I really am a Mer/Der fan. I've just kind of exaggerated their issues (not that they needed much help in S3) but don't get me wrong, I love them. Btw, in this chapter things do get a bit different with the other characters too.

MGMT blasted through the open windows and door as Meredith pulled up her drive. It was exactly what she needed, a crazy party, out of control loud people and a full house to get drunk and lost in. She picked up the brown paper bag in the back of her car and clambered over several comatose people to get in the door.

"Iz?" She shouted over the racket, "George?" She glanced into the living room where several orthos had taken over a keg and were trying to make a second tap, idiots she thought rolling her eyes. Although it seemed there was one ortho out there who was smart, worth something. "Christina?" She yelled up the stairs to no response, "Callie?...Hellooo? Woah, ok you are not someone I know," she said moving round a half naked guy attempting to dance with her. She leant against the bannister trying to see through the crowd, "Alex?" There was no answer. Great, she was all alone. She wondered if he had made it home yet. She shook herself, no thinking of him. She couldn't see anyone she knew so instead of looking for her friends any further she dropped her bags and pulled out a new bottle of tequila, "it is so drinking time," she muttered.


She had stood for what felt like a lifetime staring at the closed elevator doors and had only been dragged from her thoughts when she realised the doors were open again and a nurse was looking at her strangely and asking if she was going up. No, she'd muttered quickly, shaking her head and turning to half run, half walk back to the locker room. Inside she'd collapsed on the nearest bench and buried her head in her hands.

"You ok?" A concerned voice had drawn her back to the real world. She looked up, Callie was standing leaning against the lockers, waiting for Meredith to respond.

"Hey Callie, yeah," she stood, "i'm fine- thanks."

Callie raised an eyebrow, "I don't buy it."

"What?"

"The whole Meredith says i'm fine and everyone believes her and leaves her alone thing. What's going on Grey?"

Meredith sighed, "look Callie- I don't know what George has told you but-"

"He's told me that you're having a bad week-" there was a pause and she smiled slightly, "he tells me most things you know." Meredith stared at her, did she know about George and Izzie?

"He- he does?"

Callie rolled her eyes, "Subtle Grey. Look, I know we've had a rough patch, but he's my guy, the one I want, and i'm sticking with him. So come on, i've shared about George, so spill, no-one else is in here, call it our mutual understanding code of silence thing again."

Meredith narrowed her eyes and then smiled slightly, "you are very hard to say no to you know."

"I know, it's one of my many talents," Callie grinned and sat down, Meredith sat down beside her. There was a long silence as Meredith tried to form words, where did she start?

"It's just that- me and Derek. It's like we've stopped talking, like, there's a barrier between us. I know what he wants from me but, but I don't know what I want from him you know? Like you know what you want from George, Christina knows what she wants, Burke knows, Alex knows exactly what he..." She trailed off.

Callie shrugged, "so you don't know what you want, not the biggest crime in the book Meredith."

"It is to Derek," she said sighing, "he wants me to say all these things and make all these commitment whatevers and I need- I don't know, I don't know what I want. I mean what if I want is- but then that can't be right and I go back round in circles. And then this thing with Susan and my father and Derek was just there and I couldn't let him in and he'd stopped trying. But Alex I can-" she bit her lip and looked at Callie feeling the guilt flood her face. Callie inclined her head and raised her eyebrows minimally.

"Alex." It wasn't so much a question as a sudden understanding. The reason Meredith couldn't say everything Derek needed to hear was a brooding arrogant intern. Callie could see the attraction- where Derek was all sad and distant and slightly naive about certain things, Karev was all about action and getting on with things, a realist, maybe cynical and a pain in the ass but he certainly knew what he wanted.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, "Alex."

Callie nodded slowly, chewing over what she'd learnt.

"Look Callie-" Meredith started.

"No- I know, don't worry, code of silence and all," she said smiling quickly. "I was just wondering how to put this... Look Meredith, i'm really not the best person to give advice on loving someone and dealing with it. But, from what I know- saying it isn't the big problem, it's knowing that you love them enough to handle all their crap and more importantly, knowing they're willing to handle yours. It's a two way street here- if Derek doesn't get that you need space," she shrugged, "then he doesn't get you."


Back at the party Meredith had finally found her friends. Callie had smiled at her brightly and she'd returned it beaming, high on the alcohol. She had found that she actually got along pretty well with Callie O'Malley, she hoped she had meant it when she said she was sticking it out with George. George himself was busy creating insane cocktails and feeding them to her whilst Izzie was on the floor half asleep, half giggling to herself. Christina had appeared looking stressed and muttering something about their test before attempting to coerce Callie into lending her the renowned flash cards that had got Callie the best score of her year on the intern test. When that had failed Christina had resorted to doing as many shots as possible and drinking Sloan under the table. Meanwhile Alex was nowhere to be seen and she was pretending to herself that she really hadn't noticed whether he was around or not. Or for that matter, where Derek was. It was past eleven and she was just-

"Stop it," muttered Christina, passing her a bottle of gin as she sat down next to her on an empty sofa.

"Stop what?" Meredith gave her a look of pure innocence and then took a swig from the bottle.

"Stop wondering where your love life is, your crazy messed up love life."

"My love life is fine thank you very much- besides where's Burke?"

"Meh, having dinner with his mother," Christina took the bottle back and shook her head, "you know she's everywhere. She's actually become friends with my mother- who does that? Who befriends my mother?"

Meredith chuckled, "you know that is not very nice about your mother?"

"Oh please, she can take it."

Something new came on the stereo and Christina jumped up, "oh I love this song! Come on mopey, get up and dance!" She grabbed Meredith's hands and pulled her up.

"Oh no, too quick!" Meredith felt dizzy and began laughing, "ohh my head is spinning!" She twisted and lost her footing, reaching out she felt a pair of hands catch her. "Oh!" She looked up, still laughing and realised it was Alex. He was still wearing his coat and looked slightly confused by the whole party but his hands grasped her arms tightly. She tried to stand, resting one hand on his chest to steady herself.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"It's fine," he replied, his eyes still on her face, she felt hot. Across the room Callie and Christina exchanged a glance and a mutual understanding passed between them- albeit a slightly drunken one.

Someone bashed into the two of them and in a split second Alex wrapped an arm around her protectively, giving her a chance to lean into his shoulder, breathing him in, feeling safe at last. He held her close for a second longer and then pulled away, "sorry," he murmured before turning towards the kitchen. She watched him move away, unsure what to say, stay? Or was it right for him to go right now? Before she could decide someone else spoke for her.

"Karev!" A voice filled with anger stopped Alex moving towards the drinks table and slowly he turned round. Sloan moved across the living room, his face filled with anger, "can we talk?"

"I don't have anything to say to you," Alex said eyeing him warily.

"Well I got things I wanna say to you ok?" And with that Sloan marched towards the front door and waited for Alex to follow him.

Christina appeared by Meredith's side as she watched them go puzzled, "what was all that about?"

"I don't know," Meredith said, tipping her head to one side to try and figure it out. At the last second Alex cast a glance over his shoulder and caught her eye, the look on his face scared her, it was almost guilty. She flinched involuntarily, more drama? Great. Just what she needed.

"I need another drink," she announced and George came running through holding a wine glass.

"Try this Mer! Try-" with a crash he tripped over a rug and landed at her feet, wine spilling all over her legs.

"Ohh crap!" She pulled at her jeans, "I better go take these offf." She waltzed up the stairs, ignoring the urge to look out the front door and find out what Sloan and Alex were talking about. Upstairs she fell onto her bed and tugged at her jeans. They were taking forever to come off. She couldn't be bothered to wrestle with another pair and so instead threw on a pair of shorts. Satisfied she stumbled back downstairs to someone shouting.

"I had no idea what was going on with you two- leave me out of this!"

"You're the reason she's not giving us a real try,"

"I had nothing to do with that, just leave me out of this."

She stepped outside to witness Alex and Sloan inches from each other, anger seething out of both of them.

"You had everything to do with it- you slept together!"

Meredith closed her eyes, what?! She hiccuped suddenly and opened her eyes just as Alex turned to see her standing in the door way, framed by light, a hurt expression on her face like no other he'd ever seen.


"Meredith-"

"Don't," she said quickly, before turning and fleeing inside.

"Meredith," Alex dived after her, leaving Sloan kicking at the grass, and caught her arm in the crowded hall.

"Leave me alone Alex," she said tugging her arm away.

"No!" He pulled her into the darkened utility room, "we need to talk- I mean I need to explain."

"Explain? How 'bout you explain why you've been making me feel like crrrap all day when really- really you're the one who's sleeping with everrryone! Who else?! Next you'll be telling me you've hit on Christina!"

"You don't get to be mad at me about this Meredith- we're not together."

She stared up at him, his words hit her like a blow to the stomach and she nodded, "you're right. We're not. But nothing you have said to me can mean anything after what i've just learnt. Ever."

"Meredith-"

"You're as bad as me," she said softly, "but I thought you were better, that you'd changed or whatever. I thought I-" she shook her head, "it doesn't matter now." She turned her back to him but he jumped up from where he'd been leaning and pulled her back round.

"Don't do that," he said fiercely, "you can't use what I did as an excuse not to have feelings for me Meredith."

"Oh I can-"

"No," he said angrily, "you can bitch and moan as much as you like but you know deep down you'll have those feelings whatever- look me in the eye and tell me i'm wrong."

She couldn't meet his eyes and slowly he loosened his grip, he cupped her face so that she had to look up, "you're so in denial Grey," he muttered before bending and kissing her. For a moment she closed her eyes, letting him kiss her, kissing him back. She slipped her arms up around his neck and- suddenly light flooded into the room and Callie appeared.

"Oh- you know, de ja vu just doesn't quite cut it these days," she said smirking slightly, Meredith flashed her eyes at her and she snorted, "Izzie's being sick, I need the mop bucket in the corner."

Alex turned and picked it up before tossing it at her, "thanks," she said catching it easily before closing the door, leaving them alone again.

"I can't keep doing this with you," she said sadly, "I have to- I have a boyfriend and you- you have Addison," she could hardly say the name without letting the hurt swallow her up.

"Meredith-"

"I'm gonna go," she looked up at him, he didn't know what to say to make her stay. Instead he watched her open the door and disappear back into the party and sighed as the door closed behind her, leaving him in darkness.


"Five... Five... Four, four?" Meredith was attempting to count backwards from five to try and sober up. She had no idea how she'd got so drunk, she could have sworn she'd only had some tequila... Oh but then she'd had those shots of something George had created... And then that wine... Oh nooo... She leant against the back wall of her house and tipped her head back.

"Five..." She muttered, "fourrr."

"What are you doing out here crazy person? It's freezing!" Christina appeared beside her waving a half empty tequila bottle and Meredith reached for it.

"I was- I was trying to count- count to five."

"Ah it all makes sense now," Christina rolled her eyes and passed her the bottle. There was a silence between the two friends whilst Meredith tipped the bottle up and Christina watched her incredulously."You are too good at downing that," she said finally, taking the bottle back before Meredith had a chance to drop it.

"I've had a lot, lot of practice," Meredith slurred before trying to stand up and tripping on air, "woops!" She caught Christina's arm and chuckled, "didn't plan that there, didn't plan a lot of stuff," she added more quietly.

Christina nodded and then took a swig and shook her head, "oh that's nasty."

"You know what else is nasty?" Meredith straightened up and stepped onto the wet grass, "me cheating on Mcdreamy... That's not, that's not good behaviour Christina!"

Christina snorted, "you kidding me? None of us have been behaving since day one, quit beating yourself up. Crap happens, now you fix it."

Meredith stared at the grass, "maybe I don't want to fix it," she said quietly.

Christina frowned, "as in you and Derek? You don't wanna fix you and Derek?"

"There hasn't been a me and Derek for so long! He's been sooo distant," she staggered towards the wall and took the bottle again, "you know what sucks? I was trying to be commu- communic- communicative. I was trying. And he stopped! And stupid Karev-"

"What about Karev?" Christina said sharply.

Meredith was silent, she looked up at her friend guiltily and Christina rolled her eyes, "again?"

"You said no judgement! Besides apparently he's been doin' the mcnasty with Addison... God i'm such a freakin' idiot!" She waved the bottle around and alcohol splashed over her hands.

"Mer don't waste!" Christina yelled diving forward and steadying the bottle. Meredith was swaying slightly and hiccuping, Christina squeezed her hand quickly and then took the bottle, "you're gonna be ok. We will all be ok. By the way you got my one non-romantic contact pass for the month, I hope you appreciate it."

"Oh I do! You know you're my best friend in the whole world?"

"Ohh yes, I know, and this is empty." Christina steered her towards the door, "your much too sober friend right now, I need another drink!"

They were greeted by plumes of smoke, "jesus what's going on in here?" Meredith waved her hands in front of her and hit something solid, "oops, sorry George!"

"Owww! Izzie left the oven on," he said nursing his bashed face, "the smoke detector's gonna-" before he could finish the smoke detector began beeping and pandemonium broke out. Smoke was now filling the entire downstairs and people were shouting about a fire. The oven was still billowing smoke and Callie seemed to be battling with Izzie.

"My cake!" Izzie was shouting, "my cake will be ruined! Ow dammit let me near that oven!"

"You can't save it now Izzie- let it go!"

Meredith was suddenly hit by a bout of hysterical laughter, the irony of Callie dragging Izzie away from the oven saying, you can't save it- they could never escape work. Christina turned and looked at her as though she were mad.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine!" She coughed slightly and felt her eyes tear up, "has someone put it out yet?"

Suddenly and without warning the oven suddenly caught fie and the situation turned very serious.

"Oh crap! George you're stupid cocktail mix was by the oven!" Callie dived forward but the flames were getting quite high, George pulled her back.

"Callie! Someone call the fire brigade!" George shouted over the alarm. People were panicking now and heading for the front door.

Meredith tried to move forward, towards the taps- she could put this out easily, when the fire seemed to double all at once and engulfed half the work top-

"Meredith get back!"


A table clattered over sideways as Meredith fell against it pulling away from the flames and alcohol poured onto the floor.

"Holy crap get out of here," George said quickly as he looked down at the pools of gin, vodka and every other flammable, he reached down to help Christina pull Meredith up. "Callie?"

"I'm right here George, i've got Izzie!"

The smoke alarm had alerted him to a problem and Alex appeared at the foot of the stairs, wide eyed, "what the hell?!" He scanned the people moving out of the house, none of them were people he wanted to see. Where the hell was she? He pushed past the crowds towards the smoke. He was coughing, there was thick smoke everywhere and he could hardly breathe. He moved towards the kitchen where he could see flames, fear in his throat- and saw George and Callie dragging Izzie out of the kitchen.

"Meredith?" He said quickly, "where's Meredith?"

"She's with Christina," George said croakily, his voice scratchy with the smoke. Alex dived forward

"Meredith!"

"Alex?" Christina appeared dragging Meredith who was clutching her head, she had a gash across her forehead.

"I thought I could put it out," she was saying, she seemed surprised that she hadn't. She looked up and broke into a smile,"Alex!" Something inside her was cheering, he was here, everything was ok, how had he known she needed him?

"Thank christ," he muttered before picking her up and carrying her out, Christina was ahead coughing like crazy.

"Everybody should be outside!" A fireman ordered, "we got a call about an alarm and smoke- it looks more serious," he pushed past them with three more guys, "get outside!"

Alex dropped Meredith on the grass and looked at her intently, "are you ok?"

"Ouch," she said groggily, "did someone hit me?"

"The table fell on you- you idiot! Why do you always try and do the stupid person option?!" Christina reprimanded her from her collapsed position next to her."Ohh," She clutched her head, "hang over hell already."

"Easy for you to talk- your house isn't on fire," Meredith retorted, "instant karma."

Alex gestured at the nearest medic and he came over to look at Meredith's head. Alex stood up and moved away slightly, he had come too close to losing her, he felt dizzy. Another medic handed them all oxygen.

"Are you kidding?" Alex growled, "I breathed it in for all of five minutes."

"Oh take the happy gas evil spawn," Christina said rolling her eyes and breathing in her own heavily. "I should call Burke."

Alex watched as the medic put a bandage over Meredith's cut and then breathed a sigh of relief as he nodded and turned away.

He dropped down beside her again, "I was kinda worried you were goin' somewhere Grey," he said quietly.

She met his eyes and smiled slightly, her hand finding his, "not any time soon."

Soooo I hope that was acceptable for a Grey's party! Please do review, they make all the difference for how the story goes, and whether it goes even!