Hi everyone!

I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!


*~*~*NOW*~*~*

By the time I parked my car on the street, it literally felt like I had just left Dr. Garrett's office the Thursday prior. When I arrived home at my new apartment that night, I called my mom and confirmed the answer to her text message. My hands shook as I dialed the number, but I knew I owed it to her to at least answer her question. Although she fired a million and one questions at me, I asked for some space and to let me call her when I was ready. I hadn't talked to my mom since that night, and the guilt was becoming all too consuming. Having my own space felt nice because I knew I was free from Lauren, but it was also the constant reminder that I was now completely alone that pulled me down. On Saturday night, I decided to stay in and focus on some work I had brought home, but I ended up drinking a few too many beers. I had gotten so drunk I almost caved in my response not to call her. The number was ready to go, I just couldn't hit send. I had promised her I wouldn't be selfish, that I wouldn't come back until I was whole again, but God, it was so tempting to just hear her voice. Jesus, I missed her so much.

Shannon smiled at me like she always did and pointed back to Dr. Garrett's open office door. Instead of finding her at her computer again, she sat in the same chair she had on Thursday. So I closed the door and headed for the couch. Our time on Tuesdays could not run any longer than an hour because I couldn't be out of the office too long, so I appreciated that she was ready to go this time.

"How did your weekend go?" Dr. Garrett asked as I loosened my tie and took a seat.

"I've had better days," I replied automatically as her eyebrows rose.

"What was different?" she pushed for me to answer.

"Well, I left here to find out that the rumor mill had finally crossed the country and my parents found out about the divorce. I called to confirm the rumor, but then my mom started firing question after question, and I just couldn't take it. I hung up after asking for space and haven't called back. Friday afternoon, Lauren and I came to some semblance of an agreement, just for her to back out the second the papers were drawn up, so we're somewhat back at square one. Saturday, I took work home from the office, but ended up drinking too much and just…" I cut myself off on purpose. There were things Dr. Garrett didn't know yet. I knew trying to explain everything out of order wouldn't help, so I shut my lips on my biggest secret while she began dissecting everything else I had told her.

"Edward, I hadn't realized your parents didn't know you were getting a divorce. Is that common in your family? Such distance?" she fired off quickly. All the while, I shook my head.

"No, my family is extremely close. My brother and sister both have houses within blocks of my parents, and I can normally call my parents' house if I can't get a hold of someone because my mom or dad always knows where they are," I explained cautiously. I knew where this was going, I just wasn't sure I was ready to handle the truth.

"So, it's you that isn't close to your family?" she asked, her hand flying at the notepad she held.

"Yes. I graduated high school, moved out to go to college, and now live on the opposite coast," I answered vaguely.

"Tell me, Edward, what did your family think of Lauren?" Dr. Garrett questioned, though I had a feeling she understood the landmine question asked as soon as I decided to lay back down and focus on the ceiling while I answered.

*~*~*THEN*~*~*

"No, Mr. Martin, I assure you, Edward never had any discipline problems at his last high school." I could hear my father's voice through the office door. It wasn't that I was a violent teenager or kept pent-up anger just waiting to be unleashed, but when I saw James pulling on Lauren, I snapped. My intent wasn't to send him to the hospital, but she was fighting him and he wasn't giving in, so I reacted, then I saw red, and…well, that's how I ended up outside the principal's office awaiting my judgment.

Technically, the school had every right to kick me out, but thankfully, Lauren was very open and honest about the events that had transpired, thus giving me hope of some leniency. Still, it was a large school with hundreds of students, so I was sure I was simply just a number to them, too.

I watched the clock tick for a full five minutes before the door opened. My mom's eyes were red and puffy, and I knew she had been crying. My father's face was more stoic, but I could read the disappointment in his eyes. I loathed feeling like I wasn't good enough, so I simply looked away.

"Edward," Mr. Martin began speaking. "While I understand your actions were in defense of another student, our school has a zero tolerance policy for fighting. This time, you're getting away with a three days suspension out-of-school, but if this ever happens again, you'll be asked to leave the school permanently. Am I understood?"

I nodded my head, grateful that I wasn't being kicked out.

"Thank you, sir," I replied automatically, knowing my parents would expect it. "I promise this will never happen again."

"Be sure that it doesn't," he stated before saying goodbye to my parents and walking back into his office.

I tried looking at my parents again, but it still stung, so I continued to look away.

By the time we got home, my father was kissing my mom on the cheek and explaining he'd probably be home late from the office. He gave me one hard look with the promise to talk later while I walked inside, seconds in front of my mom.

"A girl, Edward?" she asked once we arrived in the kitchen.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied quietly before snapping to my own defense. "But mom, if you had seen James pulling at her…"

"Sweetheart, I commend you for taking action, but you broke another boy's nose. He's currently being treated in the emergency room, and you put him there. That is what I don't understand. You've always been so compassionate and friendly. This isn't like you," she continued on.

"I know." I sighed, realizing that she was right, but still knowing that I was powerless against my feelings for Lauren. It had only been a few months since I started school in Seattle, and we had slowly started to become closer friends. Her problems with James seemed to be ever evolving, so while I hadn't asked her out, I had still planned to after I got my license in June.

"Honey, I know you've been talking about this Lauren for a while now, but maybe it's time to distance yourself." I didn't miss the disdain in her voice, which threw me off guard because my mother loved everyone. Even people she didn't particularly agree with she was still friendly toward, and I couldn't think back to a time where she had been openly against me befriending someone. "Don't look at me like that, Edward Anthony. All I'm saying is that ever since you showed interest in this girl, problems have followed, and it's just a matter of time before something worse happens. And, for the record, today sucked. We raised you better than that."

*~*~*NOW*~*~*

"It sounds like Lauren was never liked, even before you began a relationship," Dr. Garrett commented.

"Yeah, though nothing compared to the first time they actually met her. That day at school, she had already left the office mere minutes before they got there, but I actually invited her over a few weeks later. It was awful. I had never seen my mom hold so much hate toward someone she barely knew, even when she tried really hard to hide it. I only know as much as I do because I overheard my parents talking in my dad's study late one night. At the time, I didn't understand what they saw, but I think I get it more now," I retold before going back into my memories.

*~*~*THEN*~*~*

"Esme, I don't know what you want me to do. If we forbid him from seeing her it'll just cause an even worse rebellion," my father explained while I sat outside his study door. The hallway light was off, so neither knew I was listening, as they had assumed I'd already gone to be about an hour prior. Technically, this was the truth, until I wanted something to drink and had to pass by the study on my way downstairs. When I heard them talking, I veered off course and listened, appalled by what they were saying.

"I know, I know," she muttered, though I could hear an emotional strain in her tone. "Nothing good can come of her, though. The way Edward looks at her scares me."

"Baby, they're just teenagers. We'll give them some time, back off a bit, and it'll be over soon enough. We went through this with Emmett. Even though we never objected to any of the girl's, he still showed interest in a few of them one day, then a few months later they'd be gone with the wind. I'm sure we have nothing to fear. By this time next year, Lauren will be a thing of the past," my father tried to placate while my blood began to boil. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to storm in there to set them straight. I couldn't stand the assumption that I didn't know my own feelings. I loved Lauren and would continue to love her, no matter what they said. If anything, his words drove me to prove them wrong so instead of barreling in yelling, I tiptoed away after hearing my mother agree with him. Even though they kept talking, I was done listening.

*~*~*NOW*~*~*

"At that point, I thought my parents were insane," I finished as I broke myself out of the haze I'd gotten into while recounting the past.

"But you no longer feel that way?" Dr. Garrett asked as I sat up, shaking my head.

"No, not at all," I started. "My mom's biggest complaint was that she felt Lauren wasn't with me for me. That she had ulterior motives. But I always thought it was simply my parents' prejudice. Both of my parents had parents with money; my father made a lot of money, but Lauren came from a broken home and was raised by her grandmother. At the time, I just didn't have the wisdom and insight they did because as I look back, I can kind of see what they meant. At first, it was the little things, but now that we're battling in court over money and possessions it's front and center now."

"Do you still believe it was James that caused you to go after Lauren so strongly?"

I froze for a second before blinking a few times. "No, I don't think it was just him. At school, I kind of felt like I was her protector, from James at first, and then a few other guys popped up along the way before graduation. Then I'd get home and feel like I needed to defend her from my parents, and eventually, my siblings. After hearing their conversation, their behavior definitely changed, but I knew it was all a front. I never told Lauren about what I had overheard, so she relaxed for a little while until the façade went away, and we were back at square one. Lauren never felt accepted, so we started spending more time away from my family. By the time we graduated, the wedge was there."

"How long after you graduated did you get married?" she questioned.

"About three weeks," I replied with a heavy sigh.

"Edward, while I think you're seeing more than you've ever seen before, I want you to spend the next two days on focusing on what drew you to Lauren. While I do think the situation with James and your family played part of the role in your enthusiasm toward her, I want to know exactly what you felt. Then, I'd like you to focus on the time where you began to see Lauren in a different light. I don't necessarily want you to pick a day on a calendar, but just the time frame where you could finally see that Lauren wasn't meeting the picture you had in your mind. You can use your own memory to keep track or write it down, but it'll be something we're going to talk in great lengths about on Thursday.

"I think you've done a very good job at opening yourself up about the start, but it's time to start focusing on when things went wrong, because those times will teach you more of what you want. Make sense?"

I looked up and nodded. It seemed like the next couple of days would be spent self-reflecting on the past, and that made me a little nervous. Thinking about Lauren in happier times was difficult for me now after so much had changed. My rose-colored glasses had been shattered two years ago when she made it abundantly clear that I was no longer enough for her to sustain our marriage. Why I bothered going along with her idea, I still wasn't sure, but I did know that I needed to get back to work before I focused my attention too far elsewhere. If I didn't, I'd have to bring home more work and skip out of my homework.

However, my drive back to the office gave me more time to think about the situation with my parents. Lauren and I had gotten married three weeks after graduating from high school and immediately went off to college together in another state. Though my parents paid for my tuition, we were on our own for our apartment, food, and insurance. My car was paid for, but that was about it. I worked a full-time job on top of going to school full-time, while Lauren worked part-time as a waitress before dropping out of college the first year. She cited the stress, but looking back, I wondered how true that was. Though she worked, I definitely worked harder, and then once I was out of school I looked for jobs specifically away from my family. I had followed in my father's footsteps without ever wanting to be under him. I knew he had always had dreams of working side-by-side with his son, but after seeing their disdain for Lauren, I stopped desiring the same thing.

Now that my life was literally crashing down around me, I wondered how wise that move was. Where would I be if I had chosen to take a job near home? Would I really know my family better than I did now? Would I have still gone along with Lauren's ridiculous plan?

I wasn't sure of the answer just yet, but seconds after parking my car and getting out I reached for my cell phone.

In a rare moment of weakness, I pulled up my mom's name and shot her a text.

'I'm sorry. I love you. I'll call home tonight, promise.'


I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, next week's chapter will be written in the next few days, beautified and posted before Thursday.

I am posting early in accordance with the FFN Boycott for June 8-10th in Pacific Time Zone. While I have no idea if the impact will matter, I do support our fandom and have appreciated seeing it ban together for the sake of our Fandom and Authors. If you have NO idea what is going on, visit FB www(dot)facebook(dot)com/events/319924711420836/321187611294546/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity for more information. While I completely understand FFn has every right to remove any fic violating it's TOS, I also think they should monitor their forum's as well. A lot of mud-slinging is happening from both sides, and while I'll stay out of it, I'd like to see this all pass... preferably before these kids go back to school in the fall.

For those who are considering leaving FFN all together, or if this story is removed (doubtful, as the MA rating will never be an issue, though there will be lemons and quite a lot of them, it'll be more about the emotions behind it versus the mechanics thus not crossing over the line) please note it is also posted simultaneously on TWCS, I am now a member of the FFFW & AO3. I'll work on updating accounts and posting stories on those sites as well. While I have no intention on leaving FFN for good, I wanted to make sure you all know you have options if you'd like to read my words elsewhere.

Thank you so much for all the reviews, words of encouragement, and even PMs regarding Open. I'm a little amazed that I'm just over 150 reviews with only 3 chapters up-that is eye-opening for me! So, thank you, thank you, thank you! I refuse to hype up any single chapter, especially in this fic, but for those who are still a little unsure of Edward & Lauren's dynamic...etc, Chapter 5 will answer most of yours questions, though probably cause some more as well.