Of Memory and Memories
Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took a bit longer. It's the first one I've had to completely type out, and then I went away over the weekend. Not sure I'll get to everyone's reviews this chapter.
A lot of people expressed their displeasure at Lois and Richard making love at the end of the last chapter. I hope this chapter redeems Lois in your eyes... I love being the author.
Chapter 4: Solutions
Clark didn't know how long he'd been crying his heart out before there were warm arms around Clark's shoulders, a sweet voice whispering into his hear that it would all be okay, even if he wasn't sure the voice believed it herself. He pulled back and stared at the woman who was hugging him. It was the blonde from this morning, the baby-less one. His cousin. "Kara?"
She nodded. "It's me, Kal-El." She was dressed differently, in a skintight blue top and red skirt, with a stylised 'S' over her chest.
He ignored the strange name. It felt familiar, he knew it was him. "How did you get here?" he asked instead.
"Same as you. I flew."
"Oh." It was too much for Clark to process, but at the same time it felt incredibly normal that he and she could fly. "You didn't have to bother. I'm fine."
"So are the couple who went for a moonlight stroll and got caught in the avalanche you caused."
Clark winced. "I was out of control."
"What happened?" Kara asked.
Clark reddened, wondering if this was the sort of thing that he could tell his cousin. But she was asking so he'd better respond. "Lois... and Richard."
Kara nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault." He didn't see how something between Lois and Richard could possibly be her fault.
"If I hadn't come back for you, you would have been here when she met him. If I'd been able to defeat Warworld by myself..."
"It was my decision," said Clark.
"Does that mean you remember?"
"No," Clark shook his head. "But I know that you couldn't have made me do anything I didn't want to do. And I know that I would never have left Lois without a good reason." Now that he could put a word to his feelings for Lois, he could interpret them better.
Kara looked out into the sky. "We saved many lives. Stopped planets from going the way of Krypton."
It made perfect sense to Clark, even if he wasn't sure what Krypton was. "It would take nothing less," he said with conviction.
"Come," Kara said, standing and extending a hand to help him up. "I think it's time you returned."
Clark agreed, but he didn't think he had the flying thing quite down yet. He gave his cousin a helpless expression.
Kara frowned, but lifted him easily and they flew together.
x x x
After Kara had dropped him off back at Lois and Richard's house, he'd managed to get a couple of hours of sleep before the sun woke him. Hearing Jason awake, he decided to do his bit and make breakfast. He might not remember how he learnt to cook, but he knew that he was capable of making some pretty good scrambled eggs.
Clark met the boy as he made his way downstairs, then Jason helped him by pointing out where pans and utensils were kept. Clark and Jason were settled at the table with plates of bacon, scrambled eggs, toast and fried tomatoes by the time Richard came downstairs.
"It smells delicious Clark," he remarked.
Despite his severe reaction to the last time he'd heard the man's voice, Clark harboured no ill will toward the man. How could he despise anyone who loved Lois? He smiled. "Sit down and I'll get you a plate."
Richard did sit down beside his son and smiled at him. "Good morning munchkin."
Jason grinned back through a mouthful of egg.
Richard's eyes widened. "Jason, spit that out! You know you're allergic to eggs."
Instead of obeying, Jason swallowed his mouthful. "I feel fine."
Guiltily, Clark set Richard's breakfast and a cup of coffee down on the table. Richard snatched Jason's plate from him, then grabbed an EpiPen from a drawer in the kitchen and watched Jason carefully.
"Sorry," Clark apologised. "I didn't know."
"It's fine," Richard said, still eyeing his son. "Jason did know and I thought he knew better after the last time we went to the hospital."
Jason looked grumpily up at his father. "I swapped my lunch for Samson's yesterday and I was fine. Eggs are yummy!"
Richard looked at his son, gauging whether or not he was telling the truth.
Clark eyed Jason just as intently. "He looks fine," he ventured nervously.
Richard relaxed slightly. "I guess he is." He began eating his own breakfast, but did not let go of the EpiPen.
Clark filled a fresh plate for Jason with everything that wasn't egg. Then the three ate in silence. Within seconds Clark's mind was back on the powers he'd (presumably) rediscovered last night. Richard turned on a breakfast show. The anchors were talking about how Superman was faring after his fall from the sky, and how thanks to Supergirl, he wasn't being particularly missed. Clark could almost feel how much that must have hurt him. They went on to make mention of Superman's previous five year absence.
Lois hadn't mentioned anything specifically, but it was clear that Clark had gone away for a long time and only returned recently. It was too much of a coincidence. "I'm Superman," he breathed, barely audible. As soon as he said the words he knew it was true, as though he'd said them a million times before.
"What?" Richard looked at Clark. Had he just said what he thought he had? Not that he hadn't had his suspicions since the moment he realised that Clark and Superman had returned to Metropolis on the same day. It certainly explained why Lois had turned him away last night citing that Clark would hear them. His ego had been bruised, but if Clark really could hear them, he certainly didn't want to be doing that with Lois.
"Nothing," Clark knew that he wasn't supposed to let anyone know.
Richard continued to eye Clark with suspicion.
"I said, 'I'm starving, man'."
It was plausible enough, so Richard let it slide. He didn't really want to know, especially if Clark didn't want to tell him. It would be taking advantage of his amnesia, anyway. It wouldn't be fair.
"No you didn't," Jason piped up. "But it's okay. I won't tell."
"Uh, thanks," Clark said. What was he going to do? A five-year-old knew his secret. He was never more thankful for Lois Lane than when she walked in, mostly dressed for work minus her jacket and the bunny slippers on her stockinged feet.
She blindly made her way toward the coffee maker and poured herself a mug. "What's everyone staring at?" she asked once cognisant.
Clark clutched at a recently resurfaced memory. "Just wondering how you ever got up for the Talon's breakfast shift."
Lois made a face. "I blame your mother."
That was the extent of Clark's remembrance. "Why?"
"She gave me the job, Smallville. And woke me up every morning."
"I don't remember that much."
"Wait," Richard said, turning to Clark. "You're Smallville?"
"I'm from Smallville," Clark clarified. "Lois is the only one who ever called me that."
"I was wondering why Lois never mentioned you, but I guess she did."
Clark gave Lois a look.
She looked away.
"So you actually knew each other before you started working at the Planet," Richard prompted.
Clark scratched his head as he tried to remember. "Lois is actually the one who gave me the application."
"And I've spent every day since asking myself why."
Richard could guess why. He crossed his arms over his chest. Lois had a lot of explaining to do, but not while Jason was in the room. "Okay kiddo, time to get ready for school." He went upstairs with Jason to help.
Lois sat down with her breakfast. "Mmm... it's almost as good as your mom's."
Clark smiled. "Nothing is as good as my mom's." There was something else he just knew. How could he feel things with such certainty, without the memories the feelings were based on? He wasn't worried about whether or not he'd get his memory back, since all signs seemed to point to yes, but it was still disconcerting to have them missing for the moment.
More and more of his life was now coming back, especially memories of Lois. He wondered if she knew that he was Superman... then he remembered how he'd woken up the previous morning. She must have. Suddenly last night's Superman article made a whole lot more sense. She'd been protecting him... even from himself. He thought of the hole in the ceiling. "Lois, there's something I need to show you."
Lois' heart raced. Why was he leading her up to his bedroom? He couldn't possibly be thinking of anything inappropriate. What could he have to show her amongst his borrowed possessions? Clark stepped inside the room, guiltily avoiding eye contact with her. "I had an accident."
Lois' eyes immediately flew toward the bed to see if she could spot dampness. It certainly didn't smell like he had wet the bed.
Clark's eyes fluttered up to look at her when she made no response. He noticed where she was looking. "No, not there," he blushed and looked up to the ceiling. "Up there."
Lois' gaze followed Clark's and she stared at a hole that had definitely not been there yesterday. She tried to think up a plausible excuse for it, but came up empty. "Did you put a fist through it?" The idea was somewhat ridiculous. Yes, Clark was a tall man, but the house had very high ceilings. Even standing on the bed the ceiling would be a good foot away from Clark's fist. It looked a little charred around the edges, too.
"Heat vision," Clark explained. "But I would have been more careful if someone had told me that I had it."
Lois was immediately defensive. "We didn't want to burden you with too much."
"It wasn't an accusation."
"What do you call it then?"
"An observation," he said simply.
"Well," said Lois. "My observation is that you can fix it. You won't even need to borrow a ladder."
"Okay," Clark agreed with a laugh.
x x x
Over the course of the day at the Planet, Clark found himself remembering more and more little things. He dug around in his desk and found a framed piece of yellowed paper, vaguely surprised to see it. He guessed he'd brought it in with him on his first day back. The ink had faded to the point where Clark wasn't sure if anyone without his superior vision would be able to read it. He remembered his first day at the Daily Planet and wondered if Lois did too.
Clark looked over at Lois. She was researching one story or another and looked like she could use a break. "Do you remember this?" he asked, showing her the frame.
Lois looked up with a fond smile. "The days when all that mattered was getting an interview with the Red-Blue Blur."
"And when you finally got that opportunity you didn't take it."
Lois laughed at her young self. "I just wanted to be his friend."
"You already were."
Richard watched as the pair reminisced with a pang. They had so much history... and he was Superman. Everyone knew about Lois and Superman. She'd been his first rescue, and the first one to get an interview with him, though that hardly seemed surprising now that he knew about their friendship. Richard had asked around the bullpen about Clark again that morning. The section editors grew more forthcoming as time passed. Apparently Lois and Clark had existed in some sort of bubble that no one else could get into. They finished each other's sentences, worked on just about every story together and always knew what the other was thinking.
And their arguments were legendary. Each person he'd talked to had a different story about the different places and ways Lois had blown up at Clark. They'd all thought he was a pushover, tagging along after Lois as he did. Then they'd come to realise that no one who continued to follow Lois Lane after the things she said and did could possibly be a pushover. Anyone else would have run for the hills, and probably quit journalism for life. More than one of Lois' interns had, in fact, even in the years that Richard had worked at the Planet.
Despite any internal arguments, as soon as anyone else attacked either party, the other would immediately come to their defence. The pair of them together cost the Planet's insurers more than the rest of the investigative staff combined, and every week Lois was in the hospital for something or other. Even Clark, Richard was surprised to discover, was occasionally injured on their quests for the truth.
More and more Richard was realising that he was the other man in Lois' romantic comedy. The good guy who would eventually have to step aside because the leading lady would never choose to hurt his feelings by saying no. He was just a a placeholder, and though Lois hadn't intended for it to happen, it had. He couldn't intrude on what Lois and Clark had. They had a shared history, dating back years farther than anyone else in the newsroom. Richard didn't even have the same history of being in Metropolis. He'd only ever had third hand accounts of Superman until a few days ago. Richard had half a mind to march straight over there and bow out immediately.
But Richard couldn't. He didn't want to. He took one look at Lois and was reminded of why he'd fallen in love with her. She was feisty and ambitious, and absolutely crazy, but not ruled by that. She'd risk life and limb for a story, but she'd throw it all away if it wasn't the ethical thing. She'd been devastated when it had come out that one of her sources had lied to her and she'd wrongly sent a man to prison. When he'd sworn revenge on her she'd let him take it. It was only once the man had targeted Jason that Lois drew the line and sent him back to prison.
Lois was the most honest person he knew and yet... there was another side of her that he'd never known. A third of her life had been coloured with half a box of crayons. The worst part was that everything he'd learnt only made him love her more. He was pathetic, but he wasn't ready to let go of Lois just yet.
It wasn't only Lois that he had to take into account. Letting go of Lois would mean letting go of Jason. Jason wasn't his; Richard knew that for a fact. His father was a closely kept secret of Lois'. They'd let the rest of the bullpen speculate, and the boy was fragile when he was born, so everyone assumed he was premature. But Richard couldn't deny it to himself. While Jason did take after his mother a lot, there was no denying that he and Clark had the same piercing blue-green eyes.
Richard had never asked about Jason's father. Lois hadn't been in a long term relationship just before they'd gotten together (the office gossips would have known) so Richard assumed that it had been a one night stand. Or had he? Had Richard been deluding himself from the very beginning? Pretending that he wasn't a rebound from a mysterious quasi-relationship? Now that he was sure of Clark and Lois, he wasn't sure if the office gossips would have known. Was there more between Lois and Clark? It certainly hadn't seemed like it before Clark had lost his memory.
One day Clark Kent might fight for Lois Lane, but that day wasn't today. Call him selfish, but Richard was going to hang on to Lois and Jason for as long as he could.
x x x
That night Superman made his first rescue since he'd fallen from the sky. There was a collision in an intersection and Superman had gotten the car doors open and the ambulances on the scene quickly. He removed the cars from the road and in under half an hour it was as though there had never been an accident to begin with. If anyone noticed that Superman's hair was slightly loose, or that his tone of voice was a little different, no one said anything.
Later, Clark wrote that article up by himself and began to wonder if he needed the rest of his memories. The day had proved that he could perform both his jobs adequately without them. But the next day Kara took him to JLA headquarters and Clark realised just how much he was missing and how important to his friends it was.
He'd seen none of them since the day he'd awoken in the sun room with his memory gone. Chloe embraced him immediately and Clark returned it with less emotion. He knew that Chloe was just about his oldest friend, but he didn't remember her at all. There were a few vague feelings, though. He felt that he could trust her, and for now, that would be enough.
Oliver shook his hand next, something Clark was much more comfortable with. He felt an admiration for the older man that he supposed had some genuine root that he couldn't recall. The feeling at least put Clark more at ease. The others in the room he hadn't re-met since he'd lost his memory, so his impressions of them were more faint. Was Bart a thief? Had 'Cyborg' once helped him steal from an ATM? Were Dinah and Oliver dating?
Pete Ross he remembered. Pete was actually his oldest friend, but he looked different. Was he supposed to be here with the JLA? It didn't feel quite right. "Didn't you leave because of my powers?" Clark wondered if that was a real memory. He was always unsure about the new memories that resurfaced, but none of them had been false so far.
Pete nodded. "But it's hard to get away from them when you're carrying them around with you?"
"My powers?" Clark's brow crinkled.
Pete laughed. "My own. They call me Elastic Man, now. My power's nothing like yours."
"Didn't you lose those powers?"
"That's right," Pete nodded. "And actually, I got them back while you were away, so you didn't even know I'd joined the JLA."
Well that made sense. But he was sure he'd suspected it was Pete after reading about Elastic Man in the Planet the other day. It would also make sense that Pete would reacquire powers after spending so much time with Lana. "Lana?" Who was Lana? The name was familiar but he couldn't place her face.
"My wife?" questioned Pete. "You know you can't be in the same room with her."
"Kryptonite." Clark didn't quite recall the circumstances, but he knew that kryptonite was about the only thing he couldn't stand to be near.
Pete nodded. "Actually, she's been trawling the ocean with some help from AC's family, getting rid of the kryptonite left from the island."
"Oh. She didn't need to do that." Clark knew that he didn't like the idea of Lana doing him favours, probably because he felt he had few ways to repay her for them.
"Well we wouldn't want anyone else to get their hands on it. Plus it's pretty dilute so you'll still be able to share the same timezone when both of you are outside lead shielding."
This sounded familiar, sometimes having to coordinate his presence with his ex-girlfriend's. With the Rosses based in Washington, it usually didn't matter, but they made the occasional trip to Kansas and Clark usually had to vacate, leaving Lana to accomplish his superhero duties or have her leave when he was taking care of them.
"So," said Oliver. "Now that you've gotten a handle on your powers, we need your help with a couple of things that have been waiting until you got back from wherever it was you went."
"Warworld," Clark supplied, though he hadn't the faintest idea what that was. Or where it was.
"Right," said Oliver. "Kara and some of the other League members have been helping where they could, but there are some things that only you're an expert on."
Clark didn't think he was an expert on anything at this point in time. What could possibly require his help over Kara's? "What exactly do you need?"
"Your contacts," Oliver said. "For our new base."
Clark had no idea what the man was on about.
Oliver frowned. "I guess there's more missing from your memory than I first thought."
"Stuff comes back to me when you tell me about it."
Oliver shook his head. "That's all I know. Before you left you had some grand idea for the best place to hide a base, but you didn't tell me what it was. You just gave me a ridiculous shopping list of stuff that I can't make heads or tails of. Not to mention it is real hard to find places to hide seventy tonnes of carbon fibre. At least I managed to stagger the purchase."
Clark shrugged. "I honestly have no clue. It's not urgent is it? I mean, you've held off for five years."
"Well, when we realised you wouldn't be back any time soon, we did build a back-up base - the one you woke up in - but the League is growing and with every new member comes an exponential risk of a leak. We need new members, but we also need better security. We've been lucky so far but eventually our luck is going to run out."
Clark mimicked Oliver's solemn expression. "What am I supposed to do?"
"We were hoping," Oliver began. 'We' seemed to be referring to Oliver and an unfamiliar man who'd been introduced as Bruce. From what Clark gathered, he and Oliver had been joint heads of the JLA. Since Clark's departure to Warworld, Bruce had taken his place and wasn't entirely happy about having to include a stranger at the top- especially one who was an alien. "That you would let Zatanna work her magic on you."
Clark couldn't help but feel supremely afraid. Magic was the other thing that could harm him. "I don't remember much, but I do remember Zatanna's spells going wrong on more than one occasion." And more than that, as a man who wasn't vulnerable to much, that which he was vulnerable to was completely terrifying. Somewhere, Clark knew that he could trust Zatanna with his life. On the other hand, he didn't think he could trust the woman with his mind. He had so little of it left; who knew what would happen if he let her at him? Spells sometimes affected him differently because he was Kryptonian.
Zatanna stepped forward to plead her case. "You don't remember, but I've used the spell on other people before. It worked fine on them. They were head trauma cases like yours, too."
"But they were human," protested Clark. "It's like only testing something on animals before saying it's completely harmless for humans."
The human population in the room made indignant noises at being compared to lab rats.
"They weren't all human. I restored the Martian Manhunter's memories once."
"That's still a different species," Clark grumbled. Kryptonian physiology was probably more similar to human than Martian.
Zatanna crossed her arms and made a face at him. "I'm really offended by your lack of faith in my abilities."
It didn't matter that Clark didn't remember Zatanna. He felt incredibly guilty about offending her. "I know, and I'm sorry. But magic is like taking drugs for tiredness instead of having a nap. It's like a patch; it's not real. I remember more and more all the time. This isn't urgent. I'm Superman, remember? Once I remember what I was going to do I'm sure it won't take me long to complete it. Especially not if Kara's going to help me. I bet I didn't factor her help into any of my earlier calculations."
Clark could see that Oliver wanted to go along with him after he presented his last argument, but Bruce was not to be swayed.
"I think you're just a coward."
"Maybe," Clark said, refusing to be baited by the intimidating man. "But I don't get the feeling that you'd much like Zatanna poking around in your head either."
"I'd do what had to be done."
"And I refuse to believe that this is the only option." Clark could almost feel Bruce's respect for him grow, though his facial expression remained stoic. "Just give me a few days."
Oliver nodded, conceding to his old friend. "Okay. We don't have any new recruits pending anyway."
Clark nodded. He felt grateful, but at the same time, didn't think that he should be feeling that way. He didn't understand what was so urgent. Perhaps that was just a smokescreen and all they really wanted was their friend back. Visiting the JLA had made clear how much of his life was still missing. This building was not at all familiar. The backgrounds of the faces before him were mysterious. It was all completely overwhelming and Clark just wanted to go home.
And he couldn't. But he had to leave.
"I have to go," was all he said before leaving. The words were familiar to him, as though he'd said them a million times before. He guessed that they'd assume he was saving one life or another... if Kara didn't clue them in, that is.
x x x
Clark's feet took him on a rambling journey through the streets of Metropolis. They must have known where he was going because he ended up outside the Daily Planet building. He supposed that this building was as close to a home as he could get in this city, with his current memories. It was long past regular business hours, but Clark had a feeling that Lois was still inside. One that he didn't confirm visually before he found himself inside the elevator pressing the button for the bullpen.
Lois didn't look up when the elevator arrived and the doors opened. She was busy working on a story about possibly corruption in the Kansas governor's office. They seemed to have taken a lot of money from business that had once been, and probably still were, part of LuthorCorp. Lois didn't know what the clone was trying to accomplish, but she sure as hell was going to find out.
Despite not noting his entrance, Lois wasn't at all startled when Clark came to stand beside her. Over the years she'd become used to his stealthy exits and appearances. There were times when she hadn't even realised he'd left the room because he could hear her just about anywhere and had zipped back in with his responses.
"Hi," he greeted her.
"Hi," she said, pushing her work aside for a second. "How are the old gang?" Whenever Lois could remember she tried not to speak as though she knew that Clark and Superman were one and the same.
"Good," Clark nodded, before realising that was a lie. "Or, the complete opposite actually. I've forgotten so many people. I know they were trying not to be, but they were all disappointed."
Lois scoffed. "As usual, you think everything's your fault. There isn't anything you can do about it. You were never this broody the other times you lost your memory."
Clark sighed and leaned against her desk. "This time it is."
Lois quirked an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to go on.
"Zatanna could restore my memory."
Lois snapped her fingers, triumphant. "I always knew that sneaky witch was one of you!"
Clark was momentarily worried. "Well don't tell anyone."
"Of course not," Lois shrugged it off. "I'm just about as close as you can get to the gang's official secret keeper. I don't think anyone outside it knows as much about it as I do. After all, I was there from the beginning... if a little to the side."
"Sorry Lois," Clark apologised.
"Bygones. Anyway, you were saying?"
"She can probably restore my memory. I mean, sometimes her spells haven't worked out properly, but this time she actually has had more practice with it. Of all the untried spells on me, this is the one most likely to work."
"It's okay to be afraid sometimes, you know?" Lois looked up into Clark's eyes.
"Have you ever tried looking in the mirror while saying that?" questioned Clark.
"I'm scared sometimes."
"Oh really? Name one time."
Lois wondered whether to be honest or to snap back a joke. "I was terrified last week when I almost drowned."
"When was-?" Clark got out before the memory resurfaced. He'd had to pull Lois and Jason from the ocean after the Luthor clone had thrown them from the helicopter. "Oh."
"But I wasn't as afraid as I was later on that day when you fell from the sky and didn't get back up." Lois couldn't look at him while she said it, but Clark studied her face intently. She was so beautiful, and she'd just admitted to being more concerned for his safety than her own. She kept her gaze fixed studiously away as she continued, "I guess it's because when I was drowning I knew you'd rescue me. But there was never any hope of me being able to rescue you."
All Clark wanted to do was reach over and draw her into his embrace. To kiss her and comfort her and never let her go. HE was about to, in face, when the movement of his arm caused a picture frame on Lois' desk to fall over. Clark saw that it was the family portrait of Lois, Jason and Richard. He couldn't case the line to blur for Lois. He was her friend and co-worker. Nothing more.
So Clark deflected. "It's late, Lois. Why on earth are you still here?"
"I think I've finally gotten a lead on what the hell the clone wants."
"And what would that be?" Clark took a step to the side to better be able to peer at her computer screen.
"Politics," Lois stated. "I think he wants power through government. The real Lex tried at one point, remember? He's the real reason why your mom's an ex-senator."
Clark nodded, but didn't think it was a good enough excuse. "Well the clone's not in power yet, so I think we can wait until tomorrow. Why don't you take me home?"
Lois stared at Clark who blushed at the implication. "That's not what I meant and you know it," he said hurriedly.
Lois blinked at Clark innocently. "We've still got just the one car so I was actually going to grab a cab. Why don't you get changed and take me Superman Express?"
Clark frowned. "Do you always exploit my powers for personal gain?"
"Don't act like you're all offended, Smallville. You love it."
Clark did. It was just one of Lois' subtle reminders that it was okay for him to be who he was: not quite human.
Lois gathered her things and they made their way up to the roof together.
It was the first time they'd flown together since Clark had lost his memory, but instead of being awkward it was just right. Lois fit in Clark's arms easily and perfectly, and his body remembered the rest... even how to navigate from the sky.
x X X x
A/N: I guess the next chapter will be up in about a week's time. And please excuse my lack of knowledge of American governmental organisation. I'm not American.
