Severed
Chapter 4
As dusk transitioned to twilight, the healers began the cleanse. Golden light shifted between the thick curtains: dancing shadows casting over Loki's ashen form. The young prince lay perfectly still, almost to be mistaken for sleeping, although the stark lack of a rising and falling chest indicated something far more sinister.
Eir hovered her open palm over Loki's forehead, muttering softly the incantation that would begin the cleanse. As she entered the half-way part of its recitation, sparkling gold light began to emanate from her warm touch. The light bathed the young Asgardian prince into a sea of gold, its small tendrils reaching out to him like a babe's small hand reaches for its mother. The light traveled down the sides of his grey cheeks, lingering around his temples before settling thickly over his chest and down to where the spear lay exposed and raw, deeply clenched into his torso in a way that could only ever be painful.
Eir's lips curled back in distaste for the wound's terrible plunge. It was not fair-in any sense of the word. Loki was a skilled warrior, a trickster at heart and a powerful sorcerer everywhere else. Sure, he had committed his fair share of atrocities, but who in Asgard hadn't?
He was a prince of Asgard, after all.
And maybe it was the unconditional love and appreciation Eir harbored for the youngster, but oh how she loved him like he was her own.
Having Loki mortally wounded was treason of the highest order, for that she knew for certain. If Loki's enemy was still at large, he wouldn't be for long-that, Eir could promise.
Her pale eyes looked longingly over Loki-the peacefulness of his closed green eyes rivaled in her the part of her that only wished the best for him. And how could she not? While Thor fought his battles and preparations for future wars, Loki chose his company to be with the healers and his books.
Loki would always be a studious pupil-taking piles of books out at a time from the library only to repeat the behavior again in the future to learn just how to perfect his magic. His perfectionism could one day be the death of him and the irony was not lost on the head healer. Loki's hard work in his studies led to countless nights holed up in his bedroom trying to learn every shred of information he could get his hands on. He hid it well, but Eir knew he religiously engaged in such tasks to mask the pain and loneliness he felt from being all but exiled from the other Asgardians-namely Thor and his friends.
Eir would notice the stench of regret and envy anywhere, having had her own experiences with it as a child, much less on the prince she'd known since birth.
Loki was a gifted child, sensitive with a good heart. But he lived with deep chasms of pain. His declared war on Midgard could only attest to that. It may have been foolhardy for him to act out on such rages, yet Eir had always expected it was a series of actions done neither in Loki's right state of mind nor in all of his own uniquely held intentions. She was nearly positive he had not acted alone in that circumstance.
She recalled to herself one particular instance after Loki's banishment where she had surprised the prince with her eagerness to understand, her empathy and open arms as she's asked him one question that had set his nerves on edge.
"Loki, my dear, who tortured you ever so?"
The shock on his face had sent a cold chill down her spine as she realized her words had been taken too literal of a manner-and anger seeped into her skin as the foreboding matter rang truer than she could have ever dared to imagine.
He'd been about to respond, having opened his mouth as his green orbs lay vulnerable and exposed when Hogun had come sauntering in, one too many drinks having been ingested in his system, as his right leg bled heavily.
Since then, Eir had understood the stark change in Loki's demeanor. Her prince long lost and exiled had experienced a set of pain she could have only ever feared would lie in his wake. The others couldn't possibly understand, not unless they had been through it themselves. Eir knew King Odin could, but his heart had gotten colder-as if he had been touched by a Frost Giant's enclosed fist and Eir's greatest fear was that his heart would never thaw for the sake of his youngest son.
All of this was to be swirling through Eir's mind as she recited words to the spell she knew and had learned a century and a half ago.
And Eir could not help the pang of guilt and remorse that sliced through her chest at the possibility, the chance, that this cleanse, this removal, this nefarious hope for Loki was being performed at the highest cost.
For what if they rescued Loki from the very place he had found everlasting peace? What if they brought Loki back to a life he had no intention of living?
What if…what if Loki did not wish to be saved?
Eir gulped at the powerful pain at this thought.
What if they were all wrong?
What if Loki was okay where he was right now?
Was he even capable of a course of thought?
What if saving Loki was less for his sake and more for theirs? For the ones who would be left behind?
Eir did not know the beginning to the end of these striking questions. She didn't know which was right versus which was wrong.
All she knew were the direct orders from her second prince. All she knew to do was to heal. And heal she would. Healing Loki was something she could make sure she did.
And so she would-hoping to herself that this wasn't the wrong move and she was doing right by Loki rather than what was right for her peace of mind.
;/;
The haunted look of wars fought long and hard had returned to Thor's line of vision.
Over and over his mind replayed the events that had taken place. He could practically hear Loki's exclaimed cry again in his mind as the enemy's spear made a disturbing and sickening crunch-splush into his younger brother's insides.
He imagined the way the light faded from Loki's pure green eyes, the breaths that hitched and caught in his brother's throat, the convulsions that wracked his body as he lay helpless and trembling-unable to control himself.
What was it like to die? Thor wondered in his mind.
Tears sprang to his blue eyed vision at the ridiculously cruel thought.
Did Loki suffer? Thor nearly gasped-of course he had! There was a spear inside his brother's innards. How could that not be painful?
Oh, Loki! Thor's head hung limply over his shoulders as the thoughts and memories of his brother swarmed his vision. How could he hope to go on living without his younger brother? Thor couldn't hasten a thought to what life was like before Loki was sprung into it. They had been through so much together-so many triumphs and falls. How could Thor even begin to imagine a place, a world, without his little brother in it?
What would life be like as the only child?
How would Thor have been different without studious little Loki pining after him?
How could anyone ever dare to think that life would be better off without Loki?
Were these the kinds of thoughts that plagued the consciousness of his younger sibling?
How could Thor ever think it would be okay to let his eyes off of Loki? Loki was so young, so fragile.
Thor balked at the notion. No, Loki was different from Thor, yes, but so were most. Loki, instead, was stronger than the elder prince in ways only he could ever understand.
Loki was young, and in many ways, so was Thor. Thor had a lot of learning and maturing to do. Something he vowed to himself would come as his brother's life and health would improve-because Loki just had to.
Again, Thor caught his wavering thoughts wondering how he would be different if Loki would have never come into being. So many details wouldn't have added up, so many changes and holes would exist in the elder prince's life if he ever had the unfortunate power to never have known his brother.
And yet, Loki was no longer the son many recognized him to be-then again, Thor would like to think he wasn't either.
Life had jaded and hardened his little brother-in more ways than Thor could begin to comprehend.
Loki was never the same after Thor's coronation, or during his banishment. To have sent the Destroyer out to kill his own sibling was one chip out of many on Loki's shoulder.
Thor wondered to himself now if Loki's true heritage revealed was the only cause to blame for his homicidal shift.
But if it wasn't there that it had begun, it was certainly when Loki had let go at the Bifrost.
Thor reflexively clenched his teeth.
How could he have let Loki fall like that? How could he have been so naïve? So heartless?
But the big thought that really got to Thor was this: how could he not have known?
Not about Loki's adoption status, but that Loki would have chosen the void rather than be reconciled with his parents and with Thor himself?
It was so obvious, so clear to Thor that Loki would have opted for the finality of the end-so much so that the thought alone, now, today, caused his throat to close up.
Would Loki still opt for it now? Today?
Or had enough time passed and changed him for the better?
Was Loki still ill sent against Thor and sentiment that he would rather risk his life than to swallow his pride?
Could Loki ever overcome hiding his vulnerabilities if it meant leading a happy life that he deserved?
Or was his brother destined to fail?
Could he? Could Loki ever truly fail in Thor's eyes?
Because Thor doubted so. Loki could spend his entire life trying to prove he wasn't able to measure up against Thor and Thor would spend the rest of his trying to show Loki that comparison of each other didn't matter.
Thor loved Loki, unconditionally.
Nothing in all the nine realms would ever change that fact.
He would always love Loki and Loki, he hoped, would one day discover all the reasons why. He loved Loki's intelligence, his wit, his charm. He loved Loki's hard to win smiles, his green pearls for eyes, his tricks and his magic. He loved Loki's intent to learn, to perform, to cherish those around him even despite how much he would deny others of that knowledge.
He just loved Loki.
A love he hoped and prayed to the Norns would finally, one day, be enough.
;/;
From afar, the King of Asgard watched his eldest son grapple with the loss that once lay within his very hands. Odin remained steadfast and stoic as tears traveled like streams down the warm sides of his son's face.
Thor sat outside the healing chambers, on a lone wooden chair that had been inconspicuously left by some unknown being. His shoulders lay slumped forwards as sobs wracked his form.
Odin's lip frowned involuntarily as he realized he would fail to enter the healing rooms without first addressing his first born. He sighed to himself inwardly as he slapped on a brave face to deal with the situation at hand.
"Thor," he murmured lowly, but Thor's shoulders neither stopped shaking nor had his head moved to acknowledge his king.
"Thor," he repeated, louder this time.
Thor's movements stilled suddenly as though a shock had been swept through his system. Slowly, he raised his head to look upon his father with bleary eyes.
"Come with me," Odin cast an overarching arm to his side, trailing off as he expected his son to quickly move to follow him.
Instead, Thor remained seated, stubbornly.
"I-cannot leave him." Thor said simply, choking out his reply.
"You can do nothing for him here," Odin said, almost coldly.
Thor's blue eyes flashed with unkempt anger.
"And you can?"
Odin blinked in mild surprise.
"I only mean, my son-" he began but Thor cut him off.
"No, I understand, father. Loki is not your son, so why would you care to look after him?" Thor replied bitterly, eyes daring to challenge his father.
Odin paused for a moment, allowing his first son's words to sink in.
"I have never acted well by Loki's side, this is true. But as King of Asgard, I must recognize my limits in my powers. There is nothing I can do for your brother just as there is nothing you can do for him. In this plight, we are powerless." Odin's words washed over Thor like cold water from a fountain.
"I merely ask for your cooperation in explaining to me how this happened so that I can properly set aside my own harbored guilt and not play it out by hand to your brother as I have been known to do in the past. Thor, I ask of you this, how did this happen?"
Thor's lip trembled shakily as more tears spilled from his eyes.
"Oh, father, I have little idea!" Thor's voice rang shrill, cracking as more pained cries tore from his lips. "We were fighting so well against the Striken race when I heard Loki's cry of pain from over my shoulder." Thor barely cast a glance at Odin as his heartfelt declaration came exploding out of his lips. "This is my entire fault, father! I should never have let him come! I shouldn't have-"
It was then that Thor decompensated into uncontrollable fits of tears.
Odin looked on with a duly pained expression on his lips and in his eye. He watched as Thor struggled and cried, reminiscent of how he once did as a young babe.
Before he realized what he was doing, Odin had placed a hand over Thor's shoulder.
"It is all right, my son. It is over now."
Thor immediately swung his eyes to his father in a horrified gesture.
"Wh-what?"
Odin shook his head. "A man's hardest lesson is finding the strength inside to forgive themselves of their misdeeds." He paused. "I know not if your brother will survive or in what state we will find him in, but you have my word that we will provide every safe haven imaginable for Loki here, in Asgard, and outside of it, too, if the need for it arises. We are a family that refuses to give up so easily." Odin's voice hardened at the words, strength and power causing his shoulders to rise and his back to straighten to instill some form of hope into his first born.
Thor, for what it was worth, managed as mall, sad smile.
"I hope Loki knows that."
Odin nodded in encouragement as his retort slide easily from his lips, "He will."
He will, indeed.
A/N: You know it's been quite a while! But the last last time I was in the hospital I legitimately wrote up like 4 new chapters for this particular fanfic, which is hella awesome! So, without further ado, I shall be gifting you all some lovely NEW material within this week and next. You're welcome! ;)
Don't forget to leave a review! I'd love to hear your thoughts 3
This was handwritten 1/27 and 1/28 and typed 3/12/18. Thank you for reading!
1/7/2019 edit:
Added an updated fancy page breaks.
